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Sakura has always known what dead soulmarks mean.
She thought she had accepted it-the bittersweet feeling of being surrounded by people meant for each other, knowing there was no such person for her, not anymore. She's been ready for the weddings, the children, and the anniversaries since she was twelve. She's crafted herself an armour of acceptance and resolution.
She hadn't been ready for this.
The first glimpse of the infamous Uchiha had shaken her to the core. Despite the distance between them, she knows that he had sensed her presence. Sasuke's hand had been firm in hers as she trembled, as her mind and body refused to cooperate. And then that wild hair vanished from sight, leaving behind an odd longing in her, which she has been trying to fight down ever since. They've retreated back to camp to for a brief respite, and she takes this time to come to terms with the current situation.
She hadn’t been ready for the part of her she’d thought long buried to awaken and unfurl in the deepest parts of her, for it to sense its other half and prod at her very being as if to say: hey, look, there they are!
Despite knowing there was no happy ending written for her, she had indulged in the occasional daydream of somehow meeting her soulmate. They usually involved tears and soft kisses, apologies and tight hugs. When she heard people were being resurrected, her mind had spun out of control for a moment. The hope had been nearly overwhelming, and the subsequent disappointment had crushed it.
What she feels now is pure despair. There are no teary first meetings in the works for her, because the man fate has deemed fit for her is the worst enemy they have ever faced. And judging by the reports coming in from the fourth division, he is also an overpowered killer. The desperation and desolation merge as they rush through her, forming a leash around her heart. What does it say about her, if that is who is marked for her? Not every marked pair ends up together, but that’s still rare.
How is it that someone she has never even met has managed to break her heart? Or is it the absolute disillusionment that has her struggling to breathe?
Sasuke's arms are steady and warm around her as they stand in the empty tent. His brother stands guard outside, talking to his partner in low tones. The two make an odd pair, but there is a certain confidence in the way they move around each other that speaks of faith, and trust. Her eyes squeeze shut as the tears spill over and her fingers dig into Sasuke's skin as she buries her head in his shoulder.
"I've got you. Okay? We don't have much time, but...I'm here with you. You're not alone," he murmurs, hugging her closer when she starts shaking. "I'm here."
Sakura sobs harder at the warm words, cursing herself for crying over this, over him. She should be out there, shrugging it off, keeping her head held high. Instead, she's hiding away, crying like a child.
"W-why him?" she blubbers, taking in shaky breaths as Sasuke wipes her cheeks dry. “What the hell did I ever do to deserve that?
"Well, it's definitely unfortunate. But...you could've done worse. You could've gotten Danzo."
The complete disgust on her face makes him grin.
"He's not much better."
"Hey, come on now. I know he's our enemy, but your soulmate is one of the most feared shinobi in all the nations," Sasuke tells her, handing her a cup of water. "Right up there with the Shodaime."
"Sasuke."
"I'm just saying...it could've been Danzo."
She can't help but laugh at that, pulling him into another hug. "Yes. And now I have to watch my soulmate die without ever getting a chance to speak to him."
He shrugs, watching her as she nearly dunks her head in a bucket of water. "I mean, you'll get a chance to meet him. Even a monster wouldn't kill his own soulmate."
Sakura isn't so sure of that, but she knows it doesn't matter either way. She won't get a chance to find out.
She gets her chance.
Naruto turns to her when Madara leaves, declaring his intent to wait for the Shodaime. She knows she doesn't imagine the way his eyes flick in her direction before he turns away. She tells herself it was Naruto he was assessing, but her heart doesn't stop pounding. He's terrifying. He kills as naturally as he breathes, as if he was born to fight, to defeat. And yet, she had heard him call out to Hashirama. She had seen him nearly crash into the ground in his haste to get to the man, his eyes lit up with excitement at the mere prospect of getting to fight his old friend.
She had nearly smiled at the way his face fell when Hashirama rebuffed him.
It doesn't matter–she can berate herself all she wants, but she couldn't stop her eyes from finding him, from greedily taking in every move he makes. It's dangerous to be this distracted, and it takes her every ounce of the self-control she possesses to stay focused on healing Naruto, who is still trying to check on her.
The sound of heavy footsteps grows closer, and she looks up to see Hashirama smiling at her. There is chatter all around her as they all watch the four Hokage in action, getting ready to jump into the fray themselves, and one of the Shodaime's clones has come to her instead.
"I'm going to him. I know it's important to conserve chakra but...I'd say this is important too, in a way," he says softly, the way he looks pointedly at her neck leaving little doubt as to what he means. Of all the people in the world, he's probably the one person who is as familiar with the symbol as she is. She turns to look at Naruto and Sasuke, who look back at her with no trace of judgment in their eyes. She squares her shoulders and walks to them, her hands coming up to form a symbol she's rarely ever had to use, unlike her blond teammate.
As Team 7 steps up to join the battle, her clone leaves with Hashirama's.
She's afraid–of being rejected, even though she tells herself she's not looking for acceptance. Of him being worse than she believes him to be, even though it can't, in all honestly, get much worse than mass-murdering psychopath aiming for world domination. She feels no small amount of guilt for going to meet the man who has taken so much from this world, from her friends.
They slow to a stop just before they reach the spot, and Sakura looks at him questioningly when he just smiles sheepishly. His eyes indicate his unnatural state, but they’re still gentle in the way they settle on her.
"It's Sakura, right?"
"Um, yes."
"Hm. You know, ever since I first saw it, I've been curious–just what kind of a person would give that brute such a pretty mark?" he muses, and she flushes under the weight of his gaze. "But it's subtle in its beauty. The one he's given you...well, it certainly doesn't leave any doubt, does it?"
Sakura looks up at the rock where her supposed fated one waits. "Not anymore. This mark, it's given me a lot of grief. But it's never felt like a burden...until now." She turns back to him, her smile wobbly. "No matter who it belonged to, it was my soulmark. There was someone for me, even if they were out of reach."
"To find out that you're Madara's soulmate...he's definitely a handful," Hashirama guffaws as he pats her shoulder sympathetically. A part of her can't believe she's just standing around, chatting with the Shodaime Hokage as the war rages on around them, even if they're clones. But, despite her initial fears, he isn't disgusted. There's no sign of pity in his eyes. He seems to sense her uncertainty as she tries to find the right words.
'Handful' seems to be the understatement of the world. The man is trying to cast a genjutsu over the entire world.
"He's...not someone I expected. Ever."
Hashirama nods, seeming to understand what she doesn't say. "I'll get to the point, then. It may be hard to believe, and I'm certain everyone else would disagree if they heard this...but then no one ever really knew Madara like I did, like I do." A finger under her chin tilts her head up when she can't meet his eyes. "He's an idiot. A severely misguided one. He has a terrible temper and his way of resolving things is to beat them."
'Is he trying to tell me that I dodged a bullet?' Sakura thinks, wondering if the Shodaime thinks she's an idiot.
"But Sakura...despite his utter idiocy and thick-head...he has good in his heart. I know this, and I believe this even now. He is not an evil man." She blinks at the unexpected words.
"Then why is he doing this? Trying to create some perfect world? What happened?" she asks quietly. Hashirama sighs, running a hand through his hair as he tries to put it in words. The sky has settled into a shadowy disposition, a precursor of the darker things to come and–she can’t tell if it’s afternoon or evening.
"The Uchiha, they...they love deeply, to a fault. To the point where it can destroy them. This trait was always especially apparent in Madara. He loved his family so much, that losing them broke him apart piece by piece until there was nothing left but anguish,” Hashirama’s eyes lose focus as his mind travels to a time when Konoha was just a dream. “Losing his brother was the final straw, although I didn't know it at the time. Izuna took a big piece of Madara with him, when he was killed by my own brother."
"But...you still founded the village after that?"
"I was able to convince him. And I've always believed that even then, Madara had hope."
"For Konoha?"
"Yes. And for finding you," Hashirama says, his soft smile edging with sorrow. His words take root in her heart, robbing her of breath and words. "He never admitted it, but I knew he wanted to meet you. Sakura-san, when we were kids, he used to go on and on about you. He was so sure you would be a kunoichi–beautiful, powerful yet kind were his exact words if I remember correctly.” His laugh is soft as he shares this piece of his past, of cherished memories. “A woman who could send shinobi flying with one punch. I'm sure he's very pleased to know he was right."
She knows he's teasing, but she can't help the warmth that extends to her ears. “Oh...”
“Uchiha Madara’s soulmate, apprenticed to a Senju, my own granddaughter. I suppose the fates do have a peculiar sense of humour,” he mutters, appearing a bit smug.
Sakura, however, is stuck on his previous words.
"He really said all that?" The almighty Uchiha, fantasizing about his soulmate?
"He did. In his defence, we were children. His vocabulary was rather limited at the time. But, as I was saying...well, he never did find you. The situation became more hopeless, and...then it ended. Or so I believed."
“And he betrayed you.”
“And he believed he was meant to walk a different path, yes.”
"Why are you telling me this?" she asks as they begin to walk towards their goal.
"Because I know he won't. And as his best friend, I believe it to be my duty to tell you your soulmate isn't the monster everyone believes him to be." Hashirama's sincerity shines through in every word. "And, because the gods are cruel. If Madara had met you back then...I truly believe things would have been different."
'But we never had a chance.' Her eyes well up once again, but Hashirama's look suspiciously shiny as well. It's in this moment that it really sinks in–the man people believe was Uchiha Madara's greatest enemy still calls himself his best friend. Perhaps he's too optimistic, to actually believe there's still some good left in the other man, but he would know better than most, wouldn't he? Better than everyone else.
It may be naive of her but Sakura chooses to believe him–because she wants to believe it. She wants to believe there's more to Madara than the homicidal demon he's known to be, even if she might not get the chance to see it for herself.
And now, as he waits for Hashirama, she finds him.
She doesn't see her mark on what little skin she can see, but that only makes sense. Most Shinobi don’t leave their mark visible for everyone to see, and this one has more reason than most to hide his. Her own mark seems to pulse in sync with the quickening beat of her heart. Her breath catches in her throat as he moves, as he slowly turns to face them, her muscles locking up when he tilts his head, the spiral pattern of his eyes dizzying in his otherworldly beauty.
She doesn't move as he refuses to fight Hashirama's clone, and then proceeds to destroy it. She waits for him to do the same to her, but he only goes back to his seat with casual indifference. Ino and Shikamaru's faces spring up in her head–the apprehension is cast aside in favour of anger.
And then, she pounces.
He blocks every attack, never countering, only parrying and twisting gracefully. His expression doesn't shift in the slightest, but she can see the amused glint in his eyes and it sends anger burning like fire through her veins. As he turns slightly to step back, her fingers slide into his coarse hair, clenching tightly and yanking him to her. The surprised look on his face is almost comical, and she only gets a glimpse before she drives her fist into his cheek. The way he crashes through the rocks has vindictive satisfaction thrumming in her, even though she knows it was a lucky shot.
"That was dirty," he grumbles. His voice is deeper than she expected, and there is none of the rage she was expecting. Instead, as he sets his gunbai down, he looks like he’s trying to fight a smirk.
"That was for my friends," she replies firmly. 'Nothing in the world will ever make up for what you've done.'
"Friends, hmm?" He tilts his head curiously, brushing dirt off his armour. "The nine-tails is one of them, is he not?"
The look she gives him is dangerous, and her only response. The little smirk that curls along his mouth is knowing. He has the striking features common in the Uchiha, but where Sasuke and Itachi are lean, lithe and delicate–Madara is broader, sturdy, and rugged, but still limber which is apparent in the way he moves.
"So you haven't come to join me, little soulmate?"
"And betray my people? Of course not," she says dismissively.
“Your people? Shouldn’t your soulmate be included in that list?”
“Not if he’s trying to ruin the lives of every other person on it,” she snaps, her irritation rising when he only looks amused. Where is the temper the Shodaime mentioned?
"Then why have you come?"
His question gives her pause, makes her nervous. "Because of the Shodaime..."
"Did the meddling fool force you?"
"No! I just...I was curious,” she admits, shrugging lightly despite the nervous feeling fluttering in her stomach.
"Hm."
She watches him for another moment. He sits with his legs crossed, his chin resting in the palm of his hand. He looks as if he doesn't have a care in the world, but his eyes are intense in their focus, in the way they linger on her mark. His mark. She wonders what he thinks of her, with her soft hair and bright eyes. With the thick lines sweeping down her face to her body.
In all her daydreams, she had never thought she’d look this roughed up when meeting her soulmate. There are no sundresses and bright nail polish; her skin is cleaner than her real body’s by virtue of being a clone and her flak jacket is snug around her torso. The image of a faceless man with a gentle smile has been torn to shreds, replaced by this man who she thinks is–in the deepest parts of her mind–of a wilder sort of beauty than she could’ve ever imagined.
She thinks he’s beautiful, and she hates herself for it.
"I came because even though you're clearly insane, this is the only chance I had to meet you," she says honestly. "So I took it."
"Insane?" he repeats, his eye twitching. "Bold, aren't you?"
"I'd have to be, with this blasted mark on my neck!"
"Listen here, girl, that's the Sharingan you're insulting! My Sharingan," he says, and she tries to ignore the possessiveness colouring his tone.
"Well, your Sharingan has been an endless source of annoyance my entire life!"
"And your mark..." he begins heatedly, only to trail off. Suddenly, she feels awkward. What is she doing, arguing with this man?
"And my mark?" She watches him cautiously, watching for a hint, a sign that would indicate the location of her mark. She’s been curious about it all her life and Hashirama hadn’t given her any clues beyond ‘pretty.’
He doesn't respond, his head turning towards the direction of the battle. Her heart restarts it's panicked thumping as he moves to stand, his gaze focused on some distant point. He glances at her once before turning away to leave.
"W-wait!"
Madara stills, looking over his shoulder at her, and she ignores the voice in her head that calls her a sentimental fool.
"M-my name...it’s Sakura," she stammers, her mouth dry, feeling like a complete idiot. At the same time, something in her is finally quenched. She doesn’t regret it. And then–the all too familiar scent of forests and smoke fills her senses, and her heart attempts to leap out of her mouth when those hypnotic eyes meet her own and he's too close too close. He leans over her, his expression unreadable, and she feels something warm on her neck before she discovers that it's his fingers. His skin is warm, and she's startled further when she realizes his glove is off.
Madara strokes the bright mark on her skin, his touch gentler than she would’ve expected from a man like him, his gaze unwavering. "Sakura, huh?" She doesn't understand why her knees shake at the way he says her name, as if he's savouring sweet wine. They shake harder when his mouth curves up, even though it's tiny. It softens his harsh features and stills the pounding of her heart. "Of course it is. I'm...Madara."
He’s close enough for her to feel the heat radiating off of his body; she could reach out and touch him, and she might be losing her mind because she thinks he would let her. She wants to explore, dig deep and see what parts of him he’s hiding, and how they would fit with hers.
“...It’s nice to finally meet you, I guess,” she whispers. She’s embarrassed to find that her eyes have grown wet again but before she can swipe at them his hand is there, brushing a tear off her lashline.
“I should be the one saying that.” But he doesn’t sound annoyed. The air is warm and still between them as they both search the other's face. They both know where the other stands. There’s nothing more to say. She feels something tug at her as he steps back, slipping his glove back on. There's something on his wrist, but it's covered by the cloth before she can get a clearer look.
"Well, Sakura. I'll see you on the battlefield."
She still doesn't quite know how, but things got worse.
The battlefield is quiet around them, as everyone slumbers in their cocoons. In this moment though, her mind strays from her worry for her people. Her eyes, instead, remain glued to the form on the ground, the form Hashirama is now walking towards. Her mind flashes through the events that lead to this. Gai-sensei. Obito. Naruto and Sasuke, who have now disappeared along with Kakashi-sensei and the creature, the woman who had put an end to Uchiha Madara. The thought doesn't bring the triumph it should. Instead, they now have something much worse on their hands.
She feels numb, because of the unknown evil they now have to face. Because she had to watch her soulmate nearly explode and be turned inside out in a most horrific manner, and she knows it's going to give her nightmares for the rest of her life.
And, because...this is it. This is it for him, for the little bit of them.
Naruto realized it before she did, and pushed her to safety before they vanished. He made the decision for her because he knew she would have followed them. And he wanted her to have this.
As she walks towards him, his form grows blurrier. The confusion lasts for but a moment before she realizes her body has reacted before her mind could, in the form of the tears that flow freely down her cheeks. He’s empty, drained of life and chakra, the bleached look gone and his hair back to its inky ferocity.
His words, spoken in low tones, reach her ears. "War buddies...huh? Well, I guess that's fine...by me..." he trails off as Hashirama turns to look up at her. "Ah, that's...right. One of my dreams...did come true."
She sinks to her knees beside him, reaching for his hand. It's still warm, and she squeezes it tightly. He looks frail, all the rage in him finally hushed. He doesn't look at her, but she realizes quickly that he can't.
"I always told you, didn't I?" Hashirama teases, although his smile is more wistful than amused. "In this, at least–you were right."
"I...know..." His fingers twitch around hers as his mouth perks up slightly. "Sakura."
"Hmm?" She's unsure if she can manage to speak through quiver in her throat, through the emotions bubbling up and choking her. "I-I'm here."
"My...wrist..."
She catches on quickly, reaching for the hand still shielded by a glove with trembling fingers. As she slips it off, her eyes stay trained on his wrist. On her mark. And her heart aches at the sight of it, at the unfairness of it all.
"Oh."
"Beautiful...isn't it?" he asks, almost serenely. She laughs quietly, running her fingers over the cherry blossoms inked on to his skin by fate itself. "Forgive me. I'll...be going...ahead first."
"Again," she murmurs, sighing at the position they've found themselves in after all this time.
He seems to find it amusing, his mouth curling up further still despite his unfocused gaze. "Ah. I guess...this just wasn't...our time...huh?"
"Not this life," she agrees, leaning in to press her mouth to his forehead. He’s nearly gone, so she knows he probably doesn’t feel the tears that drip down her chin and onto his ashen skin. "Maybe in another, if we're lucky."
"I'll...look...for you, then..." he agrees, his smile fading slightly as his hand goes in limp in her grip. She takes a moment to close her eyes, to let herself feel. The loss. The bitterness. The unravelling of that tense, bitter knot in her chest that had wound itself tight throughout the years. In the end, she got to be by his side, in a small way.
Hashirama's hand is steady on her back as she takes in deep breaths. There will be time to grieve–later. For now, she has teammates to find and people to save. Despite everything the world has thrown at them, they've survived. And she's going to keep it that way.