Chapter Text
So, turns out Clyde Donovan, his childhood best friend and only person in the entire world who knows that he, Craig Tucker, robot, vulcan Craig Tucker, has a crush, is actually, for reals, fucking stupid.
“W-what?” Tweek, because he’s the only one smart enough to not be hammered says.“Tik-tik tok video?”
“Yes!” Clyde goes again because his only brain cell was currently puked and abandoned in Jimmy’s bathroom. “Listen, is genius! I’m like super popular in tiktok-”
“Don’t you have like, 200 something followers?” Craig interrupts.
“Yeah, popular,” Clyde says and looks at Tweek for support who nods because he barely uses any social media to prevent his anxiety attacks and paranoia. “And Bebe always sees my videos, so it’s a perfect plan,”
“I don’t know, Clyde- I mean… it doesn’t work if it lands in someone else because- uh- Craig-” Tweek looks at him pleading and he kinda melts on the seat. “Cr-craig doesn’t have a crush so it wouldn’t work.”
“Oh but he does!” Clyde says excitedly and if he weren’t in the backseat safely Craig would actually punch him right now.
“What?” Tweek whispers. “You… do you actually-?”
Craig groans and sends daggers in Clyde’s way but the stupid moron is just jumping excitedly on his seat immersed on his phone. “He absolutely does,” his supposedly best friend says nodding. “He’s smitten,” Craig is actually playing murder scenarios in his mind at this point. “Haven’t you seen him smiling stupidly at his phone?”
“No…” Tweek answers fiddling with his sweater.
“Okay but I won’t call them.” Craig says and immediately regrets it because Tweek is looking at him and mouthing ‘them’ and he needs to act fast before he catches up.
“It’s fine, you won’t,” Clyde says waving his hand dismissively. “This is all staged so I call Bebe and it’s all over the internet and supper romantic-”
“So, none of us will have to call our -nggh- crush?!” Tweek interrupts.
“Wait you have a crush? Craig’s mouth says without his permission. Damn vodka.
Tweek just shrinks on his seat and avoids his eyes, which absolutely should have given him a clue, but again, vodka.
“You’ll tell us later, tweekers, I have the video and the tune ready!” Clyde says and jumps from his seat to set the phone straight on top of the steering wheel. “Again, we all point at each other, and when the song drops it has to stop in me so it looks like I lost and I’ll call Bebe, tell her I have a crush on her and we’ll be married and forever happy!”
“Foolproof plan,” Craig mutters and Tweek sends him a worried look.
“Actually-” Clyde says. “Why don’t we go live?!”
“WHAT” Tweek screeches at the same time Craig slaps Clyde’s reaching hand for his phone.
“OW! DUDE” Clyde says rubbing his perfectly fine hand.
“No way in hell we are doing this live,” Craig says.
“But Bebe will think its staged!” Clyde whines.
“Because it is!” Tweek says grabbing his hair anxiously. Craig gently pries his hands away and breaths slowly so Tweek calms down.
“Guys!” Clyde says, interrupting the moment and taking Tweek’s eyes from Craig which makes the apathetic boy groan. “I need you.”
“I- i don’t know, Clyde…”
“Yeah, it’s bullshit.”
“Remember when you both beat Cartman’s ass and I lied to PC for you guys because I love you?” Craig groans. “And I never asked for anything in return?”
“Because that’s what friends do?”
“WELL, I’m asking now!” Clyde says ignoring Craig and proceeds to make the drunkest puppy face ever.
And Tweek actually falls for it.
“I mean…”
“Tweek no.”
“But he has a point…” Clyde is nodding now and Tweek sighs. “And it WON’T fall in me, right?”
“It won’t, dude, it’s so I can confess to Bebe. No way I’m throwing this golden opportunity to trash. We just have to make it quick and it will land in me with the beat, so I ‘lose’.” Clyde says reassuringly and for some reason it actually convinces Tweek.
It doesn’t convince Craig at all, who starts sweating under his hoodie.
“... Craig?” Tweek asks, scared and anxious and fuck if this was a stupid crush Craig would flip him off but he has been in love with this boy since 9th grade.
“... it falls on you, yes or yes.” He says staring angrily at Clyde.
“Yes man. Of course.” Clyde says grinning and proceeds to start the app. “Hi followers!” he waves because he’s stupid and has had about four glasses of rum and coke. “I’m here with my guys and we are doing the calling the crush challenge!”
There’s about five people actually watching this stupid thing and Clyde is explaining when finally Bebe’s name shows up on the screen.
“So, when the beat drops the one who it has fallen into has to call their crush.” Clyde resumes and presses play. The music starts and he points Tweek., who points Craig with a shaking finger. If it were to actually fall on him Craig is convinced Tweek might faint. Forget might, Craig’s already thinking the fastest route to the hospital, just in case.
The pointing goes on for a couple seconds and it has escalated on speed. Now there’s about ten people watching this stupid challenge, half of them Bebe’s friends, and Clyde is getting kinda nervous. Which is why when it’s about to drop he points Tweek, who squeaks and points at Craig jumping.
“Who did it fall into?” Clyde mutters.
“You, you are the biggest idiot-!” Craig says angrily. “It obviously fell in you-”
The chat erupts and everybody is claiming that no, it actually didn’t land on Clyde but Tweek, who at this point is so anxious his lips are going white from the bitting.
“NO!” he screams. “NO, -gAH- no Clyde YOU SAID-”
“Dude shut up-” Clyde hisses and this earns him a nudge from Craig. “Tweek, calm down-”
“Nghh SHUT UP CLYDE,” Tweeks hands were flying and suddenly they stop as he smacks them in his face and shrinks on himself, shaking. His breathing is faltering and the sight alone is making Craig sick.
“It landed on me.” he hears himself saying. Whatever, might as well do it all the way. “Tweek pointed at me.”
“What?” both Clyde and Tweek say. They both stare at the phone and there seems to be some debate on the chat, which makes Tweek exhale and breath which is the most wonderful thing to happen this night to Craig.
“Whatever.” Craig says and because he’s a coward grabs the bottle from his backpack and downs what's left of it in one go. “All right.”
Tweek is still shaking, but glances his way worriedly. Craig gulps. He’d rather face Tweek’s weirded out face because of his confession than an anxiety attack. Also knowing whoever his crush was would feel like a punch in the gut.
“Really Craig?” Clyde whispers, and somehow it seems that he’s catching on. “We can just not do it…”
The people at the chat begin talking again and they all demand to know who’s managed to steal Craig’s Tucker heart. He makes a face at the comments and thinks about his options. Then fucking Kenny mentions Tweek again and vodka’s already made up his mind.
“Yeah, it was about damn time anyways.” Craig’s eyes end up inevitably on Tweek’s. He’s convinced this is the last time he will see him like this, everything is going to change after he dials-up.
“Ok, I’m sure it will be okay…” Clyde tries laughing but the tension in the car is too much.
Craig nods and pulls out his phone from his hoodie. His hands are shaking but he wills it away. He presses ‘Tweek’ on his phone and quickly pulls it to his ear, as if the people on the car wouldn’t see it was him he’s calling.
Tweek’s phone gives him a couple seconds before it rings and then it’s over. He risks one glance at Clyde whose face is actually draining color, then back to Tweek who is frowning as he unlocks his phone. He still hasn’t looked up and Clyde quickly snatches his own phone and ends the live.
“Dude,” Tweek finally says hanging up. “You called me.”
Craig feels he’s going to actually puke his heart on Tweek’s car and if what he has just done won’t end years of friendship, that will.
“GAH- well done Craig,” Tweek says puting a hand over his heart. “Jesus that was quick thinking. They must have bought it right?”
He’s looking at Clyde now, avoiding Craig, and poor Clyde can’t tear his own eyes away from him, afraid it might sell him.
“...what.” Craig says, because he can’t control himself anymore.
“You- you called me- to… to avoid calling your crush right?” Tweek asks. “Craig?”
It’s now when all the bravery and stupidity alcohol had given him mere seconds ago leaves him for good and Tweek’s weird blue-yellow eyes sober him up. He has never seen -and never will- eyes like his.
“No.”
“No?”
“No.” Craig grips his phone. He doesn’t care if he actually breaks it, he’s probably going to smash it as soon as this is over. “I called my crush.”
“B-but you called nnngh-me.” Tweek whispers.
“... yes.”
Craig sees it as soon as Tweek’s hand is reaching to unzip his seatbelt, and he’s rushing out of the door and going over the driver door before Tweek is fully out. He’s shaking hands and Clyde have slowed him down but now he’s outside, and he totally can punch Craig and run to his house.
“Tweek-” he says lifting up his hands.
“NO- shut up SHUT UP” Tweek screams. Craig tries to put a hand to his shoulder but Tweek dodges him fast and tries to run. Thank genes for his height, Craig manages to grab his sleeve.
“Tweek please-”
“D-dont dont dON’T TOUCH ME!”
“Tweek for the love of go-” Tweek pulls again and he snatches his wrist. “I’m not letting go until you calm down!”
“How-GAH” Tweeks is biting his lip again and he can feel him shaking. “How could you do this time?! Is this a prank?!”
“What?!” Craig says confused. “Why would I-”
“Craig you are not gay!” Tweek says and he could swear that was a tear running down the boy’s cheek. “GAH! I’ve known you for 10 years, you are not gay. I know.”
Craig is frowning now. He releases Tweek hand who takes it to his chest as if Craig’s touch burned it. Maybe it had.
“I don’t know how- why… why you are doing this but you are clearly- confused. You are confused nghh and you are most certainly not gay,” Tweek mutters. “Believe me, I’ve checked.”
“What-”
“And if you were,” Tweek interrupts him. “It definitely wouldn’t be me.”
Craig is trying to make sense of the words and horribly failing to when he notices Tweek slipping past him and walking fast to his house. He’s inside before he can get his heart back on check and he slumps against the car, still facing the Tweak’s residence.
It’s Clyde who breaks the silence bumping the window. He’s mouthing something so he opens the driver’s door -Tweek’s, door- and takes the keys from the ignition.
“Dude.” Clyde whispers. He doesn’t answer and this earns him a punch on the shoulder. “Dude! Tweek?! He’s your crush?”
“What, you aren’t surprised I’m gay?” Craig says looking at the floor.
“What- no! Fuck that!” Clyde says. “I’m mad you didn’t fucking tell me it was Tweek! I wouldn’t have fucking said anything about this stupid challenge!”
Craig looked at his friend with glassy eyes. Clyde jumped to the front seat, looked at him for a second and then hugged him.
“I don’t give a fucking shit about you being gay.” he says on his shoulder. “I-I mean, I do, I-I care about you and stuff but. I’m more worried about what just happened right now,”
Craig brought his arms up and held onto his friend.
“I wished you would have told me but… I understand. I understand, Craig,”
“I think I lost him,” Craig whispers. “I fucked up for good.”
Clyde holds him tighter and let's go with a final pat on the back. Craigs rubs his face aggressively.
“If what I saw and heard was what I did hear.” Clyde says grinning. “You might be wrong, Tucker.”
“What?”
“He didn’t seem upset about finding out about you liking him,” he says and Craig scoffs. “No, listen to me, dude. He seemed like he wouldn’t believe you are gay,”
“He said that even if I were, it wouldn’t be him,” Craig says. “What the fuck does that mean?!”
“Dude,” Clyde says smiling. “I’m being serious. To me it’s obvious he feels the same way but doesn’t want to give himself hope. He has convinced himself it isn’t true. It can’t be true.”
“But it is.” he whispers. “Who would it be if not him.”
“Wow that’s gay.” Craig punches him. “DUDE! Rude!”
“Even if he likes me, which we don’t know, he’s obviously way too fucking upset now. What do I even do.”
“Show him how gay you are for him, duh.”
Craig stares at his friend for a couples seconds and thinks. He has been for the past 17 years hiding his emotions, being the stoic, mysterious boy that doesn’t smile and barely speaks. This is the first time he tells somebody he’s gay. And it feels right.
“I like that face. That’s smiling Craig. You are onto something,”
“There’s no smiling Craig,”
“Oh there is. Look at him,” Clyde turns the rearview and Craig sees himself. Nothing has changed since he has told Clyde. He’s the exact same Craig Tucker. He smiles.
“Ok. Let’s do this.”
“All right!” Clyde screams and they both grab their bags and exit the car. Craig closes it and debates whether to leave the keys by the door on a pot or something or take them home. “I hope that by 'let’s do this' you mean 'let’s do this tomorrow' after we have slept and nursed the hangover we are definitely gonna have.”
“Yes,” Craig says nodding. “Go to sleep, dude.”
Clyde closes the space between them and gives him one last hug between walking down the street to his house, a few streets away. He goes to the door and drops the keys on the mailbox. They miraculously fit.
He’s about to text Tweek that he closed the car and the keys are there when he looks up and he sees movement on Tweek’s window. He sighs and turns, adjusts his backpack over his shoulder and walks home.