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It has been almost a week since Jiang Cheng found out about Lan Xichen’s true nature. A week where the anticipation of another talk has almost killed Lan Xichen only for it to never happen.
Jiang Cheng is his usual affectionate self—as much as he ever is—but he hasn’t brought the topic up again. He also hasn’t asked to see Lan Xichen in his true form again, and Lan Xichen doesn’t know what to make of that.
He tries to reassure himself that Jiang Cheng is still the same; he comes to bed at night and they kiss, like nothing has changed, but Lan Xichen can’t believe that.
Jiang Cheng is busy, Lan Xichen knows that, Sect Leader Yao annoying Jiang Cheng with the smallest things, but they still do have enough time to talk about the thing standing between them. Or at least they would have, if Jiang Cheng really wanted to talk about it.
But clearly he doesn’t, and Lan Xichen doesn’t know how to handle that. He needs his sect, his brother, and he’s packing his things before he even finishes that thought. When Jiang Cheng doesn’t walk in on him like the last time, Lan Xichen goes to find him instead.
“Jiang Cheng,” he says to get his attention when he finds him in his study and Jiang Cheng looks up from the letter he was studying.
“Are you going somewhere?” he asks after roaming his eyes over Lan Xichen and getting stuck on the bag.
“Home,” Lan Xichen says, though it pains him to do so. He has come to think of Lotus Pier as his home and to think that it might not be, anymore, hurts. “I miss Wangji,” he tacks on and Jiang Cheng stares at him a moment longer, before he nods.
“Alright. You want me to come pick you up in a few days?” he asks, though Lan Xichen knows he doesn’t have the time for something as unnecessary as that.
“I’ll be fine,” Lan Xichen says, and even when Jiang Cheng nods and goes back to his letter, Lan Xichen can’t help but to wait a few seconds longer, in hopes that Jiang Cheng will look at him and ask if everything is alright.
He doesn’t. Instead one of Sect Leader Yao’s men come in and demand Jiang Cheng’s attention. Again.
Lan Xichen leaves without another word.
~*~*~
“You’re troubled,” Lan Wangji says as Lan Xichen pours him some tea and Lan Xichen huffs out a little laugh.
Everyone always praises him for his ability to read Lan Wangji, but they never notice that the same goes the other way around as well. No one understands him like Lan Wangji does.
“Jiang Cheng knows,” Lan Xichen says once he is seated again and Lan Wangji is shocked by those news, Lan Xichen can tell by the slight widening of his eyes and the almost untraceable tension in his shoulders.
“You told him,” he says and it would be an accusation from anyone else but Lan Xichen shakes his head.
“I slipped up. Got too comfortable around him,” he admits. “I changed during the night and he woke up.”
“Are you unhurt?” Lan Wangji asks and Lan Xichen sends him a reprimanding look.
“Of course I am,” he answers. “He wouldn’t hurt me.”
“But something happened,” Lan Wangji goes on, leaving Lan Xichen’s last words uncommented and Lan Xichen frowns in his tea.
“He said he accepted me like I am,” Lan Xichen slowly admits, “but I’m not sure if that’s true.”
“What has he done?” Lan Wangji demands to know and his voice is noticeably colder.
“Nothing,” Lan Xichen reassures him, though he knows Lan Wangji doesn’t believe him.
“What has he done?” Lan Wangji asks again and Lan Xichen sighs.
“He said I could be who I am around him, but I’m not sure if he’s really okay with that. He didn’t seem disgusted by my form, but—,” he trails off, because he doesn’t know how to say it.
Jiang Cheng doesn’t act differently around him. It’s just—he didn’t ask any more questions, he didn’t ask to see again and he didn’t wonder why Lan Xichen never takes on his true form either.
“Did he ask you questions?” Lan Wangji asks and Lan Xichen knows where his mind is going and he almost slams his tea cup down.
“He didn’t ask about any weaknesses, Wangji, and I don’t appreciate the implications. He is my cultivation partner. He is my family.”
“And he didn’t fail to kill his family before,” Lan Wangji coldly gives back and Lan Xichen can feel his temper rise.
“Do not get into that again, Wangji,” he warns, because he is tired of his brother accusing Jiang Cheng of killing Wei Wuxian when even Wei Wuxian had to admit that it wasn’t quite that clear cut as to what truly happened.
“You shouldn’t have told him,” Lan Wangji says after a lengthy pause and then he gets up. “He cannot be trusted. Clearly you know that as well, since you are here and not with him,” he tells Lan Xichen and then turns around and leave.
Lan Xichen is left to stare after his brother and a very small part of himself wonders if maybe Lan Wangji is right.
He pushes the thought away as best as he can and then tidies up before he settles down to meditate. He hopes it will clear his mind.
~*~*~
Lan Xichen doesn’t know how long he’s been in meditation but when someone knocks at his door it’s already dark outside.
Lan Xichen stands up to open the door and when he sees Jiang Cheng on the other side of it, he freezes completely for a moment.
“What are you doing here?” he then blurts out and Jiang Cheng scratches the side of his face.
“Can I come in?” he asks instead of answering Lan Xichen’s question and Lan Xichen steps to the side to allow him in.
“What about old man Yao?” Lan Xichen asks and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes at him.
“Fuck him, he took up enough of my time already. It didn’t feel right, you leaving like that, and I couldn’t help but wonder if something is wrong?” Jiang Cheng carefully asks and Lan Xichen shrugs.
“You tell me. Is something wrong?”
“You seem troubled. Right now more than this morning, I might add. Did something happen? Is your brother okay?”
“My brother implied that you would kill me, if given the chance,” Lan Xichen can’t help but to say bitterly and Jiang Cheng jerks back as if Lan Xichen had hit him.
“What?” he gets out and Lan Xichen scrubs a tired hand over his face.
“Jiang Cheng, are you really alright with me being what I am?” Lan Xichen softly asks, though he can’t quite meet Jiang Cheng’s eyes. “Because I think you might not be. And that’s okay,” he goes on, even though it’s anything but, “I don’t expect you to just accept it, but I need you to be honest with me.”
“Xichen, what I said to you on that morning is true. I love you, no matter what form you have. Nothing changed that, why would you even think that?”
“Because you didn’t ask anything. Because you didn’t want to see again,” Lan Xichen tells him and Jiang Cheng sighs.
“Come here?” he asks and holds his hands out, letting Lan Xichen decide if he wants to go for the hug or not, and Lan Xichen steps forward and right into his arms without hesitation.
Jiang Cheng holds him for long moments, and Lan Xichen clings to him because he has already been halfway convinced that he would lose this. That he maybe already lost this.
After a while Jiang Cheng gently pushes Lan Xichen away from him.
“I told you you could be who you are around me,” he softly says and takes Lan Xichen’s hands in his. “And you didn’t, you always stayed in your human form. So I thought maybe you are comfortable in that form, consider that who you are, and I didn’t want to pressure you,” he explains and Lan Xichen can’t help but let out a huff at that.
“And I never asked any questions, because I thought that would be a lengthy conversation, and you have seen how demanding old man Yao can be. I didn’t want to be interrupted. My plan was to steal you away the second he finally left, so I could finally ask all my questions.”
“And I thought you didn’t want to know,” Lan Xichen whispers and leans their foreheads together. “I thought you didn’t want to see again, now that you had some time to think about it.”
“To be completely honest,” Jiang Cheng starts and his tone alone makes Lan Xichen pull away from him.
He would be worried with that start, but the slight blush on Jiang Cheng’s face only serves to make him intrigued.
“For the past week I wanted nothing more than to get a hug from you, from real you,” Jiang Cheng emphasises. “Nothing against the hugs human-form you gives, but being hugged by all of your gazillion tentacles? That’s what I craved ever since that old man came to Lotus Pier and won’t stop nagging me.”
Lan Xichen laughs out loud at that, his relief spilling out and he pulls Jiang Cheng close again.
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“I thought being in that form around me makes you uncomfortable!” Jiang Cheng protests and Lan Xichen sighs.
“We really have to talk, don’t we?”
“Please. I have so many questions, and there is no Yao here who can just barge in and demand I talk to his farmers about the harvest,” Jiang Cheng says with an eyeroll and Lan Xichen brushes a soft kiss over his lips.
“But first a hug?” Lan Xichen asks and Jiang Cheng already goes boneless against him.
“Please,” he whispers and Lan Xichen steers them over to the bed where he sits Jiang Cheng down, who whines when Lan Xichen pulls away.
“Close your eyes,” he whispers as he puts his hand over Jiang Cheng’s eyes.
The transformation isn’t made for human eyes, he just wants to protect Jiang Cheng from the headache they normally bring on, but Jiang Cheng pushes his hand down.
“I want to see,” he softly gives back. “I always want to see.”
“I love you,” Lan Xichen whispers, leans down for another kiss, and then he just lets go, expands and takes the place he rightfully owns.
Jiang Cheng doesn’t look away during the process and Lan Xichen immediately reaches out for him with his many arms. Jiang Cheng welcomes them, slides his hands over Lan Xichen’s tentacles and Lan Xichen almost forgot how that feels, being touched in this form.
It’s so much more intense and he shudders when Jiang Cheng just smoothes his hands up and down his tentacles.
“Okay?” Jiang Cheng asks, clearly feeling how Lan Xichen reacts to him and since Lan Xichen can’t answer him verbally, he starts to manhandle Jiang Cheng into bed.
Jiang Cheng laughs when Lan Xichen wraps his tentacles around him to move him under the blanket before Lan Xichen slides in himself, all shimmering, slithering mass but Jiang Cheng doesn’t seem put off by it at the slightest.
Once Lan Xichen has found a comfortable position Jiang Cheng immediately scoots closer, burrows into Lan Xichen’s centre and Lan Xichen wraps all of his countless tentacles around him.
Jiang Cheng lets out a deep sigh and sinks completely against Lan Xichen.
“That’s what I’m talking about,” he slurs out, and Lan Xichen would chuckle if he still had his mouth to do so.
“You’re amused,” Jiang Cheng says and strokes his hands over Lan Xichen’s form again. “I can tell. You’re amused, and you love me.”
And now Lan Xichen is getting all emotionally choked up as well, because he never expected Jiang Cheng to understand him so well, even in this form.
“I love you, too,” Jiang Cheng tells him and tilts his head until he finds one of the few eyes Lan Xichen decided on. “I love you,” he says with emphasis. “Not only in this form, or the human one. I just love you, no matter what you look like, and I want you to take whichever form you feel more comfortable with around me, because I don’t care. As long as I have you close and with me, I don’t care.”
Lan Xichen didn’t know he could cry in this form, but of course Jiang Cheng would teach him differently.
“Are you crying?” Jiang Cheng suddenly asks with apparent horror. “Did I make you sad?”
Lan Xichen changes to his human form, just enough to be able to talk, even as he pulls Jiang Cheng closer to him again.
“I am happy. You make me happy, because you accept me for who I am,” Lan Xichen tells him and Jiang Cheng lightly slaps the first arm he can reach.
“What kind of partner would I be, if I didn’t?” he wants to know but Lan Xichen doesn’t have an answer for that, so instead he tightens his arms around Jiang Cheng once more.
“Questions after my nap,” Jiang Cheng decides, voice already slurred, clearly completely and utterly content in Lan Xichen’s arms. “So many questions.”
“Whatever you want, my heart,” Lan Xichen murmurs as he lets a few more eyes appear all over his body.
He knows there’s no danger in the Cloud Recesses, but he wants to watch over Jiang Cheng while he sleeps anyway.
It’s a humbling experience, to witness how much Jiang Cheng trusts him, and Lan Xichen swears to the ancestors, he will do everything in his power to make him happy.
And if that is by hugging him in this form, then it’s not even a hardship for Lan Xichen.