Chapter Text
Jack swept out of his office after being on a call for the last hour. “Guess who just got invited to a party.”
Everyone looked at each other, wondering if he was expecting them to answer or not.
“Um… You?” Gwen said to break the silence.
“Right and wrong.”
“Ok, you’re dying to explain. Spit it out.”
“All of us are invited to a very special party, set in the beautiful and historic Caerphilly castle, by her majesty the queen.” He announced theatrically. He was greeted with silence. “Oh, come on! Isn’t that at least a bit exciting?”
Owen threw the pen he’d been chewing on to his desk. “We’re waiting for the punchline. You know, the whole secret part of the secret organisation kind of takes us off the guest list.”
“Not when it comes to the queen. She’s in charge of our funding so she gets to invite us if she wants.”
“She must hate us.”
Elise waved. “Does that mean I have to wear a dress?”
“No, you can wear a suit if you’ll be more comfortable.” Jack smiled, appreciating someone being even mildly interested.
She grinned. “Sweet. I’m in. Owen we need to go suit shopping.”
“I didn’t agree to go.” The doctor said flatly.
Elise stood and walked over to Owens side, bending to whisper in his ear. His expression went from disinterest to surprise and finally to something that could be called enthusiasm.
“So, suit shopping then.”
“What just ha-... Wait, I don’t want to know. Gwen? Tosh? Interested?” Jack let his mind skip trying to imagine what Elise had told their dear medic.
Tosh chuckled, looking over at Elise and Owen who were both looking pleased with themselves. “Alright. One night can’t hurt.”
“As long as someone helps me find what to wear, I’ll happily tag along.” Gwen said cheerily.
Jack beamed. “That’s what I like to hear. Ianto?”
“Do I have an option sir?” Ianto gave his usual neutral look.
“Who else would I be taking as my date?”
The bluntness of the question caught the Welshman off guard. “I… Well… Ok then.”
“Brilliant! Lizzy insisted I bring my whole team anyway so.”
“Lizzy?” Gwen laughed. “You’re on a first name basis with the queen?”
“I have some stories I could tell about her. Not everyone can say they’ve been slapped by the queen for criticising her driving.”
“You’re joking.”
“Nope. Right in the face, and she didn’t pull her punches.” He gave a small chuckle, nostalgia etched on his face.
Ianto walked over to Jack. “Does this mean you’re showing me off to your old friends?”
“No?”
“Was that a question or a statement?”
“Yes.” Jack lowered his voice to almost a whisper. “Which answer will end with me not sleeping alone tonight?”
“Shutting up.”
He zipped his lips.
“Oh, Tosh?”
Tosh looked up, a soft smile on her face. “Yes?”
“Your mum sent you a letter and… Well, she sent a book.”
“A book?”
Jack chuckled to himself. “She said Owen was too skinny so she sent you a recipe book.”
“Oh god.”
“It’s handwritten. I had to read through it and it took everything I had not to keep it.”
She shook her head. “I’ll make you a copy. Even now she knows how to embarrass me.”
“It’s sweet. At least she’s being supportive.”
“She wouldn’t if she knew the truth.”
“I think she’d be proud of you.”
She blushed brightly and looked back at her screen as if that would hide her face. “I’ll grab the book later. Do you have a full dress code for this party?”
“Not yet. I’ll get it to you as soon as I have it.”
“So, why is this party being held here and not closer to home? Especially at such a busy time of year.”
“I asked but apparently she decided when and where this was personally without saying why. She was too busy to speak to me personally today.”
“Isn’t that a little suspicious?”
“Extremely suspicious, but the invitations definitely came from the top. Apparently the top brass from UNIT, MI5, the military, everyone is going to be there. Of course short of the prime minister and a few select guests no one’s going to know who we are… Well, they’ll know who I am.”
Ianto rolled his eyes and turned to walk off. “That’s because you announce yourself every time you walk in to an important meeting.”
“Does that mean we’ll be walking in armed?” Asked Tosh, her embarrassment forgotten.
Jack watched Ianto go before turning back to Tosh. “No. We’re attending as guests. No work, just a few drinks, some dancing and avoiding having to talk to the Prime minister.”
“Oh. Ok.”
“I’m unsure of going in unprepared too but I can’t start a fight with Lizzys personal guard.”
“We could always smuggle a few things in.”
“With the scanners they’ll be using I don’t know how we’d get away with it.”
“Simple. Anything small can be hidden inside Eli's arm.”
“Huh?”
“Eli. Show Jack your snack storage.”
Elise wandered over and rolled up her sleeve, sliding her finger across the access panel in a sequence Jack guessed was a code. The metal plate slid aside to reveal the inner workings of the arm, a lot of extra space and a snickers bar. “Ooh I forgot I put that there. Score.”
“The shell will block any Earth made scanner and it would look bad if security started interrogating a personal guest of her majesty about a prosthetic.” Tosh gave her ‘I am perfectly innocent and just happen to have twisted the situation to my advantage by accident’ look.
Jack smiled warmly. “I’ll keep it in mind.”
Later that night Tosh was curled up on the sofa with a glass of wine in one hand while Owen and Elise were out picking up dinner. She was reading through the carefully handwritten book that her mother must have taken days putting together. Tosh remembered every single one of the meals her mother had written out the recipe for and she couldn’t help but smile at the nostalgic feeling. The little notes written in the margins said her mother remembered them just as clearly. Some were talking about silly things she did as a child or the funny faces she used to make when trying something new. Flicking through she caught a note she wished she’d skipped over. Of course her mother added her little brothers favourite meal and what they were both given when they ill. She sipped her drink, realising that she was already at the bottom of the glass. At the back of the book was a small after note that said how happy her mother was that they could talk even this much and that Tosh was moving on with her life.
“Tosh?” Owen asked, crouching down to see her face better. “What’s wrong?”
She hadn’t even heard the door open. “What? Nothing, nothing, why?”
“Doesn’t look like nothing, you’re crying.”
She rubbed the tears from her cheeks. “Sorry. I’m fine. Just getting a little emotional over this.” She placed her empty glass down and pulled the book to her chest. “I’ll get plates.”
“Elise is already on it.” He sat next to her on the sofa and pulled her close. “So, what’re you going to try and get me to eat. I warn you now, I’m fussy.”
He was trying to cheer her up and show some kind of interest. “You don’t have to.”
“No, no. Come on, I can’t read it myself so you could technically tell me anything.”
“Don’t you have anything your mum used to make for you? Like when you were feeling down or…?”
“You’re having a laugh aren’t you? If I didn’t get up and moving then I wasn’t eating.”
“Even when you were sick?”
“She didn’t want to get whatever I had so I was on my own. Unless I was one foot in the grave she didn’t want to know.”
She frowned deeply.
“Hey, I’m trying to cheer you up here, not make things worse. Eli help me out.”
Elise brought two of the three plates over and placed them on the coffee table. “My dad used to cook for me. Mum didn’t like him talking about his culture so I’m not sure what half of the dishes were actually called but I know he made these little tahini butter cookies for me when I was feeling down. He said he could get away with it because he could technically find them at the supermarket. My nan was the one to spoil me with food. She’d travelled all over the world when she was younger, so she had lots of different recipes she’d collected.” Elise laughed to herself. “If she knew how much take away food I eat now she’d be so angry. She used to tell my dad off for letting me have any processed food. You should have seen her. She’d hand me a cookie and tell me to go play then absolutely go off at my dad. She was speaking Arabic so I have no idea what she was saying but she looked so mad.”
“It’s a shame you never got to learn.” Tosh said softly.
“I think nan started to teach me but…” She looked sad suddenly. “When she passed, my dad said it was best if we kept the peace with mum and just stop.” Shaking it off she went back to fetch her own meal. “Anyway, any ideas about your outfits for this royal party thing?”
“I assume it’s going to be a black tie event so some kind of floor length dress. You two know what you’re wearing at least.”
“Unfortunately.” Owen mumbled, mouth full.
“I still think it’s very suspicious. Getting all of us in one place, unarmed. The whole thing will be a security nightmare.”
“Everyone’s thinking the same thing. I’ve already started stocking up on wide spectrum antidote, drug testing strips so I don’t have to use any of the antidote and enough retcon to make sure all the guests forget everything if the whole party goes to shit.”
“Maybe I should try and slim down the sonic shield pendants so we could have that for backup.”
Elise looked up from her food. “We can take a couple of the blades in my arm and we can try and program a few new scanning applications into my wrist comp. That should leave a bit of space for anything else important. Small med kit? Little bottle of vodka? Tiny umbrellas?”
“That’s great and all but how are you going to get to it under all the layers?” Asked Owen, wondering if he should just say bugger it and sew some hidden pockets into his jacket.
“If it comes to it I can make it work. And you’re still coming shopping with me this weekend.”
“Aww come on. I agreed to go to the party, just take my measurements and ask Ianto to go with you or something.”
“Fine, but you don’t get a sneak peek at what I’ll be wearing.”
“I’m sure I’ll survive. How about I go with you instead?” He nudged Tosh.
Tosh smiled. “You’re not allowed in the changing rooms with me.”
“I’ll be good.”
“Anyway, Gwen already offered to take me on Friday afternoon. You’ll be bored to tears but you can come along if you really want to.”
“I’ll give it a miss.”
The rift plodded along at its usual pace, spitting out what was essentially space rubbish now and again. Tosh and Gwen had spent the morning getting their hair done, wanting to at least make a partially good impression even if they didn’t feel like they belonged at this party. It was hard to get out of the mission mentality, reminding themselves that, no, they hadn’t forgotten their guns. And, yes, those heels would be fine. Gwen checked she had everything she needed in her purse for the third time.
“Has Owen been complaining about getting dressed up?” She asked.
Tosh placed her lipstick in her purse. “He’s been rather silent on the topic actually.”
“How? No offence but this is Owen we’re talking about.”
“Elise said he didn’t get what she promised if he played up too much.”
“Are you sure she’s not blackmailing him? I mean what could she possibly offer to have that effect?”
“He’s more soft hearted than you think. Remember I was trying to help her with her hydrophobia?”
“Yea. I thought she point blank refused after nearly drowning again.”
“She did. Owen’s been worried that she could get into trouble if she freezes up just because she’s close to the water.”
“Are you telling me he’s playing nice just so she’ll try and go swimming again?”
“Yes.”
“You’re joking.” Gwen grinned.
“Nope. Don’t tell him I said anything. I think he’d rather you all assume it’s some kind of sex act she’s promised him.”
“I promise I won’t say a word. Where is Elise, by the way?”
“She’s making sure she has everything that she needs to take stashed in her arm before she gets fully dressed.”
The sound of footsteps quickly approaching pulled their attention.
“Sorry, sorry. Just wanted to be sure.” Elise blathered. She stopped when she saw them both. “Wow. We need to go to parties more often. You both look great. The guys are waiting when you’re ready.”
“We’ll wait for you with the others.” Gwen chuckled.
“Warning, Ianto’s fussing. Don’t move anything.”
Ianto Jones was indeed ‘fussing’, making sure everything was neat and tidy. He didn’t like the idea of this party, no matter how relaxed Jack was being about it. He felt like a mouse about to step on the pressure plate of a trap. He turned as he heard Gwen and Tosh enter the main area of the hub and smiled politely. They both looked beautiful.
Jack leaned heavily on the walkway barrier, glad getting everyone to agree to come along hadn’t been too much of a fight. They looked great and maybe once they got to the party they’d relax a little. Owen sat up from slouching in his desk chair, not even hiding his smile at seeing Tosh in a ball gown. The masquerade had let her dress up but she was concentrating on work so this was different.
“What do you think?” She asked, clutching her purse.
“You look amazing.” He breathed as he stood. “I mean you always look amazing but… Are you sure we can’t go somewhere nicer without all the rich toffs breathing down our necks?”
“I’m certain.” She chuckled. “You look nice.”
“I don’t feel it but at least I’ll blend in.” He shrugged.
She brushed his cheek with a gentle hand. “It won’t be so bad. We’ll be together.”
“You sure you’re not going to run off?”
“Are you sure you’re not going to hide in the corner and drink all night?”
“Maybe if you hide in the corner with me.”
“I think I can do that.”
They both felt eyes on them and Owen looked up to see Jack and Gwen watching with warm smiles on their faces. Tosh blushed and suppressed a laugh as Owen put his grumpy face back on.
“Don’t mind us.” Gwen waved.
Owen rolled his eyes.
Jack looked over to the door where Gwen and Tosh had emerged from. “So, is Elise joining us or…?”
As if on cue a figure appeared, immaculately dressed, brushing their hair back with a black gloved hand.
“Elise?” Asked Gwen, not completely sure if it was really her or not.
Eli smiled. “Of course it’s me.”
“Aaaand now Gwen has to give up her ‘only straight girl in the hub’ card.” Owen smirked.
Gwen spluttered unconvincingly. “Owen Harper I swear if you don’t shut up-”
“You’ll drool over my girlfriend some more?”
“Oh, don’t mind him. He’s only playing around.” Elise offered her arm to Gwen. “Being as your other half can’t come how about I accompany you.”
She took the womans arm and found her composure. “Alright then. Let’s try and make tonight worth all this work.”
Caerphilly castle looked so much bigger in person compared to what the photos showed. It seemed almost otherworldly lit up by so many spotlights, the south east tower leaning as if it had forgotten what gravity was. Head of security, Matthew King, paced back and forth at the gatehouse waiting for the group her majesty had specifically sent him to retrieve. He hadn’t dressed for being posted outdoors and hoped he wouldn’t have to be out there much longer. Hearing voices he looked up and saw a face he recognised from the photograph he’d been shown.
“Captain Jack Harkness?” He asked.
The man smiled. “The one and only.”
“Welcome. I’m the head of security for tonights event, Matthew King.”
“Apt name. So what do you need with me Mr King?”
“Her royal highness has asked for an audience with you the moment you arrived.”
“I don’t even get to check out the party first? Must be important. Ok, I’ll be back in a while guys.”
“Um, sir, you misunderstand. She has requested to see you and your team.”
The smile on the captains face faded, replaced with concern. “She asked for this personally?”
“Yes sir.”
“Fine. Lead the way.” He sighed.
Matthew lead them past the rest of the guests who were mingling around the inner ward and through the great hall, waving off the guards who were diligently keeping people away from the doors. The room had been lavishly decorated but all in keeping with the castles historic background. He opened up the private apartments and invited the team to walk through.
“Her Majesty will be with you as soon as she can. Please, make yourselves comfortable.”
Jack didn’t sit. He waited for Matthew to leave and sighed again. “Why can I never get invited to a party just to have fun?”
“We knew this was a likelihood.” Ianto said.
“Still. What could she need all of us to be here for?”
“Captain Harkness, if one could tell you that on the phone one would have. Don’t you think?” Queen Elizabeth said as she walked in, a corgi scampering in beside her. “Darcy, heel.”
The dog rejoined her as she made her way to sit in a comfortable chair. “Don’t stand around, you’re making the place look scruffy.”
“You haven’t changed a bit.” Jack chuckled.
“Much more than you.”
He sat on one of the couches as his uncomfortable team sat stiffly not sure what would and would not be polite. “So, why did you invite us?”
“Right to the point. Don’t you think it would be polite to introduce your colleagues?”
“Your ma-”
“Jack. You know why this is necessary, so just do it.”
“Security check. I know. This is Ianto Jones.”
“Ah yes, the reason your paperwork is actually forwarded to me.”
“Are you just going to roast me here?”
“No, but we cannot help ourselves. Carry on.”
“This is Gwen Cooper.”
“It makes one glad to see more women in our police force. One does hope Jack has not been too difficult to work for.”
“Elise Carter.”
“Our newest asset. One did not expect you to be human, but that is not a slight one assures you.”
“Toshiko Sato.”
“One is very impressed with your work. Remind one, Jack, to speak with our UNIT representative about a pardon. We do not appreciate them attempting to overstep their authority against a woman who has shown herself to be loyal to this country and her people.”
“Will do.” He flashed a smile at Tosh, who looked a mixture of shocked and elated. “And finally, this is Dr Owen Harper.”
The queen laughed softly. “We appreciate you keeping Jack on his toes. It is wise to not let his ego consume too much of him. Now, to why one has called you here. Ones intelligence officers have been speaking of a possible assassination attempt upon ones person. We fear said assassin may be a shape shifter and may have infiltrated ones personal guard.”
“So you organised this to draw them out. You know how dangerous that is.”
“One is aware. We have lived a long life but ones grandchildren have not. If we are assassinated they may be next to be targeted. We will not stand for that. We have asked you here not as a ruler but as a friend… Jack, will you be able to find them tonight?”
His expression softened. “I’m not going to let you die tonight.”
“If it is ones time then one can accept that. One cannot accept our children to be harmed.”
“We’ll find this assassin. I don’t know how but we will. Now I get why you invited us like you did. If they suspect anything they might make a run for it and this’ll all be for nothing.”
“Thank you, all of you.”
Darcy stood and sniffed the air, running towards the door. Seconds later there was a knock.
“That will be ones duty calling.” She stood slowly. “It was good to see you again captain.”
“You too Lizzy.”
She smiled and headed out, Darcy trotting along at her side. Jack ran his hands over his face, not knowing where to start.
“It’s a good thing we’re all so paranoid, isn’t it.” Gwen said.
He looked up sharply. “What?”
“We’ve been working on a few things to bring just in case something happened.”
“Like what?”
Tosh snapped herself from her thoughts. “We programmed Eli’s wrist computer to be able to pick up any unusual signals and energy output outside of the normal human developed range. We have two of the updated sonic shield pendants and we’re carrying enough retcon to knock out this whole party if necessary.”
“I took the liberty of looking up a floor plan of the building not available to the general public and there are multiple hidden passages throughout the castle.” Ianto pulled his pda from his pocket and handed it over. “We also took into consideration any bomb threats and where a device would most likely be planted. We couldn’t rule out the possibility of this being a very human threat. It’s not as if we have the best relationship with a lot of the people here.”
The great hall was bustling with people chatting and trying to impress each other with how much land they owned or which holiday home they flew off to for their latest break. The waiters and waitresses milled around, trying to make sure everyone had drinks. A crash announced one waitress tripping, the tray of empty glasses she’d been holding shattering across the floor. She desperately scrambled to gather the broken glass as she spluttered her apologies to no one in particular.
“Please, allow me. I wouldn’t want you to cut yourself.” A soft voice said.
The waitress, Becca, glanced up to see a pair of kind eyes staring into hers. “Oh, I … It’s alright. I was being clumsy.”
“It’s not being clumsy when a man who looks like he hasn’t had a date in ten years trips you so he can look up your skirt. Anyway, I’m wearing gloves so I won’t get cut by the glass shards.” Elise shot a death stare towards the middle aged man who had been leaning back to see while Becca grabbed for the glass. He turned up his nose as his friends chuckled at him.
“The boy’s not wrong.” One of the group said.
“Maybe you should ask your wife to bend over once in a while. Poor girls young enough to be your daughter.” Mocked another.
The man, not being backed up by his friends, marched off in a huff and the rest of the group wandered off. Becca flinched as a thin sliver of glass stabbed her in the finger. Before she could move there was a white handkerchief pressed over her hand, the fabric now spotted with red. The gloved guest finished collecting the glass and made sure it was all collected on the silver tray.
“There. All clean. Let’s get this in the bin and find a plaster for your finger.”
“I’m sorry to be such a problem for you.” She sighed, knowing her manager would hit the roof when they found out.
Elise shook her head with a sympathetic smile. “You’re not a problem at all. Believe me, I’ve been where you are.”
“Really?” This boy didn’t look or sound old enough to have had much of a job before but these days it was hard to tell. Their face was soft but had the faint line of a scar above their eyebrow. They were most likely the black sheep of one wealthy family or another.
“Really. Do you know where they keep the first aid kit here?”
“Oh yes. It should be just through the pantry here. There’s a bin too.”
Elise tipped the broken glass into the bin and placed the tray aside before opening the first aid kit. She pulled out one of the disinfectant wipes, a pair of gloves and a plaster. Exchanging the black glove on her right hand for the disposable one and pulling the other one over her left, not wanting to show the metal.
“Let me take a look.”
Becca pulled away the handkerchief to show a small but deep cut in her index finger. “Are you a doctor?”
“No. I’m dating one but this is just first aider level stuff. This might sting a bit.” She gently began cleaning the wound.
“Your other hand is so cold. You must have been freezing outside.”
“It’s not so bad. I’m tougher than a little bit of a chill. You must be worked off your feet with all this.”
Becca watched her hand, blushing slightly. Even her boyfriend didn’t take this much care of her. “It’ll be worth it. I just hope they don’t take the price of those glasses out of my wages.”
“I wouldn’t worry too much. I’ve seen those glasses before and you can get four for a tenner at ASDA. They’re not going to bring out the fancy glassware for an event this big.”
She chuckled. “Really? I thought most of the guests wouldn’t drink from anything but the finest crystal. No offence.”
“None taken. As long as they think it’s the finest crystal they’ll drink from anything.” She wrapped the plaster around the womans finger. “There we go. It’s going to itch while it heals but if it really red or hot I’d go to the doctors.”
“Thank you. I’m sorry, I never even asked your name.”
“I’m Elise.”
That explained why this person seemed out of place, some families would accept their children being different even in high society it seemed. “I’m Becca.”
“It’s nice to meet you. I don’t know about you but it feels like some of the people around here act really… weird.”
“I know, right? The guests aren’t even the worst for it.”
“Really?”
“Yea, other that Mr King none of the security lot have eaten since they got here this morning. Usually we get event security coming round and asking for lunch or snacks while we’re making the finger food for the party but we’ve not had a peep.”
Elise raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? That’s a bit off.”
“Then again, what do I know. This whole party feels off to me. I’d better go, if my manager sees me chatting I’ll be fired. Thank you again.”
“No problem. Take care ok?”
“I can’t believe she just did that.” Tosh whispered to Owen after Elise had walked off with the waitress.
He shrugged. “Looks like a good way to get information. If anyone's acting strange the ones serving’ll notice before anyone else.”
“I meant saying that so loud.”
“The old perv’ deserved it.”
“I agree but that could have gone really badly. We’re meant to keep a low profile.”
“It’s Elise.”
She sighed. “I know.”
“Sooo, what should we do now? Jack’s chatting up the guests, Elise is talking to the wait staff…”
“I want to see if we can get a better vantage point for the room. Gwen said she was going to have a quick look around the secret passages so I don’t want to use them yet.”
“What about just outside? While everyone’s huddled in here they could be setting up a cannon out there and we wouldn’t know.”
“You just want to get away from the crowd.”
“Don’t you?”
“Yes.”
He grinned and took her hand, leading her to the doors and outside. The cold evening air hit them. A sharp contrast from the heat inside. The security guards covering the door barely even looked up. The sound of a far off detonation wafted through the air, followed by a second one from the opposite direction.
“That sounded like it came from the bridges.” Tosh gasped.
“Think you can run in that dress?”
“Yes.”
“Come on then.” He took off towards the closest bridge. The smell of burnt wood got stronger as they approached the bridge. Or more, the moat filled with chunks of wood. A voice rose from the water.
“Help! Anyone!” Matthew cried, gripping on to the edge of the moat.
Owen reached down and helped the man up onto dry land. “What the hell just happened?”
“Someone… pushed me in… just before… the bridge went.” He coughed, water running from his clothes. “Need to call it in… But my radio’s dead.”
“Yea, I think they know. We heard the other bridge go too.”
“What?! Oh shit! We need to make sure her Majesty’s safe.”