Chapter Text
Ian and Mickey sat in the back seat of Lips car. Ian on one side, Mickey on the other.
Mandy sat in the front seat next to Lip.
They were on a road trip.
Mickeys and Mandy's father Terry had just died, and for that actually being something happy, it was awfully quiet in the car.
They wanted to have their dad as far away from them as possible, so Mandy and Ian had planned this road trip to Mexico. They would throw his ashes over that fucking boarder as last fuck you.
They were doing this for Mickey and Mandy, to give them some kind of closure. This man had done nothing but torture them for years, and now he was dead, before the young Milkoviches could tell him all the awful things they wanted to say, call him all the names they wanted to call him.
Lip came with them to be emotionally stable for Mandy, and because he could drive them.
Mickey hadn't put up much of a fight against the trip, neither had he said anything positive about it, he was just very quiet.
Ian looked over to him.
The boy was staring out the window and sometimes glancing at his phone.
Ian wanted to take his hand so badly, he hasn't had the chance to actually talk to Mickey since his father died.
The thing was, him and Mickey were kind of a couple, not really, not at all actually.
They were fucking around. Having fun. But it was going on for years already.
Mickey suffered from internalized homophobia, something that his dad had beaten into him over the years.
He was so afraid to show emotion towards Ian, so afraid of catching feelings for a boy, so afraid of his dad finding out, that he couldn't even kiss him in the beginning - it took Ian two years and a trick to kick start Mickeys jealousy to make the boy kiss him.
That was a year ago. Kissing was now part of the fucking. So was hanging out occasionally, being friends - also something Mickey refused to do in the beginning, since he didn't want anyone seeing them too often and get suspicious.
But now they established a good friendship, besides Ian being also best friends with Mandy, so it wasn't weird that he sat next to him in the car and the Milkovich brother didn't throw an insult in his direction yet.
But because it was all a secret and because he was his more-or-less-not-really-almost-half-boyfriend he couldn't do what he felt like having to do - comforting Mickey.
Of course, the boy wasn't sad that his dad was dead, he had fucking wished for this a million times. And yet he was so awfully quiet.
Ian wanted to take his hand, pull him in and ask him if he was okay, kiss him and feeling him calm down in his arms, how he did it often in the past months when he got worked up about his dad.
Also, now that Terry was dead, Mickey, theoretically didn't have to be afraid anymore. Ian wondered, if maybe now, the boy was willing to commit to him -or at least to stop denying him.
But he couldn't just take his hand, not with Lip and Mandy sitting in the front seat, not if Mickey didn't agree to do that in front of them beforehand.
So, he got his phone out, send a quick message and stared at Mickey until he finally checked the message.
Freckle boy: 👬🏻
Mickey: ...?
Freckle boy: I want to hold your hand but I can't. So I'm doing it over emojis.
Mickey: okay... why?
Freckle boy: because I want to
Freckle boy: take the hand
Freckle boy: 🖐🏼
Mickey: you aren't serious
Freckle boy: deadly
Mickey: you're going that fucking gay on me over the phone?
Freckle boy: take the damn hand
Freckle boy: 🖐🏼
Mickey: 🖐🏼
Mickey: 🤝🏻
Freckle boy: DID YOU JUST FRIENDZONE ME OVER THE FUXKING PHONE?!
Ian looked over to Mickey and the boy was grinning at his phone, he held his fingers up against his lips to stiffle a chuckle.
He was glad he could see him smile again.
Freckle boy: that smile was worth it
He saw Mickey shaking his head at the text.
Freckle boy: yes it was. Stop shaking your head idiot
Mickey: stop looking at me then
Freckle boy: why? You're nice to look at
Mickey: keep it down, your brother is sitting right in front of us
Freckle boy: oh because he can read the chat from the front seat?
Mickey grinned again at his phone and flicked his tongue over his lips.
Freckle boy: How are you feeling?
Freckle boy: with the whole Terry being dead thing?
Mickey: I'm fucking euphoric what else? Wanted that bastard dead since I was born
Freckle boy: you are really quiet the whole time...
Mickey: right, cause I'm usually a chatty person that talks about his fucking feelings and emotions all day long - forgot
Freckle boy: you can talk to me, you know?
Mickey: since when do you see me as big talker?
Freckle boy: I don't. But if you wanted to talk about anything, you can talk to me, just saying.
He watched Mickey looking at the words on his screen, he bit his fingernail while his thumb of his other hand was hovering over the keyboard. He looked conflicted, not sure what to answer him.
In the end he just scoffed and typed his answer quickly, seemingly unhappy with himself.
Mickey: don't be such a drama queen there is nothing to talk about
Ian sighed.
Freckle boy: I'm not a drama queen
Mickey: 👸🏼
Mickey: fuck this for not having gingers
Ian looked over to him and bit his lip when he saw Mickey putting his phone away angrily.
The rest of the way was even quieter and more uncomfortable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They had to stop and spend the night in a cheap motel.
Lip argued that they could just sleep in the car and wouldn't have to spend money. Earning a big no from Mandy and Ian.
Ian said, that Mandy and he would eventually start banging in the car while he and Mickey slept there.
Actually, it was Ian's plan to do exactly that Mickey, more importantly he finally wanted to talk to him about Terry. And about them.
Mandy also had no interest in four people sleeping in the small car. Especially, since she agreed with Ian, that she and Lip would eventually do something in the small space.
So, Lip drove up to some cheap motel and rented the rooms for the night while the other three had a smoke in the parking lot.
"Okay, Mandy and I share a room and you two share a room, that okay?"
"Sure" Ian shrugged.
"Oh, but having a room with one big bed instead of two small ones was cheaper so... you won't mind sharing a bed, right?"
Mickey sighed "We have to share a bed because you're penny-pinching?"
"Yeah, remind me again when either of us got rich all of a sudden?", Lip shook his head and tossed the keys to Ian, "Room 223, we're a few rooms down. Good night. We'll get going around nine."
Ian looked at Mickey while their siblings went up to their room.
"You'll survive it" he shrugged "Better than having them fuck next to us, right?"
Mickey shrugged and started walking to their room.
Ian followed close behind him.
They got into the room.
"Don't switch the lights on, I don't need to see this dump in detail." Mickey mumbled.
He dropped his duffle bag on the floor and went to the bathroom.
Ian sat on the bed.
He kicked his shoes off and sighed.
After a few minutes Mickey came back.
"Mick? Can we talk now?"
"Are you a fucking therapist now?"
"I'm worried, that's all." Ian explained calmly.
Mickey looked at him and chewed on his bottom lip.
"What are you worried about? I hated that prick and now he's dead."
"You're so quiet... we didn't talk at all since he died. Being this quiet is untypical even for you. You spend 7 hours in a car with Lip and only insulted him like twice."
"I'm not quieter than usual."
"Yes, you are", Ian mumbled.
Mickey looked at him conflicted and eventually just started taking his clothes off.
"Let's just sleep alright?"
Ian sighed and took his clothes off as well.
They lay next to each other in the bed. Weirdly far away from each other.
"Since we already have to sleep in one bed, would you like to fuck?" Ian mumbled.
"I'm tired."
Ian looked at him, Mickey would never say no to sex. He had never said no to him before. Especially not since they were lying in one bed in a motel far away from home.
"I could do all the work if you want.", he tested, how far Mickeys no would go.
"I'm not in the mood.", this was definitely weird.
"Oh" Ian mumbled.
"Are you that angry with me? Or was I right and something is up with you?" He asked after a minute of complete silence.
Mickey didn't answer.
Ian waited another quiet minute before whispering "Mick?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I hold your hand now?"
"I don't need to be fucking comforted Gallagher."
"I could hug you.", he said after another while.
"You mean like... cuddle or some gay shit like that?"
"Yeah" Ian shrugged and stared at the dark ceiling "We've never got the chance to spend the night together before."
"I'm not gonna cuddle you, dipshit."
Ian tried to not show his disappointment too much.
Something was Clearly going on with Mickey, but he probably shouldn't push it any further if the trip tomorrow was supposed to be bearable in any way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Freckle boy: How did you sleep last night?
They were in the car again. Turns out, driving from Illinois to Texas takes longer than you might think.
Mickey: closed eyes
Freckle boy: I'm serious
Mickey: me too
Freckle boy: keep it up and I make you sleep in the fucking tub the next time
Mickey: yeah right, who's gonna make me? You?
Freckle boy: usually you're not very opposed to me doing you Mick
Mickey looked quickly to Lip and Mandy who were talking quietly.
Mickey: oh that's the game you wanna play huh?
Freckle boy: well you didn't let me fuck you last night after I had to spend hours so close to you
Freckle boy: But not close enough to touch
Freckle boy: and I want to touch you Mick, every inch of you
Mickey bit his bottom lip.
Mickey: what is your plan? Make us both hard in the car with our siblings in front of us?
Freckle boy: hard? Why? I'm not doing anything
Freckle boy: oh look, you're an emoji!
Freckle boy: 🍑
Mickey shot him a glare, but Ian only chuckled at the screen.
Freckle boy: 🍆
Mickey: don't flatter yourself, yours is thinner
Mickey had to stifle a laugh when he looked over to Ian, who stared at him with an open mouth and mock Bitch look.
Freckle boy: but longer
Mickey: depends.
Freckle boy: then fuck a fruit if it's so much better, Mickey!
Mickey: it's not even a fruit
Mickey: besides I never said it's better, I prefer your freckled dick
Freckle boy: .... it's not freckled
Mickey: yeah it is, why do you think I saved you as Freckle boy?
Mickey chuckled at his phone and Ian had to smile when he saw the other boy like this.
Freckle boy: I want to kiss you
Mickey: you wanna repeat your emoji-touching thing from yesterday?
Freckle boy: 😚
Mickey seemed to think of a response a few seconds.
Mickey: 👅🔪🗑👋🏻
Ian chuckled and shook his head, knowing exactly what Mickey meant.
Freckle boy: oh please you love my tongue
Freckle boy: 👅🍆
Mickeys eyes widened at the emojis
Freckle boy: you're blushing 😳
Mickey: I'm not!
Freckle boy: 🎉🏳️🌈🎉
Mickey: 🔥🔥🔥
Freckle boy: 👬🏻
Mickey: 😴😩
Freckle boy: 😚😚😚
Mickey: 👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻
"Guys!" Lips voice pulled them out of their little chat fight suddenly "What are you doing back there? I just asked a question like three times.
"Nothing" Mickey growled "I was just ignoring your ass"
Mickey: I delete the chat
And He just did exactly that before Ian could stop him.
"What did you ask, Lip?"
"Are you hungry? And we're gonna do another stop in a few hours at a motel and sleep there. We should hit the border tomorrow"
Mickey refused to answer any of Ian's contact efforts after that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\~\
"Congratulations boys, you've got a bed to each their own" Lip smiled when he threw Ian the keys. "Good night"
This time they actually had two small beds in the little motel room.
Mickey let himself drop on one of them.
"I call dibs"
Ian smiled and shook his head.
Both lay in their beds not long after.
"Mick? If you want to fuck you just have to say it." Ian reminded him.
"Tired." He said sternly.
"You're not tired, I know that." Ian rolled his eyes in the dark "If you want to talk about anything, you can just do that too. I'll listen."
They lay in silence for a few minutes until Ian heard a shifting in the other bed and suddenly Mickey was standing next to him and pushed him over so he could lie next to him.
Ian lay on the side and looked at him. He didn't expect this.
They lay there for a long minute until Mickey whispered
"Can you cuddle me?'
"Of course," Ian whispered quickly and tried to hide his surprise at the request.
He lay on his back and pulled Mickey into his arms. The Milkovich lay on his shoulder and tangled his legs with his.
"You smell nice" Ian mumbled into his hair "Even after sitting all those hours in a car"
"You don't. But I can live with it."
Ian chuckled.
"What is going on with you?" Ian asked softly running his hand through Mickeys hair "Something is on your mind."
Mickey took a deep breath.
"I'm gay" he whispered eventually.
Ian was surprised, this was the first time Mickey had ever said that, ever admitted this fact.
"I know, Mick"
"He doesn't" Mickey mumbled.
Ian looked down at him confused.
"Who? Terry?"
Mickey bit his lip.
"My whole life, I was afraid of him. Especially when it came to this. I hid it all from him. Hid myself... Hid you. I tried to be straight, I hated on myself, all because of that prick.... I forced you to keep this a secret... I refused to kiss you... for years, I hid it all, stashed it away, swallowed all my feelings down. Because I knew, if he would ever know... He would kill me... and you too."
He scoffed lightly.
"I wanted to tell him... wanted to fucking rub it in. Yeah, you've got a gay son and he fucking loves taking dick up the ass. I... I wanted him to know that, I wanted him to know, that despite all his efforts and beatings, His son was a big old queer. That he couldn't stop it, couldn't change it, couldn't change me, no matter how hard he tried. I wanted him to know that, before he died. He should have died with the knowledge, that I'm still me, that I'm gay and not too ashamed to say it, not too shamed to show it, show you. He should die knowing, that this is who I am, and he could do nothing to change it."
Mickey swallowed hard.
Ian was weirdly touched at how often Mickey had mentioned him in his rant.
"Now it just feels like he fucking won."
"He didn't win" Ian reassured him, running his hand through Mickeys black hair, "Maybe you couldn't tell him all this stuff while he was still around. But... now that he is dead, you can at least be free, right? You don't have to be afraid anymore about someone finding out... you can just live."
"We're still living in the south side, don't act like it's so easy."
"Maybe it is. No one will come up to you, out of all people, and beat you up for liking it up the ass. None of the people I know cares in the slightest. Your father is dead, he can't harm you anymore, no one can harm you anymore for this." He pressed a light kiss on the top of his head.
Mickey sighed sadly and cuddled deeper into his shirt.
"You're right... still... That asshole stopped me from doing what I wanted to do most in the world for years. He got away too easy"
"And what exactly did you want to do most in the world?" Ian whispered, his lips somewhere on Mickeys hair and forehead the whole time, peppering little kisses.
Mickey was silent again. Ian just continued to caress his skin and held him a bit closer to him.
Mickey took a deep breath and freed himself out of the hug, so he could lean over Ian, their faces just inches apart.
"I want to be with you" he whispered "I want you to stop fucking other dudes and I want to kiss you every hour of the day and do this gay shit from time to time. I don't want to have to hold your hand or kiss you over emojis just because our siblings are in the car with us."
Ian stared up at him with wide eyes, they could barely see each other in the dark.
He couldn't believe what he just heard. He couldn't believe Mickey wanted him as his boyfriend, be an official exclusive couple, that's at least what it sounded like. He had never thought, this day would ever come.
"You mean... as boyfriends?" He asked quietly.
"Yeah, I guess" Mickey whispered back, looking down at him, one hand on either side of his head.
Ian could only pull Mickey down to him and kiss him passionately.
He ran his hand through his black hair let his other hand wander over his body.
"Fuck, I wanted for you to say this for years, Mick. I would've killed Terry ages ago if it was this what it took." Ian panted. Mickey chuckled.
"So, we're a couple now, yeah? Like real boyfriends and I can kiss the fuck out of you in front of our siblings if I want to?" Ian asked quietly.
"Yeah" he smiled "You can fuck me in front of them for all I care"
Ian grinned mischievously.
"Maybe not in front of them but... they're in the next room, the walls are thin, and I bet, this bed bangs against that wall amazingly loud."
Mickey sat up on his lap and pulled his shirt over his head.
"I like the way you're thinking Gallagher."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The two men tiredly stumbled out of their room. Ian brought the key back to the reception while Mickey waited by the car. His sister leaned against it, having a smoke.
"Hey, siren" she greeted with an angry look on her face.
"Siren?" He asked confused.
"How in the world can two people be that fucking loud? Especially you, I'm sure they heard that back home."
Mickey grinned at her "I hope Dad heard it in the fucking afterlife."
"So that really was the two of you?" Lip asked, approaching them with two cups of hot coffee.
"Did I miss something? Since when are you gay? And since when are you a couple?"
Ian came back at that moment.
"Hey guys, oh, coffee, great, aren't we getting some?"
"No coffee for Sirens" Mandy growled.
"Sirens?" Ian asked Mickey confused.
"Apparently we were a little loud yesterday."
"A little loud? I'm surprised if the bed still stands." Lip said.
"Well, it doesn't. We had to switch to the other bed at some point." Ian shrugged.
"I should leave you out here for this" Lip grumbled "Didn't know you had the hots for Mr Thug here suddenly"
"Suddenly?" Mickey asked grinning.
"Since when are you even gay?"
Ian leaned against Mickey putting on arm around his shoulder.
"Guys, we've been fucking for a good three years now"
"Three and a half" Mickey corrected.
The other couple stared at them weirdly.
"Did you know about this Mandy?"
"No"
"How can you not know about this? Your best friend is fucking your brother for three years and you don't notice?"
Mickey and Ian both chuckled.
"Okay let's just... get in the car, get this fucking thing over with" Mandy mumbled and got in.
Lip was shaking his head at the two boys.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ian was typing on his phone for a good ten minutes now.
Mickey was looking over to him occasionally.
Eventually he laughed and opened their chat.
Mickey: what are you doing Gallagher?
Freckle boy: You said you want me to stop fucking other dudes - So I'm texting all the dudes I occasionally ring up and tell them that I got a boyfriend now and won't fuck em again
Mickey: really? Good.... you're making me want to suck you off
Freckle boy: I'm down for that, but we should probably wait until we're at another motel
Mickey: why? Next time Lip stops for gas or whatever, I'll blow you around a corner
Freckle boy: oh, you're so romantic 😍
Mickey: Yesterday I took a photo of your dick, it shows Cleary that you got freckles on it, btw
Freckle boy: fucking stop with that 🙄
Mickey: maybe your freckles turn me on, maybe I plan kissing every single one on your skin
He looked over to Ian, who blushed at the written words.
Mickey: you're blushing, freckles
Ian licked his bottom lip.
Freckle boy: 👨❤️💋👨 🏳️🌈🍑🍆
Mickey: you bet
Freckle boy: 😊
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They reached the border to Mexico.
They parked the car and walked closer to the spot between the one country and the other.
They knew the border patrol was watching them, but they didn't care.
"So, any final words before we throw him?" Lip asked.
Mandy took the bag of ashes out of his hands and eyed it.
"You're an evil, psychotic prick and I hope you burn in hell and get tortured and raped with a pitchfork" she growled.
She gave the bag to her brother.
Lip noticed some of the officers coming towards them.
"I'll go explain to them, while you curse your dad real quick" he mumbled and walked of.
"They probably think Dad is cocaine" Mandy mumbled.
Mickey stared at the bag of ashes then looked at his sister.
"Could you check on how Lip is handling it?"
Mandy raised her eyebrows but nodded and left the two boys alone.
"Are you okay Mick?" Ian mumbled.
Mickey nodded and looked at the bag.
"Seems stupid, talking to a bag of ashes."
"You want me to leave you alone with this too?"
"No."
Mickey took a deep breath.
"So, dad, you chose the easy way out. You deserved so much more than fucking od'ing on us, you prick. You deserved to be in pain for a long time, because that's what you put us through. But you're dead now and no one will miss your ass, in a week no one will even talk about you anymore I'll make sure of that. You're just gonna be some other fucking dude that died, and no one cares about. You're not even getting a gravestone or anything, we will throw you out of the country. You stopped me from having the life I wanted but fuck you, cause now I'm gonna have it anyways. Cause I'm a fucking queer and I hope you hear that in hell, I'm taking my hot boyfriends freckled big dick up the ass whenever I can and there is nothing you can fucking do about it" he growled.
Ian smiled at him, he put a hand on his shoulder, feeling the Milkovich leaning into his touch.
"Ian?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you" he whispered, not looking at him.
"I love you too" Ian whispered back and pressed a kiss on the top of his head.
Mandy and Lip came back with one of the border patrol officers.
"He wants to see the bag"
"You can keep it. Or help us throw it over the border, whatever" Mickey sighed and handed the plastic pay over to him.
"It's really just ashes."
"Like we said, it's kinda a ceremony here."
"Okay, you are allowed to scatter the ashes, but please, don't let the bag here. Environment and all that" he nodded and walked off again.
"So, wind goes in the right direction, if you want to throw, you should do it now, who goes first?"
Mandy opened the bag and took a handful of the grey sand out of it.
She walked closer to the border and threw the ashes over to Mexico.
Mickey did the same.
Then both siblings took the rest of the bag and scattered it over the border in Mexico.
They stood side by side, watching their dad being taken away by the wind.
"Fuck you" Mickey mumbled.
Mandy nodded " Fuck you!" She said louder, smiled at her brother and then yelled it over the border "Fuck you!"
Mickey laughed and do the same "Fuck you!"
"Fuck you dad!"
Ian and Lip smiled at the two.
"So, I'm thinking double wedding" Lip whispered to him, Ian just shook his head and watched his boyfriend being free.