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Arthur was tired. All that training during the day and his father’s nagging during dinner had taken everything out of him. He was ready to just plop down on his bed in a starfish position and recharge. The worst thing about this day was that he hadn’t seen Merlin once. He had been so busy with his princely duties, that he didn’t have the time to shoot a quick look to where he knew his secret boyfriend to be making the rounds for Gaius.
He grumbled when he thought about it and let his hair fall into his face. Merlin must be asleep by now. Snuggled under his too cold blanket in his rooms – even though Arthur had tried gifting him warmer ones – and dreaming of… him hopefully. When Arthur had first lain in Merlin’s bed, he had beenappalled at its hardness and the thin blanket that has been half moth-eaten for a while now. But when he’d told Merlin he’d replace it, Merlin had been quick to shake his head and decline; “If you do that, people will wonder why you did that. Why the bed of all things? Why not my coat? And people will know and I will lose you.”
Arthur had wanted to argue and wanted to tell him that he’d get him a new coat as well and ask what else needed fixing in Merlin’s life because he loved him. But of course, he knew he was right. If Uther ever knew that Arthur was not only gay but also in a relationship with his manservant, Merlin would be exiled at best. At worst, they would both be executed and Arthur couldn’t bare to lose him. Not now that he finally had him after months and months of pining until Merlin had kissed him in a rush of euphoria after Arthur had won a tournament.
And about that second admission… they hadn’t technically said the ‘L’ word yet, so Arthur was being careful with it. He didn’t want to scare Merlin off, after all, especially since Merlin had seemed so freaked out after that first kiss. It was better to hold off on that until they’d be able to elope together. Arthur had the dream of running away to a farm. He always wanted to keep some pigs. They amused him. Maybe a couple of sheep as well…
Arthur cracked his neck when he finally reached the corridor to his chambers and half-hartedly rubbed on one of his shoulders that felt sore after today’s training session. Ever since the start of spring, the knights were desperate to get back in form. Arthur suspected that they also had the need to release pent up nervous energy when they came at each other with their training swords. Usually, Arthur was one of them. Spending his winters longingly looking outside for the first signs of spring to arrive. This year however, he was so content and happy to be with Merlin in his free time that he didn’t even notice when the birds started singing and the daffodils started to flourish. In fact, now that he looked back on it, he could’ve done with more time…
With a sigh, he pressed down on his doorknob and stepped into his room. He was flooded with light and couldn’t help but stand still as if he’d been stunned for a moment to take it all in. There was fire in his fireplace, roaring and crackling and keeping the room warm and cozy. There was food on his table at the sight of which his appetite reared its head and his stomach started rumbling. But the most striking sight at all was Merlin, who was wiping down a vase next to his bed.
“Took you long enough,” Merlin huffed with a small smile on his face while he continued to wipe down the antique.
Arthur stepped farther into the room and quickly closed the door behind him.
“What are you still doing here?”
Merlin looked up with a glint in his eye. “I’m your manservant, am I not supposed to be here at this time?”
Arthur hated it when Merlin referred to himself as his servant, especially since they’d started… were they dating? It just sounded wrong. But Merlin had convinced him that it would be the best way to assure that they could be in contact without anyone taking notice and Arthur had to admit he was right. As usual, he’s just too hot-headed to think straight when it came to the people he loved. Oops, here he’d thought it again. He’d really have to keep his own thoughts in check so that he wouldn’t just blurt it out sometime.
“Cat got your tongue?” Merlin asked, when Arthur took too long to reply.
“I was just thinking that I might need my manservant all night from now on.”
Merlin huffed and didn’t look up from his task. “Kinky. I’m not sure I’m that into servant and master roleplaying games, sweetheart, sorry.”
Arthur rolled his eyes fondly. “Who says I’m roleplaying?”
“A royal forcing their servant into sex-slavery? Gasp. Arthur, be more original than that, will you?”
Arthur had to admit defeat on that one in order to not talk himself into a deeper hole. He took off his shoes while eyeing Merlin critically.
“What are you doing there, anyway?”
“I’m polishing your vase.”
“Why?”
“To put flowers in.”
Arthur huffed.
“To put flowers in. Who sent them this time? Don’t tell me, Princess Madelaine? Cathrine? Anne?”
Merlin just smiled that secret smile of his that Arthur couldn’t get enough when he was in on the joke. Now, he just felt laughed at and decided to change the topic all together.
“What did you do today?” he asked, walking over to the table and picking up a piece of bread to munch on.
“What did I do today? My, sire, this is getting awfully domestic, don’t you think? You know what I did today, I was a good housewife and crocheted by the fire, waiting for your return.”
Ah. Arthur suddenly understood. Merlin was mad at him for coming back so late. Arthur couldn’t help but smile at the faint blush that crept onto Merlin’s features.
“Yeah, well. You know a proper man needs his fighting time.”
“Yeah, well. I wouldn’t know since I’ve never met a proper man in my life,” Merlin countered.
“Oi!” Arthur took a bunch of grapes and popped one in his mouth before he used another one to try to hit Merlin with it.
Merlin yelped and immediately picked up the grape to eat it, much to Arthur’s disgust.
“All I see is a girl, who is about to take her evening bath at moonlight to highlight her delicate skin,” Merlin grinned and mimed a fainting motion.
“I’m not a girl,” Arthur murmured but immediately went to see if the bath was drawn and indeed it was. At his ideal temperature as well!
Merlin sniggered when he turned around and saw Arthur sitting on the edge of the tub with pure glee on his face.
“Go on then, get naked,” he said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and Arthur couldn’t help but laugh.
He loved how easy being with Merlin felt. He loved how he didn’t even think of his sore shoulder or his heavy feet anymore as soon as he saw Merlin. He loved him.
Merlin was obviously finished rubbing down the vase with an old cloth because he positioned it neatly on Arthur’s bedside table. Arthur frowned. Why did Merlin care so much about flowers a random princess had send? And why didn’t he put them on the table like he usually did? Slowly, he walked over and took a look at the flowers. Daffodils, lilacs and primroses… These weren’t flowers a princess would send. If a princess had sent flowers, they would be more exorbitant, more expensive looking. They wouldn’t send flowers that could be found in the forest of Camelot, which meant…
Arthur couldn’t help himself, he circled Merlin’s waist from behind and hugged him tightly. He pressed a soft kiss to Merlin’s nape, when Merlin yelped. He quickly relaxed and Arthur took that as encouragement. He peppered barely there kisses all over Merlin’s neck, before he nuzzled it affectionately.
“What are you doing?” Merlin finally asked, laughing.
“Thank you.”
“What for?”
“The flowers.”
Merlin stayed completely still for a second and then sighed. He let himself fall back and into Arthur’s arms.
“You’re welcome.”
“They’re beautiful.”
“You’re sappy.”
“You’re beautiful.”
Merlin laughed again and struggled out of Arthur’s embrace. He lightly hit him with the cloth he used on the vase and said: “Now who’s the girl?”
“Still you.”
“You’re the sappy one.”
“You’re the one who brought me flowers.”
“Yes, because you’re a girl.”
“I don’t think that’s the reason.”
Merlin blushed slightly.
“Yes, yes it is. I picked you those because I thought hey, you know what? Arthur is such a girl he will appreciate those.”
“Aww you picked those yourself?”
“Sure did,” Merlin said proudly, grinning as Arthur’s hands settled on his waist.
“Girl.”
Merlin spluttered. “I beg your pardon?”
“Gi-hirl,” Arthur shot back in a sing song voice and laughed at Merlin’s outrage.
“Well, excuse me, Mister, how dare I do something nice for the man I lo-“ Merlin broke off, looking alarmed.
Arthur went slack-jawed and looked at Merlin as if he could make him continue just by wishing it.
Silence hung in the room, neither of them moving or saying a word.
“What…” Arthur licked his lips nervously, “what did you say?”
“Nothing, I didn’t say anything.”
“Yes, yes you did, you said you lo-“ Arthur didn’t get much farther because Merlin quickly put his hand over Arthur’s mouth, effectively shutting him up.
“Arthur,” Merlin said softly, “whatever I said or didn’t say, please don’t freak out about it.”
Arthur furrowed his brow and mumbled against Merlin’s fingers.
Merlin slowly took his hand away and looked at Arthur with an expression he couldn’t decipher.
Arthur nodded.
“Say it. Please. I promise I won’t freak out.”
Merlin scrunched up his face.
“I’d rather not.”
Arthur tightened his grip on Merlin’s waist, hoping to signal him that he felt the same, silently asking how Merlin could have ever doubted that Arthur feels the same.
Merlin exhaled nervously.
“I love you.”
Arthur couldn’t answer right away, he was too caught up in the warm feeling those words elicited in him, storming through his body like a thunderstorm. Merciless but beautiful.
When Merlin tried to wiggle out of his hold, Arthur was snapped out of his thoughts and back into the present. He smiled so wide that his cheeks immediately started hurting and he pulled Merlin in by his hips, hugging him tightly.
“I love you, too,” he mumbled against Merlin’s neck.
“I love you so much, Merlin. I love you so much.”
Merlin finally let go of the cloth and tightened his arms around Arthur, letting one of his hands trace Arthur’s back soothingly.
“You’re definitely the girl here,” Merlin said and both of them couldn’t help but laugh at that.
If being called a girl meant that Arthur would get to feel this way every day for the rest of his life, he’d gladly endure it. He couldn’t wait for the day when Camelot was ready for two men loving each other as purely and honestly and he and Merlin did. Until then, he knew, they would have to hide and be together in secret. But he couldn’t wait to put a crown on Merlin’s head. He couldn’t wait for Merlin to move into his own room and into his bed where there was a soft and big mattress with a big, hole-less blanket and as many pillows as Merlin could ever want. He couldn’t wait to take Merlin by the hand and to show him his favourite places and niches in Camelot and he couldn’t wait to kiss him openly during the Yule celebrations. To have him sit next to him during feasts.To wear a token of his affections during tournaments and to love him unconditionally, honestly and openly, as Merlin deserves.
