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Jirou Kyouka isn’t gay.
She’s had crushes on guys before. She’s joined in whenever her friends debated the attractiveness of their male classmates. She’s even agreed with her mom several times whenever she praised some hot musician on TV.
Kyouka isn’t gay; she would know if she is. Sure, she doesn’t know that much about how it all works, but that’s because she doesn’t have to. When Kirishima came out to the class, he made it sound like it was something he just inherently knew. Kyouka guesses that makes sense. She always inherently knew she was attracted to guys, even though there were moments that made her look at her own gender differently.
The first time she really noticed boobs was while watching an old movie with her family. The man on screen tried to look down some lady’s shirt, and young Kyouka was confused why. When she asked her parents, they cleared their throats, unsure how to explain what that man had found so captivating. She didn’t truly understand until puberty struck years later. Her eyes would glance downward sometimes, practically against her will. She would look away just as quickly, flooded with guilt and something close to fascination.
She brushed off the curiosity. Every time those thoughts entered her mind, Kyouka simply ignored them. They didn’t concern her, and why would they? She likes boys. She likes their deep voices and muscles that bulge when they flex and the faint fuzz of facial hair on some of their faces.
“It’s not fuzz!” Kaminari protests.
Kyouka snickers. “What is it, then?”
He has no answer, but the next day the fuzz is mysteriously missing from his upper lip.
Some of the girls think Kaminari has a crush on her. Kyouka doesn’t really believe that he looks at her that way (since no boy ever does), even though Mina has teased her enough that there may actually be some truth to it. The guy is a huge flirt and total airhead, but he does make Kyouka laugh sometimes. Part of her wants to tug on that rope and see where it leads, but another part of her has been conflicted about the whole thing ever since the USJ attack.
She still remembers hiding underneath a tarp Yaoyorozu made from nothing while Kaminari electrocuted every villain in sight. All of her classmates had been amazing, but Yaoyorozu stood out from the rest in Kyouka’s eyes. She had been so level-headed and smart and brave, and Kyouka had been like a fish without water.
Breathless.
Her attention snaps back to the present when Aizawa explains the exercise they’re doing today, and instructs everyone to find a partner. Quiet mumbling follows his words as people team up.
“Jirou!” Kaminari waves her over. “Wanna be partners?”
Kyouka taps her ear jacks together awkwardly. “Sorry, I already told Yaoyorozu I’d pair with her.”
He nods and ambles away to find someone else.
Yaoyorozu smiles. “If you want to work with him, it’s okay.”
Of course. As much as Kyouka tried to shield her from it, not even Yaoyorozu had been spared from the girls’ gossiping about her and Kaminari. “No, no, it’s fine.”
The exercise is a simulated civilian rescue, and it reminds her of the licensing exam. Yaoyorozu had really stepped up then, as she always seems to when it really counts. She and Kyouka’s quirks pair together nicely for their assigned task. Kyouka can sense where people are trapped, and Yaoyorozu can construct whatever they need in order to free them.
Without warning, the ground rumbles underneath their feet.
“An earthquake?” Kyouka shouts.
“Probably just Cementoss simulating one,” Yaoyorozu says.
They cling together as they search for more stable ground, and when the rumbling ceases, Kyouka finds herself holding tightly onto Yaoyorozu with her face buried in her friend’s arm.
There is a moment of horrible silence before Kyouka pushes herself away with a laugh that sounds much too strangled to be natural. “Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Yaoyorozu says. “Shall we continue?”
When the exercise ends, their team has the highest number of rescued civilians. Yaoyorozu blushes under Aizawa’s praise, and Kyouka can’t look away.
They walk together to the changing rooms and do not touch. Kyouka thinks about Yaoyorozu sometimes. She has such long, beautiful hair and large, expressive eyes. Yaoyorozu is kind and smart and powerful, and Kyouka has always been a bit amazed by her beauty. The girls always gush over her effortless good looks in a way that assures Kyouka she can do the same. It’s not gay to notice and compliment a friend. If Kyouka has scrolled through the few pictures of Yaoyorozu she has on her phone more times than she can count, it doesn’t have to mean anything.
The changing room itself is its own nightmare. Kyouka has always been insecure about her looks, and the glimpses she sees of her peers do not help her self-esteem. Her friends don’t seem to worry nearly as much as she does about respecting others’ privacy. They happily continue serious conversations only half-dressed, and Kyouka seems to be the only one who struggles to keep her eyes where they belong.
Yaoyorozu halfheartedly picks pieces of fallen debris out of her hair from the earthquake, and Kyouka can’t stop herself from offering to help.
“Oh, thank you.” Yaoyorozu turns around.
Mouth dry, Kyouka walks closer and slowly untangles strands of hair from pieces of drywall and other debris. She tries not to think too much about how her hands shake. Despite the dirt, Yaoyorozu’s hair feels like silk between her fingers.
Her friend spins around, gratitude evident in her smile, and Kyouka suddenly can’t bear it. Yaoyorozu is saying something. Her lips part, and Kyouka wonders how they’d feel pressed against her neck.
God, Kyouka is gay.
She has to get a grip. Feeling far too warm in the enclosed space, she steps outside and immediately runs into Kaminari.
“Oh. Hey,” he says.
Kyouka frowns. “Were you just…hovering outside the girls’ bathroom?”
His face reddens. “Uh…no?”
Maybe she’s better off liking no one.
Months pass, and even Kyouka can no longer deny noticing the flirtatious comments Kaminari throws her way. He doesn’t quite make her forget about Yaoyorozu, but she does her best to ignore whatever meltdown her brain wants to have. She may kindasortamaybe like Yaoyorozu, just a little, but she’s seen the way her friend looks at Todoroki. The guy is gorgeous, drawing girls’ attention like moths to a flame, and Kyouka tries not to begrudge him that. She tries to be satisfied with Kaminari’s attention, even if he’s not who she really wants. She smiles a lot around him, and maybe that’s enough. It has to be.
“So, Jirou,” Mina whispers. “I heard Kaminari is planning to ask you out.” The girls have huddled around one of the couches, and all stare at Kyouka expectantly. Well, all except one.
“Oh,” she says.
“Are you gonna say yes?” Mina asks.
Kyouka shrugs. She doesn’t know what they want from her. She doesn’t really know what she wants from herself anymore, either. “I dunno.”
Kaminari calls her name in the middle of the dorm’s crowded common room, and several people whistle after her when she follows him somewhere more private. She tries not to notice the look on Yaoyorozu’s face as she does so, but she can’t help catching a glimpse, and what she sees confuses her.
Despite the smile on Yaoyorozu’s lips, she looks sad.
No, Kyouka can’t be reading that right. She’s just projecting or something. Yaoyorozu doesn’t return her feelings. She has always been nothing but depressingly straight. Kyouka stares at Kaminari’s back, and tries not to think of anything at all.
Kaminari looks uncharacteristically nervous when he turns back to face her. “I would’ve asked you this in the common room, but I figured you wouldn’t want an audience.” He chuckles, and Kyouka can only offer a slight smile in response. “So,” he begins. “Would you like to go out with me sometime? On a date?”
She opens her mouth, and nothing comes out. Does she want to? Her friends’ laughter echoes from the other room, and she can distinguish Yaoyorozu’s from the rest. The sound calms something in her chest, and she clings to that feeling as Kaminari waits for her response. Saying yes to him is safer than navigating the uncertainties battling inside her. Saying yes is her only option, really. Her crisis over her friend is probably just a phase. Isn’t that what everyone says? Even if not, it’s not like someone as incredible as Yaoyorozu would ever look at her that way.
Kyouka exhales slowly, and stares Kaminari in the eye.
The sun had long since set by the time she returns to the common room. All of her classmates have gone off to bed except one. Yaoyorozu sits by herself on one of the couches, staring off into space.
She looks up when Kyouka approaches and hastily plasters on a smile. “Hey! How’d it go? The girls all wanted to stay up and wait for you, but I convinced them to give you space. I know you don’t like being the center of attention.” When Kyouka doesn’t immediately answer, she adds, “I’m sorry if that was out of line.”
“No—no,” she says. “Thank you. But I—nothing happened.”
Yaoyorozu frowns. “What?”
Kyouka collapses onto the couch next to her. “We’re not a thing. I said no.”
The change is subtle—a lowering of the shoulders, a quirk of the mouth. Yet when Yaoyorozu speaks, her words are as calm as ever. “Why?”
Kyouka hesitates. Her brain yells at her to walk away. If she says nothing, their friendship will continue the same as ever. Yaoyorozu likes Todoroki, after all. And even if she doesn’t, she still would never settle for Kyouka.
Kyouka wants to be a hero, but what kind of hero would she be if she can’t be brave when it counts?
So she says, “I realized that I like you more.” She can’t look at Yaoyorozu’s face, and studies her hands instead. “I don’t expect you to do anything with that information. I just…I had to say something. I hope we can still be friends.”
She braces for the blow, already planning how quickly she can flee to the elevator and hide in her room forever. But the blow never comes. Slowly, oh so slowly, Kyouka raises her gaze.
Yaoyorozu blinks repeatedly. A faint pink grows over her skin, and she smiles.
“I like you too.”