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Ren Amamiya hummed under his breath as he prepared the pot of coffee. It was always a good part of his afternoon. Work was done, he had an interesting blend of beans Sojiro had suggested to try and his wife was home to give him her opinion on it.
“YOU EXPECT US TO BELIEVE THAT?” a thump made a cup nearly jolt off the counter. He pushed it back on and sighed.
Well, it was USUALLY a good part of his afternoon.
When Makoto wasn’t upset about something, at least. It always took the shine off the day when his wife wasn’t happy, particularly when what had upset her was their daughter.
Or more precisely their daughter’s New Boyfriend.
His little Princess, now sixteen had just begun dating. Sojiro had gained a lot of grey hairs when Futaba had started spending time with certain boys and he had informed him was utterly terrifying, but Ren found he was facing it with a deal more calm than Boss had.
He tapped the filter paper into place and readied the ground coffee as the afternoon sun streamed through the window and tried to ignore the background sound of whimpering.
He’d been lucky that his daughter had a pretty good head on her shoulders and firmly took after her mother in temperament. Plus she had been learning aikido since she was old enough for the classes and could almost hold her own against her mother and aunt, you’d have to be a special kind of stupid to walk into all that thinking you could be inappropriate and it would go well.
After all, the only time they’d ever been called into the school about his daughter’s behaviour the school had to carefully explain that, while a boy putting his hands on her friend was in no way acceptable, neither was her throwing him across a classroom and into a wall.
Putting him in a leg-lock and threatening to “Tear it off” if he breathed wrong was definitely taking things a touch too far.
She had been nine at the time… He had to have a serious talk to her mother about those Yakuza movies after that.
Add on to that Makoto’s recent promotion to District Command and, well… His daughter was usually safe from anyone with even half a brain no matter their intentions and that was before taking him and the rest of the extended family into account.
He checked the temperature of the boiling water and readied the cups.
To be fair, his daughter also took after her mother in the looks department, albeit a little taller and with his hair, which apparently became more manageable once it passed shoulder length. His little princess was growing into quite the beauty, so there was definitely going to be a fair bit of that stupid to go around. Pretty girls had a way of switching off things in a stunned boy’s head.
Her mother had always had that effect on him, after all. When he’d first caught sight of her in her wedding dress he’d forgotten his own name for a while. Ryuji had to apply a swift elbow to get him back to his senses in time for his vows.
Sadly the first part of the stupid they had encountered had belonged to his daughter, as she did decide to tell her mother about the boy at dinner without giving him a chance to ease her into the idea.
That had been exciting.
But all in all, he was still prepared to let his daughter make some of her own small mistakes, and to be ready to head off the big ones before they caused too much trouble. His own history had impressed on him how important support and trust from a child’s parents could be.
“ANSWER ME!” A fist slammed into the table, making the condiments clatter.
Makoto on the other hand saw things a little differently.
He tried to pay as little attention as possible to his wife, who had a terrified teenage boy in her spotlight, and was grilling him for information, while he finished fixing the coffee.
“My dad is a programmer, and my mother died when I was ten!” The terrified teenager appeared to be trying to dig through the back of his chair with his shoulder blades.
“Makoto, coffee is ready.” Ren slid a cup in front of her.
She turned the glare on her husband.
“You aren’t being very helpful here!”
“My Queen, you are scary enough for both of us.”
“Ren!”
“Fine.”
He turned to the worried student sitting at the table.
“My wife is very insistent I’m involved with this, not sure why. Do you like coffee? answer me!” He rapped on the table.
“Ren, Be Serious!”
“Makoto, I believe strongly in personal responsibility. If I have to threaten every boy our Princess takes a liking to, to somehow convince them to behave, they aren’t worth the time it would take. Plus you know it would upset her, and that’s the sort of thing that can put a damper on her forming relationships.”
Makoto pouted.
She was still adorable, even when she was grumpy with him. The years had never dimmed that fire.
“Besides, he’s sitting at the table being interrogated by a member of the police command unit! If he doesn’t get the picture from that, he’s clearly too stupid to learn, how could my assistance possibly help?”
“It’s the look of the thing! You’re her FATHER, it’s meant to be your job to scare off the bad boyfriends!”
He looked at the sweating boy. Deer in the headlights seemed very appropriate right now.
“Makoto, we scare him anymore and we’ll have to clean the furniture.”
“Ren!”
He sighed.
“Leave the poor kid be, Makoto. He’s got the picture. If he hurts our Princess My Queen will have him beheaded.” He mimed drawing a line drawn across his throat with his thumb.
The boy stiffened in his chair.
“So you’re going to leave me to be the big scary parent by myself?” She’d honed that glare over the years of raising a daughter who shared her father’s sense of humour. One Joker was frequently too much, two of them could be a real problem during dinners. It had certainly had an impact on their guest.
“You’re doing a pretty good job of it, to be honest.”
He’d also been building up a resistance over the years of his marriage. Besides his wife and her sister, his daughter had shown a surprising aptitude for the Niijima glare.
From a worryingly early age. He believed coaching from her Aunt may have been involved.
“Do you WANT to sleep on the couch for the rest of the month?”
“Kind of figured that was already on the cards after I sided with our princess last night”
She stomped away in a huff.
“Told you, if you want scary, call Sae!” He called over his shoulder.
The sound of a door slamming replied for her.
He turned back to the confused teenager.
“Sae is her sister, she terrifies me still. She’s like Makoto, but much worse. Coffee?’
He poured a cup for the startled boy.
“Sorry about that, she has a hard time switching off of the police officer for this sort of thing.”
He held out a cup and the boy took it with a shaking hand.
“She worries a lot, part of the job I guess. We’ve both seen far too much of the bad stuff out there to just trust most things at face value.” He seated himself opposite the boy with his own cup.
His daughter’s boyfriend took a sip of his coffee, and stared at the cup in surprise before taking another sip.
Ren nodded in approval and smiled.
“I myself believe that a good person won’t need a threat to be behave, and a bad person won’t listen to one. My wife, however, is of the opinion that if you scare someone enough they won’t think about being bad in the first place. It’s one of the few things we disagree on. I have opinions about putting the punishment before the crime.”
He sipped his own coffee, quietly.
Then laced his fingers together and dropped his elbows to the table. Leaning his chin on his hands.
“My daughter is, amongst numerous other things, an excellent judge of character. To be fair, we haven’t tested that with boyfriends yet, but I think she deserves the chance to prove that herself.”
He gave the boy an evaluating look.
“She told us you’re a good student, and a hard worker. That you’ve always been respectful and a good friend. You stay that, and that’s good enough for me. You keep up your studies, you watch her back, you never let her go into trouble alone and keep your hands to where she lets you put them and I’ll leave off the scary until you prove her wrong. Deal?”
He winked.
The boy relaxed visibly.
“And that’s it!?” Makoto was standing in the doorway with her arms crossed, apparently she’d reloaded the glare for another attempt.
He stiffened again immediately. Ren barely reacted and took another sip of his coffee.
“You’re getting better at that sneaking, my Queen. You almost made it to the door this time.”
“You’re just going to approve of him like that?!”
“He’s not asking to marry her, Makoto. That would be a very different discussion, he’s just….”
He paused as a thought came to him, then he turned to the boy with an eyebrow raised.
“Actually, why… are you here?”
The boy cleared his throat.
“Uh… Your wife came and picked me up from school.”
The temperature in the room dropped like a stone.
“In her police car?” Ren’s voice had become strangely quiet.
“Yes?”
“Without warning?”
“Uhhh…”
He turned to Makoto.
“Are you abusing your position, Makoto?” There was an edge to his voice now that scared the boy more than his wife’s shouting.
“No… He could be a problem for our daughter… I…” Apparently Makoto also knew that tone.
“Makoto Niijima… Are you using your position with the police to scare school students…?”
“No..!”
“…AGAIN?!”
“That’s not fair, that Tarou boy was a troublemaker!”
“HE WAS EIGHT!”
Somehow the boy was VERY happy he couldn’t see Ren’s face. It was almost like he was a different person.
“Do I need to remind you how we met?”
“This is differ…”
“Person in authority forcing someone who can’t fight back to do what they want? Someone who has no way to resist?’
Makoto’s face was pale.
“You know that’s…”
“Oh, Do I?’
“She…”
“IS YOUR DAUGHTER! Who has never given us a reason to not trust her! How do you think she’ll react to you abducting her friends on spec? Particularly since you PROMISED TO STOP DOING THAT!”
“He came willingly!”
“WITH THE POLICE OFFICER! Please tell me you didn’t have the sirens on at least?”
Ren turned to look at the startled boy who was clearly having trouble keeping up.
“Kid, my wife and I are going to have to have a discussion about this. Can you get home from here without a ride?”
“Yessir!” He almost ran for the front door and nearly collided with a pretty dark haired girl coming in. His girlfriend stared at him in surprise.
“Hi…Why are you here…?”
From the kitchen came the sounds of an argument, as Makoto and Ren began debating the finer points of what defined an abuse of power.
“Uh…your mother…”
The girl bristled immediately her red eyes flashing and stomped into the kitchen.
“MOTHER! YOU DIDN’T ABDUCT ANOTHER ONE OF MY FRIENDS!”
“He was helping me with my inquiries!”
“YOU PROMISED!”
The sounds of the argument began to get louder.
“I’ll…er…leave you to it then?’
The boy ducked out the door and headed for the stairs. Trying to calm down as the door closed behind him.
“You would be the princess’s boyfriend then?”
A tall women with grey-brown hair and red eyes was coming up the stairs as he approached.
“Uhh…”
She took in his look of panic and rolled her eyes.
“Let me guess, police cruiser?”
He nodded and cleared his throat.
“Does that happen often?”
She sighed and rubbed her forehead.
“My sister worries a LOT. She’s been trying to keep that girl in cotton wool since she learned to walk. Odd given the stuff she used to get up to. Besides…”
She looked him up and down with a sharp stare, then shrugged.
“I think the princess could take you in a fight.”
She patted his shoulder and lent in.
“But if you make her try, and she can’t, I WILL.” Her voice was suddenly a lot less warm and the grip a lot more firm.
She smiled and walked past him and opened the door to the apartment. He flopped down on the stairs and caught his breath. Suddenly Ren’s comment made a LOT more sense.
The sounds of the argument filtered out.
“Afternoon Ren, Princess.”
“YOU DID INVITE SAE! MAKOTO!” Ren was clearly disappointed. “Is Futaba behind the couch? When do we trot out his internet history?”
“Uhhh…”
“MAKOTO! Do I have to talk to Futaba about this as well?”
“Again with the police car, Makoto?”
“Mother! You DIDN’T…!”
“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE, SAE!”
How had this just become stranger?
A boy, in the local middle school uniform climbed past him up the stairs as he sat, then turned and gave him a long look.
“You’re Nee-san’s boyfriend?”
His head snapped up in panic and met the boy’s eyes, they were just like his sister’s.
Oh god, what now?!
“Maybe, not sure anymore… Why does everyone call her Princess?”
“Dad calls mother His Queen, so I think it came from that.”
“So do they call you the Prince?”
“Not if they want to keep dating my sister they don’t.” The boy said with a smile.
It was SORT of a smile, there were teeth involved at least…
Definitely her brother….
And now he was being intimidated by a middle schooler… Great…
The boy patted him on the shoulder.
“Don’t worry, I don’t think Mother disapproves that much.”
“How did you get that idea?”
She’d been fairly clear on the disapproval, as far as he could see.
“She didn’t even try and find where dad hid her brass knuckles this time.”
He grinned, then turned and walked into the house.
“Makoto, you’re overreacting.”
“I’m home. Hey Aunt Sae, did Mother use the handcuffs this time?”
“Don’t think so, squirt.”
“You like this guy, huh?”
“YOU TWO AREN’T HELPING!”
The door swung shut again.
He buried his face in his hands. How was he going to face school tomorrow? What with the police pickup today, and the sheer residual terror and embarrassment of his meeting with his girlfriend’s family it was going to be a rough day.
Even if his girlfriend would be calm enough to talk to him, she got a bit…animated when annoyed.
At least it looked like everyone except her mother regarded him as harmless. He had a strange feeling that meant he passed.
Even if it did hurt his confidence a bit.
“But seriously, kid, if you ever deliberately hurt her they’ll never find your body. Don’t let the coffee and the jokes fool you, her dad put a bullet through the last god that bothered his family.”
His head snapped up, looking for the source of the voice.
There was no-one there but a black and white cat with a yellow collar, scratching his ear.
“Did you..?”
The cat stretched and meowed looking at him with surprisingly blue eyes and a raised eyebrow, before heading into the apartment.
“MONA! YOU TELL THEM!”
“MEOW!”
“I’M NOT BEING SILLY!”
“Makoto, you know it bothers me when you talk to the cat”
“ONEE-SAN!”
“MEOW!”
“Don’t you meow at me, Morgana! I don’t care if you’re a cat or not!”
He shook his head and dropped his face back into his hands.
Great, now he was hearing things.
He swung his bag onto his shoulder and headed down the stairs with the echoes of the argument continuing behind him.
“Well you never introduce us to your boyfriends.”
“Oh NO. This is not about me Makoto, This is about your habit of abducting your daughter’s friends, and I don’t need my crazy sister doing that to my boyfriend.”
“SO YOU DO HAVE ONE!”
“And if you go near him you’ll never see your Buchis again!”
“You WOULDN’T!”
“TRY ME!”
“This has been a very weird day.”
Ren began preparing the evening meal. Humming to himself.
Technically it was Makoto’s turn, but she was currently being dressed down by two generations of Niijima glares in the living rooms, so he thought she deserved a break.
She’d been doing pretty well holding her own until she brought Sae’s boyfriend into it. He wasn’t sure why she thought that would help.
Morgana leapt from the cupboard to Ren’s shoulder to whisper in his ear.
“Mission accomplished.”
“Great work, Partner. So what did you end up saying?”
“That you shot a god.”
Ren considered this.
“Maybe a bit unbelievable?”
“Go big or go home! You wanted Vague and scary, you got vague and scary.”
“I suppose.”
Morgana dropped to the counter, and scratched an ear.
“Don’t know why you needed me to do that anyway, you can do scary pretty well by yourself.”
Ren smiled.
“From me it’s a threat, from all this it’s a reputation.”
“Sneaky, thought you trusted the Princess’s judgement?”
“I do.”
“But…?’
“No buts. I do.”
“Then why do you even need the reputation?’
He ruffled Morgana’s ears.
“Because the scary dad is behaving, now just think what it would be like if he wasn’t. For a kid with an active imagination that’s worse than any threat I could make. Now we all know where we stand and My Princess isn’t angry at me. Plus, even if this one gets scared off, we won’t have to do this next time, hopefully.”
“This whole parent thing is weird.”
“Yep. Now I believe I owe you some tuna?” He hummed under his breath as he walked to the fridge.
Morgana shook his head.
“Queen is still going to be pissed at you for a while, not sure why you’re so happy.”
Ren looked through the door at his wife and smiled.
“She’s still adorable when she’s grumpy, and soon she’ll realise what I’ve been up to and get embarrassed. It’s getting harder to make her blush these days.”
He smirked.
“Plus, now I get to earn her forgiveness.”
Morgana face-palmed.
“Just keep it in your pants this time, Joker. Not sure I’m up to do this for another kid.”