Chapter Text
This was not supposed to happen, Saiki Kusuo thought as he settled down into the last empty seat at the table. So what am I doing sitting here with these idiots?!
Conveniently placed across from Kusuo was none other than Teruhashi Makoto, the popular teenage actor known to his fans as Mugami Tooru. To Kusuo, however, he was nothing but a pervert. Next to the weird pervert was the ever-perfect Teruhashi Kokomi, a beautiful angel sent to Earth. They hadn’t even been sitting for two minutes, yet people were beginning to stare. Kusuo gave an annoyed sigh at the attention. And seated next to the psychic was first-year cutie Rifuta Imu. He could already feel this turning out to be a troublesome evening, and no one had even spoken a word yet. After all, the people gathered around this table were all caught up in a messy love web, and none of them had a clue about it. None besides Kusuo, that is.
Due to his telepathic abilities, Kusuo was aware of the strong feelings Makoto held for his sister - feelings that stretched beyond normal sibling relations. He was aware of the feelings that Teruhashi had for him, and he knew of the feelings that Rifuta was harboring for both of the Teruhashis. Like he’d mentioned, today was going to be one troublesome evening.
“Good evening, Saiki-kun, Imu-chan!” Teruhashi greeted. It was the perfect greeting, polite and excited. Just what you’d expect from a perfect pretty girl. It would have been more perfect if Teruhashi had not been aware of how perfect it was.
Good evening, Kusuo replied. Rifuta followed suit right after. The table became quiet and awkward as the silence started to stretch.
“H-hey, Saiki-kun,” Teruhashi began nervously, “uh, what would you like to g-get?” She was smiling brightly and had a sweet, innocent air about her. Just kidding, I know exactly what he wants. Coffee jelly. He gets it here twice a week after school. Kusuo decided to answer just so he wouldn’t seem rude. But he really didn’t need to. She was right, after all.
“Huh?” Across from Kusuo, the weirdo pervert raised an eyebrow and glared. “Why do you care about what this four-eyes is getting?” He didn’t wait for a reply and instead leaned over the table so that he and Kusuo were eye-to-eye. “Don’t get your hopes up, antenna boy. It’s not like Kokomi-chan will ever care about a normie like you. She’s just too kind to shoot you down.”
My hopes were not up. In fact, they’d be up if she did reject me. Kusuo rolled his eyes. It had just begun, but he was already so done with this ‘double date.’
“Nii-chan!” Teruhashi shoved her brother back, apologizing profusely. “Imu-chan, what would you like to get?”
“I… I-I, uh,” Rifuta trailed her words off into some unintelligible mumbling and Kusuo gave another huge sigh. D-does Kokomi asking me this means she likes me as much as she likes Saiki-senpai? That means I have a chance with her! B-but what about Mugami-sama? What does he think of me?
He doesn’t. All he thinks about is Teruhashi.
Deciding not to wait any longer, the group called over one of the waitresses (thankfully not Mera) and placed their orders. Good grief. When the food finally arrives we can stop all the talking and focus on eating.
“By the way,” Teruhashi spoke up, “are you two actually dating?” She was giving Kusuo and Rifuta a well mannered smile, but Kusuo could hear her thoughts beyond the fake front she put up. Please don’t be true, please don’t be true. Please, please, please.
“D-d-d-d-dating?” Rifuta stuttered out, looking repulsed. “Y-you think I would date a guy like him?”
Oi. I’m right here.
“Wait, you two aren’t dating?!” Makoto exploded from the other side of the table. “Then… then,” he fixed a death glare onto Kusuo, “you came here thinking this was a chance to get close to Kokomi, didn’t you? You were planning on stealing her away, weren’t you?”
I had no such plans.
This is bad, this is bad, Makoto thought, placing a hand on his chin. His eyebrows scrunched up, ruining his perfect features. I can’t let this disgusting pervert lay a hand on my Kokomi.
The only pervert here is you.
“Excuse us for a second!” Makoto cheerily announced, just as the food was being brought to their table. He stood up, grabbing Kusuo by the collar and dragged him towards the bathrooms.
Wait a moment — Kusuo could do nothing but sigh and stare as his coffee jelly got farther and farther away with each step. He sighed for what seemed to be the hundredth time that evening when Makoto shoved him into a stall and slammed Kusuo against the bathroom wall.
“If you and that blonde monkey aren’t dating, then did you come on this date thinking you and Kokomi were going to get together? Don’t get your hopes up four-eyes, my angel would never go out with someone like you. You are plain and ugly and boring and… and…” Makoto trailed off as he paused to take a closer look at Kusuo. Were his eyes always this pretty? From afar they looked really gross under those glasses, but now that a get a better look…
Good grief. Kusuo, who had been trying to clear his head the whole time Makoto was talking, was finally brought back to reality when Makoto had leaned in closer to study him. No, no, no, no, no, this was definitely not how I wanted this evening to go!
I wonder how nice he would look if he smiled, Makoto was thinking. He has such nice, pink lips… Wait! What the hell am I thinking? I have eyes for Kokomi and only Kokomi! I cannot cheat on her with this weirdo!
Correct. Please refrain from having these thoughts about me in your head or I might have to kill you.
“Just stay away from Koko—” Makoto was saying before Kusuo slammed a hand against his mouth forcefully, shutting the other guy up. A moment later, three men walked into the bathroom joking about work. In his rush to do this, Kusuo had not realized that he had pushed Makoto back against the wall and was now leaning over him with his hand still on the other boy’s mouth. The teen idol’s face was beet red from embarrassment as well as… Kusuo did not want to think about the other reason why Makoto’s face was red.
No, no way. I only have eyes for Kokomi. Everyone else in the world looks like monkeys. And this guy is no exception. He’s just a monkey with nice eyes and hair and skin and face and clothes and—
Shut up.
The three men didn’t take long, and Kusuo released his hand from Makoto’s mouth as soon as they left. He still had a faint blush on his cheeks. Ugh, what am I going to do with this troublesome guy? He’ll only draw more attention to me if he ends up bothering my like Teruhashi does. Good grief.
-
“So, Imu-chan, if you and Saiki-kun aren’t dating, then is there a particular guy you are into at the moment?”
While the boys were off with their little ‘bathroom chat,’ the girls were sitting at the table talking and enjoying the wonderful sweets at the cafe.
“W-w-w-what?” Rifuta stumbled over her words, not seeming to be able to get her thoughts straight. “N-no, there isn’t anyone I really like right now.” It was a lie, but Teruhashi didn’t need to know that.
“Really? Not even a boy in your class, perhaps?” Teruhashi pressed.
“W-well, there is this second year…” Rifuta began. Teruhashi begged her to continue. “They, uhm, they’re really nice and kind of perfect and beautiful, but I don’t think someone like them could ever like someone like me. I mean, everyone is always going on and on about how beautiful they are and stuff. I just don’t seem to have a chance.”
“Nonsense, anyone would be lucky to have you as their girlfriend!” Teruhashi said. She gave Rifuta a huge smile. “You’re cute and sweet and a great person to talk to. If you confessed, I doubt they’d say no.”
“Really?” Rifuta smiled. “Thank you, Kokomi-senpai.” Teruhashi smiled in return. At that moment, the boys had finished their restroom chat and were coming back to the table. There was a sudden change in atmosphere when they sat down.
Kokomi-senpai said there’s no doubt my crush will like me back if I asked them out! Rifuta was celebrating.
That’s because she has no idea that the crush you mentioned is her.
Agh, what were they talking about in the bathroom? I want to know so badly! Also, who is Imu-chan’s crush? I-it couldn’t be Saiki-kun, could it? Teruhashi was quietly sipping her tea from where she sat, but Kusuo could hear her thoughts running wild.
Nothing much. We just talked about how this pervert here needs to get his eyes checked out and then taken out.
No, this is all wrong! Why can’t my eyes stop darting over to that pervert four-eyes? Ugh, he would be repulsing to look at if it weren’t for his eyes and nose and lips and brows and ears and face and body. Makoto was mentally slapping himself repeatedly over the possibility that he could very well have a small attraction to Kusuo.
Did you just describe all of me? Kusuo groaned, pressing down onto the bridge of his nose. Good grief, this double date did nothing but complicate things and stir up everyone’s feelings some more. I want to go home.