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On the twenty-third of December, approximately thirty minutes after 7 PM, Jisung arrived at the party with a Christmas gift and a hopeful heart.
It was a yearly tradition that only started when they were freshmen. Minho and Changbin would host a year end Christmas party for their batch—for whatever reason? Simply because they can. Minho’s one of the most popular students in their uni and Changbin’s one of the wealthiest. Them being best friends and living together at the same apartment just had to call for party means.
They were already in their junior year and their parties still never lose their impact. The entire batch is still on the edge, waiting and hoping to get an invitation. Jisung always had one because he was in the same organization as Minho. He always looked forward to these. They had the best snacks, drinks and parlor games, and now, he gets to see Changbin.
Yes, he was very much crushing on Changbin. It only started a few months back when the previous semester started. Changbin made him listen to a track he was working on and after realizing that he couldn’t get the song out of his mind, he knew he liked the guy. He tested the waters for a month to see if he really liked Changbin, but all that did was make him like him more, make him notice more of that smile, that laugh, those eyes, that voice, and that brilliant mind that could produce the best songs Jisung has ever heard.
After that, he started to do something about his feelings.
No, he didn’t confess, but even though he never explicitly said so, he made sure to imply that he indeed saw Changbin as more than a friend. Changbin wasn’t dumb. At some point, he probably figured it out and was just being nice by going along with Jisung and acknowledging all his efforts. Jisung didn’t mind. He figured he would be patient with Changbin until he can finally give him an answer about his feelings.
The party already started a few minutes ago, he could tell. People were already mingling, taking pictures by the Christmas decorations, taking turns with the set-up karaoke by the television, keeping up the party vibe. There was also a big heap of presents located under the Christmas tree, a tradition everyone adapted where they would give Christmas gifts to the masters of the house as appreciation for the party they hosted.
Jisung got them a cute pizza pillow he found at the department store. Admittedly, he bought that because it reminded him of a certain someone. He figured he’d put his gift under the tree first and then find either Minho or Changbin, but he’d prefer to find the latter.
Only, he bumped into someone before doing so, almost dropping his neatly wrapped gift.
“Sorry,” he immediately said before looking at the person he clashed with. His eyes widened when he met the other’s eyes, and then a frown formed afterwards.
Standing right in front of him was Hwang Hyunjin, and his mood immediately dropped.
Don’t get him wrong, Hwang Hyunjin wasn’t a resident delinquent or a troublemaker of any sort. He didn’t have a nasty reputation nor an obnoxious personality. In fact, he’s one of the sweetest and nicest people Jisung knew, and that’s exactly why he gets on his nerves. Why should that affect him too much? It’s because Hwang Hyunjin was also crushing on Changbin, and Jisung had to admit he was quite the competition.
It gave him some kind of sort of satisfaction that Hwang Hyunjin also looked at him incredulously, meaning that somehow, he also saw Jisung as an equal rival.
Jisung couldn’t count the times that he and Hyunjin have competed explicitly for Changbin’s attention. There were just a lot. During Changbin’s football games, Jisung would always fight for the seat next to the team bleachers so he could cheer on Changbin, and of course Hyunjin just had to be in the seat beside him. Or during midterms week, when Jisung went to Changbin’s college’s library to study there in hopes of studying together only to find Hyunjin beating him there already. With a handful of chocolates to offer. And everytime Jisung compliments Changbin in every single one of his social media posts, Hyunjin would either be the comment before or after.
It was annoying, and the both of them knew that. Jisung didn’t even see Hyunjin around before he started liking Changbin. It was like the universe was playing a joke on them.
Jisung decided he wasn’t going to let Hwang Hyunjin ruin the evening, until his eyes landed on the present the other was holding. It was the same shape and size as Jisung’s, just wrapped in a different pattern. Hyunjin seemed to follow his actions, and they both groaned at the same time.
They both got the same gift for Minho and Changbin. Well, mostly for Changbin.
“Really, Hwang?” Jisung snapped. Hyunjin only rolled his eyes in response.
“Nice to see you too, Han.” he replied with evident sarcasm.
Jisung let out the fakest of laughs. “I see what you got there.”
Hyunjin raised one eyebrow. “I see yours too.”
“Just for context,” Jisung said in a mocking tone. “I was at the department store two weeks ago. Not implying anything, just thought you should know.”
Hyunjin snickered audibly in an attempt to mock Jisung back. “I totally get it. I was also at the department store quite possibly two weeks ago.”
Jisung wasn’t going to back down. “I was there on a Friday—“
“Funny, because I was there on a Tuesday—“
“Oh, you don’t say—“
“Not that I’m implying that I got it first—“
“But I got here first—“
“Oh, I don’t think so—“
“Jisung! Hyunjin!” someone interrupted. The two stopped their bickering and saw one half of the house masters, Minho, making his way towards them with open arms. “You guys made it! And things are going on normally, as I see.”
Jisung rolled his eyes at that. Hyunjin nodded at the approaching guy. “Hey Minho, good to see you.”
Minho took the identical presents from the both of them. “Good to see you too! Now, I’m going to take these, and I expect you two to be in the Christmas spirit and have some fun, okay? I hope there won’t be any—“
“Ah, don’t worry,” Jisung said with a cheeky smile which he annoyingly showed to Hyunjin as well. “Hyunjin and I will get along and celebrate this party. It’s great, by the way.”
Minho flashed them a wide smile. “I hope so!” He gestured at the gifts on his hands. “Thank you for these, I’ll put them there now. Have fun tonight!”
They both waved at Minho’s retreating figure while responding with affirmations despite meaning otherwise. When Jisung was sure that Minho wouldn’t see them anymore, he immediately put down the giddy facade, ignored Hyunjin, and made his way to where the drinks are. Soon enough, he heard footsteps follow him and he could only assume it was Hyunjin. He ignored this thought, thinking that maybe he would lose the other when he reaches the drinks, but when he did so, he was disappointed to see him stay by the bar as well.
“Are you being serious right now?” Jisung snapped.
Hyunjin returned the glare. “I’m here to get a drink, Han. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”
Jisung ignored him and grabbed himself a drink. Hyunjin did the same. There may be just a few feet in between them, but they were doing their best to each other. Jisung wasn’t in the mood to think about Hyunjin. Minho told them to feel the Christmas spirit, and he was just going to do so.
Thankfully, Bang Chan was entertainment enough. Jisung had a clear view of the living room from where he was staying, and Chan had everybody’s attention on him as he dominated the karaoke, occasionally shouting affectionate phrases to Minho who’s just sitting by the Christmas tree, pretending to ignore his boyfriend. He would also crack some jokes and funny remarks every now and then whenever there’s an instrumental interlude in the songs and Jisung found his own laughter joining the others’.
It was going well—too well—until Chan, before starting a new song, pointed somewhere by the hall beside the living room.
“Under the mistletoe, everybody!” He called.
Jisung looked at the direction Chan pointed at and lo and behold, there was Changbin in a fluffy oversized knitted Christmas sweater, looking as adorable as ever. His heart soared at the sight but immediately dropped when he saw Changbin hand in hand with someone. It was the sophomore Kim Seungmin, and they were blushing under the mistletoe together.
Of course. Jisung felt so stupid to have only realized it right there. Him and Hyunjin were too focused on trying to beat each other that they almost neglected Seungmin, Changbin’s friend who was always with him all the time. All those looks they gave each other, all those meaningful little actions that they made—they just made sense to Jisung just now.
As if the universe wanted to confirm his thoughts, Changbin and Seungmin leaned in closer and shared a sweet holiday kiss under the mistletoe, in front of everybody.
This time, Jisung didn’t join the cheers that erupted from the crowd. He didn’t join the celebratory phrases being spoken inside the house. Instead, he just stood there by the bar, feeling his heart shatter into a million pieces. He should be happy for Changbin, but he just can’t bear himself to be. And in that room full of crowded people, he felt extremely lonely.
“Well I guess that’s our answer.”
He looked at the other side to see Hyunjin looking at the sight, eyes matching Jisung’s as they reflected the portrait of heartbreak. Jisung, for once ever since he knew Hyunjin, agreed with him.
At least he wasn’t completely alone with what he was feeling.
More minutes passed and the next thing Jisung knew was that the entire multitude was now dancing along to upbeat Christmas songs in the hall, except for Hyunjin and Jisung who were both sitting by the couch, sulking at what had just happened.
It didn’t help that the center of the party were Changbin and Seungmin dancing along happily to Mariah Carey’s voice with the biggest smiles on their faces. Jisung had to admit that they do fit each other, from the way Changbin’s hand would always find its way to Seungmin’s and how Seungmin would still manage to catch Changbin’s voice in a room full of clashing sounds. Even though he was heartbroken, Jisung admitted that Seungmin and Changbin were perfect for each other.
“Yeah, I know what you’re thinking.”
He knew it was Hyunjin who talked but he would rather not entertain him right now. He kept a straight face as he watched the party and blatantly ignored Hyunjin.
Hyunjin either didn’t take the hint or he simply wanted to annoy him. “They look perfect for each other. We can never compete to that.”
Jisung snapped. “I didn’t ask, okay?”
“No need to get all grumpy,” Hyunjin muttered. “You and I are literally the only people who aren’t on the dance floor right now and celebrating.”
Jisung nodded a little bit. Admittedly, watching Changbin and Seungmin have fun wasn’t really going to make his mood any better, so he figured that entertaining Hyunjin’s attempt at a conversation wouldn’t be any worse.
“Can you believe it?” he started, leaning back on the couch. “A while ago, we were almost about to fight because we got them the same present in an attempt to earn Changbin’s affection, but now we both got indirectly rejected.”
Hyunjin laughed at that, and Jisung thought that was the first genuine laugh he earned from him. “Yeah, we were fooling ourselves. Actually, I don’t think we ever did anything other than fight and compete with each other.”
It was Jisung’s turn to laugh. “Except for this conversation.”
He earned a smile from Hyunjin. “This was a first.”
Jisung adjusted his position so that he was facing Hyunjin who was seated beside him and that he didn’t have to look at the unfolding moments in the hall. Hyunjin also did the same so that they were facing each other. “We never really talked, did we?
Hyunjin shrugged. “We didn’t. Honestly, I only ever saw you as competition, no offense. I didn’t really know anything about you other than the fact that you looked at Changbin the way I look at him.”
“Pretty much the same goes for me,” Jisung added, getting more comfortable with the situation with every passing second. “I was annoyed at you, if I’m being honest. Especially that one time after Changbin tweeted that he wanted cake, and we both brought him one the next day at the same time.”
“Ah, I remember that!” Hyunjin replied excitedly. “Yours was cheese and mine was lemon, and when we both gave our cakes Seungmin had to tell us that chocolate was Changbin’s favorite.”
Jisung nodded. “Seungmin.”
Hyunjin let out a whistle. “We should’ve known.”
Subconsciously, they both looked back at the party. The song changed now to Frank Sinatra’s voice, but everybody was still dancing along to the beat. Minho and Chan now joined Changbin and Seungmin at the center as they let the rhythm take them away.
“Hey,” Jisung tapped Hyunjin on the shoulder at the same time he said that. “You dance, right? I see you and Minho sometimes.”
Hyunjin raised his eyebrow. “Yeah, I do.”
“Any plans on joining that dance party over there anytime soon?” Jisung asked with a teasing tone.
The other simply playfully rolled his eyes. “Would you believe me that it’s the last thing I want to do right now?”
Jisung shrugged. “I would believe you. It goes the same for me.”
“Now that’s sad.”
“It is.”
Jisung thought of ways he would be spending his time at the party, and this, sitting on a couch with Hwang Hyunjin away from the rest of the celebration, was not one of them. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel extremely sad and alone. Maybe it was Hyunjin’s presence that somehow confirms that he’s not going through whatever he’s going through alone.
He never thought he’d be thinking this, but he was grateful that Hyunjin was there.
“You enjoying the party?” Hyunjin interrupted his thoughts.
Jisung shook his head. “Not one bit.”
They both laughed at that in comfort. “Me too,” Hyunjin added. “Kind of makes me want to leave already. I mean, I already gave my gift and I appeared to one of the hosts because the other seems to be preoccupied; I figured I could go now.”
That made sense. Hyunjin and Jisung were almost in the exact same situation as each other, and he would be lying if he said that he didn’t share the same sentiments. In fact, without putting too much thought about it, Jisung replied, “Let’s do it.”
Hyunjin looked at him incredulously. “Let’s do what?”
“What else?” Jisung shrugged. He stood up from his seat and stretched his limbs, letting out a small yawn in the process. “Let’s get out of here.”
The other contemplated what Jisung just said. “Wouldn’t that be rude, though?”
“Let’s just say we’re going for a walk,” he reasoned out. After that, he flashed him a mischievous smile. “And we’re heartbroken. Let them cut us some slack.”
Hyunjin chuckled at that. “Okay, let’s do it.” He stood up and stretched his limbs as well, imitating the way Jisung did it before which earned him a playful glare. No one noticed as they made their way to the front door, giving one last glance at the celebration inside, and finally proceeded to leave.
Christmas decorations joined the lampposts and the night sky in lighting up the streets as Jisung and Hyunjin walked along it.
Nobody initiated a conversation until they passed the first block. It was more of Jisung joking around about introducing themselves to each other again, to which Hyunjin surprisingly agreed.
“I’m Han Jisung, but I guess you knew that considering the amount of times we have exchanged threatening stares in an attempt to win over our desired beau,” he earned a playful shove from Hyunjin when he said that. “I’m in the same organization as Minho, and that’s how I met Changbin. But I’m way more than just someone who shares the same crush as you. I love to write music! I also like cheesecake very much. I enjoy Disney movies, especially those with princesses.”
Hyunjin gave him a wide smile after hearing all of that. “That’s cute!”
“Oh shut up,” it was his turn to shove Hyunjin playfully. “It’s your turn now.”
Hyunjin cleared his throat. “I’m Hwang Hyunjin, but you already know that. I love to watch dramas and read books. As you mentioned a while ago, I love to dance. My day wouldn’t be complete if not once did I put on my earphones and danced to a track from my playlist. I love marshmallows. I know that’s random, but I really do. Oh! And I have a baby—it’s a dog, don’t worry, you don’t have to look at me like that!—that I treasure the most. Kkami is one of my favorite blessings.”
It somehow amazed Jisung how much he didn’t know Hyunjin despite encountering him for almost every single day in the university. He only saw him as competition, but until this conversation, he realized that Hyunjin was way more than that and that he was also an actual person just like Jisung.
They talked more after that as they walked along the street. Where were they heading? They didn’t know, but they didn’t have to worry though; Jisung was familiar with the landmarks they passed by and he was pretty sure he still knew the way home.
They talked more about their individual situations at the university, occasionally ranting about a few things now and then to which the other would just nod and agree as a form of support. What really was the highlight of their entire conversation was when they talked about their shared moments with each other which all had one common thread—Changbin. They talked about all the times where Hyunjin would obviously try to purposely attempt to be better at something Jisung did and vice versa, and then they would laugh at how stupid they were for focusing on that competition that they completely overlooked Seungmin in the bigger picture.
How Jisung was comfortable with talking to Hyunjin about all of that? He guessed it was probably the aftermath of their own shattered feelings and broken hearts finding some sort or comfort into someone who can completely understand. That’s all it took for them to set aside their half year long rivalry and settle for a nice conversation outside, two nights before Christmas.
“This was actually my first party,” Hyunjin admitted. By now, they have already passed five blocks. Jisung was still mindful of the place. “It was the first time I received an invitation.”
“I’ve been in their parties ever since they started making them,” Jisung jokingly boasted. “Minho always gives me invitations.”
Hyunjin scoffed. “Oh yeah? Well, Changbin was the one who gave me mine.”
Jisung raised his arms as a sign of conceding. “Fair enough. You win with that alone.”
They laughed again at that as they passed the fourth block. For a moment, they were silent, but it still felt like the silence was part of their conversation. Jisung was racking his brain to come up with another topic to talk about when he heard a soft sob. Immediately, he turned to Hyunjin, who looked just as surprised as him.
“I thought I heard you crying,” Jisung trailed. Hyunjin immediately shook his head at that.
“I’m not,” he replied. “I thought you were the one crying.”
They paused and let the silence take over once more. This wasn’t the same comfortable one that accompanied them a while ago. This was filled with sudden wariness, keeping both of them on guard.
“Oh god,” Jisung said, unconsciously inching closer to Hyunjin who was doing the same. “It's the ghost of Christmas. It’s because we left the party, isn’t it?”
“D- don’t be ridiculous, Jisung.” Hyunjin stuttered. Jisung would acknowledge that he called him by his first name, but he was too scared at the moment.
Slowly, they were both becoming closer, until they heard another sob, louder this time, and just held onto each other at the sidewalk, whimpering because of the thought of actual ghosts. Jisung, being much shorter than Hyunjin, buried his head on the other’s shoulder, not giving a care that this was someone he just got to know a while ago—why would you care, anyway, when there is a ghost?
Or so he thought.
“Jisung?” Hyunjin whispered. It was Hyunjin calling him again by his first name that made Jisung completely detach himself from the other and regain his composure. If Hyunjin wanted to say something, he opted not to. “Look,” he nodded ahead. “Over there.”
They found the source of the sobs. It was a guy, about their age, sitting by the sidewalk, quietly sobbing. Jisung’s heart broke again. The spirit of Christmas was present in every part of the area, and it just seemed so wrong to find someone crying their heart out in the middle of it all.
Hyunjin leaned on his ear. “Do you think we should go over there and see if he’s okay?”
“Uh,” Jisung trailed. “I think we should just let him be. Maybe he wouldn’t want us minding his business.”
“Or maybe he does…”
“I’m pretty sure that he wouldn’t want people to know he’s crying…”
“Or maybe he just needs a shoulder to cry on!”
“Look, he might get embarrassed—“
“But he’s crying!”
“—and it’s really none of our business—“
“I’m gonna do it.”
“—to meddle or interfere—“
“Hey there!” Hyunjin called out to the boy, interrupting Jisung. He groaned internally as he followed Hyunjin who now approached the boy.
The boy looked startled as he saw Hyunjin and Jisung make their way towards him. He messily wiped away his tears and sniffed his nose a few more times before standing up. He looked like he was about to run anytime, and Jisung didn’t blame him. Hyunjin, however, still approached him nonetheless. That’s when he noticed that the boy was wearing a shirt branded with their university’s name, indicating that he was also studying in the same place as them. Hyunjin must’ve found him familiar which was why he thought it was okay to approach him. The boy squinted his eyes at first and took a step back, before relaxing a little bit when Hyunjin got closer. It seemed like he recognized him as well somehow.
Jisung observed the boy in an attempt to recognize him as well. He had dark hair which was all tousled up in the wrong ways, fox-like eyes that were red from crying, with a height almost as tall as Hyunjin. He wasn’t really familiar to Jisung, so he just gave up.
“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asked.
It was the breaking point, because the boy sank back to his position before and proceeded to cry even harder. Hyunjin crouched beside him and gently massaged the boy’s back. Jisung, feeling all awkward and dumb standing, went to the other side of the boy and patted his shoulder continuously.
“It—“ the boy started, getting interrupted by his own sobs. “It hurts.”
Jisung felt every bit of pain with those words. Hyunjin simply nodded and Jisung followed his movements, both doing their best to help the boy breathe properly. Hyunjin was whispering encouraging statements everytime he can and Jisung would always remind him to breathe. He didn’t know why the boy was crying, but he sure didn’t want him to cry any longer. Hyunjin caught his eye from the other side and they shared an understanding look.
“Shhhh,” Hyunjin whispered, massaging the boy’s back. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Yeah,” Jisung added. “It’s going to be okay.”
They stayed like that for a few more minutes until the boy finally stopped crying. No one else other than the three of them were outside as if it was really meant for Hyunjin and Jisung to find the boy.
“I’m Jeongin,” the boy whispered. They were still in their positions a while ago—Jeongin sitting by the sidewalk and Hyunjin and Jisung on either side of him. “I’m sorry for that.”
Hyunjin was quick to reassure. “Hey, don’t be sorry, okay? We’re glad you let us be there for you.”
“We are,” Jisung added. “We really are.”
Jeongin turned to Hyunjin. “I, uh, recognize you from the dorms. You’re a junior, right?”
Hyunjin nodded. “Yeah, I am. I could tell you looked familiar too that’s why I approached you.”
“It’s late already, so if you don’t mind me asking,” Jisung carefully asked, treading lightly and trying to catch Hyunjin’s eyes again to give him some sort of heads up. “Why are you outside? If there were some other people who were also outside at the same time as you and could take advantage of your situation, who knows what could happen.”
Jeongin sniffed. Hyunjin pulled his own handkerchief and offered it to the younger. “I didn’t really care about that—uh—“
“Jisung,” Hyunjin helped. “And I’m Hyunjin.”
“—Jisung-hyung. I just really wanted to let out my pain. I didn’t know where else to go, that’s why when I saw you, Hyunjin-hyung, I just let myself cry again.”
Hyunjin and Jisung shared a look again as Jeongin looked straight ahead to the other side of the road. Jisung raised an eyebrow, asking for permission, and after a few seconds, Hyunjin nodded. Without breaking eye contact with Hyunjin, he cleared his throat and asked, “Would you like to share with us why you cried? It might be helpful.”
There was the silence again. It was different from the comforting and the dreaded types they felt a while ago. This was more of silence for the defeated, and Jeongin’s next words proved that. “He doesn’t love me.”
No one spoke. When Jisung saw Changbin finding his place with Seungmin, he wanted to scream out of pain but he was sure it didn’t break him. Hyunjin too, he presumed. Now here was Jeongin, crying his heart out, sharing the same sentiments as the two of them but with greater magnitude.
“We’re friends, you see, Felix and I,” Jisung and Hyunjin didn’t dare ask who Felix was and just let them be. “Best friends, actually. And I really thought we were on the same page, and I was going to confess tonight, but when I made my way to their dorms I—“ he took a deep breath. “I overheard him talking about me in a bad way like how I’m too annoying or too clingy or too loud sometimes, and he was saying all those with a passion and I just couldn’t stand it. I went there wearing my heart on my sleeve and I ran away with it being shattered.”
Jisung massaged Jeongin’s back carefully after he talked. “I’m sorry about that.”
Jeongin shrugged. “Thank you.” He then shook his head before looking at them with smiles that seemed to have had some effort in making. “What about you, hyungs? Why are you outside.”
Hyunjin’s laughter joined Jisung’s after Jeongin asked that. “Well,” Jisung began. “We’re heartbroken, too. I guess Christmas season just brings the lonely hearts together.”
“Oh? Can I ask why?”
“You see,” Hyunjin answered this time. “We’re not really friends, until tonight. We both went to a party because one of the guys hosting it was our crush. He was my rival, if you can’t tell. And then the said guy of our dreams chose someone that’s neither the two of us and Jisung and I just knew that we both lost this fight. And it wasn’t really enjoyable in the party anymore, so we decided to go out.”
Jeongin nodded understandingly. “So you two just said, screw the guy, and got together instead?”
Jisung let out a cough at the same time as Hyunjin quickly responded, “No, I didn’t say anything like that.”
The younger looked back from Hyunjin to Jisung, his red eyes still managing to look fascinating. “That’s too bad,” he said. “That would have been really awesome. And you two look cute together.”
Jisung didn’t need that information, so he tried to think of another topic again. “Hey, are you guys hungry?”
Hyunjin gave him a questioning look. “Why?”
“I just figured we could use some food right now to fill our empty stomachs while we all mourn for our hearts,” Jisung jokingly preached as he stood up. Luckily, he knew the entire area by heart and knew that there was a McDonald’s nearby after the fifth block. “We could use a Happy Meal, the three of us.”
He looked back at them. Jeongin was staring ahead, as if contemplating if he should join them, and Hyunjin was looking back at him with a gaze he can’t put his finger on. Thankfully, it was dark and the lights barely illuminated everything, otherwise Hyunjin would catch Jisung’s cheeks become a faint shade of pink.
Jeongin stood up from the sidewalk and flashed him a smile. “Yeah, I am kind of hungry.”
Hyunjin stood up as well and gave Jisung a small smile. Trying not to keep looking at Hyunjin, Jisung told them about the nearby fast food chain and the trio were finally walking again, leaving the heartbreaking moment behind on that part of the sidewalk.
They all got Happy Meals.
McDonald’s was quite empty at that time, except for a few customers who were staying inside. Jisung, Hyunjin, and Jeongin decided to go to the seats outside because there were no people there and because the stars looked pretty good tonight. Hyunjin and Jeongin sat on one end of the table and Jisung on the other. In an attempt to distract the younger, both Hyunjin and Jisung talked about almost anything. From the difference with the professors when you move on from sophomore year to junior year, to Hyunjin giving him some tips about their dormitories, Jisung encouraging him to join a new organization, and just anything they could think of. There would be times where they would talk about something and Jeongin’s smile would drop, probably relating it to what happened between him and the Felix guy. Hyunjin kicked Jisung under the table for the first time that happened. Jisung returned the favor when it was Hyunjin’s turn to do so.
From Changbin and Minho’s party, to walking on the streets alone with Hyunjin, to eating at a McDonald’s late at night with a sophomore he just met—Jisung wouldn’t have guessed that that would be how he would spend this evening.
“Do you have Christmas wishes?” Jeongin asked the both of them.
“Oh,” Jisung chuckled. “I have a lot. I want that new cap I saw from the department store, I want that new earphones because I’m getting tired of mine, I want a new guitar, and the list could go on.”
Hyunjin caught his eye again and smiled at him, and Jisung tried his best not to blush once again. Why was he blushing, anyway?
Jeongin nodded and stared up at the sky. “I used to wish for things like that as well, but after tonight, I just want my heart to stop breaking.”
No one said a word after that. Jisung picked on his fries and Hyunjin grabbed another nugget to eat. They were afraid that they might say something that would cause Jeongin to cry again.
The younger must have sensed it because he quickly gave them a smile. “But we shouldn’t think about that!”
“Well,” Hyunjin started, shifting the conversation. “I, for one, believe in Christmas miracles. You know, sometimes the gift we wish for isn’t what we get. Instead, we get something better, something we didn’t even think about, but it’s going to make our entire Christmas season. So, I just wait for mine.”
That made Jisung think. What kind of miracle would he be getting this year? He tried to pinpoint the other miracles that happened to him on the previous years, but his train of thought was interrupted when Jeongin spoke again. “I want a miracle right now too,” he said. “It must be nice.” He looked up at the stars again and shouted, “Send me a miracle, please!”
The three of them laughed after that. Jisung was glad the mood was finally uplifted, but it was a short lived victory, because not even a few seconds after they stopped laughing, they all heard something.
“Jeongin?!” someone shouted.
Both Hyunjin and Jisung looked at Jeongin whose eyes went wide at the mention of his name. He looked surprised, but Jisung thought he didn’t look terrified at all.
“Jeongin?!” someone called again.
“That’s Felix,” Jeongin whispered.
As if on cue, they saw a blond boy running towards them. Jisung noted that he was only wearing a set of pajamas and house slippers, and it must have been painful to run along the whole town with just that outfit because of the cold weather. Panting, the boy—Felix—stopped in front of their table, looking extremely tired but his eyes looking more determined than ever as he stared at Jeongin.
Jeongin was just looking at him with his mouth open.
“Innie,” Felix said and Jisung caught the endearment in his tone. “I’ve been looking for you.”
Jeongin looked like he was about to cry again. Hyunjin wrapped his arm around him and Jisung was getting ready to snap at Felix. Jeongin, however, beat him to it. “What are you doing here? How did you find me?”
Felix scratched the back of his neck. “I- uh- Woojin-hyung saw you run. He said you visited the dorms. I- I was talking to him and he probably saw you, but you ran before he could even tell me, and he said you were crying so I just had to find you.”
Jeongin stood up. He was glaring at Felix right now and even though he wasn’t staring at Jisung, he felt scared and intimidated by the younger. “Y- you said I was annoying and clingy and- and you just said all those bad things about me! And I thought we were friends, but there you were, talking about me behind my back as if—“
“You only heard half of the conversation!” Felix interrupted which did indeed cause Jisung to pause. “You wanna know what I told Woojin-hyung?”
Hyunjin and Jisung suddenly found their own respective Happy Meals more interesting. They felt like they shouldn’t be listening to what was currently happening, but they also couldn’t leave.
“I told him that you were annoying and that you were clingy and that you were loud, and that despite all of those I still like you an awful lot!”
Hyunjin choked on his nuggets and Jisung accidentally swallowed the fries he just put in his mouth. They looked at each other and slowly turned to see Jeongin, who looked just as surprised as them. “You what?” he asked softly.
Felix cleared his throat again. If he was shivering in the cold weather, he was doing his best not to show it. “I- I’m actually in love with you, Innie. For quite a while now. And that’s why when I heard that you ran while crying, I just knew I had to find you. I ran along the entire town, looking for you, and all along I was just begging—wishing—to the stars that they lead me to you. And- and I found you here and—“
His next words were cut off because Jeongin was suddenly on his way to where Felix was, hugging him the instant he got the chance to.
Hyunjin looked at Jisung. “You done with your meal?”
“Yeah, you?” Jisung replied.
Hyunjin nodded. “Don’t you think we should give them some space and go.”
Jisung carefully stood up from his seat. “I was thinking the same thing.”
Jeongin was still hugging Felix when Hyunjin and Jisung silently made their way out of the fast food area. They turned back to wave at Jeongin, who was smiling at them in response.
Christmas miracles do exist, and Jeongin just had his. Jisung smiled at that.
“Why are you smiling like that?” Hyunjin asked him as they continued their walk.
Jisung turned to Hyunjin who was looking at him with an interested gaze. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I asked first!”
Jisung put his hands up in defeat. He then looked at the stars again and smiled. He could feel Hyunjin still staring at him, but he decided not to dwell on that thought too much. “Christmas miracles. They’re kind of sneaky, don’t you think? Arriving when we least expect them. I mean, look at Jeongin! He was just crying a few hours ago and now, he’s with Felix. I wonder what’s mine.”
He heard Hyunjin chuckle. “Yeah, I wonder what would be mine too.”
They proceeded to their conversation again, talking about anything they could think of. This time, Jisung also took the time to look at Hyunjin. He always thought Hyunjin was really pretty, which was probably why he was irritated at him for liking Changbin as well, but he didn’t realize how pretty he really was until now. To be fair, throughout the whole night Jisung never thought of Hyunjin’s looks. He just really talked to him and was amazed by his actually great personality that he used to overlook.
“Hey,” Hyunjin stopped walking. “I don’t really want to be that person who ruins the moment, but my knees hurt.”
Jisung laughed and motioned for them to just sit on the sidewalk because nobody else was outside anyway. Jeongin wasn’t there anymore in the middle so they settled comfortably beside each other. Their arms were brushing one another's and Jisung felt another blush creeping in. He didn’t dare look at Hyunjin to see if he was feeling the same, so he just thought of another topic. “You never really told me why you liked Changbin so much.”
He felt Hyunjin shrug. “I just really thought he’s nice and awfully cute. I think it was during the enlistment for our previous semester. He was by the booth nearby me and he was going all ‘Yohhhh’ in an annoyingly cute way.”
Jisung chuckled at that. “Yeah, he’s really cute.”
“Plus,” Hyunjin added, raising his hand. “I’d like to hold his hand.”
Jisung didn’t know why he did it, but he placed his own hand on top of Hyunjin’s and linked their own fingers together. “Like this?”
Hyunjin let out the cutest giggle Jisung has ever heard. “Yeah, like that. And I just really think he’s cute especially with his height. It’s the perfect height for him to lean onto my shoulder as if we perfectly fit.”
Jisung, again, moved a little bit closer to Hyunjin, hands still connected, and leaned onto his shoulder.
Nobody spoke after that, but nobody pulled away. Jisung was surprised at how much he fit into the crook of Hyunjin’s neck as if he was meant to be there. His hand also felt warm along with Hyunjin’s, and at this point Jisung was sure that he was blushing like crazy.
He broke the silence. “Like this?” he whispered.
Hyunjin started to make circles on Jisung’s hand with his thumb as he replied, “Yeah, just like that.”
They stayed like that for one more hour, or two, or maybe even three, just talking to each other under the illumination of the night sky, lampposts, and the Christmas lights hanging all over the town. It was quite a night. From getting indirectly rejected, to finding a boy with a broken heart on the street, to witnessing two people find each other, and to the moment they were holding onto right now.
It occurred to Jisung that they never really realized about Seungmin because they were too focused on each other. They were too busy being rivals and where did that get them? Here, sitting on the sidewalk, both of them settled with each other as they did the only thing they didn’t really do when they were still rivals—talk. And it was the best conversation Jisung has ever had this year.
It was this night, this one single night that didn’t even occur on a special day like maybe the eve of Christmas or the holiday itself. It was just this regular night that brought them together and made them realize that they were looking for the wrong person all along.
What’s going to happen after this? Jisung had no idea. But all he knew was that this night would always mean something to both him and Hyunjin, and that they finally saw each other in a different light. They could be friends—no, they would be friends after this. They would go on walks again talking about anything, meet up at McDonald’s and buy another Happy Meal, or even hang out with Jeongin sometimes. Anything that would remind them of this night.
After that, who knows? But Jisung was sure about one thing.
This night, along with Hyunjin, was his Christmas miracle.
Jisung started the night with a Christmas gift and a hopeful heart. He ended the night, still, with a Christmas gift and a hopeful heart.