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“Are you sure you’re gonna be ok?”
“I will, Freddie, don’t worry.”
“You can always come with me, you know, the party has room for another Queen.”
“I know, but I’m not feeling like party tonight.”
“But it’s Christmas!!!”
“I know, just go, enjoy your night.”
Freddie was worried about him, but this time Brian knows he will be ok, or that’s what he’s trying to tell himself. The four of them live together since they started Queen and to save money. Roger and John went home for Christmas, but as Freddie wasn’t speaking to his family, he found a Christmas party with a friend of his, Mary, and for the last hour he’s trying to drag Brian with him, not wanting to let him alone.
For the first time Brian didn’t go home for the holidays, not because he didn’t want to, he called his parents a week ago, but they said they are spending their holidays together, just the two of them, somewhere in Italy. He can’t get mad with them, they deserve some rest and nothing like a romantic getaway with the love of your life to recharge the energy. He is happy his parents have a good and loving life together, it is comforting and he wishes he has it too… but before drowning himself in self pity and think about a certain someone he knows he’ll never have, he decides to cook something for himself.
Finally he can have a vegetarian meal without his bandmates teasing him. Tonight he decides to go with a Kale and Chickpea soup, very simple and easy to cook, and it will keep him warm. He doesn’t feel much cold, so the heat is turned on with the minimum, a rare occasion, as Roger is always cold and heat and blanket are never enough.
When Brian sets up on the couch, a blanket covering his legs and the soup in his hand. Then he allows himself to think about how his life would be if he was brave enough. Roger is a very flirty person, but with him he can feel it is different, however he can’t bring himself to do anything, scared of what the blond will say, of what will happen, if he’ll be good enough…
He hopes Roger is having fun. He looks at the tree they made, the gifts are still there, he hopes they can exchange them soon, he can’t wait to see the blond’s reaction when he opens his gift…
He keeps thinking about Roger, if he is cold or if he is playing with his sister like they are kids, or if he is already sleeping with his mother… he knows the younger man misses theses moments with his family.
He would like to do these things too, but he doesn’t wish things were different right now. Everybody is doing things they enjoy, creating new happy memories with the people they love and Brian wouldn’t want it other way. He wants to hear his parents talk about their trip, showing him pictures and all those stuff they bought, he wants to hear Roger talk about his family, the food and the gifts he got. He doesn’t mind he is alone…
He is already sleeping when he hears something at the door, he tries to ignore it at first, maybe it is his brain making up things… it is almost midnight, so probably he is dreaming. But then the door opens and he makes himself open his eyes to see what is happening, he hopes it is not someone breaking in.
But he is met with the beautiful blue eyes he was dreaming before… what?
“Rog? What are you doing here?”
“You are alone.”
Yes, I know , he wants to answer, but he can’t be rude right now.
“You are supposed to be with your family”
Roger sits beside Brian’s leg, making himself comfortable, not without raising the heat and putting the blanket on him too.
“I was, but I told them that…” He stops in the middle of the sentence, not looking in the guitarist’s eyes.
“What?”
“I told them that I had to see someone… at home.”
Brian’s brain went short circuit, he doesn’t what to think, god, he doesn’t even know how to speak. So Roger keeps going.
“I told them that I’m seeing someone here and this person is alone. They asked me to take this person there, to spend Christmas with us, but I couldn’t, because… they think it is a girl. So I left… But when I was driving I started panicking because I’m not sure if this person likes me the same way I like him and I had no idea what he was doing…”
Brian stops his mumbling by sitting up and kissing him. He may not know what to say, but damn right he knows how to act. He is used with his own insecurities, but he wants to take away all Roger’s, he wants to tell him he is perfect and there’s no way he - or anybody - not like him, because there’s nothing wrong with him.
“I love you, Rog, I always have and always will.” He kisses him again, and now that he is allowed to do this, he will do whatever he feels like doing.
“I love you too, Bri, I’m sorry you had to be here alone, I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“It’s fine… You are here now” He pushes Roger to lay down on him, covering both of them. “Let’s enjoy our first Christmas.”
“First of many.”
“I hope.”