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Saturday morning meant staying over at grandma’s. Saturday morning meant hanging out with friends. Saturday mornings were the best.
Emma entered her grandmother's house, tossed her overnight bag onto the nearest chair and dashed through the kitchen. She was almost out the back door before she remembered:
"Hi, grandma! Bye, grandma!"
“Don’t forget the cookies!” Betsy Nolan yelled back from the living room, not the least bit concerned by her granddaughter whizzing through her home without even stopping.
“Emma!” Shelby yelled out as soon as she walked into the girl’s bedroom. “Look what Lys got me! An early Christmas present! Isn't it cool?” Shelby practically shoved her wrist into Emma's face.
“Yeah. That’s nice. Cool. It’s nice,” Emma blabbered. She glanced over at Alyssa who ducked her head, but Emma still caught the shy smile on the other girl’s face, and her stomach knotted into a funny feeling. Maybe she was hungry. “Grandma made us cookies.” She held up the goodies.
The three spent the next hour huddled on Shelby’s bed, looking up videos on youtube. Shelby was already planning for her and Kaylee’s audition for the middle school’s winter show. Emma pulled up a few suggestions but was happy to just sit back and let her friends do most of the talking and planning.
“That’s Kaylee!” Shelby said the moment her phone dinged. “She’s always late. I’m gonna go wait for her downstairs.”
As soon as it was just the two of them left, Emma felt a sudden shyness overcome her. Sure, she knew that in your group of besties you’re not supposed to have favorites. But Emma secretly sort of liked it best when Alyssa’s attention was on her and her alone. She just thought Alyssa was always kind with her words and always tried to keep the peace. She sometimes gets in awe by her friend, who could say things that made you look at a problem in a different way so it wouldn’t seem all bad. She didn’t have a favorite best friend, but she really wanted to be Alyssa’s favorite.
“I got you something too,” Alyssa said.
She watched Alyssa reach into her bag and Emma could feel the tips of her ears grow warm. Alyssa retrieved a small box and held it out to her. It was a plain cardboard box, but it looked like Alyssa had made the extra effort of placing a festive plaid bow on it.
Emma took the box and she slowly pulled the top open, like she was afraid something might leap out. Sort of like what her heart was threatening to do. Inside was a neatly coiled string of white LED lights.
“It’s fairy lights,” Alyssa said, possibly misinterpreting the look on Emma’s face because her eyebrows were scrunched and she had her mouth slightly opened. “I saw you looking at them. When... when we were all shopping with Shelby’s mom? At K Mart.” Alyssa’s voice was so soft Emma wasn’t entirely sure it wasn’t just in her head.
All of a sudden, Emma's tummy churned again, like earlier but worse. And she stuck her hand and the box back out stiffly. "No thanks."
Emma had her eyes fixed to the floor or she would’ve seen Alyssa looking like she had just been slapped.
"No thanks?"
"You don't have to buy me stuff to bribe me."
"But I wasn't…"
When Emma dared look at Alyssa she saw the girl completely crestfallen, her dark brown eyes shiny with tears. A stampede of emotions invaded Emma’s chest and she couldn't find the words she wanted to comfort her friend or to explain what she just said. So instead she got up from the bed and announced that she had to go.
"You hungry or do statues not eat?" Betsy asked Emma.
“Grandmaaa.”
“I wasn’t sure, honey. You just came back, done sat there like a lump and you been sulking for the last half hour.”
“I’m not sulking,” Emma protested. She had a leg tucked underneath her, while the other one swung like a metronome, thumping a wooly socked foot against the dining table’s leg.
Betsy was pulling jars out of the pantry, and she set them down on the counter before asking gently, ”What’s got you upset?”
Emma stared at the box in front of her. In her haste to escape she never returned the gift and now it’s sitting there to remind her of the awful things she’d said to her friend. She didn’t know why she was upset, besides that she had hurt Alyssa with her words. But she couldn’t explain the other reasons, reasons why she felt so unsettled when Alyssa tried to give her a present.
Emma looked over at her grandma who was busy opening up canned tomatoes. Betsy was the person she felt the safest with. She trusted her more than any other adult in her life. Drawing in a deep breath, Emma recounted what happened that afternoon. Starting from Alyssa’s friendship bracelet for Shelby, she ended with, “She thinks I’m poor. And.. and she’s trying to b-buy my friendship.” Emma began to cry.
Betsy came over and lowered herself slowly onto the chair next to Emma. Then she put an arm over her grandchild and held her close, allowing Emma to exhaust herself of the feelings that were eating her up on the inside.
When Emma quieted, Betsy spoke. “Sweetheart, you have the bravest, biggest heart of anyone I know. So you tell me honestly, deep down in that ginormous heart, do you really feel that’s what Alyssa was really trying to do?”
Emma sniffled and swiped a flannel-sleeved arm over her nose. She wiggled in her seat like the answer would shake itself free from her. Still nestled into her grandma’s warm, comforting hug, she shook her head slowly and finally mumbled, “No.”
After a few more minutes, Betsy stood up, ruffled Emma’s hair and went back to her mason jars. No advice, no scolding, only trusting that Emma would be able to figure out what she needed to do.
This is dumb. This is so dumb, Emma thought. Why didn’t she just– before Emma could finish telling herself off, the girl she was waiting for arrived.
“Alyssa,” she whispered somewhat loudly. It made Alyssa jump and her face froze in terror, clearly not expecting someone to be lurking at the corner of Shelby’s house whispering her name.
“Emma, what the hell? Why are you outside– why are you in Mrs. Gonzales’ bushes?!”
Emma shuffled away from the plants and onto the sidewalk. “I don’t want Shelby to know I’m here. Can you...,” She held out her hand. “Will you come with me?”
Alyssa hesitated. But only for the briefest of moments before reaching out with a gloved hand and taking Emma’s.
The blonde girl, with a beanie pulled way down over her head to keep her ears from freezing, led them across the playground and into Betsy’s backyard. They entered through the back door and Emma pointed out where their coats and shoes, now damp with melting snow, should go. Then, she took Alyssa’s hand again and led her down the hallway to the last door. They stopped in front of it and turned to look at each other at the same time.
“Your room?” Alyssa asked.
Emma nodded. Her own bedroom in Betsy’s house. Her home away from home. Her safe haven. And now she was going to let Alyssa see it for the first time. “Close your eyes,” she said.
They entered the room; Emma first, with Alyssa tugged along by her hand.
“Okay,” Emma said nervously. She watched Alyssa’s every expression as she opened her eyes and looked around.
The late afternoon winter sun was already low on the horizon and it was dark inside the room. The small space was lit with only a table lamp and, above Emma’s bed, strung across a mostly empty shelf, were the fairy lights.
Alyssa’s gaze came back to Emma and this is the moment Emma knew she had to say the words she’d rehearsed. “I’m sorry for what I said. To you. Thank you for the present. I’m… thank you for the lights, for giving me lights.”
Emma wanted to die. That came out nothing like how she had rehearsed. She stopped talking and kept looking at Alyssa, hoping that she could somehow telepathically tell the girl everything.
Even in the warm, dim lights, Alyssa’s face shone clear and bright to Emma. And a wide, beautiful smile spread across that face. Emma wanted to die again. She had not even realized that they were still holding hands until she felt a squeeze of her fingers from Alyssa.
“I wasn’t trying to bribe or make you like me, Emma. I–”
“I like you! I already like you!” Emma cut Alyssa off, shaking her head vigorously, almost comically. “You’re a good friend.”
“You’re a good friend, too,” Alyssa echoed back quietly.
Emma’s eyes suddenly widened. “Oh, crap,” she whispered. “I forgot. Alyssa, would you like to meet my grandma?”
They left the room but Emma kept the fairy lights on.
Emma would turn them on every time she came to stay at Betsy’s. And she’d leave them on until it was time to go. When the lights finally stopped working, Alyssa would buy Emma new ones. Alyssa would bring Emma lights for many, many years after.
Sometime in the future...
"Where are you taking me?"
"My love, we're at Betsy's. There's not gonna be a nook or cranny here that you don't already know. Step down, please."
Hearing this, Emma raised her leg unnecessarily high and slowly, gingerly lowered it until her foot touched solid ground. She heard Alyssa swallow a giggle. Her girlfriend was clearly enjoying this whole… whatever it was.
They were home for the holidays and as soon as they got into the rental Alyssa had insisted that they stopped at Betsy's first to drop off presents even though they were staying at Mrs. Greene's. Once they were out of the city, Alyssa had driven like the speed demon that she was.
Emma had clutched with her hands and clenched with her ass, and tried to recall if the rental agent had said anything about fresh tires on the SUV. "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TEXTING AND DRIVING?" She only had to screech once.
They arrived, as the sun was setting, at the home that her grandmother had lived in since she married grandpa Nolan. Inside, it was pitch dark.
"What's going on?" Emma had asked while she peered out at the house. She turned to Alyssa who had an expectant look on her face.
"There's a surprise for you ...but you have to trust me." Alyssa raised a hand that held one of those travel sleep masks. She must have had it stashed in her coat pocket. And, her face had gone from excited to impish.
Blindfolded and led by her hand from the car, Emma felt the pavement under her feet, then gravel in the yard, then the soft carpet of the living room. Next, she was told to step down. And now she was even more curious. Curious, but never fearful.
They must be in Betsy's backyard. It was quiet but something felt off, as if the cool air around them was making an effort to be extra still.
"Okay," Alyssa said.
Emma took that as permission and pushed the mask up. Blinking her eyes a few times she adjusted to the sudden flood of light and sight before her, and gasped. "What? What's going on?"
Standing around in her grandmother's backyard was a group, a gathering of what Emma would consider the most important people in her life, all there beaming at her. Emma put her glasses back on and took it all in again. There was the Broadway gang, who had all sworn they were just too busy to see them over Christmas; Barry waved, Sheldon was sniffling into a handkerchief. There were Shelby and Kaylee, clutching each other and audibly squeeing. There were the friends they made living in New York City. And lastly, Betsy and Veronica Greene looking like they were two seconds away from joining Sheldon.
After staring at everyone, Emma only then noticed how bright it was out here because they were surrounded by an absolute jungle of fairy lights, strung from the lone dogwood tree to the clothesline and back to the gutters of the house. She finally looked at Alyssa who was standing there, hands behind her back, patiently waiting for Emma to take in everything.
"Babe? What's going on?" She repeated for what felt like the millionth time. "Why's everyone here?"
Alyssa bit her lip and ducked her head briefly. Then she raised a steady gaze up to meet Emma's. Alyssa smiled and every thought in Emma's head disappeared save for one - how breathtakingly beautiful the woman in front of her looked and it made her insides go funny. It was a feeling she knew well, but couldn't put into words what it meant for many years. And now it was still a pleasant surprise whenever it happened.
"You are... the light of my life," Alyssa began. "Before you, I never thought I would have a happily ever after story of my own. But you showed me that hope, and wonder, and joy are things I can have when I let myself truly love. I want my ever after to start now, and I want it to be with you."
There was a tiny part of Emma's brain that was functioning, painfully slow at piecing together what was happening, and yet she was still unprepared for what came next. Alyssa brought her hands from behind her back and in her palms held an odd-looking jewelry box. Odd looking because, Emma realized, the box was made out of cardboard. She kept her eyes on Alyssa as she opened the box. Something was glowing from inside. Emma chanced a look down and in the box was a silver band resting on a bed of tiny, softly glowing LED lights.
Emma’s vision began to blur from tears that sprung at the sight and her heart felt like it had burst with love. She kept herself from falling apart completely, only because she was ready to answer with certainty and clarity when Alyssa asked: "Emma Nolan, will you marry me?"
FIN