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Shepard clings to the sensation of Liara’s hands covering her eyes so well she can’t see through her fingers. It’s a celebratory darkness, one filled with anticipation for what’s coming, but uneasiness for what she walks her through. There’s no armor to protect her shins, just the trust that Liara will deliver her safely. And if she never sees again, Shepard can always follow the apple musk Liara spritzed on her neck for such an occasion as this.
Liara says, “Just a little further…stop. Okay…” She peels her fingers away and rests them on Shepard’s bare shoulders. “Surprise!”
Shepard blinks away the strength of the living room lights and settles her eyes on the warm white twinkling strips across the fireplace wall. Several stockings hang, equally spaced, crew names embroidered on each one. The fire crackles red and green, above it holographic gold snowflakes fall and vanish in the flame. More snowflakes descend from the high ceiling, disappearing above her head. The entire apartment’s trimmed with more lights that go on forever. Liara’s found knick knacks a grandmother would love and has posted them on any available shelf.
“You,” she begins, gaping at the work, “decorated.”
“I didn’t want you to go without another holiday.”
"It's not even Christmas."
Liara grabs a tray from the kitchen and sets it on the living room table. "You always missed the holidays. So I brought it to you."
Two mugs, cocoa, and homemade marshmallows dyed light blue and pink. Something warm inside pushes a smile across Shepard’s face and she sits on the long couch.
“This is…”
Tears swell and catch the words she wants to say but forgets them and instead takes a mug in hopes the distraction will make them come back.
“I called your mother,” Liara sits next to her, “and she said she used to do this for you on the ship.”
“Yeah…not as extravagant though.”
“I don’t think she had as much time as I did.” Liara grins.
“Honestly, how did you do this without me knowing?”
“Friends.” That grin gets bigger, then she hides it behind a mug, and sips.
“Oh, you had help?” Shepard leans in.
“They made me promise not to tell you who it was.” And before another sip, she spits out, “Garrus-Tali-Kaidan.”
“And who else?”
“No one.”
“Really? No one like—” Shepard mocks, “—Vega-EDI-Javik to keep me in the arena tourney for six straight hours?”
“Well,” Liara shrugs, “Joker too.”
“What did he do?”
“Watched the door.”
Shepard almost chokes. She catches herself before spitting up on her new black dress. No wonder Liara bought it for her. And it’s the perfect fit. It’s like she got inside her head and knows her every secret, including hip size. And the strapless design suits her, frees her shoulders and doesn’t shame them for being swole.
“So,” Shepard takes a marshmallow and plays with it. “Why pink and blue? Is this some symbolically kinky way of tasting soft, sweet Asari flesh?”
Liara puts her mug down. “No, not…exactly.” She turns her knees to her, laces her fingers together, and gazes into Shepard with such sapphire intensity, Shepard freezes. “I just thought you’d like to know the gender.”
Every deployment has left her starving for home, and the only sustenance to feed her on the current mission is jarred from her hand when the Kodiak dodges a hit from port side. The holo slides across the floor and into Liara’s boot. She picks it up and stares into it.
“When did you take this?” Liara says.
The shuttle shakes and Cortez reports the hot and heavy crap they’re about to get into. Shepard adjusts her armor and hand-taps her weapons for the sixth time, counting sniper, sidearm, and heavy. It relaxes her.
“Shepard.”
It’s a photo of Liara asleep on the couch. The flames illuminated her face so beautifully she couldn’t resist and snapped numerous shots. That night left her back there so many times this trip
“Sarah…”
“After,” Shepard finally says.
Liara looks again and must have noticed the blanket covering her body. Her naked body.
“After,” she copies and hands over the pad. “I see.”
Shepard collapses the pad and stuffs it in one of her packs. She knows Liara would say more but Thessia burns under them and they’re here for a fight.
“You can still stay on the ship,” Shepard says.
“You can’t do this without me,” Liara insists.
She knows that too. Liara has to be there even if…
A pang sticks to her ribs and her throat swells. Shepard tries to cough it out but it’s worse than cocoa. It’s fear. And this kind of fear can kill a father. They’ve already had the argument. It’s one-sided with few words—“That’s my home down there! I have to go!”—so the good commander abides to her lover’s wishes, and purchases the next ammo pack with the best capacity upgrades. Her hands shook when she helped Liara strap her suit on in the armory. “Never thought I’d take four squadmates,” Shepard had said. When Liara didn’t react, Shepard turned her around. “You’re Thessia’s future now.” But Liara said nothing back. She just got in the shuttle and locked in.
Now, Shepard opens the door and watches Asari and Reaper forces exchange continuous gunfire. Buildings have collapsed and burn in carpets of fire. In the short distance, Shepard spots the commando cussing at the soldiers holding barriers. Cortez hovers over debris flat enough to walk on and Shepard arms her rifle and switches to warp ammo.
“This can’t be happening,” Liara looks out from the other edge of the door.
Shepard puts the muzzle down when she turns to her and says, “I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
Stand next to the love of your life in the middle of battle and you will fight harder than any other has ever done. Fear becomes fuel when her breath is theirs, her bullets are theirs, her headshots and misses—all theirs. No room for screw-ups.
Liara takes her free hand and squeezes.
Vega, who has been aft, watching them the entire time, protests at last, “What about me!?”
“Cortez has your back,” Shepard says.
“Damn right I do,” Cortez chimes in.
At least he would have if the air hadn’t been swarmed with Harvesters after their boots hit the ground. Cortez veers off and they’re in the frying pan. Ancient constructs long before the many generations still living had erected, now explode, and plummet in seconds. Missiles whiz overhead. Buildings crackle and the ground shakes. Once they get a handle of the situation, Shepard departs Lieutenant Kurin’s team and brace the frontlines. While Liara keeps thinking of her people, the millions of Asari counting on them to make this worth the blood sacrificed across the world, Shepard’s thoughts boil down to the smallest, and most valuable of all. She’s stuck between the world and Liara. How can one soldier, even a commander, bear the weight of the galaxy and prepare it for new life? A creation she helped make. It wasn’t an accident. They had spoken about it before, many times, and she was okay with it, but she hadn’t thought Liara would jump right back into danger, and make this almost unbearable. True, she can protect herself. Hell, she saved her ass from the Shadow Broker, and they took on his army of mercs, and him on his own. But this…
That’s her baby.
Her little miracle.
She has to tell herself to worry about the next twenty meters, or else she’ll lose her mind to what-ifs, and forget that Thessia can still be saved, whether its by this relic, or their unborn child.
“You thought about a name yet?” Vega asks.
He takes point up ahead and ducks behind quick cover when enemies approach. He tosses a grenade, probably to buy time for conversation. A gunship sweeps across and does it for him.
“Can we focus please?” Liara says. “My home is burning!”
“I mean Lola seems perfectly reasonable. Just sayin’.”
It was good to help the squadmates clear their heads before a tough mission. Family matters, betrayal, revenge, etc.. It kept their head in the plan and sharp eyes in the scopes. But what happens when there’s no time? Soldiers get sloppy. Even with a lover at their side they might let one thing slip. And she never thought Cerberus would cut in.
After Kai Leng orders the gunship to fire at the supports, Shepard’s innards sink to her gut when the floor gives underneath her and all she sees is the future of her family span across hundreds of years as she scrambles to grab onto anything. She can’t end this way. Not without seeing their first steps; their first smile. Her fingers grip what’s left of the dangling floor, tethered by metal bars in the stone. Shepard pulls herself up, all two hundred pounds of armor, bone, and muscle, straining everything she’s learned in N7.
“Shepard!” Liara yells.
Liara jabs her arms down and snatches Shepard’s wrists, but she can’t lift her up. Vega comes in and reaches further to grab her belt, then hoists her up. Shepard swings her leg over and crawls over Liara, but it’s not for a kiss.
She grabs her gun and chases after Kai, who’s already flying away. He’s far and she doesn’t care. He’s gone and she doesn’t care. She empties the thermal clip. Asari voices radiate in her ear. Static noise when she yells back. They die not knowing she’s listening to their screams. She put them in harm’s way. She did. That could have been Liara. That was somebody else’s kid. Grown up kids. Dead because of her.
Reapers black out the view and the rest is too much. Shepard turns off her radio and Vega calls the shuttle. Shepard looks out Cortez’ window after she sees to Liara. Thessia burns orange, no longer the blue Liara grew up in. If there’s a galaxy left, their child may have to live like a Quarian. The shuttle rattles closer to the o-zone, and when they’re clear and bound for the Normandy, Shepard bides a moment before speaking. It’s easy to let war swallow you whole until it’s all you know. But until you bite down on pink and blue marshmallows, life isn’t worth fighting nearly as hard for. There are friends and family, strangers all over the universe, trusting the great Commander Shepard to protect them, but who is going to carry that torch long after she’s gone?
“I was thinking Rebekha.”