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The second-string’s last game against Kokudoukan just finished and afterwards the coach had called everyone together to announce who was moving up to the first-string in preparation for the summer tournament.
Sawamura was ridiculously excited after the innings he played with Chris-senpai. Not only had he managed to complete his pitching form he had also shown Chris-senpai the extent of his growth. He wanted to continue pitching more and more but it seemed as the coach was done with him already. Regardless, he had pitched the best ball toward Chris’ mitt and took down that pinch hitter. He couldn’t wait to form another battery with Chris-senpai during the summer. He, Haruichi and Chris would all get to play together again!
“I will now announce the players moving up to the first-string,” started to say the coach.
Sawamura was a bit nervous. Despite doing his utmost, he wasn’t sure he was good enough yet.
“Based on the past scrimmages, I have chosen these people personally. The two people I call will need to carry the weight of our school name. Those who are not called, I’d like you to support the first-string this month until summer starts.”
‘Only two? ’ thought Sawamura. ‘Wait...wait...what about…’
The tension in the room was enormous. It was as if everyone’s heart was pounding loud and hard in their chests as they waited for the announcement. The third years especially were particularly high-strung. If they didn’t make it onto the roster now they would effectively be retired from the team. This was their last summer.
The coach continued, aware of the rising tension. “The new first-string players are first year, Kominato Haruichi and another first year, Sawamura Eijun. That is all.”
Sawamura’s body felt like a live wire at the announcement. A million thoughts raced through his mind.
‘Wait a minute. What about Chris-senpai?’ thought Sawamura, his heart felt like it was breaking. ‘It was only due to Chris-senpai’s lead that my pitches were even effective!’ He felt unworthy of the position he gained, especially at the expense of Chris-senpai. The catcher was a third year, this was his last summer, and Sawamura had stolen his spot from him! The coach must have made some mistake - it was Chris that deserved to be on the first string!
“With these twenty first-string players, we’ll play through the summer. You may now leave to rest for tomorrow’s practice. Seniors who weren’t chosen, please stay.”
Sawamura still couldn’t believe it. He was rooted to the spot, unable to move, unable to process what had just happened. He could feel Haruichi’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t make his feet take any steps or congratulate his friend. He felt his emotions overflow and the beginning of tears started to form in his eyes. A swift and unexpected kick to his rear shocked him for a moment.
“Hey!” shouted Kuramochi. Sawamura landed on his hands and knees. “Don’t stand there looking lost. Let’s go.” Sawamura knew that Kuramochi meant well, so he forced himself up and followed his roommate out the door. He clenched his hand into a tight fist, trying to rein in his emotions.
He couldn’t move from the doorway. Sawamura could hear the coach saying some departing words to the other third years but the words just flowed through him. He tried his best to keep from wailing. He could vaguely hear the third years cry, their summer had ended before it even began. Sawamura never realized just how brutal baseball could be. It wasn’t like this back at Nagano, then again only his friends ever played with him. They never had to fight or compete to have a spot on the starting roster. Seidou was much tougher.
Sawamura leaned against the door, teeth clenched. ‘Why? Why was I chosen? I only pitched well today because Chris-senpai was there. He’s the one who’s amazing! He drew out my potential.’ With resolve firmly in place, his nails biting into his palm from his clenched fist, Sawamura turned toward the open doorway to tell the coach everything he felt and to have Chris take his spot on the first-string.
“What are you gonna do in there?” someone said, their voice firm. Sawamura turned around and saw a few members of the first-string. The person who had interrupted his plan was none other than Yuki Tetsuya, Captain of the Seidou team. Sawamura could feel his resolve flounder. It was the first time he had ever interacted with the captain. “Resign?” Yuki continued to ask. Sawamura leaned his head against the door. Now that he had been caught he wasn’t sure if he could go through with it.
“No matter what anyone says, you were acknowledged by our head coach. That you have what it takes. You were chosen. What are you gonna tell those who weren’t?” the first baseman continued on to say.
Sawamura could feel everyone’s gaze heavy on his back. “There’s only one thing we can do. We have to get stronger so we can fight for those who can’t!”
A shiver moved through Sawamura’s body. The words resonating deep within him. Was that really all he could do? Was that the right path? His shoulders shook with his repressed tears and emotions. It was too much, too too much…
“You don’t have any time to look back,” Miyuki began to say, “Not just you. Me too.” He could hear the rest of the first string members walk away. The words from the captain and from Miyuki lingered in the air and vibrated in his heart. Sawamura’s tears finally flowed from his eyes as he clenched his jaw tight. Before he could finish getting all his emotions out he heard shuffling from inside the gym. He needed to get away. He rushed to his room and dressed into his nightclothes as fast as he could and hid under the blankets in his bed, his back turned toward the door.
Sawamura was glad that both Masuko and Kuramochi were out of the room at the moment. He wasn’t sure if he could face them or anyone else in his current state. The pitcher curled into a tight little ball, clenched his fists and cried.
He let his tears flow freely, he whimpered softly trying to not let his roommates realize how much this decision weighed on him. He wasn’t sure how long he was crying but he could hear his roommates finally arrive and move around. He held his breath, trying to hold back his tears so they would think he was asleep and not question him. Sawamura wasn’t sure if it worked or not, but the room stayed silent as Kuramochi and Masuko readied themselves for bed. The room was then caked in darkness and he could no longer hold the tears back.
He continued to cry as softly as he could, unaware that Kuramochi hadn’t fallen asleep at all. He faintly heard the door open and close but it didn’t deter him in the least.
Kuramochi couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand seeing Sawamura crying his heart out, tears staining his pillow. He had gotten Miyuki earlier in the evening and told him how he thought Sawamura was going to do something dumb, like try to give his position on the first-string back. Tetsu-san, Masuko-senpai and Jun-san all happened to hear and they all walked over to talk some sense into Sawamura. The shortstop thought that was enough. That the words Tetsu and Miyuki had said had gotten through Sawamura and that the pitcher would get the dumb idea out of his head.
Yet he was proven wrong. At least it no longer looked like Sawamura was about to sacrifice himself, but the crying was getting a bit much. He wanted to say that it was loud and annoying and it wasn’t letting him sleep but that wasn’t the case at all. Deep down Kuramochi acknowledged that he just didn’t want to see Sawamura suffer any more. It hurt him to see Sawamura so saddened.
That was why he was outside Chris-senpai’s door at who knew what hour. Masuko had followed him out and was already making his way to Miyuki’s room. The catcher was the only person who didn’t have any current roommates and therefore had two extra beds. There was no way he was going back to his room tonight either.
Kuramochi knocked on the door, aware that it was late but it just couldn’t be helped. The door opened slowly and thankfully by Chris-senpai. “Kuramochi?” he asked softly and bewildered. Kuramochi would have been stunned himself if it was the other way around. “What’s going on?” continued to ask Chris, confused at seeing the shortstop at his door. They never really interacted before as it was unnecessary given their positions on the field and the fact that Chris had sort of been avoiding everyone else on the team for a year now.
“It’s Sawamura,” started to say Kuramochi. At those words Chris’ expression sharpened, sleepiness faded completely from his face. Kuramochi gained some strength from that. He had questioned this whole stupid endevor, but if Chris-senpai seemed willing to listen then it was all fine. “He’s in our room, crying,” continued on to say the shortstop as blunt as he could. “He was about to give up his first-string spot before Tetsu-san stopped him. I think he was upset that you hadn’t gotten it,” confessed Kuramochi. He was pretty sure that’s what the dumb pitcher meant to do.
Chris’ eyes widened in surprise as he sucked in a breath. Sawamura was definitely a handful. “And you want me to go talk to him? Right now?” asked the third-year. He wasn’t completely against the idea.
“Yeah, if you can. Masuko and I are gonna go bunk with Miyuki tonight since Sawamura’s crying is too much of a racket. I left the door open so feel free to walk in. You don’t have to.”
Chris deliberated for a moment then nodded to himself, decision firmly made. “What room are you?”
“Room five,” answered Kuramochi. “Thanks Chris-senpai. He means well, but he’s also an idiot. Please talk some sense into him.” He could see Chris’ lips quirk up in a smile as he turned and walked away to Miyuki’s room, ready to wash his hands of this whole business.
Chris put on his outdoor slippers and grabbed his keys before locking the door behind him. As he walked toward room five he thought about the situation. He knew that Sawamura had forgotten that there were only two spots on the roster. The southpaw had said as much during the game but Chris had no idea it would turn into such an issue.
He made it to the room and opened the door slowly. The hallway light illuminated the small form curled up under the blankets. Chris walked in and gently closed the door behind him. He waited a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness as he made his way to the bed in a slight shuffle, hoping not to bump into anything. Finally making it onto the bed he sat down, startling Sawamura from his crying for a moment.
Chris wasn’t really good with tears and people crying, but Sawamura was his pitcher and he never wanted to see the southpaw so sad. He placed a warm hand onto Sawamura’s shoulder, hoping its weight was comforting. He could sense Sawamura’s tears and whimpers lessen but not completely abate.
“Sawamura,” he began gently. At that Sawamura immediately stopped crying and sat up so swiftly that he almost collided directly into Chris.
“Chris-senpai!” he shouted. His face was a frightful mess. His usually bright, golden eyes were instead red-rimmed and puffy. Tear tracks lined his cheeks, and a bit of snot escaped his nose. Kuramochi had been right - it seemed as if Sawamura had been crying all night. Chris’ heart clenched in his chest.
“What are you doing here? Are you here to jump me for taking your spot on the team?! I expected the team to do it, but not that you would personally teach me a lesson! So this is what being in a strictly hierarchical society is like!” Sawamura shouted in quick succession, not allowing Chris a word in edgewise.
And what the hell was the other teen even talking about? Jump him? Did he really think Chris came in here to beat him up?
“I’m not about to hit you,” nearly shouted Chris. Honestly, what was wrong with Sawamura? He could feel himself begin to get annoyed.
Sawamura looked unconvinced as he eyed Chris head on. Chris lifted his hand slowly, giving Sawamura enough time to get out of his reach if the teen desired. When Sawamura stayed absolutely still Chris realized it was because the southpaw was bracing himself for a hit.
‘Really now. You are so troublesome,’ wryly thought Chris to himself as he placed his hand on Sawamura’s cheek and wiped the trail of tears away. Sawamura startled at the gentle touch but otherwise remained still.
“Why...why are you being so nice to me, Chris-senpai?” Sawamura began to wail again, the emotions almost choking him, causing more tears to leave his eyes. He had leaned even closer into Chris’ space and gripped the bottom hem of his tee shirt.
“Sawamura,” began Chris as he tried to just ignore Sawamura’s cries. The tugging on his shirt seemed to act as an anchor to the pitcher. “I’m not angry at you, I don’t hate you, and I am okay with not making the first-string.” There, he said it. He managed to say the words that had been simmering in his head.
Chris wasn’t lying - not really. Did he wish he could be on the first-string, leading plays and pitchers? Of course he did. Did he hate that Sawamura had made it instead? Absolutely not.
Ever since he had injured himself through negligence, pride, and responsibility Chris had come to acknowledge that he was never going to play for Seidou. He had made a sort of dark peace with that fact. Taking a year or more off playing was essentially baseball suicide for a team like Seidou who focused heavily on making it to Koshien. He never thought he would ever play with the team.
And then Sawamura came into his life like a whirlwind. He got swept up in his energy, his thirst to improve, the absolute love of baseball and Chris had never regretted that. When the southpaw had told him that he wanted to form a battery with him, it was like a lightning bolt had struck him. It was exhilarating. He felt needed, wanted, desired…. He felt like he was part of the team again.
Then he played in the game. He played a game against another school while still attending Seidou - something he had already thought was a dead dream. Sawamura and his pitching gave him that, had given him back the will to fight, the love of the game, the confidence and desire for more.
So yes, he was a bit sad he wasn’t on the first-string for the summer, but he didn’t regret anything at all anymore. Life happened, he dealt with it as best he could, and then Sawamura dragged him out of the darkness with his mere presence. He couldn’t have wished for a better battery partner.
“You are?” Sawamura asked weakly.
“Don’t get the wrong idea. Training you to be a full-fledged pitcher is something I’ll be doing for the team. I haven’t given up on being a baseball player,” Chris said sternly. Sawamura’s eyes brightened and he finally smiled, his tears ceasing.
“You really aren’t mad at me?” mildly asked Sawamura, now aware that he had probably cried and felt bad for no reason.
Chris let out a sigh. He would say it a hundred times and then a hundred more so Sawamura could actually understand. “Lay down, Sawamura.” The pitcher looked at him in confusion but did as told. He laid on his bed, his head on his pillow as he stared up at Chris.
Drastic measures seemed to be necessary.
“Scoot over,” said Chris softly as he stood from the bed and lifted the corner of the comforter. He sidled right onto the bed next to the pitcher. Sawamura’s face flared red as his eyes widened in surprise and panic. He slid over as told, but it all happened as if someone had controlled him.
“I don’t hate you and I’m not mad at you,” said Chris as he gently guided Sawamura into his arms. The pitcher was so surprised his body had rag-dolled, allowing Chris to manipulate him at will. Chris embraced Sawamura, tucking the smaller teen against his chest. He could feel Sawamura begin to relax as the pitcher leaned into him of his own accord. “Stop thinking unnecessary things. Tomorrow you can begin training, but you also have to learn to rest as well. Now go to sleep.”
Chris was tired, both emotionally and physically. He didn’t even know what time it was. It was better to take his own advice and not think about anything at all. He drifted off to sleep, the warmth from Sawamura’s body and the feel of him in his arms easing him easily into dreamland.
Sawamura stayed awake a bit longer, feeling like the evening had been all a surreal illusion.
Then the captain’s words echoed in his head.
We have to get stronger so we can fight for those who can’t!
Hidden within Chris’ arms, he vowed to become the strongest, for himself and for Chris-senpai.
The end.