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"Daddy!" Christopher pipes up, waving a sheet of paper. Eddie looks up from his laptop and instantly smiles at his son's excitement. He sets down his cup of coffee and stands, walking to the table where Christopher had been doodling for the past half an hour.
He can't help but grin when he looks at the paper. It's a drawing of him and Buck, and Christopher between them, holding hands. There's a house and a couple of trees and some clouds, and it stings a bit when he sees another figure, drawn inside of a heart, mommy written above it.
Sure, it's just stickmen, but it fills Eddie with a bittersweet warmth.
Shannon has been gone for almost a year now and it hurt, a lot, for many reasons, but Eddie had tried his best to keep the memory of her alive for Christopher. There's pictures of her in almost every room and Eddie doesn't shy away from talking about her when Christopher asks. First few months had obviously been though but it has gotten better.
Still, he'd been feeling a bit of guilt ever since he and Buck started dating, afraid of what Christopher would think about it. Dating was quite difficult when you had a child and Eddie didn't want to make his son uncomfortable in any way.
But he wanted to be honest with Buck and they've decided that there wouldn't be any PDA before Eddie would tell Christopher. It's been six months since their conversation and really, Eddie had meant to talk to Christopher sooner, but his head was always plagued with this nagging thought that he'd somehow fuck things up with Buck and everything would end up in a mess.
It's not like he didn't want this to work, his whole body practically buzzed with excitement at the concept that he was in love with Buck and that, by some miracle, Buck was in love with him too. It's just that he wanted to feel like this was real, like this was happening, like Buck was sure too.
Eddie knew he was walking into this relationship with a big baggage: a child, a dead wife, a family that didn't yet know about his sexuality, PTSD nightmares every now and then. If you'd ask Buck, he'd just say that he's in this one hundred percent, no matter what, just like he'd told Eddie before, but Eddie wanted to give him time to think it offer, to ease into it, to back out if he wants, no matter how much that would hurt. He didn't just want to spring this whole thing on the younger man.
"It's us" Christopher says impatiently when his father had been silent for too long, "and a dog." he adds, quietly.
Eddie had never even noticed the dog until now and he chuckles, shaking his head.
"This looks beautiful, buddy," he says and walks to the wall in the hallway designated for Christopher's cutest drawings, figuring that there won't be any space left soon, "but we're not getting a dog."
"Dad!" Christopher whines. Eddie comes back to the living room with a smile and a quirked eyebrow.
"We talked about this. A dog is not a toy. He needs to be fed and groomed," he sits down next to his son and leans on the table, crossing his arms, "and he needs to be taken out on walks everyday."
Christopher pouts, but he seems to think it over.
"I can take him out on walks." he finally says, a determined look on his face.
Eddie laughs at at that, amused.
"Maybe when you're older, buddy." he concludes, reaching out to squeeze his son's hand. Christopher doesn't seem happy about it but he doesn't protest again.
"Hey, Chris," Eddie says after a minute or two, a bit nervous, "there's something I have to tell you."
Christopher gives him a funny look. When he speaks, it's with unease, and he frowns at his dad.
"Are we moving again?"
"What?" Eddie's eyebrows shoot up, "No, we're not moving. What makes you think that?"
Christopher looks slightly unconvinced.
"Because last time you used this tone, you told me we're moving here."
Eddie shakes his head, grinning. He never realized this.
"Don't worry, mijo, we're not moving." he says softly and Christopher's shoulders relax. He offers a small smile.
"Chris, you like Buck, don't you?" Eddie asks, cautious, and Christopher quickly nods.
"I love him."
Eddie doesn't know why he's surprised about his son's confession, it's definitely not the first time he says it, but given the context, his words, and his genuine smile when he mentions Buck, give him comfort, and, dare he think it, a little bit of hope that this is heading in the right direction.
"You know how me and mommy loved each other very much, right?"
Chris nods again, but looks a bit confused too. Eddie doesn't blame him.
Still, he takes a deep breath, feeling a tremble in his hands and knees, and takes a leap of faith.
"What would say if daddy loved Buck like that? Like," he pauses, musing, trying to be careful, "like more than a friend?"
Christopher stays silent for the longest time, a neutral look on his face, and it makes Eddie's stomach twist. He can practically see the wheels turning in his son's head and he wonders if he should have phrased it different. In truth, there's no manual on how to properly do this, because every kid is different, so all Eddie can do is hope he didn't just screw up somehow.
"Like married? Like Noah's parents?" Christopher finally asks and Eddie lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He knows Chris understood what he meant because Noah's parents were two gay men.
There were some questions about them at first and Eddie tried his best to be talk openly. He didn't want Christopher to be ignorant of the world they lived in so he found it important to explain these things to him, especially because Eddie himself never had that privilege.
"Something like that, yes," he smiles, "but not married."
"But you still love mommy, right?" Christopher questions, looking a little bit worried.
"I will always love mommy, Chris. Nothing will change that." Eddie squeezes his hand again, "Mommy will always be with us, here." he says and brings his hand to his chest.
Christopher mimics his gesture and nods with a smile.
Eddie thinks he should leave it at that. He knows he didn't really get an answer, but he doesn't want to push Christopher into anything. He gets up to refill his cup of coffee and thinks about texting Buck, but then again maybe he'll just call him later, when he finishes his shift. Baby steps, he tells himself.
When he gets back to the living room, Christopher is on the couch, watching cartoons. He seems sucked into the show so Eddie settles next to him with his laptop. It takes five minutes tops before Chris turns to him.
"Dad?"
"Yes, mijo?"
"Can Buck come live with us?
Eddie almost chokes. It takes a few seconds for him to regain his senses.
"Do you want him to live with us?" Eddie asks, same caution as earlier.
"Yes. We'd see him every day and we wouldn't have to wait."
Eddie smiles and his heart flutters, feeling warm and excited.
"And you're okay with him being more than daddy's friend?"
Christopher returns his smile and nods, pushing his glasses up his nose.
"Yeah, I'm okay."
Eddie let's out a breath and reaches down to kiss his son's temple, hugging him close.
"I'll ask him." he promises, taking a second to enjoy this moment.