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Church was left more than a little dazed when a snowball hit him smack-dab in the middle of his face.
In reality, he ended up falling backwards and onto his ass, gasping and cursing and wiping away as much as he could using the thick pair of gloves he’d opted to wear given the weather.
“What the fuck is this?” he grumbled, patting his hands off against his jacket. “All I ask is for one fucking day without--”
Another snowball caught him square in the chest, hard enough to knock all the air out of his body. He scrambled onto his hands and knees, gasping in earnest now, the cold air chapping his lips with each desperate breath.
“Get out of the way, dumbass!” someone yelled. Church flicked his attention in the voice’s direction, then dove to the floor to narrowly dodge another snowball.
“Tucker?” he asked. Tucker was supposed to already be at work. So was Church, but Carolina had broken his alarm clock after he slept through its ringing for twenty minutes, so this was actually unusual for him.
There was a screech from behind him, and in what felt like slow-motion, Church saw Tucker’s head peek out from behind a tree, his expression alarmed. “Wait, Junior, don’t--” And Church turned around just in time to get massively dunked on by a child.
“Fu-udge! Junior!”
Church coughed up some wet snow. His hat was officially lost to the wind and snow, and he looked up, dazed, to see who he guessed was Junior standing triumphantly over him.
“I slayed the robot!” Junior yelled.
“Junior, that is not-- fuck-- Church, are you alright?”
“‘M’alri’?” he slurred. Fuck, his mouth was numb, and he’d already lost feeling in his ears. No doubt his hair was in even worse shape than normal, all things considered.
“Damn, am I gonna have to call an ambulance or something? Junior hits hard, but--”
“No,” Church replied instantly, scooping a handful of snow off the ground and throwing it at Tucker. He missed by a few yards, but the sentiment was there. “‘M fine.”
“Oh. Uh, good. Nicely done defeating the robot then, J.”
“Thank you!” Junior responded proudly.
This definitely had to be the kid Tucker was always bragging about. “Yeah, yeah,” Church drawled. “Defeated.”
“Uh, but seriously man -- those were a couple nasty hits you took there.” Tucker pulled the collar of his coat tighter. “And, uh, your hat--”
“It was my sister’s,” he said, and then internally winced. That probably wasn’t a good look. “She won’t miss it.” Also, why the fuck was he bothering to comfort Tucker about this? Not to mention, Carolina was definitely going to kill him later.
“Your… sister’s. Right.”
“Fuck off,” he responded immediately.
“Hey, language. I refuse to have my son be ruined by a robot.”
Church huffed and dropped to the floor entirely. “Kill me.”
“Death to robots!” yelled Junior, who then proceeded to jump.
Church could only think ‘Oh no’ before closing his eyes and bracing himself for the full weight of a ten-year-old landing on his chest.
Nothing came.
He opened one eye to see Tucker holding Junior in the air by his midsection. Junior’s limbs were flailing all over the place, eyes trained on Church and mouth pulled into a wide smile.
Tucker was obviously struggling to hold Junior, which was kind of funny.
Church snorted and tried to hide his grin. Tucker side-eyed him. Then, “Dude, move. I can only hold the beast back for so long.”
“Daddy, you’re defecting to the robot’s side!”
“Then I guess you’ll gotta take me down, too.”
Church rolled out of the way and stumbled to his feet. Junior reached after him, and Church stuck out his tongue on a whim.
Junior’s mouth turned into an ‘o,’ and he stopped struggling altogether. “Daddy,” he whispered, “the robot has a tongue.”
“Interesting observation,” Tucker noted.
“That means he’s not a robot,” he continued.
“Oh? So Church is--”
“He’s an AI!”
Kids were weird. “Right,” said Church, patting down his hair with a glove. “Well, this AI has to get to work, so--”
“Uh, dude?” said Tucker, lifting a brow as he put down Junior. “No work today. There’s snow everywhere. We got a company-wide email.”
Oh.
Shit.
“Right, uh. Then I guess… I’m going home and drinking a shi-- a ton of coffee.” Maybe he could try to repair his alarm clock. And by repair it, he meant attempt to repair it, cause a whole fuss, and then his neighbor would come by and fix it for him.
Junior hit Tucker’s leg with his mitten. Tucker crouched down, and Junior cupped his hands around his mouth and told him something.
Church should probably leave.
He turned on his heel to began the small trek back to his apartment only to be stopped by a “Wait!”
He turned around, eyes narrowed. “Yes?”
Tucker crossed his arms, his normally carefree brown eyes taking on a determined (and maybe a tad threatening) glint. “Junior here has decided that there’s a chance peace can be made with robots, and an AI such as yourself would be the perfect representative to get negotiations between humans and robots moving forward.”
He’d walked into a snowball fight, and now this? “Uh, yeah?”
“So…” Tucker cleared his throat and shifted in a way that looked awkward. Huh. Uncharacteristic. Junior elbowed his dad’s side. “So!” Tucker continued, “You are invited to come inside and drink hot chocolate with us. For peace.”
“For peace,” Church parroted.
“That’s what I said, nerd.”
“Be nice,” Church definitely heard Junior hiss. Tucker whispered back a small, “Sorry,” before looking up once again at Church.
Was this weird? Church didn't have many friends beyond his sister (and yeah, that was a little sad) and his handy neighbor who insisted that they were best friends, so he wasn’t an expert in this area. He knew he came off prickly or whatever, but still. “Are you inviting me to be your friend?” he asked.
Tucker looked taken aback, turtling in his neck and doing a slow blink. “Holy shit dude can you be more awkward?”
Fuck, he really hoped his blush could be explained away by the cold. “Shuddup! It was a legitimate question.” Besides, Simmons won the award for most-awkward, and that was a fucking fact. Or even Wash! But Wash got a freebie because he was a cat-guy who also happened to be both really smart and really athletic.
Huh, was Wash also his friend? Could he be friends with his sister’s boyfriend? Was that a thing?
“Shit, maybe I am a robot,” he said, defeated.
Tucker laughed, a long, loud thing, and smiled. “Yeah, like the kid said. Now come inside. Even AIs can get cold in this kind of weather.”
Maybe he could use a few friends.
Besides, Tucker actually seemed… well, nice, in this context. With his son there.
In all actuality, it had always been Church who was the asshole, but Tucker was a close second.
“Okay,” he said, nodding slowly. “I’ll, uh. I’ll take you up on that offer.”
And just like that, Junior was grabbing his hand and pulling him inside, telling him all about the human-robot conflict that was currently being waged on Earth. It was a lot more complex and mature than he’d expect from a ten-year-old, if he was being honest, so he did his best to nod and hum along.
Tucker followed him inside, the smile from before still not wavering.
Yeah. Friends.