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Alec wakes slowly. His head is pounding, his throat is dry, his body aches. “Shit,” he whispers to himself, smacking his lips together. He groans, his mouth tasting like ass. What the hell happened last night?
Someone groans in the bed beside him and Alec freezes because that was not Magnus’ voice. He opens his eyes slowly, looking beside him and finding Simon ?
“Simon,” he groans, shaking the vampire. “Wake up.”
Simon opens his eyes, looking around. Then he lifts the blankets, letting out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank g- g- g- Thank goodness.”
Alec stares at him a long moment. “What the hell, Simon? Of course we didn’t sleep together, you idiot.”
Simon shrugs, running his fingers through his hair. “Just making sure. After last night, I’m convinced anything can happen.”
Alec raises his brow. “Why? What happened?”
Simon tilts his head both ways, trying to find the right words. “Some of the details are pretty foggy but I’m positive we somehow became best friends last night. Which is only proven further by the fact that we’re waking up in the same bed.”
Alec debates with himself a moment before going ahead and shoving Simon off the bed, smirking as he flails to the ground. “Hey!” Simon complains. “Best friend, remember?”
“I don’t.” Alec rubs his face. “Fuck, Simon. I don’t remember anything.”
Simon lets out a long sigh as he stands up. “Well I’d just like to point out that my job last night was to make sure you came home safe.” He raises his hands. “We made it back to my boathouse. Ergo, I win.”
“What the hell happened to the rest of the party? Raphael, Meliorn, Jace, Magnus ?”
“That is an excellent question,” Simon says, pulling a piece of paper from his pocket. “Holy shit. We went to a strip club last night?”
Alec takes the paper from Simon’s hand. He stares at it as he takes out his phone, trying to call his fiance. When it goes to voicemail, he tries Jace, getting the same result.
“Alright. I guess we retrace our steps until we find the others?”
Simon smiles. “Hell yeah. Just two best friends teaming up to find their friends and lovers.”
“First of all, never say the word lover again. Second, we’re not best friends.”
“I’m growing on you and we both know it.”
Alec picks up his jacket before striding out the door, not waiting for Simon to follow.
~~~
Alec steps through the door of the strip club, fuzzy memories hitting him. He remembers Jace and Meliorn being here. He finds a wall of pictures, surprised to find a picture of himself up there. “Oh, by the fucking Angel,” he murmurs. “Simon, look over here.”
Simon starts to giggle as they look at the picture of Alec, a bra wrapped around his head, a giant goofy smile on his lips. Jace is next to him, holding a drink while Alec sips from the straw. They both look ridiculously drunk. There’s another picture of Simon up on the stage, his shirt being whipped over his head. Then there’s another with Jace and Meliorn hanging off each other laughing, Jace dressed in Meliorn’s armor, Meliorn in Jace’s clothes.
“Okay,” Alec says slowly. “We were definitely here, but where the hell are Jace and Meliorn.”
“Oh,” someone says, stepping up to them. “Come to retrieve your friends?”
“Yeah. Do you know where they are?”
The seelie smiles wide, nodding her head. “We put them in the hotel across the street. They’re in room 305.”
“Thank you so much,” Simon says, quickly leaving the strip club.
“I’m afraid of what we’re about to find,” Alec admits as they walk through the hotel halls.
“Can’t be worse than seeing me up on the stripper pole,” Simon offers as they find the right door.
Alec takes out his stele, using an unlock rune. It clicks before Alec is pushing forward. Simon makes a pained noise beside him.
“That’s not really a rune on his face, is it?”
Alec shakes his head. “It’s sharpie,” he whispers back. At least, it fucking better be sharpie. Otherwise Jace has a dick rune on his cheek.
Meliorn looks fine. If you ignore the fact that he’s naked. “Is that a tattoo on his ass?”
Simon stares at Meliorn’s ass way longer than necessary. Alec slaps the back of his head. “Eyes to yourself. Or I’ll tell Raphael.”
Simon rolls his eyes before yelling. “Hey assholes! Wake up!”
Meliorn and Jace both sit up, their eyes flying open and staring at Alec and Simon. Jace groans, holding his head in his hands as Meliorn looks as composed as usual. He flips over, pulling his pillow into his lap to cover his groin.
“Good morning, gentleman,” Meliorn says as Jace continues to groan. “It seems we all had a wonderful time last night.”
“Kill me. Please, just kill me.”
Alec rolls his eyes before grabbing Jace’s arm and drawing an iratze. “Now stop whining.”
Jace looks around. “Where’s my clothes?”
Meliorn digs under the sheets, pulling out Jace’s plain black boxers and tossing them at Jace. “You know what,” Alec says, waving his hand at Jace and Meliorn. “I can’t deal with this right now.”
“Oh don’t be like that,” Jace whines. The he looks over at Meliorn. “We didn’t?”
Meliorn smiles a teasing grin. “We did not. I had to fight you off with my lance though.”
“Nope. Get dressed. Figure out your shit. I’m gonna go find my fiance.”
“Did we really fight a nest of demons last night?” Jace asks, running at his temples.
“Holy shit,” Simon says, grabbing Alec’s arm. “We totally fought an entire nest of demons. And we totally won!”
“I might have an idea,” Meliorn says, cutting off Simon’s excitement. “I believe we took a wager on who could make it to the strip club first,” he says slowly. “The vampires ran, you Shadowhunter’s used your runes, while Magnus and I used his portal. Only, when I walked through, Magnus wasn’t there.”
Memories start to form. “Yes. I think I remember that. Raphael went to find Magnus after Magnus called him because he was too drunk to concentrate on portaling.”
“How the hell do we figure out where Magnus actually portaled himself?”
Stepping outside, Alec takes out his phone and dialing Underhill’s number. “Alec,” Underhill greets brightly. “I heard you had a good time last night.”
“Yeah. About that.”
Underhill’s chuckle stops short. “Is everything okay? There was a report this morning of a group taking care of a nest of demons. I assume that was you?”
“Mhmm. So it would seem.” Alec rubs the bridge of his nose. “Have you heard of anything else strange happening last night?”
“Jesus,” Underhill murmurs under his breath. “What the hell did you guys get into?”
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”
“Alright,” Underhill says. “I think you need to check out this address. I’ll send you the coordinates. There was a huge magical spike there last night.”
“Thank you.”
“Alec and Simon are back at it. The best friend adventure of the century,” Simon says beside him.
“Simon?”
“Yeah, Alec?”
“Shut up.”
~~~
Alec stares up at the abandoned warehouse for a long moment. It takes Simon clearing his throat for him to snap out of it. “Well, let’s get this over with,” he murmurs.
“Love the enthusiasm. Keep it up, best friend.”
“I worry I might actually stake you.”
“Well, the good thing is, I’m pretty sure Raphael is here,” Simon says as they walk into the warehouse.
“How can you tell?” Simon touches his nose in answer.
They walk in and find a lavish room. There’s large couches and chairs, people thrown over every space. Everyone is naked and- “smells like sex in here,” Simon murmurs, his nose wrinkling.
Simon looks around, stepping over bodies as he goes until he finds Raphael’s jacket. “Great,” Simon says. “He might not even be here.”
As they leave, there’s a knock on the car window parked near the warehouse. Simon runs over, letting out a carefree laugh. “Raphael!”
Raphael opens the door, hiding in the shadow, keeping away from the sunlight. “Simon. I’ve never been more happy to see you.”
“What were you doing here last night?”
“Magnus accidently portaled himself here. I showed up and they were all. Well. I don’t even know. It was like Magnus had somehow gained himself a cult in the time it took for me to get here,” Raphael explains. “But then the orgy started. I wanted to leave. Magnus agreed. He tried to use his magic and it backfired, put me right to sleep.”
“So we’re back to square one,” Alec grumbles.
“Your dad is weird, babe,” Simon says, wrapping his arm around Raphael’s waist. Then his eyes widen. “Holy shit. Magnus is like your dad. But Alec is marrying Magnus. Therefore, Alec isn’t only my best friend but my dad, too!”
Alec turns towards Simon, his blade in his hand. It’s only the fact that Raphael grabs Alec’s arm that he doesn’t stake the vampire.
“Let’s just get the hell out of here?” Simon asks, getting behind the wheel of the car.
“Good idea,” Alec agrees.
~~~
They search all day for Magnus without any luck. Finally, as the sun goes down, Alec finally walks back to the loft. His mood is tanked as he moves through the loft towards their bedroom, wondering where in the world Magnus could be.
It’s not until he’s taking his jacket off that he realizes he’s not alone. Alec turns, finding a large lump in their bed, letting out little snores.
“Oh my god. Magnus?”
Magnus turns over, looking blurrily up towards Alec. “Alexander?”
“Jesus Christ, Magnus. I’ve been looking for you all day!”
“Why? I’ve been here in our bed, darling.”
“You’ve been here? All day?”
Magnus nods. “Yeah.” Then his brows wrinkle as he asks, “what the hell happened last night?”
“Well, it’s a long story…”