Chapter Text
[The Reddit Post: Draft – “I haven’t spoken to my friends for a year”]
Hello strangers on the internet. This is my first post, so please be kind lol
For about a year now my friends stopped reaching out to me. It has always been me trying to reach out to them, and when I do I either get ignored or rejected. I haven’t seen them in a year.
And don’t get me wrong, I understand that people live busy lives, and they have all been busy since we stopped living together (I’m the only one who doesn’t really have a life or whatever lol). So I was wondering what I should do. I love my brothers till death, I gave up on some of my dreams for them to be where they are today, but they seem to have all shut me out. Then again, I have no other friends for reference. I just wanted to know whether this is normal. Please be kind in the comments haha. I welcome all advise.
(PS. my soulmates rejected me through the system, so it’s not like I can hang out with them. My parents were the only family I had, so my friends mean the world to me. Don’t be too mean about them)
[The Corner of a Story]
Seokjin looked over at his post, he twirled the cigarette in his hands once, then twice, took a drag – “fuck,” he puffed out a cloud of bad taste and energy.
It only felt natural to not try to stand out in a place like this. His little spot against the corner store was as bleak as you’d expect it to be on an October day on the edge of the big city full of dreamers. Seokjin had a clear view of the skyline, and during daytime the smog was as vivid as the foul taste in his mouth. Seokjin should really stop smoking. His boss must know that the free cigarettes are part of the main reasons for Seokjin not to abandon this quiet place. That and the fact that Seokjin lived on top of the gas station down the road.
There was this irrational fear and hope that someone would stop by this very gas station and turn out to be someone Seokjin knew. He would hope one of his friends to show up. Someone as engaging as Hoseok to pull up and go like Hey, brother! It’s been so long. I missed you so much, I’m sorry for not reaching out. I’m about to head out of town, but on my way back we should definitely meet up. I’ll even call the other guys and we can all have dinner. Right? Just like in the old days. Wow, that would be epic if you’d ask Seokjin. But he can’t help but fear that someone of the likes of Namjoon would suddenly show up and chase him down screaming Where do you think you’re going! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! We’re soulmates for fuck’s sakes. Do you know how Jimin feels? He’s been crying ever since. The three of us could have made it work! I know this. I know other soulmates who have two bonds. Oh no, that would be awkward. Too complicated to even explain in a Reddit post. Seokjin liked things to be easy, and to not hurt.
But right now it hurt. Seokjin had been numb to all the events that lead to this corner store, but lately nothingness seemed to have a great power to overthrow everything – every emotion. The more he got time to be alone, sitting alone behind a desk, talking to two or three people throughout an entire day – the more he got to spend time with himself – the more he started to understand that this is how people go insane. Seokjin was going insane. And it hurt because he was forced to face the truth.
He felt lonely.
His finger hovered over the post button on his phone screen. He took one more drag of his cigarette and said fuck a bunch of times. There, he was ready to do something stupid.
But then-
It was quite pathetic that it took Seokjin a solid twenty seconds to understand that his screen going black and vibrating – there a red button and a green button appeared – meant that someone was calling him.
It was Yoongi.
“Fuck,” Seokjin said for the n-th during his break. He even dropped his cigarette. He tapped on the green button, and held the phone against his ear. He could hear the blood rushing towards his ears. “Hello?” Seokjin said. Two syllables, and Seokjin aimed to sound friendly, cool, not angry or desperate, inviting, responsible and happy all together, but most importantly not hurt.
“Seokjin,” Yoongi said. Seokjin could not read his tone, all he could hear was that this was indeed Yoongi speaking to him. Not some imposter. So Yoongi had not changed his number. The texts that Seokjin had sent in their group chat had in fact been ignored given that Yoongi had not changed his number. Yoongi was on the phone sounding like Yoongi and no one else. “Seokjin this is you, right?”
Seokjin coughed. “Yeah, yeah. This is me. It’s been awhile,” Seokjin said feeling uneasy. This is what he wanted, right? The universe must have seen him write his little Reddit post and thought let’s save this boy the hassle.
“Yes, it’s been awhile. Sorry about that,” Yoongi sounded rushed. “I need your help. That’s why I called.”
“Is everything okay? Are you okay?” Seokjin asked, not necessarily feeling worried, more like obligated to ask these questions in a conversation like this.
Yoongi paused. There was noise in the background. Some large place with people. “No,” Yoongi answered, “everything is not okay. We’re at the hospital. Taehyung got hurt.”
Seokjin took the day off. His boss wasn’t even angry, which made Seokjin angry. A little something like Come on Seokjin, I pay you to work and keep the shop open. Not to run off whenever it suits you! You bad boy! would have been enough to make Seokjin feel like he was making a sacrifice. It would have made him feel less guilty about thinking of not going to the hospital.
Because how did a broke person on the outskirts of the dream city get to the hospital?
Seokjin walked three miles to a bus stop. He then had to jump in front of the bus to make the bus driver actually stop and let him in. Once inside the bus, Seokjin learned that the fare prices had gone up and he begrudgingly paid with the change he collected from around the shop. Once seated in the bus he ran over the details Yoongi had sent in their dead like group chat.
Apparently Taehyung had been in the hospital for a little over a week now. He was caught up in a car accident. It was Taehyung’s fault. The cops were involved. The last part of the details gave Seokjin a hunch on why he was contacted. There was a settlement. Seokjin hadn’t thought about such a large amount of money in a long time.
Just like he hadn’t seen the faces of his friends in a long time. When he entered the welcome centre of the hospital, Seokjin was greeted by a hooded set of eyes.
Jungkook had grown. Angular jaw, broader shoulders and no red but black hair.
If Seokjin hadn’t known any better, he would have been intimidated. Maybe that’s what Jungkook wanted. Shoe everyone away that got closer to his partner. Seokjin was a little surprised that Jungkook wasn’t glued to Taehyung’s bedside.
“Your hair is so long,” Jungkook said when saying nothing became awkward. Seokjin trailed his hand through his hair, got it stuck since it was in a bun, and looked the other way self-consciously.
“Yeah,” Seokjin agreed, “I thought why not.” Anyone with a clear set of eyes could see that his long hair, was unkept, and certainly not a choice, rather not a priority. Seokjin walked that line between survival and carelessness like champ. He had a lot of practice, thank you very much.
“Yoongi said he called you,” Jungkook said, not meeting Seokjin’s eye. Maybe Jungkook was also realising it. This was their first conversation in a year. This was their first conversation in a year!
In that moment Seokjin decided to give himself fifteen minutes. If by then he had not found a nice bathroom stall to properly break down, then he and anyone close by were in for something unpleasant.
“How’s Taehyung,” Seokjin asked to ask what was expected. “Is he okay?”
Jungkook nodded, but he looked worried. They said that soulmates can feel each other’s pain. This has been largely dramatized, but for this brief moment Seokjin would believe it. Jungkook looked hurt, and he didn’t try to hide it. “Follow me,” Jungkook said, “I’ll take you to his room.”
“Yoongi said the injuries aren’t that serious,” Seokjin continued. The way he didn’t fall silent and didn’t want Jungkook to feel awkward, made Seokjin hate himself just a tad bit more. He surely was desperate.
Jungkook nodded, as they walked through the hallways of the hospital after getting a pass from the front desk. “His right under arm and right foot are in caskets. It’s why it has been difficult for him to be discharged from the hospital. Both are broken, but the doctor said it was nicely done. It should be a steady recovery,” Jungkook explained.
When they reached the hallway, Seokjin knew immediately this was where they kept Taehyung because Hoseok and Yoongi were standing near a door. They looked like guard dogs, who seem to have not slept in over a week. It suddenly got very real.
“I don’t think I can do this,” Seokjin said. He stopped walking and Jungkook turned around with a frown. “I mean,” Seokjin elaborated, “I don’t think I can see Taehyung right now.” Hoseok and Yoongi walked up to them and Seokjin suddenly thought about all the escape routes he could take: one, and that meant turning around and walking right back from where he came.
“Seokjin,” Hoseok came up to him. He kept walking and it wasn’t until he was in Seokjin’s little bubble that it finally sunk. Hoseok embraced him in a hug. “You came.”
“Yeah,” Seokjin said, and patted Hoseok lightly on the back. Over his shoulder, Seokjin met Yoongi’s eyes.
“Don’t you want to check up on Taehyung, Jungkook?” Yoongi said. Seokjin didn’t get to see Jungkook’s look on his face. He detangled himself from Hoseok, and by then Jungkook had slipped inside Taehyung’s hospital room. It was just the three of them now, with the occasional nurse passing by.
These two guys were Seokjin’s oldest friends. And now it felt unfamiliar in a way that only familiar faces could establish.
“I can cut to the chase if you want me to,” Yoongi said.
“Yoongi,” Hoseok said disapprovingly.
“No, he’s right,” Seokjin said, unable to want to stall anything any longer. “Why did you call me? Why now?”
“It’s about the settlement,” Yoongi said. “None of us have that kind of money.”
Hoseok seemed to be the only one truly being nervous. He raised his hands in a peaceful manner, and used a quiet and gentle voice. “We understand that you also do not have that kind of money, but…”
“Taehyung could do a few days in jail,” Seokjin said lightly, “thought of that?”
Yoongi shrugged. “We did. But that would end his career as a teacher. Plus, you can get him that money.”
“Yoongi, that is not how you ask for things,” Hoseok said. He then looked at Seokjin. “Look, I didn’t know you’d been called already. I wanted to address you personally before dragging you all the way here. We are just a little desperate and want to help Taehyung out. If you can’t or don’t want to help, we understand, truly. We just wanted to run all our options.”
Seokjin had been downgraded to an option. Hold it in… hold it in.
“You’re asking a lot,” Seokjin said terse. “I can’t just go and… and ask them money.”
Hoseok nodded, as if he had known this answer would come. “Things ended badly between you three?”
Seokjin shrugged. “We just kind of stopped talking. You know Namjoon and Jimin, they’re always on television doing whatever. There is no way they have time for someone like me.”
The thing was; when Seokjin had reached his bus stop he had to look the other way, because the billboard had the two smiling faces of his soulmates. This December, the Christmas special of MiniMoni will air at 7 on XXX. Shit, that had been distracting. Seokjin would have missed his bus had he not jumped in front of it.
“Besides, if I did reach out,” Seokjin said tense, “what guarantees that they won’t ignore me, right? I mean, you guys should know.”
Hoseok flinched a bit at that. Yoongi remained unmoved. “It’s been….” Hoseok didn’t finish what he wanted to say. It didn’t sound like he wanted to apologise. “I understand,” Hoseok said, “All we really want and can ask you is to try and reach out to them if you want to help us. It is perfectly normal for you to want to leave us alone.”
Seokjin was the crazy one for not being perfectly normal as Hoseok said. Seokjin didn’t want to leave them alone, they must know this. That must be why they only now decided to call him. They knew he would bent at whatever it was they’d ask of him.
“I need,” Seokjin looked the other way. His fifteen minutes were almost up. “I need some time to think.”
“You started smoking again.”
Seokjin nearly yelped, and plucked the cigarette out of his mouth and tossed it away. Too late now, anyway. Yoongi had seen everything. Seokjin folded his arms in an attempt to look at ease. “Yeah, well. Not really. I only- when I- sometimes, you see. Sometimes. Not always,” Seokjin tried. There it was again, the desperate need to placate them.
Yoongi joined him at the outside entrance of the hospital. Cars would stop by, busses would pass. It was pretty serene for some odd reason. Seokjin smoking here suddenly seemed very trashy.
“You said you would stop,” Yoongi said.
“Yeah well, you know how things go,” Seokjin mumbled. And Yoongi had the audacity to look disappointed. Seokjin started feeling hot, blood rushing.
“You were the one who made me stop,” Yoongi said with a tone that Seokjin truly did not understand.
“You weren’t exactly there to tell me off, you know,” Seokjin said, letting some of the hotness simmer out in a bitter tone. “You weren’t really there to make sure that I- whatever. You got a lighter, or…”
“You can punch me in the face if you want to,” Yoongi offered.
Seokjin gave the younger an incredulous look. “You’re kidding right?”
“No.”
Seokjin took a steadying breath. They were outside. It seemed more appropriate for him to fully confront his feelings out here in the open. No pressuring feeling of his injured little brother in the next room. No Hoseok that would look at him in a sad way. Or the mention of Namjoon or Jimin. Fuck, Seokjin hated his life and himself.
“I’m talking about this entire thing,” Seokjin responded. “You fucking called me with the same phone number, as if you haven’t been ignoring me. I don’t get it. The first thing you do when you reach out is ask for a big ass favour. How are you not ashamed.”
Yoongi was thinking, and settled for a something that Seokjin found very confusing. Maybe there was something he was missing. Maybe Yoongi was also very angry with something that Seokjin had done and forgotten about. Maybe Seokjin truly deserved to have been ignored for a year. Seokjin could not understand the ridiculous situation he found himself in because Yoongi said: “There is no time for me to feel ashamed. I care about Taehyung, so do you. We can both focus on that, and try to help him.”
“It’s your doing,” Seokjin said, uncrossing his arms, “you’re taking blame for all of this right now. You want me to only be angry at you. So, I wonder; is it truly your doing that we haven’t spoken in a year? That everyone has been ignoring me? Did you tell them to shut me out?”
Yoongi didn’t break their eye contact. He didn’t waver. “Yes,” he said.
Yoongi was a bad liar, and Seokjin was not given anything to go after the truth if Yoongi refused to share it when the opportunity had been handed over on a silver plate. Yoongi chose to lie, maybe not completely. Maybe he was in fact a large factor in their estranged relationship. But however large his contribution was, Seokjin saw too much red at that time to properly think.
He took Yoongi up on his offer and punched him in the face.
Taehyung was sleeping when Seokjin visited the boy around dinner time. His face, like Jungkook’s was more angular and he had broader shoulders. He had a few scrape wounds on his face, and Seokjin wondered whether Taehyung was scared. Seokjin knew that he himself was. He didn’t feel confident in how he felt. At the beginning of the day he had been certain that he felt lonely and that he wanted to meet up with his brothers again. But right now, he wasn’t so sure anymore.
Seokjin glanced at his phone and wondered whether anyone out there would understand him. He wondered whether he should not just shut up and be of use to those who actually had something going for them. He had edited his Reddit post. It felt less pathetic now that he actually had something going on in his life. His fist was still bruised from punching Yoongi. That had been scary too. For a second Seokjin thought he’d knocked Yoongi out. Fortunately, Yoongi got up cursing and spitting blood. All good in the end. Seokjin had hesitated putting that in the post, but did so in the end. It was better that way. That way Seokjin would know whether the hate he felt towards himself was validated and shared amongst online strangers.
“Fuck,” Seokjin muttered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. I hate myself,” he couldn’t stop thinking it. Taehyung was literally injured in the hospital and even Seokjin witnessing it from up close did not make him move fast enough to help his younger brother.
Seokjin took a breath in and then held it. He hit the post button. He breathed out. He looked over at Taehyung’s unmoving body. It made something melt inside of Seokjin. He felt a sad smile creep on his lips. “Don’t worry, Taehyung,” he whispered, “I’ll help you no matter what.”
[Seokjin’s Reddit Post: “I haven’t spoken to my friends for a year”]
Hello strangers on the internet. This is my first post, so please be kind lol
For about a year now my friends stopped reaching out to me. It has always been me trying to reach out to them, and when I do I either get ignored or rejected. I haven’t seen them in a year.
And don’t get me wrong, I understand that people live busy lives, and they have all been busy since we stopped living together (I’m the only one who doesn’t really have a life or whatever lol). I love my brothers till death, I gave up on some of my dreams for them to be where they are today, but they seem to have all shut me out. Then again, I have no other friends for reference. I just wanted to know whether this is normal.
Today one of them suddenly reached out to me, informing me that they are in some type of trouble. I am the only person that can help them. In order to help, I would have to reach out to my soulmates (I have two) whom I haven’t been in contact due to personal reasons. My friends ask me to reach out anyway and I want to help but also feel strange about this. It made me angry at first that it took an accident for them to reach out to me, I even punched one of them in the face ( I know this does not help my case, but mentioning it is only fair. Maybe for that alone I should help them out to make up for it, right? I don’t really know). What should I do? Help them out or not? This could be my only shot at having my friends back.
Please be kind in the comments haha. I welcome all advise.
(PS. My parents were the only family I had, so my friends mean the world to me. They’re like my brothers. Don’t be too mean about them).