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The sky was a broken sea of snow with the moonlight, gray and dirty, leaking faintly through the clouds and making the woods look like bones and ashes. Billy sighed, a whitish smoky breath, leaning into the Camaro, his last cigarette between his lips. Around him, the trees mumbled with the wind as shy little snowflakes fell and swirled in silence everywhere. The breeze was lazy but it sliced skin as if a hungry and desperate monster had sunk its fangs in your heart.
That thought made him shiver.
Billy clicked his tongue, took the cig last drag and then crushed the butt beneath his heel, carving a tiny circle in the snow. It was late, past two in the morning, but he knew Steve was coming. He knew it because his skin itched the same way it always did when Steve was near. The feeling was nice but it made him nervous and, sometimes, uncomfortable. Anxious.
Danny would tell him it was normal. That it was the way the shining had to keep him sharp. 'For what?' Billy would ask.
Nothing.
Everything.
Billy could practically hear him in the wind, with the snowflakes. A soft smile shone in his lips for a second, closing his eyes.
What is happening?
Eleven's voice was so loud and clear that Billy thought she was there with him. He flinched, eyes wide and fixed in the ground. The woods remained in a silence broken only by the howling and icing wind.
I feel you...
Billy sensed concern, worry. He held his breath for a beat...
It's… everything alright?
… then let out a shaky sigh.
Yes. No.
He corrected himself immediately.
I have a date. Sort of.
It wasn't really a date because dating someone in the middle of a forest, cold night ahead, couldn't be a date in any universe. But he wanted to think about it that way. It was curious how that was what made him scared and happy at the same time.
"Sorry," mumbled Billy both with mind and voice. "I didn't want to bother you. It's late."
It's okay. I'm not sleeping yet.
I'm glad you have a date.
He could feel El grinning, a pure and bright smile, through their bond. That sensation made him smile back and take a deep breath.
You'll make her give good screams?
Billy coughed.
What?
He took a deep breath again. Something twitched throughout the bond as if someone had thrown a stone into the water and caused giant waves.
Oh.
She said. Billy blinked, confused, feeling a little…
No, don't feel bad. I'm sorry.
I caught you off guard.
She said. He licked his lips and then barked a laugh. El giggled with him, her chuckle vibrated like little silver bells. It made him happy.
Yes, you caught me off guard.
I didn't expect that question, not from you.
Oh, Max told me!
But I think she wanted to make fun of you…
Billy rolled his eyes. Yes, of course.
Yeah, sounds like Max.
I'll have a few words with her—
He was about to add a 'tomorrow' when the pleasant itching sensation grew and he heard the creak of steps in the snow. Eleven left instantly, leaving Billy alone.
Well, not so alone.
He turned around and saw Steve Harrington walking towards the Camaro. Steve had his eyes fixed on the ground, wearing the same jacket he wore that night . Billy parted his lips as he sensed a sparkle of excitement in Steve. Excitement and nervousness. That made his heart beat faster.
"You could have climbed to my window so we wouldn't be freezing out here," Steve said, approaching the car. Billy raised his eyebrows.
"I missed you too, Harrington," he replied with a grin.
Steve let out a grunt and looked back like if he expected something to come out from the woods at any moment. Fear infected his previous friendly aura. And Billy felt regretful for making Steve go outside with snow floating everywhere. Steve's house was half a mile but...
"Hey," he said. Steve didn't look at him. Billy bit his low lip, then clicked his tongue, opened the car and got in. Steve followed him. Billy turned on the heat. "You are safe with me, you know that right?" he added muttering.
Steve nodded in silence, glassy eyes, hands shaking out of control. Billy pressed his lips in a thin line, insecure, closed eyes and grabbed Steve's wrist delicately. He could feel the cold through the fabric, his fingertips touching the skin. Steve's emotions were turbulent, messy, like a foggy storm, like a constant fight. Billy took a deep breath, thinking:
Calm down
I'm sorry
Calm down
Please
Then, bit by bit, Billy felt how the fear dissolved into something tiny and harmless under layers of warm thoughts. He opened his eyes and realized that Steve was watching him with raised eyebrows and a gaze full of little gold sparks in his bright brown eyes. Billy let go Steve's wrist faster than he would have liked, fingers and face burning, heartbeat racing. He cleared his throat.
"Thanks..." Steve muttered, soft, weak.
"It's okay," Billy replied, again faster than he would have liked. "It was nothing."
That's not true.
An echo of Danny's voice hummed, making Billy let out a faint gasp. Thankfully, Steve didn't realize that. Billy swallowed, hard.
"I…" he began to say. Steve tilted his head, curious. "Your nightmare. Its energy is still in your bedroom. I couldn't…" Billy frowned. "I couldn't let you stay there. It was stronger than any of your other nightmares."
There was a heavy silence after that, Steve looking at Billy with a calm face and Billy not looking at Steve but at the fogged-up windshield. But then Billy saw from the corner of his eye that Steve looked away and smiled, soft, sweet. Billy felt that sweetness in his chest.
"Thanks," Steve said again. Then he took out a pack of cigarettes and offered one to Billy. The lighter's little flame hissed, casting gloomy shadows inside the car. One deep drag after he added: "So… that's how you talk with El? Through the wall?"
Billy stared at his cig, smoke rising in thin and erratic tendrils. The trick of the wall was the first thing he had learned to do. It was easy even if the receptor didn't have powers.
"Yeah, at first, but not anymore," he answered. "Now we talk…" he paused, taking a drag. "You now, with telepathy."
"Oh," Steve sounded amazed. "That's…"
"Weird?" Billy chuckled.
Steve snorted, taking another drag.
"No," he retorted, a lazy grin spread across his lips. "I've seen you tearing apart a demodog with telekinesis, I was going to say 'cool'."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes, really."
Billy felt a warm cloud swirling in his chest, almost remorseful because of the way he had treated Steve in the past. He looked down, taking a drag.
Being sad and furious it's no excuse.
That thought whirled with the warm cloud and made him think of Danny. Billy sighed.
"Hey, are you okay?" Steve asked.
Billy looked up, looked at him, sensing and seeing his concern. Steve leaned toward him and put a gentle hand on Billy's arm. His fingers were no longer cold but Billy didn't expect them to burn him. And when he looked into Steve's eyes, Billy saw the golden sparkles in them again.
Why are you so pretty?
It sounded loud in his mind...
A heartbeat passed. Then Steve raised his eyebrows very slowly, tightening his grip. And Billy, realizing what had happened, stood still in his seat, his cig dropped and forgotten. Steve pressed his lip, swallowed. A turbulent heap of emotions exploded all at once and Billy felt overwhelmed. The distress, the fear, the kindness, the anxiety, the understanding, the affection… Billy took a deep breath and looked away. Steve released his arm.
"... You've heard it?" Billy asked with a trembling whisper, after a thousand seconds in a new dense and violent silence.
Steve hesitated, took the last drag. Then he let out the smoke in a fast blow, lowered the side window a little and threw the butt.
"Yes," he replied, softly again.
”Aren't you mad?" Billy asked although he knew perfectly that Steve felt flattered and not angry.
"No," Steve said, grinning, lowering his voice as if what he was about to say was a secret. "I think you are pretty too." Billy blinked. "Well, pretty is not the word I would use. More like handsome, you know." Steve added with a wave of his hand, then looked at Billy and noticing his doubtful expression. Steve frowned. "I thought you knew it."
"What?" Billy inquired, curious.
"You can read minds, right?" Steve arched an eyebrow.
"Well, yes, but not without permission, it's not… Danny taught me that. Consent is sexy, Harrington." Billy huffed, crossing arms.
"Steve." Steve smiled.
"What?"
"We fought monsters together, and you had been taking care of me and my nightmares for a month." Steve shot Billy a sweet look, making him feel vulnerable. Billy felt how his throat went dry. "It's fine if you call me by my first name, Billy."
Bill slipped a little in his seat.
"Okay…" he mumbled.
He knew that Steve wanted him to do that, not because it was fair or whatever, but because he really yearned for it. Billy could felt that craving in his blood, in his bones. He looked at Steve, knowing he had questions ticking on his tongue. Steve's thoughts were so noisy that Billy could almost hear them clearly, without reading his mind on purpose.
Why do you care?
Why me?
What are we doing?
Do you like me?
What are we doing?
What are we doing?
What are we doing?
What were they doing, indeed? Billy didn't know. All he knew was that he wanted to help Steve, comfort him because his dreams were horrible and made Steve cry. And Billy couldn't stand that. Danny would say it was a bond. Not like the bond he had with El but… a deep one. If a boy without powers woke you up every night because he had nightmares and you couldn't stand his sorrow then there was a bond. He would say that.
A deep one.
Billy didn't think about it the first day of school, he should have done it. The itching sensation had been there since he came to Hawkins, from the beginning. Then, when they met in court, Billy was still so angry and sad for Danny that he built a wall between Steve and him, ignoring the signs the shining sent him over and over again. Then…
Then this bond saved him.
And saved Max and the other kids.
"Can I ask you something?" Steve said abruptly, almost surprising Billy, lost in his thoughts.
"Sure," Billy replied. "What is it?"
"Who is Danny?"
The question floated between them. Billy suddenly felt a glint of jealousy that almost made him smile. He looked at the car's ceiling, thinking he should tell Steve he didn't have to be jealous. Steve's little resentment merged with his own sadness.
"It's a long story, " he murmured, a grim sigh between teeth. "He is dead."
Billy didn't look at Steve this time, staring at some empty spot in front of him. Steve, on the other hand, didn't look away from Billy. A storm of guilt and regret flared with lightnings of embarrassment and thunders of apologies. Billy didn't bother to tell Steve not to feel sorry. It would be pointless.
"I'm… sorry," Steve said, voice soft and weak.
He wants to know
He should know
Danny's voice sounded low but it was there for a second. Billy clenched his teeth.
"It's a long story," he repeated.
He knew Steve wanted to say 'Tell me' and 'We have time'. And it was true, they had time. The next day they didn't have to go to school. But Steve didn't say anything like that. On the contrary.
"If you want to tell me..." he mumbled. "But you don't have to do it… Consent is sexy, right?"
Billy looked at Steve and it was as if time had suddenly stopped. Steve's brown eyes were gleaming with that little sprinkles of gold from before, his lips with that pale shadow of pink he had when it was cold, his face in a sweet and gentle frown. Like a fawn. Even in the grey darkness inside the car, Steve was gorgeous. That was Billy though, very quietly this time.
"Yeah," Billy said, smiling.
Then, with a hesitant and slow gesture, he brushed a strand of hair from Steve's forehead and stroke the skin with his thumb. Billy felt Steve tense beneath his touch, saw him licking his lips with identical slowness. Billy pushed his hand away. The only sound was their quiet breaths inside and the wind outside.
"I was born with it, like El," Billy explained. Steve already knew that. "But as far as I know I'm not an experiment." Steve also knew that, that Billy hadn't any numbers marking his skin, but Billy needed to start with something easy. His voice was soft, nostalgic. He began to tap his fingers against the wheel. "In those years I thought that I was the only one with powers, so when I met Danny for the first time I felt…"
He paused.
"Yeah?" Steve whispered.
Billy let out a sigh.
"Normal," he said distantly.
Then he looked at Steve and thought back to those days when he lived in California, when the sun was bright and the ocean was there for him anytime he needed it.
When Danny Torrance, the man who had taught him everything he knew about kindness and what a father should be, found him.