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Morisuke cursed himself for not having the will to get up and work on his essay. He really, really needed that sleep. However, wood could be heard creaking in the entire apartment, due to the wind howling outside and kept him awake, regardless of how tired he was. The weather had been rubbing off on his mood all week, and neither the lack of sleep nor the pile of work occupying his desk had been helping him cool off.
His heart skipped a beat when the mattress dipped under him and he abruptly opened his eyes, just in time to see Tetsurou slipping under the covers next to him. The boy didn’t even spare him a glance, as if it were completely normal for him to get in the bed of his roommate in the middle of the night. Tetsurou pushed the blanket up until it reached his nose.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
“Sorry. Can I stay here tonight?”
“Should’ve asked first. Get out.”
“Please.”
There was no teasing, at all. Morisuke had expected Tetsurou to use his usual annoying tone and nag him until he gave in, but his demand had been so quiet. It shouldn’t bother him, his stomach shouldn’t feel weird seeing his friend like this. He should just throw him out and try to get finally get some sleep.
“Then stay, I don’t care.” Morisuke sighed.
“Thank you.”
He turned his back to Tetsurou, frowning. The room felt too hot, the noises both outside and inside were too loud, his bed was too crowded and the boy behind him was too unlike himself. It shouldn’t be bugging him, Morisuke kept trying to convince himself, in vain.
“Alright.” He turned around to face Tetsurou again. “What’s the catch?”
“What?”
“I asked, what’s the catch? Now’s not the time to pull a prank on me, so you can just give up already.”
“I am not going to do anything. Just let me stay here, please.”
“What is wrong with you tonight?” Morisuke punched his shoulder, somehow regretted when he noticed Tetsurou’s brow furrowing as thunder flashed and enlightened the room for a second. “Are you scared of thunder or something, big baby?”
No answer, the furrow deepened. Oh.
“Oh my god, really?”
“Why do you have to be so nosy?” Tetsurou turned his face to the pillow.
Morisuke sighed. If he felt a bit guilty for bringing up what seemed to be a fear so bad that Tetsurou came and sought comfort to him.
“Listen, I wouldn’t have said it so lightly if I knew.” He extended his arm and awkwardly put his hand on Tetsurou’s back and winced when he felt the body tense under his touch. “I’m scared of heights. And dogs. And clowns.”
“Heights?” Tetsurou turned his face back to him, squished cheek against his pillow and eyes wide open with curiosity shouldn’t have been so endearing.
“Alright, I knew I should have kept that one to myself.”
“I mean, this shouldn’t be a big issue, considering you’re so small.”
“Alright, we’re even now, quit it before I throw you out of my room.”
“Won’t you correct me on your height?”
“I know you know exactly how tall I am, asshole.”
“I love dogs.”
“I know that.”
“What if I want to get one later?”
“Then get one, what the fuck is that question?” Morisuke snorted at the stupidity of the question.
“But you’re scared of them.” Morisuke had to stop himself before replying to understand what he implied and to choose the right words. He didn’t want to ruin whatever moment they were having.
“We won’t live together forever.” A quiet and careful whisper, which Morisuke knew could create something entirely unpleasant.
“No?”
“No. We will graduate university, you’ll get a girlfriend eventually- or a boyfriend.” Morisuke continued before Tetsurou got the chance to correct him. “Hopefully for you one who likes dogs, and you’ll move in with them.”
“You’ll find a boyfriend first, look at yourself Yakkun, I don’t know one person on this damn planet who wouldn’t dream to date someone like you. Besides I don’t want anyone right now, I don’t think I could ever want-”
“Kuroo.” Morisuke said sternly, as a warning. Knowing very well where this was going, he was not ready to have this conversation. At least not when he was sleep-deprived and overworked, though he usually avoided them and he knew it was getting on his friend’s nerves.
“What? You know I like you, love you even. I have since high school, and I know you at least like me too. I love the way you frown whenever I say stupid and I know you’ll probably call me crazy for that but each time you kick me after it makes me want to keep on doing it. I want to be the one you look forward to coming home to. I also want to praise you, to tell you how great I think you are without making things weird. I don’t want to stop myself whenever I see you, everytime I do I just want to-.” Tetsurou stopped himself with a sigh. “I don’t mean to push but I know you’re not indifferent either, I just believe we could be great together, so why do you deny yourself-”
Morisuke should have been able to stop himself. No matter how hard he could try to convince himself that he only did it to shut up Tetsurou, the burning ache in his belly made it very clear that it was something he’d been craving for a long time. So, he grabbed the boy’s cheeks, squished them even, and kissed him. His lips moved like there would be no tomorrow, like Tetsurou was his only source of oxygen, and in that moment it truly felt like he was. There was nothing else Morisuke could want to do in this exact moment, in fact, it could go as far as being a need. His eyes squeezed shut, Tetsurou humming against his lips only made Yaku more pliant when strong arms, firm muscles, hugged his waist under the blankets.
“Does that mean-” He immediately gasped after pulling away, much to Morisuke’s dismay who couldn’t even relish the ghost of this kiss.
“No. I kissed you to shut you up.”
“But-”
“No, Tetsu. I am not willing to give up on our friendship just because I think you’re hot.”
“We would still be friends though? Nothing would change, except the fact that we’d go on dates, and I’d get to kiss you, hold your ha-”
“I meant when it will be over. Don’t tell me you actually believe that everything will go back to how it was before when we’ll break up.”
Hazel eyes were wide open, all too focused on him, studying him and reading him like an open book. Morisuke could feel himself unravelling under that gaze and he had to look down at the sheets under the weight of those two marbles boring holes in his skull. His clammy hands somehow found their way to each other at one point as he felt himself twisting and pulling on his fingers. When Tetsurou spoke up again, his voice was quiet and filled with nothing but softness. A mere mutter in the middle of the gusts of wind and the clatter of thunder that still managed to take over it all.
“You know, if everybody thought about the end of the relationship before it even began, I doubt people would bother to date.”
“We couldn’t work together. We fight everyday.”
“And never has our friendship ever faltered. We pick on each other, that’s how we’ve always been. What are you so scared of?”
“I don’t want to lose you, that’s all.” Morisuke choked on what was almost a sob. It was becoming harder and harder to hold back.
Tetsurou hushed him, squeezing his hands and apologising for pushing too much, he said more, probably defending his case, but Morisuke felt too vulnerable to listen or even react. After a few minutes, after he managed to keep his cool, he decided that he owed Tetsurou an explanation.
“I just don’t get- My parents used to fight a lot you know, for years, when I was younger.”
“Your parents?” Tetsurou wrapped his arms around Morisuke, pressed him against his chest. Funny how the tables turned, he was now the one comforting him.
“Yes, that’s my point. I’ve seen both of my parents miserable, and then putting on fake smiles to keep up appearances. And I didn’t get it, I have never understood why they remained together, because they suffered, and so did I, I was a collateral damage. They may be fine now, but I am afraid to make the same mistakes. I don’t want to have to go through the same shit again, Tetsurou, but I am so ignorant about relationships and I might end up like them.”
“Yakkun, you do know that it’s normal to fight in relationships?” Morisuke glared up at Tetsurou, who immediately backed off. “Okay, not that much, or that long, but those are things that happen in relationships, it can’t be perfect all the time. Nothing is, and it might be hard to believe, but even I- ouch!” Tetsurou groaned after the smaller boy dealt a blow in his ribs. He couldn’t help but being a cocky bastard even in times like these.
“Then, what is the point? If I can’t make you constantly happy, or if you can’t do that with me, what is the fucking point of dating?” Morisuke hated the smile that appeared on Tetsurou’s face, gathering all the feelings the boy felt for him. He didn’t deserve any of them.
“I’ve learnt through the years that love is a lot of things, sometimes all at once, sometimes it just evolves. It’s very strong, and you feel like you might be able to do all kinds of crazy things, you know?”
Tetsurou looked at him with fond eyes, and Morisuke wondered how they could so full of love and care when the hurt caused by years of rejection still remained, so obvious Tetsurou probably thought it wasn’t.
Morisuke looked away, embarrassed, he wanted to be able to give Tetsurou as much love as he received. He’d been craving to be able to take without feeling guilty, but he was too scared to take the plunge. A soft yet awkward chuckle brought him back to reality.
“Erm, well, I-. Did you trim your hair?”
“Oh? Yes. The locks were getting a bit too long.” He fiddled with a small strand that curled on top of his head for emphasis.
“I like it both ways. Can I touch it?”
Morisuke’s eyes shot up to the face of the man laying next to him, which was utterly serious. He stammered for a good minute before looking away with a frown.
“Tch. Whatever.”
Tetsurou raised his hand to rest it on the top of Morisuke’s head. Automatically, and against his will, his eyes closed and less evidently, he pushed against the hand massaging his scalp.
“Am I insane?” Morisuke exhaled quietly after a while, opening his eyes again, finally feeling brave enough to look right into Tetsurou’s eyes.”I’ve tried to get over you for such a long time, what the hell. You’re the last person I would want to want. And yet, there we are.”
“Listen, I don’t know what’s going to happen, I really don’t, but neither do you or anyone. I think you should give us a chance, Yakkun. And okay, I’m probably- no, definitely biased, but I really want to live something with you. We might break up tomorrow, or in a few years, or we might as well never. Obviously I am not talking about marriage but, er-” Tetsurou looked away for a bit as he cleared his throat and scratched his neck before catching his gaze again, and taking a deep but shaky breath. “Since high school, you’ve been the only person I wanted to date. I mean, I’ve been into other people, but I’ve never had someone who made me feel so many things all at once. God, you’re so annoying it makes me want to kiss you, I feel insane, too. I want you so bad.”
“I want you very badly too.”
“I want you very, very badly.”
“Don’t turn this into a competition.”
“It’s okay, we’ve got plenty of time to work on the way you express your feelings.”
“Shut up.” Punching the taller boy’s shoulder, he reluctantly let out a laugh.
“So…”
“Yes, I want to date you, too.”
“Okay.” Tetsurou smiled softly, his white teeth almost glowing in the dark. “Can I?”
“Idiot.”
After wrapping his arms around Tetsurou’s neck, he pressed their lips together, and it shouldn’t feel as natural as it did, but Morisuke thought that, yes, he was fine with kissing this same boy for as long as either of them will be willing to have each other.
“Yakkun?”
“What now?” Morisuke groaned, more upset about the broken kiss than about his -now- boyfriend’s habit to talk a lot.
“Is it my hoodie?” Tetsurou pulled on the sleeve of the lavender cloth.
“Shut up. Let’s sleep.”
“Answer, is it?”
“It’s warm.” Not enough of an admittance to Morisuke, but it was for Tetsurou. Even with closed eyes, he could feel his unnerving grin.
“I don’t remember ever lending it to you.”
“As I said, it’s warm. I was cold, I borrowed it.”
“And didn’t give it back, evidently.”
“Shut your trap, I’ve been trying to sleep.”
“I really like you, Yakkun.”
“Shh, quiet now.” A hand shot up from under the covers and fingers squashed against Tetsurou’s mouth. It was worth it, as they were kissed right after.
Morisuke couldn’t recall the exact moment the storm stopped. Actually, it might have still been there, but he couldn’t hear the noise that was disturbing him so much earlier, and it seemed that neither did Tetsurou as he rubbed his sides and pressed light kisses against his forehead, slowly drowsing off. He knew their bodies will be disentangled in the morning, and that Tetsurou will have taken both pillows to himself, waking up with his awful bedhead that Morisuke adored as much as he abhorred it, but it didn’t bother him as much as he would pretend. If, less than an hour ago everything was so loud he couldn’t sleep, the warmth of the body against him and the nonexistent buzzing love made him hear and feel were enough to take over and lull him to sleep.