Work Text:
Excerpt from ‘Let it Go’
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22096129
To their merit, it’s still somewhat early when they finally leave the Sawamura household behind them.
By then, the four of them are bundled up in multiple layers of thick, colorful clothing— their hats pulled far down over their ears to protect them from the harsh bite of the chilly morning air.
The cold wind against his cheeks are invigorating though, and it wakes Suga more than the questionable amounts of coffee that he had consumed in lieu of a proper breakfast.
Suga can’t help but smile where he is walking next to Daichi, the two of them watching as the man’s younger sisters entertain themselves by forcing too much air out of their lungs at once, cheering as their breath turns to mist in front of their excited faces.
They are adorable, they always are, but especially now with their cheeks painted a rosy pink under layers of cloth.
Still smiling, Suga turns his gaze to Daichi just in time to catch him looking back at him with something fond in his eyes.
There is a soft smile making its way across Daichi’s face then, and Suga elbows him gently— something warm spreading across his chest when Daichi chuckles and shakes his head in response before correcting the heavy bag slung over his broad shoulder.
Today is going to be a good day, Suga thinks.
School has been stressful for all of them lately, their winter breaks lurking just around the corner, barely visible beyond the figurative, and frankly speaking literal mountain of homework and assignments given to them.
It has been a long time now since they have been able to spend time together with the intention of just being, instead of stressful study dates where there had been time for little else than working through their textbooks as they prepared for their finals.
Even longer still, since they had made time for Daichi’s sisters to join them.
They have grown so much, so fast, and Suga silently finds himself wondering how much longer they will be able to do things like this.
How much longer until they reach the point where hanging out with their older brother and his friend is no longer of any interest to them, as the adult world strings them along.
Suga secretly hopes that they still have at least a few more years of this, at the very least.
Having spent more time than he cares to count with Daichi at this point, Suga, in a way, has started to view the other’s family as his own.
Back when he and Daichi had first started to become acquainted with one another, and it had become apparent to his parents that Suga’s own house maybe wasn’t always the best place to be at, the Sawamura’s had welcomed him with open arms as if it was nothing, and offered him nothing but warmth, a sanctuary in form of a place to stay whenever he needed, without raising any questions.
And contrary to Suga’s own parents that never asked him anything, simply because they didn’t care, the Sawamura’s silence was in the form of an acceptance that he had never had the luxury of experiencing before.
And when things became too much, whenever his feelings became too heavy to bear— threatening to overflow and consume all in its wake— himself included, they would listen to him well into the early morning, if he needed it.
Would stay up long after he had passed out from exhaustion, watching over him as they tucked him in and made sure that even in his sleep, he was okay.
And when he and Daichi had hit puberty, what now feels like a lifetime ago— when feelings had first started to emerge and their friendship had turned into something more, the Sawamura’s had welcomed him with open arms, once more.
He remembers crying. Remembers Daichi wrapping his arm around him and planting a kiss on the top of his head and telling him that ‘See, I told you that you had nothing to be worried about, Suga’.
Remembers Daichi’s parents looking at him— them, fondly with nothing but warmth in their eyes and not even an ounce of disgust to be seen, no matter how much he searched.
The Sawamura’s were warm.
Warm and soft and caring, all of them and Suga loved them all so very much.
Suddenly, there is a shout of his name from the youngest, Mika, and it pulls him out of his thoughts just in time to catch sight of a loose snowball flying in his direction.
It doesn’t give him enough time to dodge it though, and it hits him square in the chest— the snow staining his jacket before crumbling to the ground.
For a moment the air is still, and then Suga lets out a shout— his body already bending down by the side of the road and scraping together enough snow to create a weapon on his own before he stands— a wild grin spreading across his face.
“Okay, which one of you did it?” he shouts towards the girls as he throws up the ball into the air, snagging it expertly as it comes tumbling back down, one of his brows quirked.
The girls positively shriek and dart away, Suga taking up the chase, choosing to conveniently ignore Daichi somewhere behind them, urging them to save it for ‘later’.
When Daichi finally manages to catch up to them, they are already outside the building in a pile of limbs and snow, laughing and wrestling as they busy themselves with trying to shovel snow down each other's clothes.
“Okay, that’s enough,” Daichi tells them, and they boo at him in unison with flustered faces and crystals of snow clinging to them, everywhere.
Daichi starts the herculean task of untangling them before pulling them on their feet one after another.
Suga gets to work on dusting off most of the snow from Mika, the youngest, while Daichi takes care of the older one before finally dusting off Suga too, for good measure. His hand comes to rest on Suga’s lower back for just a moment longer than necessary, and Suga finds himself grinning and leaning back into his touch for a second before he is off, gathering up both the girls in his arms.
“Okay, let’s do this!” he yells, and they are both quick to join him in his hollering. Suga laughs, feeling warm and invincible with the soft way that Daichi is regarding the three of them, a few steps behind them, a steady and safe presence, never far away.
It still takes them a while to pick out proper rentals for the girls, and even longer to get them on.
Suga works methodically as he makes sure that everything is as perfect as it can get while Daichi hovers about uselessly in the background, after his skills on the matter have been declared leaving much to be desired.
It’s a vast exaggeration.
In truth, they all know that Daichi is perfectly capable when it comes down to tying a pair of skates, but Suga secretly preens at the underlying praise nonetheless.
He loves this, after all. To fuss about the girls to his heart's content, even if all he is doing is making sure they are strapped in properly.
Suga finishes helping Aiko first before sending her on her merry way with Daichi.
In contrast to Mika, it’s not her first time on the ice, and by now she can already skate just fine by herself, and at this point Daichi is nothing but a safety net. Suga would even go as far as to say that she is probably better than him already, unafraid and carrying herself with a grace that makes Suga wonder— and secretly hope— that she will pick up the sport in a few years time.
Maybe then he can cling to them then, to this just a bit longer.
“Ready?” Suga asks as he finishes tying Mika’s skates and stands, her brown eyes looking up at him from under equally brown bangs.
She is worrying her lower lip between her teeth, something that she does whenever she is overthinking something, and Suga smiles as he reaches over to brush away some wayward strands of hair from her face.
“Hey, it’s going to be fine,” Suga says as he gently runs his fingers through her soft curls. “I even managed to teach Daichi’s clumsy butt once, remember, so there is nothing for you to to worry about, okay?”
There is still a slight furrow present between her brows, but she still nods, determination shining behind the amber of her eyes as he offers her his hand.
“Okay, so this is the tricky part,” he says and she squeezes his hand in lieu of a response. “These things were not made for walking on land, trust me.”
They wobble their way to the rink together, hand in hand. When they manage to make it to the barrier without any major mishaps, Mika seems to be just a bit more confident about the whole thing.
They still take a moment to watch as Daichi and Aiko dart about on the ice beyond, laughing as they chase one another around the smooth surface until Mika is able to gather up enough courage to give his hand another weak squeeze.
That’s fine, Suga thinks. They have put the whole day aside for the sole purpose of teaching her the basics, and if needed, they can still come back another day.
Mika’s school excursion is roughly two months from now, so they still have plenty of time to let her take it at her own pace, so why wouldn’t they?
It’s still an hesitant and slow affair, getting her onto the ice, but Suga doesn’t mind.
Slower yet, coaxing her into actually moving. So in the beginning they settle on her just standing there on uncertain and wobbly legs as Suga gently pulls her across the ice, but soon enough she is taking small, tentative steps of her own.
They are shaky at first, but they grow surer with every sweep of her skates, her brows furrowed in concentration, eyes glued to her feet as she clings to his arms.
They will have to work on that later Suga knows. Teach her how to properly keep her gaze straight, focused. But for now it’s just about her getting used to the ice, and the feeling of sliding along it.
They lose track of time after a while, the lull of their movements pulling them into a smaller bubble where only the two of them matter, and it’s not before a loud signal echoes through the arena that Suga realizes how long they have been at it.
He carefully helps her back to the exit closest to their belongings, joining up with Daichi and Aiko once more. The former have started unpacking their lunches, and already have two cups of steaming hot cocoa at the ready waiting for them as Suga carefully guides Mika down onto the bench next to her sister.
Suga offers Daichi a smile that is quickly reciprocated before he turns around to lean against the barrier, watching as the machine emerges from the other end of the hall to smooth over the now scratched up ice, inhaling deeply.
It never ceases to take him by surprise how much he misses something as mundane as the scent of the ice whenever he has been away from it for a longer period of time.
The clean and cold smell contains more memories than he is able to fully keep track of, and he watches quietly as the machine takes away the scratches, the hurt, leaving nothing but a clean slate in its wake.
It’s far from the first time that Suga finds himself wishing that the scars across his own heart could be as easily wiped clean as the scratched up ice is being made whole in front of his very eyes.
Suga is still staring as the machine starts to leave. The ice, now a blank canvas, ready for new stories being carved into its very core pulls at him, whispers to let his feelings overflow until everything that he is, what he has left behind and what he has become have been written out in sharp swirls and soft turns for the world to see.
“Go on.”
Suga blinks in surprise before turning around towards the voice, only to come face to face with Daichi’s warm eyes and the soft, knowing expression resting across his features.
“You want to, right?” Daichi continues when Suga remains silent, wordlessly reaching over to refill Akiko’s mug when she holds it up to him before turning his gaze back to him. “We still aren’t done eating, and I am pretty sure that we can handle ourselves for a while just fine, right girls?”
Daichi’s sisters both nod in agreement, and then Mika is crawling over on the bench, whispering something in Daichi’s ear that makes him hum.
“Mika says she wants to see,” he says, relaying her message to him and Suga laughs, feeling like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders.
He loves them all so much, and unable to string his feelings into words, Suga does the next best thing, giving them all a nod before taking to the ice, this time alone.
It’s perfect and nothing like the scratched up surface it had been when they had first arrived.
He makes a tentative first sweep and then another— testing it before he allows his whole body to fully lean into the movements, quickly gaining speed and then he is flying.
The air is a soft breeze in his hair as Suga loses himself. All that matters is moving forward, to put one foot in front of the other, the way one movement flows into the next.
It’s freeing and so very different from when he did nothing but practicing the same routines over and over, sharpening his skills but killing his very soul
Back then the ice had been unforgiving, cold and harsh and leaving no room for mistakes but now, now Suga feels like a bird spreading his wings for the first time, doing what feels right in the moment as he follows the ice’s soft whispers like a melody in his ear.
A jump here and a spin there as he forgets where he is, where they are. The only thing existing right now, in this moment is him and the ice, and the way that he moves on top of it.
He is out of shape— nowhere near as flexible and he is painfully aware that he is lacking the grace with which he once moved— but it’s fine, he realizes. It’s okay.
It’s not about winning or losing anymore. It’s about his feelings, the story he is steadily carving into the surface underneath his feet.
When he finally comes back to the present— breathless in more ways than one— it takes him a moment to actually collect his bearings, and even longer before he notices how the girls and Daichi have left the bench and are now practically hanging off the barrier, watching him with stars in their eyes.
As he makes his way over to them, the girls are excitedly talking over one another, bombarding him with questions about this move and that— and can he please teach them— and Suga feels so warm that he can’t help but gather them both up in his arms, hugging them tightly to his chest.
“Do you miss it?” Daichi asks him much later when they are heading back home, and it takes Suga a moment before he realizes what Daichi is referring to.
But when he does, he lets his gaze wander over to Mika who is fast asleep on Daichi’s back, her sof cheek rubbing against Daichi’s jacket with every little movement.
Aiko is walking between them, equally exhausted and just barely clinging onto consciousness as she clutches Suga’s hand in her own.
“Well, maybe sometimes, I guess,” Suga admits out loud. He has never kept anything from Daichi, and he has no plans on starting now. “But that’s life isn’t it? If I hadn’t quit back then I would’ve been forced to give up on other things instead. University for example. This.”
“This?” Daichi repeats, causing Suga to laugh softly in response.
“Yes, this Daichi. You and your stupid face and annoying, but yet adorable little sisters.”
Daichi huffs before averting his gaze and Suga does them both a favor when he pretends that he doesn’t see the small tint of pink making its way across his boyfriend’s cheeks.
“You are acting like one thing would have automatically excluded the other,” Daichi says as he gently corrects Mika’s sleeping form on his back when she starts to slip downwards. “You could have had both, you know.”
Suga quirks up one of his brows before letting his gaze flick down to Aiko. She might be the oldest of Daichi’s siblings, but is still much too young to have to worry about all the hardships that the world has in store for her. But as it becomes clear to him that she far too gone to even realize that he and Daichi were even talking in the first place, Suga turns his attention back to him
“Is that so?” Suga says.
“I miss it,” Daichi admits then, causing him to blink, confusion plain on his face. “Miss being there with you at the competitions. Miss seeing you being, well— so free out there. Miss seeing your excited face and the gleam in your eyes whenever you managed to pull off your program flawlessly.” Daichi heaves a sigh. “I guess I feel like I robbed you off all that, somehow.”
Suga can’t help the laugh that escapes him, and he reaches out with his free hand and jabbs a finger into Daichi’s cheek, knowing fully well that his boyfriend can’t do anything about it with both his hands busy keeping Mika securely against his back.
“You didn’t rob me of anything Daichi,” Suga hums. “You and your family have done nothing but give, and I would be a fool to give that up for anything.”
“You could still— ”
“Shh…” Sugawara interrupts him with yet another poke to his cheek. “That part of my life was fun while it lasted, but that’s all it was Daichi, fun. And sure, there will be a part of me that will miss it, just like I will always miss the easygoing life of high school, or how cute Akiko once was when she was nothing but a baby. But that’s life, Daichi. And right now, more than anything I am just looking forward to what’s coming next, and making new memories with you. With all of you.”
There is a moment when Daichi only stares at him, and then his face grows impossibly red, and Suga laughs as he clears his throat and averts his eyes.
“You are such a sap,” Daichi mutters under his breath and Suga's face cracks open into a wide grin.
“I am your sap,” Sugawara points out, causing Daichi to groan loudly at him.
“Thank you,” Daichi says later, once they are home and both girls are safely tucked into their beds for a much needed nap as they busy themselves with unpacking today’s bags.
Suga pauses what he is doing and tilts his head in a silent question as he waits for the continuation. “You don’t have to come with us, and yet you always do.”
Suga simply smiles.
“Like I said, I like you and I like them. So why wouldn’t I?” he asks as Daichi leans back against the kitchen counter with a sigh. Suga just slinks into his private space, grinning as he flicks the furrow between his brows.
“Stop that,” Suga says, as Daichi wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him close. “How many times do I have to tell you that you didn’t make me do shit Daichi?” Suga asks, scoffing as Daichi averts his eyes.
“Okay, fine,” Suga says before leaning forward and brushing his lips against Daichi’s own, knowing fully well that when Daichi is in one of these moods he won’t let it go, no matter what Suga tells him, regardless whether his thoughts are true or not.
“Then make it up to me, instead,” Suga says, and Daichi stares down at him, his eyes widening.
“Make it up to you?”
“You heard me Daichi. If you are going to keep dwelling in self pity no matter what I say, just make it up to me instead,” Suga says and leans up on his toes once more, his lips hovering just above Daichi’s own.
Suga can practically see the gears turning inside Daichi’s head before the man heaves a sigh in defeat and leans down the last few inches to press their lips together.
“Fine,” Daichi says and Suga grins and presses himself closer to the other, a mischievous glint in his eyes as his fingers wander across Daichi’s broad chest, licking his lips suggestively as if his meaning somehow wasn’t clear enough.
“You can start now with— ”
“Suga, no.”
“Suga, yes.”
“Why do I even put up with you?” Daichi asks and Suga laughs, and then Daichi is laughing too, tightening his hold around his waist and pulling him closer once more.
“Because you love me,” Suga says.
“Lucky me,” Daichi snorts, but he is smiling and there is something warm and fond as he looks down at him, that makes Suga’s chest expand.
"No,” Suga whispers. “Lucky me.”