Chapter Text
“And then he spends the whole dinner glaring at me, like it’s my fault his mom liked the dessert I brought. He could've brought something too if he wasn’t such a self centered jackass. He cornered me outside just to make stupid comments about how pathetic I am for struggling with exams, how deluded I am for thinking I can be worth something. And maybe I am pathetic because it’s the same old shit every time but it always affects me fresh, you know? Like it’s been a couple months, so I start to think ‘maybe he mellowed out and grew a soul’ but then it’s the same ‘Fucking worthless Deku’ bullshit he’s been throwing around since forever and like... He never mentions it, but I know he wonders why I didn’t take his advice in middle school. Hell, sometimes I wonder why I didn’t take his advice in middle school. Gah! He just makes me feel so tiny, so useless and I found myself wondering if I really should just kill myself and be done with it.”
“So why don’t you?”
Izuku Midoriya stops. Freezes in place as his heart squeezes.
Slowly he turns away from his spot by the window and looks over at his roommate's - his friend's - relaxed form.
“W-what?” he manages.
Umimeto Uzi doesn’t look up from his textbook, merely blinks his large cat eyes and calmly turns a page. “We keep having this conversation every time you come back from visiting your mom. I’m honestly sick of hearing about it.”
There are so many replies clamoring in Izuku’s brain but his throat is tight and the words won’t come.
‘Are you joking???’
‘Don’t you know you can’t joke about things like this?’
‘You are joking, aren’t you?’
“Y-you’re n-not s-s-seriously telling me you’d, you’d b-be okay if I just…” he trails off, unable to force any more words out.
A page rustles.
“Come on Midoriya. We both know you’d never actually do it.”
Silence stretches and Izuku turns his face away.
That didn’t answer his question.
***
Truth is Izuku’s thought about it more than would be considered healthy.
Nobody knows this, but when Kacchan told him to take a swan dive, he’d actually gone up to the roof and really thought about it.
He’d judged the distance, how much pain he’d be in, calculated success rates and even taken off his shoes.
But in the end.
He couldn’t do it.
Just gathered up his stuff and went home with a smile.
Uzi’s right.
He’d never actually kill himself.
His mom would be crushed.
Now dying on the other hand.
Dying would be perfect.
So many people go to sleep at night and just.
Don’t wake up.
That would be amazing.
But Izuku’s in perfect health and the odds of that happening are beyond slim so…
Trains get derailed, right?
But people survive those.
Izuku’s not looking to be crippled or anything.
Just dead.
Something quick. Maybe painless.
Bonus points for tragedy so people will comfort his mom.
Maybe a villain will try and rob his bank and he can take a bullet for someone?
Izuku should only be so lucky.
Car accident?
Izuku would never risk endangering others but sometimes.
He wonders what it would be like if a car came out of nowhere and just.
Ran him off the road and into a tree.
Far from painless but at least his mom would have someone concrete to blame instead of herself.
God.
This is pathetic.
He’s pathetic.
Maybe Uzi’s right.
Maybe he should.
Just.
Do.
It.
***
There’s a villain attacking.
A giant monster like villain that just smashed through the part of the bridge right in front of Izuku’s car leaving a massive hole behind.
He could swerve.
He could drive around.
But why should he?