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I’ve never so adored you-
Hinata watched as Komaeda’s eyes lit up like the vivid lamplights around them. The vibrant purples, violets and magentas reflected off his grey eyes- which were swirling like the violent clouds before a storm, shades mingling together like dark groups of clouds ganging up together before spitting at the Earth at full speed.
His head looked like a jewel- what with the iridescent shades in his pale hair and the beautiful way that the light reflected off each strand like a mirror. His white hair turned peachy pink at the ends, almost as if he was capable of blushing right down to his hair. It was as if each end had been individually kissed by Aphrodite, giving it its pretty pink hue.
There always had been something powerful about Komaeda, in a weird sort of way. As if he could have or do anything he wanted. That’s partially why Hinata was always so surprised he put himself down as he did. He was such an interesting person- so effervescent and spirited, lively and coruscating. He was incredible.
Hinata didn’t think he’d ever been so enthralled by a single person, so fascinated by his actions and words.
I’m twisting allegories now-
And yet- he couldn’t understand anything about him.
Everything he said was completely baffling. Twisted words and spiralling meanings, all of which perplexed and teased Hinata’s brain like cruel riddles. Nothing he said made sense. All of his talk about hope and despair and becoming a stepping stone to whatever the hell- it all confused him to no end. What did it all mean? What was it supposed to mean?
I want to complicate you-
Everything was already so complicated. School, the weird things happening with the so-called gang of ‘Ultimate Despairs’ that were wreaking havoc at Hope’s Peak, the dichotomy between the Reserve course and the Main course. Nothing was simple, huh?
Don’t let me do this to myself-
He didn’t want to fall in love with Komaeda. He didn’t want to fall in love with the ‘crazy lunatic’ who had crazy eyes and crazy speech and an even crazier disposition.
I’m chasing rollercoasters-
He didn’t want to fall in love with someone who would probably never have time for him, who would never consider him worthwhile due to his horrible lack of talent. The crushing life of an insignificant nobody wrapped itself around his neck like a glistening snake, suffocating him slowly. The knowledge would never leave his brain; he’d always know that he wasn’t good enough for Komaeda.
I’ve got to have you closer now-
And yet he couldn’t stay away. He’d never forget about not being good enough, yet he couldn’t bring himself to leave Komaeda alone. The other boy, for some unknown reason, allowed Hinata to stay by his side. It was rare that they’d ever be apart. These days, they were almost a matching set, like in the minds of their classmates their associations had been intertwined- connotations twirling together like fate had planned to set them beside one another from the start.
Endless romantic stories-
There was nothing romantic about their closeness, though. It was cold. At least for one party, though, clearly . Each electric touch, each meaning-charged moment where their fingers would brush against each other for a split second, or when their eyes would meet for a second too long to be considered chance; all of it mattered so much to Hinata.
He’d lay still at night, staring out at the constellating pinpricks in the velvety darkness, picturing Komaeda’s face in the stars as his name spilled through his thoughts, wondering what it would be like if Komaeda’s eyes held love for once- just for him.
Of course, none of the moments meant anything to Nagito. Even if it was only an assumption on Hinata’s part, he knew that his feelings could never be returned. They slipped from his heart earnestly, trembling, heartfelt nothings that meant so much more than that, only to be met with cold indifference. Not even acknowledging that they were there.
You never could control me-
He didn’t understand Komaeda. He didn’t understand him one bit. His cognitive ability failed him whenever it was time to think about the other boy. His heart took over and broke into a sprint, tripping over itself foolishly, falling in blind love.
He couldn’t control how Komaeda felt. He couldn’t even tell what he was thinking half of the time. This contributed to a rather curious state of being that was neither here nor there- neither sure nor undecided.
Well, I never really thought that you’d come tonight-
As Hinata stood outside Komaeda’s house, hands perched like birds ready to take flight over the steering wheel of his dad’s car, he wondered if he’d show up. There really was no reason to, after all. It was just Hinata outside, after all.
He sighed heavily, spitting up insecurity after insecurity- they never seemed to end. It was like he was going to throw up if this kept going.
Finally, Komaeda’s face appeared through a steadily widening crack in the front door. In the translucent moonlight, his face looked like a shining pearl. His eyes were wide and round, silver irises gleaming. His face broke out into a wide grin once he set his eyes upon Hinata. God knows why.
While the crown hangs heavy on either side-
Komaeda got into the car, with the heavy click of the car door leaving a resounding weight on Hinata’s heart. They sat in silence, the only sound breaking the quiet being the delicate thudding of Hinata’s fingers against the dashboard.
“Let’s go then, shall we?” Hinata finally asked. Komaeda simply nodded, the small smile never leaving his face.
Of course, Hinata thought that Komaeda always looked beautiful, but there was something unnerving about his countenance. Like it was forced- unwillingly glued to his face by some imaginary imps. Or maybe some demons hijacked his brain- either way, it didn’t look genuine...But that was Komaeda. Hinata longed for the day that he could break down the barriers that prevented Komaeda from revealing his true self- a version of him that wasn’t anchored down by whatever misconceptions he held of the world.
Give me one last kiss while we’re far too young to die-
The car kicked into motion and they were off, speeding down the highway to a city of blinding lights.
Komaeda hummed by Hinata’s side when the only remaining noise was the gentle hum of the engine. It was a sad-sounding song, one with residual edges of melancholy and broken hearts. What truly made it mellifluous to the ear was the fact that it was Komaeda humming it, though. It’s what always made things more beautiful.
We’re far too young to die-
The humming suddenly stopped- abrupt as it had become. Even the stars seemed to stay quiet, for the night was still. Darkness pervaded the clandestine song of the night, stifling any and all sounds. The animals were asleep.
“Could...could you pull over, please?” Komaeda finally said.
Far too young to die-
“Of course,” Hinata said with a swift nod, not missing the choked prickle to Komaeda’s tone. He sounded...almost scared. Like fear was digging into his neck, piercing his vocal cords and mangling his speech.
Hinata pulled over by the edge of a cliff, parking right by the fenced-off edge. Komaeda stumbled out, face even whiter than before, if it was even possible.
Fixation or psychosis-?
He fell to his knees, breathing heavily. Hinata’s eyes widened as he watched the boy heave, stepping backwards slightly in case he was being too close.
“I- I can’t- I can’t-” Komaeda spluttered, clutching at himself pathetically. He looked like he was trying to twist his torso off.
Devoted to Neurosis now-
Hinata made a split-second decision. He gritted his teeth, then darted to Komaeda’s side, kneeling down in the dirt beside him. He placed a hand on his shoulder, just as a small reassurance that he was there in case he needed it. Komaeda owned his heart. He wanted to be helpful.
He rubbed circles into Komaeda’s back while the other cried, glistening tears flooding from his eyes in rounded beads, tumbling clumsily down his cheeks and shimmering in the moonlight. They looked like moonstones, right before they toppled down to the ground, soaking into the dirt below.
Komaeda clung to Hinata’s shirt, leaning his entire body weight on him as he grasped at the fabric tightly, his entire body shaking with wicked sobs.
“I don’t- I don’t understand why you humour me, Hinata-Kun,” he began to say. “I don’t understand why you let me hang around you, when I’m so useless, so terrible. I’m insane, Hinata.”
Hinata was taken aback by the confession. He...hadn’t expected that. “How could you think such a horrible thing?” he asked, voice low and small. “You’re...you’re incredible, Komaeda.”
“I’m not. How could you say something like that?”
“Because It’s true. That’s who you are to me. You’re...you’re truly brilliant.”
Endless romantic stories-
Komaeda analysed Hinata’s face, eyes darting from one eye to the other, trying to detect any trace of a lie. It was like his gaze was a mouse, jumping around wildly while it searched for its target- in this case, it is the absence of truth.
Komaeda sniffled, leaning his face down against Hinata’s chest. He nuzzled against the other boy, his breathing laboured and soft. Hinata could feel his shirt dampen from the tears, but he didn’t particularly care.
“Komaeda...I-”
You never could control me-
Komaeda leaned up and pressed his lips to Hinata’s, wrapping his hands in Hinata’s shirt as if it were a bandage.
The kiss was salty and tasted like tears- it was forceful and strong, reassuring. Hinata’s eyes widened and his hands hovered above Komaeda’s shoulders awkwardly, before he allowed his gaze to flutter shut.
He brushed a loose strand of Komaeda’s pearly hair behind his ear, ghosting his fingers against Komaeda’s jaw as he kissed him back softly, his lips working against Komaeda’s at a steady pace.
Well, I never really thought that you’d come tonight-
Komaeda loosened his grip on Hinata’s shirt, instead opting to wrap his arms around his neck, fingertips brushing against the back of his neck.
When they finally separated, they could feel each other’s hearts thudding quickly in their chests, for their bodies were pressed together like flower petals.
“You’re precious to me, Komaeda,” Hinata finally said, breaking the silence between them. He felt emboldened by the kiss.
“You’re precious to me too, Hinata-Kun.”
“I don’t know why I asked you to come with me tonight, I wasn’t even sure if you’d agree.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“I think that...that I needed to.”
Komaeda hummed in agreement.
While the crown hangs heavy on either side-
They got back into the car and drove off, heading towards their initially planned destination. It was hard to let go of each other’s hands.
Give me one last kiss while we’re far too young to die-
They watched the lights flicker in the distance, soft kisses reflected in each others’ eyes like diamonds. Precious, but unlike jewels in the way that it didn’t last forever. They wouldn’t last forever. They wouldn’t stay young forever.
We’re far too young to die-
They would both die one day, or separate. They would find new partners perhaps or someone new to find meaningful, but for now, they were enough for each other. They needed each other. They required each other’s presence like nothing else.
...
Far too young to die...