Chapter Text
It had been an accident; she’d slipped up on taking the pill for one day. Between training, ruling, council meetings, and audiences the quick trysts Jude had with her husband were few and barely memorable. It’s not something neither of them were happy about.
Cardan was very vocal about it, ‘ You work too much.’ or ‘ Why are you so intent on avoiding me?’ Which, for the record, she wasn’t. At least, not intentionally. Jude had come to admit to herself that her love of Cardan very quickly became an obsession. It was something that ate away at her and consumed her raw. Perhaps if she kept busy, she would learn how to deal with it. Even though Cardan made it very clear he cared for her, Jude still found it hard to believe he could possibly reciprocate something so intense as what she felt for him.
Pacing around in Taryn’s chambers, Jude couldn’t help the panic rising through her. Agony was pulsing through her veins as the realization of her situation hit her.
“Jude, you need to calm down,” Taryn’s voice was gentle but firm. It was the same tone she used on baby Jasmina, now just shy of one year. “In a way, this could be a blessing. Our children would grow up together. You and I wouldn’t have made it in Faerie without each other and Vivi.”
Jude rubbed a hand over her exasperated face, “Taryn, I don’t know the first thing about being a mom.”
“And you think I do?” Taryn looks down at the child sleeping in her arms. “You forget Jude, that we were raised together. I still don’t know how to be a mom. All I know is that Jasmina is the greatest gift I’ve ever received. For her, I will try to be the mother I always wished we had.”
When did her sister become this person? Someone who knew just what to say and gave sound advice. While Jude did agree that having their children raised together would be an immense relief, she didn’t know if she was ready for something like that.
“What am I supposed to tell Cardan?”
Taryn shrugged, “I don’t think he’ll be very disappointed.”
“What if —”
“Stop it with the excuses. Regardless of what you decide, you should tell Cardan.” Taryn's eyes bore into Jude, “Hear me, if your concern is that you would be an unfit mother, forget it. You’re brave, protective and caring. What more could anyone ask from you? If your concern is Cardan, forget that too. Regardless of what he thinks, you’re providing him with an heir. If not for himself, then he’ll accept it for the good of the realm.”
Jude nodded, circling her thumb over the missing nub on her finger.
Taryn sighed, “Would you like for me to stay?”
Jude shook her head, still unable to speak. She’d already kept Taryn from her estate long enough.
“If you see the Ghost, would you tell him that he’s overdue for a visit?” Taryn got up, careful not to wake the bundle in her arms.
“The Roach sent him out to deal with some noise in the eastern courts. What’s going on with you two anyway?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. But I enjoy the company.” Taryn grinned at her sister, waggling her brows. Jude burst out into laughter, “Stop it!”
“A woman has needs,” Taryn tried to suppress her giggles, “But you already knew that.”
A little whimper sobered both women as Jasmina stirred in Taryn’s arms. “Ah, we’ve gone and woke her. Now the trip back will be insufferable.”
Jude grimaced, but Taryn only grinned, “Jude, I wouldn’t trade her for the world.”
Deciding that she needed to clear her thoughts before going into the chambers she shared with Cardan, Jude took a stroll through the royal gardens. Much to her content, her personal guard had gotten very good at giving her enough space to feel truly alone. She breathed in the aroma of the gardens; she wasn’t usually one for wonder but tonight the gardens felt so full of life. Jude found herself fondling some of the flowers that were fully bloomed, even plucked one dark as the night sky with gold specks littered across it to perch in her hair.
This baby business really shouldn’t bother her as much as it did. Taryn had a baby, and she’s perfectly happy. Her sister still manages to do everything she wants to, even with her child in tow. But Jude and Taryn had always been different, and the things that Jude liked to do would most certainly not be fit to have her own child in tow.
Still, she didn’t have to bring her child with her everywhere she went. Jude had the luxury of a partner, even if she wasn’t sure how much of a willing participant that partner would be. And if he wasn’t a willing participant, lords and ladies and kings and queens had wet-nurses and much hired help to raise their children. No, Jude decided then and there that she wouldn’t want that. At least, not exclusively.
“Why do you look like you’ve just bitten into a sour fruit?” His voice was a melody to her ears.
Jude had been so lost in thought, she hadn’t heard him sneak up next to her until he’d spoken. Cardan wrapped an arm around her and kissed her temple. She closed her eyes and focused on breathing. Jude had no idea how to relay the news. Would this be a good time? When would it ever be? Would he forgive her if she didn’t tell him at all?
“Are you ill?” Cardan pressed the back of his hand against her neck, then her forehead. She almost wanted to laugh.
“No.”
Her beloved husband cocked his head to the side, “Are you...upset?”
“A little.”
“What’s causing you distress?”
“I didn’t say I was distressed.”
Cardan pursed his lips but didn’t respond. Jude leaned her head against his chest, breathing him in. She didn’t want anything to change. His fingers stroked her hair soothingly. A baby would change everything. This...closeness. Would she still have that? She swallowed the sob that threatened to surface. Jude vowed she would not cry.
“Jude, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She mumbled against his chest, still not mustering the courage to say the damning words.
“Is this about Taryn leaving? If she knew you were this upset, surely she’d stay.” It almost sounded like a threat.
Jude shook her head, “Taryn has nothing to do with it.”
“Then who?” His words were menacing.
“Just me.” She looked up at him from beneath her lashes, locking eyes with him. “And you.”
Cardan brought his hands up to cup her cheeks, “Then tell me, my love.”
It took very little for Jude to fall under his spell, this time it was just so complicated. She worried at her lip and she wished she could avert his gaze, but his eyes captivated her.
“I’m pregnant.”
Jude recognized a spark of surprise flash in his eyes, he stiffened for just a moment before relaxing into an unreadable expression.
“This troubles you?” The hands cupping her cheek moved her face closer, so that their breaths intermingled.
Jude shrugged, “Does it...trouble you?”
“Would it matter?”
“Yes.”
“It doesn’t.” With that, Cardan closed the distance between them. The kiss was gentle, so incredibly raw she could feel all his emotions pouring into her. She could cry from the intensity of it. It wasn’t until Cardan brushed his thumbs against her wet cheeks, she even realized she was crying. He rested his forehead against hers.
“Is the thought of carrying my child that appalling?” Cardan grinned, but it didn’t carry his usual swagger. It was a genuine concern.
Jude shook her head, “No Cardan, I just...I don’t know if I’m ready. I didn’t know if you would want...” She let the thought trail off.
He planted a kiss on her nose, “Jude, anything you give me, I will take. Insults, bruises, kisses, children.”
The laugh that escaped her was a hearty sound, and it weakened him. This woman didn’t know the power she held over him; no oaths required.
He intertwined one of their hands and placed it on his heart, “It would be an honor to share this experience with you.”
Jude let out what could only be a sigh of relief. Cardan was glad of it, there was only so much in his power to do in this situation. Although he wanted to, he wouldn’t beg her to keep the child. Jude seemed content enough to know that he would be a willing participant. Besides, there was nothing about her that said she wouldn’t keep it. And yet, he would accept it if she decided not to.
“We’ll be an interesting pair of parents.” Jude grinned.
The words moved something in him. If the skies willed it, he would be a father in a few months' time.