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Knocking was out of the question, despite the large PLEASE KNOCK handmade sign hanging by the doorknob. Lukas might as well never learned how to read as he ignored the sign many, many times.
He did so out of respect this time, either way. Maybe, for once, he should knock.
He twisted the doorknob and pushed it gently, not hearing a single creak on its hinges or the floor. He realized that must be why his oil always seemed out of place in the garage.
He shook his head. Classic Emil, he thought. He wondered how many times his little brother snuck out of his supervision with his anti-creaking technique.
Lukas reached first for the light switch, which he felt around the wall for a good few seconds before he found it. The single lightbulb illuminated the small room a cozy shade of gold. It wasn't too bright, nor was it too dim. It's almost like the light from the fireplace, but from the ceiling. Lukas almost felt physical warmth just from the color.
Then, the fairy lights by the windows turned on as well. It made it seem like fireflies took the windowpane as their second home.
Emil never told him anything about fairy lights before, nor did he ask him about how to install one. Lukas could only take a sharp breath and walk to the bed in the middle of the room, and let himself fall and feel the sheets. Classic Emil, he repeated, going for knit bedsheets.
The clock on his brother's dusty nightstand said it was already evening on mid-Decemberーmany, many nights after Emil left for college. It would be a major break for Emil to know he took a step in his room even for a split second, but it's not like Emil would know anyway. All he came here for was nothing but comfort, really. This may be Emil's bedroom where he rests and had his privacy, but this room had always been The Warm Room™ in Lukas's house.
When he felt tired after work, he'd simply go around the house making sure nothing hazardous was left on, but he'd linger longer on Emil's room, watching his brother sleep soundly and snore silently. And when he just felt like cooking, he'd go straight to the room in person to ask Emil what he liked for dinner instead of shouting from the kitchen to call him down.
He had always taken comfort on that, but it's not like Emil had to know. He always felt like there was a small room in his house where he'd be met with an albeit judgemental but warm blue eyes and restore all his energy.
Maybe it was the scent of pine air freshener in Emil's vent. He just correlated that scent to the comforting feeling he had.
As far as he knew, there was nothing wrong with that. It was tragic, yes, but it was enough for him. It had always been enough.
If he were to be honest with himself, the room doesn't smell like his younger brother anymore anyway. It wasn't like it was the first time he checked, and not that he was expecting it to smell the same, but it was quite unsettling, still. It was probably because Emil simply washed the sheets before he left, but that scent alone comforted Lukas through many snowy nights. It's still a loss, a shame.
He internally wished he would feel something everytime he entered Emil's room, and it never failed him even once. However, it wasn't always comfort. There were times he walked in on Emil trashtalking on a videogame with online friends, and there were also times he accidentally woke him up and the half-asleep tantrums never failed to catch him off-guard.
They were feelings nonetheless. He takes comfort in the silent presence Emil had in his life. It felt like, for once, there was someone that depends on him and not the other way around.
He lived with Mathias and Berwald when he was younger, yes, and yet it was a completely different experience. He did care about those too, including Tino, but his concern for Emil's wellbeing was different.
He depended on Mathias and Berwald before. It was like that. Sometimes they would count on him for smaller stuff, but they had always been the defenders and breadwinners of the family. Now that he knew the feeling of caring for someone smaller than you that depends on you and loves you unconditionally...it was oddly comforting.
But as always, just exactly like the pain Mathias and or or Berwald may have had, little kids grow up fast. Emil won't always be the little kid that refused to call him brother and yet beam in delight at licorice, for he also had a life of his own that he had the right to live. He grows up, and Lukas knew that one day, there will be a point where he had to find comfort all alone once again. One day, there would be no room upstairs he could just glance into and hear gentle snoring.
He accepted that a long time ago.
He kind of wished the pine scent lingered longer, though.
Lukas looked around the room once again and puffed the pillows as if they're brand new. Everything looked normal, and that's not normal. He would like it messy, with videogames on the PC, and with his brother somewhere in the house.
He decided to catch his breath. It's not like he could do something about it anyway. It's not like he could just phone Emil and tell him to come back home with no reason. It doesn't hurt thinking about his pity party anymore, it barely stings now.
He went back to the light switch with no further self-depreciating thought. Maybe one day, Emil will come back on his own. Lukas won't expect it since he himself didn't return to his old house until Mathias told him explicitly to, but his hopes always clung for the best.
Emil is a good, smart kid who knew how to fend for himself, but perhaps it won't hurt him to return to check on his big bro for once, right?
He pressed the light switch and the room went dark. Lukas stepped out and heard the doorknob click the door shut just in time the doorbell rang downstairs.
It took him a few seconds to process the sound.
Right, it was winter break.
What was his pity party about again? He barely tried to remember as he walked down the stairs calmly.