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After everything had settled down, Kara went home.
Karahad wanted to go in, strip herself of her suit, take a long shower, and then crawl into bed. Instead, she stood on her own balcony, looking into her apartment with her x-ray vision. Hesitant. She could see Alex there, pacing back and forth, back and forth. Worried. Impatient. Waiting. Kara had been standing there watching Alex for maybe half a minute. Trying to reconcile her sister-who-knew-all-of-her and the sister-who-hated-Supergirl. For a little bit, Kara was afraid. Afraid that this was the sister who hated Supergirl.
Kara took a deep breath, making to push the door open, but Alex glanced over at that moment, catching her eye and calling out to her.
“Supergirl.”
Kara stiffened, bristling at the name. Usually from Alex-employee-of-the-DEO, mission partner to Supergirl, it was fine. It was needed to keep Kara’s identity secret. But after the stress Kara had gone through to deal with her sister’s HATRED of Supergirl, it left a sour taste in her mouth.
Alex seemed to realize she had said something wrong, pausing in her forward momentum towards Kara. Gestured for her to come in, and Kara knew it meant ‘at her leisure’. Alex would wait for her forever. Kara stood there, grappling with the swirling emotions inside, blinking rapidly. Finally, she slid the balcony door open and stepped inside.
“Kara.”
Kara’s lip trembled at the sound of her name on Alex’s lips as her sister looked at her. Really looked at her in her suit, with her family’s crest on her chest.
“I’m sorry I left you alone, Kara.” Alex’s hands clenched and unclenched at her sides, her body radiating discomfort. She didn’t cross her arms, though, but kept her body open and loose, unwavering under Kara’s studying gaze. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
Kara didn’t say anything, still eyeing Alex warily, her body tense, ready to flee at a moment’s notice. Every beat of her heart felt dull and cavernous.
“I needed you.” Kara felt slightly shocked at the sound of her own voice. Strangled and furious. Short. Every word felt like it was punched out of her. She latched onto anger, the easiest emotion to latch on to at the moment.
“I know.” Alex tried to take a step forward, but Kara was quicker, moving fast so she had pushed Alex up against the wall, an arm across her throat. Not quite blocking her airway, but making it just a little bit hard to breath. A warning. Alex didn’t struggle, just hung loose, held up so her toes were just grazing the floor.
“You left me.” Kara said mournfully. It was hard even getting words out. She repeated her words, this time it came out in a wail. “You left me!”
Kara let go of Alex suddenly, and Alex’s arms were around Kara, holding her close, squeezing her as close as possible. Kara’s arms wrapped around Alex’s middle, constricted until Alex knew there would be bruises, but she held her sister, the superhero bawling in her arms.
“I did everything I did to protect you.” Alex tried to explain, knew it was the wrong thing to say when Kara pulled Alex close by the front of her tactical vest.
“You took yourself away from me.” Kara hissed through gritted teeth. Alex grabbed at Kara’s head, their feelings were raw, both their movements instinctive. Alex pressed her forehead against Kara’s, the skin to skin contact helping Kara focus her thoughts, her recollections of Alex, and her eyes… how she LOOKED at Supergirl like she was the enemy.
“You hated me.” Kara insisted dully. “You wanted me and everyone else like me to disappear.”
Alex closed her eyes tightly, ashamed. She had. She had wanted every dangerous alien to be shot back into space where they belonged. She had wanted Kara safe. Kara, her adopted sister whom she loved, more than anything in the world. She didn’t see Supergirl as anything but a threat to her sister’s safety. One misthrown car, one emotional outburst, one red Kryptonite incident… and Kara would be gone.
Alex remembered, in her altered memories how she felt, when Supergirl was separate from Kara. How horrified she felt, seeing Supergirl hovering in the air, a superior look on her face. Her lips twisted into disgust. Remembered how she had pushed Alex up against the wall in Kara’s apartment and how Alex had just prayed to god that Kara wouldn’t walk in while Supergirl’s face was veined in red. Alex had been paralyzed with fear, her heart pounding at the thought of Supergirl getting a hold of her sister.
“Everything was different without you.” Alex nodded, admitted to that ugly truth. “I was afraid. But Kara, you were always, ALWAYS the most important thing in the world to me. That was true when I knew and it was still true when I didn’t know.”
“Do you know me now?” Kara took a step backwards, still in her blues and reds. Her breath hitched, eyes hot with tears.
“I remember everything.” Alex nodded. The return of her memories had hit Alex like a tractor-trailer, slamming back into her with a force that left her blinking spots out of her vision. “I see you, Kara Zor-El.”
“Kara Danvers.”
Alex nodded at Kara’s addition, knowing why Kara needed to say it. “You’re my family. I can’t live without you, Kara. When you almost died--”
The memory of Kara, lying so very, very still on the forest floor--made Alex’s throat close up until words couldn’t escape. The gravity of all that had passed tied them to each other in a way that no-one else could be tied to them. It scared Alex that in this moment, looking at Kara in her supersuit, her stance almost like she was ready for a fight, Alex knew that she would never ever love anyone as much as she loved Kara. There would never be anyone else who had a hold on her like this. The grief of Kara’s almost-deaths, would always eclipse every loss Alex had and would ever experience, of that she was sure.
“I love you more than you could ever know.” Alex confessed. The truth of it, the rightness of those words made her brave enough to continue. “I think I love you more than it’s healthy. I’m sorry I took that away from us. I’m sorry it put you in danger. I wanted to keep you safe.”
Kara nodded absently, took another step backwards.
“I need time.” Kara said aloud. “I need time to… I… I just. I just need time.”
Another couple of steps backwards until she was at the balcony doors. She turned, but paused, and looked over her shoulder at her Alex.
“I can’t live without you in my life. My entire life, Alex. You live in every part of me. You’re the only one that can make me feel like this--” Kara caught herself before she could work herself up again, took a deep breath to calm down. Then without another word, Kara opened the balcony doors and flew off, leaving Alex behind.