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Takashi knew he was in love. And he hated it.
All it took was for some random kid from his classroom to be kind to him, and in a blink of an eye he was head over heels. And it just kept getting worse. His heart couldn’t take the lightheartedness of Nishimura, how he laughs at his own jokes, the way he pouts when someone disagrees with him, how carefree he is, and how affectionate he is.
It all began when he had fallen asleep in an empty classroom. He had done that a couple of times when his fatigue got the best of him, but one afternoon Nishimura found him. It happened so quickly, one second Takashi was having a nightmare and in the next Nishimura was laughing. An in that moment Takashi knew he was done for, he fell and he fell hard. Maybe it was Nishimura’s laugh, or maybe how he didn’t mind the fact that Takashi was talking in his sleep; the fact was that whenever Nishimura talked to him, or smile at his direction, Takashi’s heart did a flip and his cheeks become a deep pink color.
But all of this will end when I mess up, Takashi thought as his eyes gave in, soon to be surrounded by darkness. It didn’t last long, though. There was someone shaking him and screaming his name. When he opened his eyes he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry because Nishimura was next to him asking him if he was okay. But now all Takashi could hear was the Gods laughing at the irony of the situation.
"Don’t worry, Nishimura. I’m anemic s-so this happens all the time” Hopefully that would calm his classmate, but that only made things worse. Now Takashi was being lifted up by his crush making him stand on his feet. The sudden change of position made him dizzy, but Nishimura cached him before falling, it was embarrassing but he couldn’t fight it, he was weak and any sudden movement from his part would only make him pass out again.
They walked in silence toward Nishimura’s house. It was a bad idea, because Takashi knew the yokai that made him faint would follow him, but he was tired and it was nearly impossible to run away from Nishimura, especially now when he was worried sick.
After a while, they arrived to their destination. It was a pretty house, the air was so different from the other places he had to say in, Takashi could feel that the people that lived there were nice, they loved each other. He felt envious, why didn’t I get the chance to live somewhere like this before? He quickly discarded the thought that popped in his brain, he was safe with Touko-san and Shigeru-san, at least from now.
From the corner of his eye he saw a black figure, it was the yokai from before. It was in front of Nishimura’s house, and it was getting closer to the door. The last thing Takashi wanted was for the yokai to hunt his dear classmate’s house. So he quickly apologized and ran from the house, so that the yokai could chase him.
After that event, Takashi knew he couldn’t continue to be close to Nishimura. It was for the best, he told himself, falling to ignore the pain in his chest.
☐ ☐ ☐
It was a stressful week. Satoru’s brother was studying for university exams and his mom only had eyes for him. It was upsetting coming home to be told to be quiet and to not disturb Hideaki. Satoru knew he would never manage to be as smart and diligent as his brother, after all, it was in his brother’s name, he was excellent and wise. His name on the other hand, enlightenment, what’s that supposed to mean? Maybe if I change the kanji I’ll make mom proud, Satoru thought one sleepless night after an argument with his mother after she saw a quiz he failed. In summary, his life was a mess.
It wasn’t a surprise when he snapped at Natsume in the library. He wasn’t angry at his classmate per se, but the way the boy in front of him talked made his blood boil. And in a blink of an eye he was screaming. He knows he said a lot of horrible things to Natsume, but he doesn’t remember exactly what. It was honestly kind of scary, being able to change moods so quickly and forget the details of what even happened.
So he ran. He ran away from Natsume before he would do something worse because the thought of hurting Natsume made his stomach twist and his heart ache. He could feel his throat burning from breathing so hard, his muscles tearing apart from the toil he was making. Yet he felt far away, that was not his body moving. His body was stuck, his heart was heavy.
His exhaustion made him stop running. He could feel his breath stuck in his throat. The more he breathed in the dizzier he got. There was a subtle yet strong presence on his throat making it difficult to inhale. It felt like drowning. And in some way he was, his anger was suffocating him. But soon that feeling was replaced with dread. Where was he? His eyes were falling him from the lack of air and all he could see was a blur of green and black.
I’m going to die here, that was his last thought before he heard someone scream his name and suddenly he was engulfed in light.
He didn’t know how much time had passed, but it felt like an eternity. He could hear two people talking, one voice sounded familiar and soothing. Satoru wanted to see who that voice belonged to, so he opened his eyes slowly. However, his eyelids were heavy and his eyes were unfocused, so he couldn’t see much, just two silhouettes, a boy and a cat. He looks like Natsume, Satoru thought, which made his heart feel warm. He kept listening, it was difficult so he only understood the last sentence.
“… He’s special to me. He was the first person to talk to me in that classroom…”
Satoru turned his head to see that boy, to see Natsume. And God, he looked beautiful. The sun was setting, the light hitting softly Natsume’s face, his hair looked golden and his eyes were shining with a bitter happiness.
“It made me really happy”
Satoru laughed. It was out of relief, but also sadness and jealousy.
Then stop talking to the cat, Natsume, and talk to me more.
☐ ☐ ☐
Takashi was destined to die young. He thought of it as a “family tradition”, not only his grandmother, Reiko, but both of his parents had died in their early 30’s.
But I’m going to beat their record because Nishimura is going to give me a heart attack on my sixteen’s.
Ever since Nishimura got possessed, they become closer and closer. It was obvious that he really liked spending time with Takashi, he would always invite him to do things Takashi had never done before, and would invent excuses to spend more time with him. It was nice, but Takashi’s feeling only grew stronger, and it didn’t help that Nishimura didn’t know the concept of personal space, or that he said whatever came to his mind without further thinking.
Takashi appreciated all the attention Nishimura was giving him, but lately some statements and actions of his friend confused him a lot. Just last week Nishimura had managed to hugged Takashi a total of 37 times (he count them all), implied at least 20 times that he thought Takashi was pretty, and hint at possible romantic feelings towards him. It was annoying, Takashi’s heart couldn’t take all of Nishimura’s antics, especially when Takashi was sure it was impossible for Nishimura to feel the same way.
So he decided to distance himself. It was the only solution he could arrive. To take a break from Nishimura and his shenanigans, so that his heart could rest. It was an immature tactic but it was an efficient one. He still talked to his other friends, especially Tanuma and Taki. That’s why Takashi was currently on Tanuma’s house, venting all of his feelings to his friends.
“Natsume-kun, don’t take this the wrong way but… don’t you think that you’re exaggerating?” Taki said as she petted Nyanko-sensei. “Being in love is difficult but don’t worry, no one has died for love”
“This is a different, I’ve never experienced this before” Takashi blushed deeply “Don’t get me wrong, I- I love all of you, I also love Kitamoto and my other yokai friends. And I love Touko-san and Shigeru-san but… this is. I don’t know how to handle this new kind of love, it’s intoxicating and heavy. I don’t like it” He looked at the reflection of the pond and sighed. “I know Nishimura doesn’t feel the same way I do and that’s fi-” the words died on Takashi’s throat, he couldn’t finish as he felt a tightness in his chest. Oh god I’m really going to have a heart attack.
“But you are being too pessimistic!” Tanuma said as he patted Takashi’s back “Are you so sure Nishimura doesn’t love you back?” Takashi was looking at Tanuma with confusion. “Because that’s a likely possibility, so why don’t you confess?” Tanuma
“Well… I don’t think so. He’s just being nice to me, that’s all” Takashi said quickly, he didn’t want to get his hopes up. He couldn’t imagine the pain of being rejected, and he didn’t want to compromise his friendship with Nishimura, after all they’ve been through it would be distressing to just let go. Even in the absence of the knowledge that Takashi could see yokai, he considers Nishimura part of his family, like all of his friends. They were precious to him, although it was embarrassing to accept out loud.
So, for the sake of his dear family he decided to keep quiet and try his best to hide his feelings.
☐ ☐ ☐
It was a rainy Sunday evening. The last rays of sunlight that could escape the dark purple clouds where softly hitting the droplets of water that where falling from the sky. It was a peaceful scene, if it wasn’t for the running high school boys that were looking for shelter. Luckily for them they found an abandoned shire. It was old, it smelled of wet wood and there were water leaks coming from the roof, but it was sufficient.
“Oh god, Natsume, your mom is going to be so worried! You were supposed to be at your house 2 hours ago!!”
“Touko-san isn’t my mom, she’s-
"Of course she is, what you mean she isn’t?!”
Takashi blushed. It was embarrassing, however the warmth of his cheeks spread to his chest, and all he could do was smile. It’s been more than half a year since he came to live with the Fujiwaras, and he enjoyed every second of it. He was convinced that they loved him unconditionally, and that they will support him no matter what, but sometimes his doubts got the best of him. He wasn’t sure if they thought of them as their son, and he didn’t want to call them mom or dad, even if he desperately wanted to, because he feared they would reject him. It was painful but it was something that was necessary to make them comfortable and happy.
“Please, Nishimura, don’t Touko-san that. I know she takes care of me but…” Takashi didn’t want to make his friend guilty, so he spoke in a gentle way with dashing smile.
Nonetheless, Satoru knew that smile was fake, he could tell just from looking at Natsume’s eyes, they were full of sorrow and melancholy. Satoru frowned “Okay, I won’t call her or Shigeru-san anything like that. But you know they love you, right? It’s obvious that they consider you their son, Natsume”
Natsume’s mask dropped for half a second, his smile faded and his face tensed. He looked lost and confused, like he couldn’t comprehend what his friend said. If Satoru wasn’t paying attention he would have missed it. But that expression was quickly replaced. His eyes were closed slightly making little wrinkles appear on his face; they were glossy, making the emerald green more bright; his cheeks were dyed with a soft pink and he was smiling. A real smile. Satoru could count with his fingers the times he saw Natsume smile for real. And all of those times he felt butterflies in his stomach, and his heart beat faster. The warm feeling was annoying, Satoru blamed the rain, it was likely he caught a cold. But he could let that slide, as long as Natsume was happy, he would bear those feeling he couldn’t explain.
“Thank you. I know that, but I still need some time processing that” Natsume chuckled, it was soft and almost inaudible, but Satoru heard it perfectly and his breath got caught in his throat. Maybe I’m really sick.
☐ ☐ ☐
Satoru was in his best friend’s house, Kitamoto. They were studying for a math exam, the topic was rather difficult for Satoru, despite the fact that math was the subject he understood the most. The formulas where simple, and the topic was one of the easiest on the curriculum, however his brain didn’t want to cooperate. He was grateful that Kitamoto always helped him whenever he needed to review difficult subjects, so that’s what they did. But as the evening turned into night he became more restless as he couldn’t memorize anything.
“Gahhh! I will fail math, I’ll stain the Nishimura name, and I will never find a bride that takes me as her husband because I failed a math exam!!!” Kitamoto could only laugh at the dramatic statement his friend made. However, Satoru’s behavior was… weird. It looked like his mind was somewhere else. If he was distracted then it was obvious why he couldn’t solve the math problems.
“Hey, Satoru, maybe we should rest a bit, that way you can focus more. Besides, the exam is next week, you still have time” Kitamoto raised his arms to stretch them, his back was hurting for sitting down for such a long time. He looked at Satoru, and he wasn’t surprised when Kitamoto found his friend pouting. He sighed, oh, so is this because of that?
“God Satchan, don’t tell me you can’t concentrate because Natsume couldn’t come here to study with us” Satoru turned pink and cursed something under his breath.
“Dude, you see him every day! And tomorrow you have a ‘date’ with him, so don’t be depressed just because he couldn’t come here today!!” Satoru’s blush grew stronger, the tip of his ears were red. He covered his face trying to make the redness disappear but it didn’t work.
“Acchaaan, don’t say that! It’s not a date!!!” Suddenly the air changed, the chaotic energy banished completely. Satoru’s eyes carried a melancholy Kitamoto had never seen. It was shocking, seeing his friend so down and pensive.
“We’ve known Natsume for what, more than a year, right?” Kitamoto nodded slowly, maybe he finally figured out his feelings.
“I… I really like him, Atsushi”
Silence.
Then Kitamoto screamed.
“I KNEW, OH MY GOD, TANUMA OWNS ME 500 YEN!!” Kitamoto was crying for laughing so hard. Satoru was petrified
“W-what!?! What the fuck does that mean!!!”
Kitamoto inhaled hoping that would calm his laughter “Tanuma and I had a bet, and I won” he said while drying his tears.
“But about what!!!”
“Well…” Kitamoto raised an eyebrow, “You are in love with Natsume, you said it yourself”
More silence.
Now, Satoru was screaming.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M IN LOVE WITH NATSUME? I’M STRAIGHT, YOU KNOW??”
☐ ☐ ☐
“Takashi, I’m in love with you” Satoru said gently while holding both of Takashi’s hands.
Faintly, Satoru could hear from the distance the laugh of his so called best friend from a hiding place he shared with Tanuma and Taki.
Satoru waited, and looked at Takashi. The blond boy was shocked, as if a bucket full of cold water was thrown on his face.
"H- Hey Takashi, are you okay? It's fine if you don't feel the same way" Satoru let go if Natsume's hands. His anxiety spiked up, the last thing he wanted to do was to make Natsume distressed "I just wanted to let you know..." His voice was cracking up, showing an underlying sadness. He was ready to leave, but a hand hold tightly Satoru’s wrist making him stop.
"Wait!" Natsume said as he hold tightly Satoru's wrist "I'm sorry, what you said shocked me, so I didn’t know how to react” He was blushing and looking down where his hand was.
“You don’t have to say anything right now, if you need time to-”
“I love you too” The words that came out of Takashi’s mouth where as soft as velvet and as sweet as honey, and in that moment Satoru’s heart jumped, there were a thousand butterflies in his stomach and his face was getting warmer as the seconds passed, however he felt suspended in time. The world was empty except for Satoru and Takashi. And he saw Takashi’s smile, it was beautiful, he was beautiful. And Satoru knew that he would do whatever was on his reach to make Takashi smile as frequent as possible.