Snow Day

Nathan woke up sandwiched between Audrey and Duke. He spent several minutes keeping still, just reveling in the sensation. The small bed that always forced them to crowd together was the main reason he often campaigned for them to spend the night at his house. He finally stretched, taking in the feel of his body shifting against theirs.

Duke groaned. "It's our day off, Nathan. Why are you awake so early?" Duke dragged his arm away from Nathan's chest and scrubbed his hand through his hair. "Can't we just go back to sleep?"

"Too late. I'm awake now," Audrey said with a yawn.

Nathan kissed along Duke's jawline to his ear. "I'm sure there's something I can do to make it up to you."

Duke groaned appreciatively. "I wouldn't say no to early morning apologies." Duke said, pulling Nathan into a kiss.

* * *

Sometime later, Nathan won the race to the bathroom. Purely for practical reasons, of course. That Duke always took forever was a valid excuse. The aggravated sounds Duke was making on the other side of the door had nothing to do with it. Honest.

Nathan took his time with the standard morning rituals, dragging the time out until Duke started threatening to pee in one of the vases he'd made in a pottery class.

Nathan opened the door and Duke pushed past him into the bathroom. Audrey giggled from the bedroom. The positioning of the bed gave her a clear view of the bathroom door. Nathan sat on the edge of the bed and she snuggled up to him, almost in his lap. Audrey wasn't interested in early morning sex of any sort. She did like to watch and then snuggle afterwards. It had taken a while to not feel guilty for leaving her out.

After a few minutes, Nathan's stomach started growling loudly. "Pancakes?" Nathan asked.

Audrey sighed and released him. "Sure."

He heard the shower starting in the bathroom. He could take his time, have a few minutes of quiet. Nathan liked this arrangement that they had. It beat coming home alone, passing out on the couch, and having no one outside work and casual acquaintances from craft workshops, all hollow. Still, he needed a few minutes in the morning alone with himself and the quiet to center. If they ever tried talking about it, Duke would probably bring up new age nonsense about meditating and maybe even throw in references to yoga, but Duke knew him well enough to not force the conversation.

Nathan poured a cup of coffee, added a sliver of ice from the freezer, stirred it, and checked the temp with a thermometer. 115. Hot enough to steam and smell delicious, but not hot enough to require temperature sense to drink safely. He sipped the coffee and stared out the window. It had snowed last night. He could practically hear the laughter of children as he remembered playing in the backyard of his parents' house.

Those were better times, before his Trouble had activated the first time. Before his mother had gotten sick. He turned away from the window with a sigh. Maudlin was definitely the wrong tone for this day. A day off for the three of them together was exceptionally rare. He was determined to not ruin it with too much thinking.

The water cut off in the shower. His stomach growled in spite of the coffee. Definitely time to get those pancakes started. He didn't use a premade mix to make pancakes, so there were ingredients to get out and carefully measure before mixing. Even Audrey teased him over his precision with pancake ingredients, but following a recipe exactly and knowing exactly what the results would be was satisfying on a deep level.

Duke walked into the room and stared out the window. "It's a perfect day for sledding," he announced.

Nathan paused in his whisking of pancake batter to peek out the window again. "Yeah, so?"

Audrey padded in her tank top and pajama bottoms and hopped up on the counter. "So it's our day off, and you two haven't used the sled I bought you yet. Come on! You both said you've wanted one since you were kids and it's gathering dust in Nathan's closet."

Duke turned away from the window to kiss her, then held her hand as he wrapped his other arm around Nathan's chest. He leaned the point of his chin into Nathan's shoulder.

"Ow." Nathan batted at his face.

Duke chuckled and rubbed Nathan's chest.

"If you want breakfast this morning, you better quit groping me and let me cook," Nathan said, but his tone was teasing.

"Nuh uh. You're stuck with me," Duke said in a sing-song voice.

"Oh come on. You sound like you're six when you do that."

Duke sighed heavily, and released Nathan. "Fine. I'll make omelets. We need some protein to go with the pancakes if we're going sledding today."

"I never agreed to that," Nathan said, ladling pancake batter onto the griddle. He groaned internally. When those two agreed on something they were a force to be reckoned with.

Duke exchanged glances with Audrey, then went to the fridge for omelet supplies. Nathan rolled his eyes and pretended he hadn't seen that.

"You know, I've never been sledding before. You guys talk about it all the time, and I have no reference for most of what you are saying." Audrey leaned in closer to Nathan.

He glanced down her shirt, before looking up guiltily to see if he had been caught. Duke was innocently chopping vegetables for the omelets and Audrey was still leaning over, just right… "You two are plotting against me."

"It'll be fun, Nathan! Like make-even-you-crack-a-smile kind of fun!" Duke exclaimed.

They'd keep it up until he caved or someone got mad. Nathan sighed. "Oh, alright. We can use the hill in the backyard." If he was going to end up agreeing, at least he could nudge it toward something less dramatic than anything Duke might come up with left to his own devices.

Duke gave him a Raised Eyebrow. "That little thing? We were done with those by the time we were six!"

"Audrey's never been, so it's better to start small. Besides, you'll get cold, and want to come in before too long." He piled the first pancakes up onto a plate and covered them with a towel.

"Hey, the snuggling and hot cocoa are the best parts!" Duke said.

Duke sidled beside him, close enough that they were bumping elbows, and started cooking omelets. Nathan shook his head. Duke knew he couldn't feel that, but always insisted anyway. Nathan found the closeness oddly intimate.

After breakfast they put on gloves and hats, boots and coats, and took the Chrome Lightning outside.

Duke won the tug of war when they pulled the sled out of the closet and he pranced out the door with it like a kid on Christmas. Nathan found himself smiling in spite of his earlier maudlin train of thought, and Audrey giggled at Duke's antics. At the top of the slope, Duke sat the sled down and started to climb on. Nathan stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Who says you get the first ride?"

"I do," Duke said, stubbornly.

The two of them arguing was so familiar, it was comforting in its normality. Nathan pulled Duke up face to face. Duke let him, because they both knew Nathan needed the eye contact. "Why?"

"Audrey's never been sledding, and I can feel the bumps. Besides, the best ride isn't the first."

Nathan stared at Duke's eyes for a hint of ridicule, but found none so he reluctantly nodded, letting Duke go.

Duke sat on the sled and scooted until he started sliding. The sled rasped as it skimmed the powdery new snow that had fallen overnight. The Chrome Lightning didn't disappoint. It reached the bottom faster than any sled Nathan had ever seen. It slid to a stop near the fence, and Duke jumped up with his arms above his head, whooping.

At the top of the little hill, Audrey leaned against Nathan, even though he couldn't feel it through layers of clothing. "That does look fun!"

"Alright, already! Bring the sled back up!" Nathan called down to Duke.

Duke grabbed the sled and stomped as he went, packing in the trail to the side of the sled's path. He handed the sled over to Nathan, who passed it to Audrey.

She refused to take it. "It was your Christmas present. You go next." She tiptoed and kissed his cheek.

He grinned and took his turn on the sled. His reaction was more subdued than Duke's, but he still trotted back up with a goofy smile plastered on his face and practically thrumming with excitement.

Audrey smiled big enough that her dimples showed and started down the hill. She shrieked as it picked up speed and at the bottom ended up rolling off the sled. She popped back upright, covered with snow and laughing.

After an hour of sledding, they were getting cold–except Nathan, but Duke and Audrey agreed that teasing everyone else for being wimps when you can't feel the cold isn't fair. None of them were ready to call it quits though.

Duke sat on the sled and said, "Come on, Audrey. We'll ride together. Get an early start on the snuggling for warmth thing."

She giggled and sat in front of him with her knees tucked up to her chin. He wrapped his legs around hers and Nathan gave them a push start. They sped down the slope and came to a gentle stop. Coming back up was becoming part of the fun, since it kept them warmer.

Audrey put the sled on the ground, and said, "Come on, Nathan. Our turn!"

It was awkward, since the sled was sized for one adult. At the bottom, they tumbled off in an ungainly heap. They took turns brushing the snow off each other, but it was getting slushy from the sledding and clung, soaking in. By the time they made it back to the top, Duke was bouncing in place, but still shivering. Audrey wasn't shivering yet, but Nathan knew she soon would be. Nathan wrapped an arm around Duke's waist, and drew him toward the house.

Duke dug his heels in and dragged Nathan to a stop. "No way! It's our turn, now."

The awkward dismount a moment ago flashed through his mind. "Not happening."

"Aww, come on."

"Seriously, you sound like you're six when you whine," Nathan said. He released Duke and continued to the house.

He heard Audrey say, "He'll come around. You didn't think he'd even agree to go sledding."

"Yeah, there is that," Duke said slowly. Then his voice perked back up. Nathan knew that tone; it was an almost genuine tone. "I did say something about snuggling and cocoa, didn't I?"

Audrey laughed again. It was a good sound. "Yes, you did."

Today, they were all determined to keep it light and have fun, and the sledding had turned out to be fun, despite Nathan's reservations. Inside, they shucked out of cold, wet clothes and put on dry sweats. Nathan built up the fire to a roaring level, Audrey carried blankets and pillows to the living room floor, and Duke heated cocoa.

Nathan and Audrey settled next to each other in front of the fire, sitting on the blankets, backs to the couch and toes to the fire.

Duke brought the cocoa. "I checked the temperature. It's not too hot," he said as he handed Nathan his cocoa. Then he snuggled up on Nathan's other side, careful to not cause any spills.

"Okay, so I can't believe that I never tried that before," Audrey said after they were all comfortable.

Duke grinned. "One of the perks of growing up in Maine."

"So you two used to do that all the time when you were kids, huh?"

"Except when I was Troubled. My mom didn't trust me to be out of her sight the rest of that year."

"Not together," Duke said at the same time.

Duke stretched and set his empty cup away from the group with his left hand. His right he laid over Nathan's shoulders. The sudden comforting weight of it let Nathan know Duke had a hand on Audrey. Duke let the silence linger for a few more moments before making an obvious ploy at lightening the subject. "I always dreamed of taking one of these sleds out on a big hill. Getting some serious speed going."

Nathan's expression softened. "Yeah. There's a great place out past Dillon's farm. Long, high hill. Nothing but grass grows in the summer. Perfect place for the Chrome Lightning."

Duke quirked an eyebrow at him. "You've put serious thought into this."

"So?" He was caught up in thinking about flying down that slope, and didn't realize the next logical place for this conversation to go.

Audrey spoke up, "So we should go out there later today and try it out."

Nathan felt like the proverbial bucket of cold water had been dumped over his head. "No."

He couldn't do it. Imagining it? Sure that was amazing. Actually standing at the top holding a sled? He shuddered. He'd tried it on various steep hills every year from middle school to high school. It had always been a long, depressing hike back down, and then finding something smaller that wasn't overrun with with little kids or people that would tell Duke and give him something else to tease about.

Duke pulled Nathan into a one armed hug. "It'll be okay, Nathan."

Nathan made an exasperated noise at Duke. "I'm not scared of it." Maybe he was. Maybe he had nightmares about it. Maybe he didn't like to share his weaknesses–with anybody.

Audrey scooted in closer to Nathan's other side, breaking contact with Duke. She squeezed Nathan's hand. "Then what is it?"

"I just don't want to."

Duke nuzzled against Nathan's neck, the sound of his beard scraping against Nathan's collar, tracking his movements. Audrey knelt in front of Nathan and ran one hand up under his shirt. Her other hand reached across and Nathan could feel Duke again, the beard prickling Nathan's skin as he kissed along Nathan's jaw. Duke nibbled at Nathan's ear, making him squirm. When he could feel, his ears were very sensitive. "Clearly you've thought about this. I'd even say rather fondly thought about it. So what's holding you back from the real thing?"

Duke's voice was low, barely more than a whisper, something Nathan appreciated when Duke was that close to his ears. He didn't have an easy answer to that question, so he just kept his mouth shut.

Both of Audrey's hands were under his shirt now and Duke went blank again. She worked his shirt over his head and off his arms, then leaned against his chest. Nathan shivered as her roaming hands let him know that he wasn't really warm yet.

"I'm not changing my mind just because you–"

Everything shifted forward and Duke's legs appeared on either side of Nathan. Duke hooked a leg over Nathan's and worked his bare toes under the hem of Audrey's pants leg. Than Nathan felt the solid expanse of warmth as Duke's chest pressed up against his back, and his arms curled around Nathan's shoulders like the straps of a backpack holding him tight. Nathan sighed. Considering their checkered past, it was ridiculous how safe Duke holding him like this made him feel.

"Relax, Nathan. This is just the snuggling part of the plan." Audrey removed her shirt and leaned across him again.

Nathan rubbed up and down Audrey's back with one hand and cupped a breast with his other hand. He reveled in the sensations for several minutes before it dawned on him that Duke hadn't moved beyond poking his chin back into that spot above Nathan's collar bone. He turned his head to get a look and found Duke staring at the fire, lost in thought. He supposed he wasn't the only one prone to too much thinking.

Nathan tugged on Duke's head, the other man smiled broadly and let Nathan draw him down into an awkwardly angled kiss. "Where'd you go?" Nathan asked when they broke apart.

"Nowhere." Duke tried to put his chin back, but Nathan shrugged him away. The spot was getting sore; not something Nathan was accustomed to.

Audrey moved to the side. Duke was a blank for a brief moment until her hand touched Nathan's arm again. Nathan twisted free of Duke's impression of a limpet and turned on him, straddling one of Duke's legs, careful to keep Audrey's hand on his arm. "No way you're this quiet unless something is wrong."

"Nothing is wrong. See?" Duke grasped the sides of Nathan's face and hauled him in for a long kiss.

Nathan closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of fingers running through his hair, fingers pressing against his cheek, each one a tiny explosion of sensation; the tickle and scrape of mustache hair on his nose and upper lip, lips on his with just the right pressure, moisture and the lingering taste of cocoa around the white hot flame of their tongues.

Duke had a great capacity for changing the subject, but the way he kissed, Nathan was willing to let the subject change. The sensations went blank, and he groaned with the loss. He opened his eyes; locked them on Duke's. Duke had pulled back from the kiss and was grinning at Nathan mischievously. Audrey shuffled around behind them. He heard her footsteps heading toward the bedroom, but he kept his eyes on Duke.

Gently, Nathan ran his fingers along Duke's jaw. Duke leaned into the touch, not breaking the eye contact. They could manage great intimacy by maintaining eye contact. Audrey returned. Some necessary items thunked to the floor beside them. Sensation flared against his lower back and travelled lower.

"I thought we were snuggling," Nathan said.

"Seriously? A kiss like that and you thought the rest of our clothes were staying on?" Duke broke eye contact now that Nathan could feel him again.

"Come on, Wuornos. The only real order for the day is to have fun." Audrey's hand slipped around to his front. "And this is fun, right?"

Nathan nodded as he moved in to kiss Duke again.

* * *

Later that day, Nathan eased the Bronco to a stop on the edge of the road. "There it is."

The hill was exactly as Nathan remembered it. A long, moderately steep slope covered with last night's perfect powdery snow over the deeper packed layers that had been building up all winter. The lower end of the hill flattened into a long run that stretched to where they were parked.

"It's perfect, Nathan." Duke opened his door and slid out.

Audrey got out and helped Duke retrieve the sled from the backseat. Then she came around and opened Nathan's door. "Come on, Nathan. You've wanted to do this or you wouldn't have picked the place."

Nathan sighed, but got out and trudged to the top with them. He wanted to remind them that he had not, in fact, agreed to go sledding, only to show them the hill. It took a long while to get to the top. They wouldn't get many trips before they got too cold.

Audrey took the first turn. Duke and Nathan watched anxiously as she skimmed over the snow. The ride went perfectly, and she made a much more graceful exit than she had from her first-time sled ride. Duke hovered nearby while they waited for her to climb back up, but kept the silence. Nathan reflected that Duke did sometimes know when silence was best.

This hill looked nothing like the one that had kicked off his Trouble as a child. Nathan watched Duke take off on the sled. Audrey wrapped around his arm, pressing against his side. Nathan couldn't feel it through the layers, but she claimed it was keeping her warm. Duke reached the bottom and bounced around like a kid before beginning the climb back up.

No, this hill didn't match that one, but it couldn't help but resemble a recurring nightmare he'd had every winter since he'd broken his arm. Alone at the top of the hill, just him and the sled. Staring down the snowy slope as it grew and grew into something resembling a ski jump. Then climbing on the sled, even though everything in him was screaming, "No!" With dream inevitability, he would push off and the sled would pick up speed faster and faster until it hit the ramp and he was flying through the air. Then he'd wake up.

It was a dream. Silly to let it scare him. Yet, just thinking about holding the sled, standing here at the top, made everything go wobbly like the hill was starting to stretch out. Duke trotted the last few feet to them. He was grinning ear to ear, and babbling about the ride. He pulled Audrey away from Nathan to join him, and they arranged themselves on the sled and started down together.

Nathan thought he might be offended that neither had made any further attempt to get him to take a turn. They puffed back up and Duke set Audrey on a spinning trip down the hill. The snow had nearly gotten to that point of perfection between packed and powdery. Nathan longed to try it, but the dream came back to him again.

"Nathan." Duke said softly.

"What?"

"You won't get hurt. You've picked the perfect place." Duke stood in front of Nathan.

"I'm not afraid of getting hurt. I wouldn't feel it. Besides, what's it going to do–activate my Trouble?" Duke looked away. Nathan hadn't meant to hurt his feelings. They were supposed to be having fun today, not snapping at each other.

He let the chagrin push him into speaking. "I have this dream. Nightmare. I'm alone on top of a hill, and everything is wrong, but I can't stop myself from getting on the sled."

Duke put his hands on Nathan's shoulders. "You were going to miss out on this because you didn't want us to know you have nightmares? We sleep with you, Nate. We know about them."

Nathan wouldn't meet Duke's gaze. They all had nightmares sometimes. The Troubles were enough to give anyone's subconscious nightmare fuel.

"You're not alone anymore, Nathan." They'd had variations of this conversation many times, and Duke always managed to sound sincere and not exasperated at the repetition.

It wasn't easy to allow himself to depend on anyone else. Trust didn't come easily to any of them, but ultimately, trusting earned them all something so much better–not being alone. He met Duke's gaze.

Duke smiled again, one of those shy smiles that always disappeared too quickly, but Nathan treasured earning them. A moment, and then Duke was shifting, putting one arm over Nathan's shoulders and walking him closer to the break of the hill.

"We'll go together. You won't be alone."

Nathan smirked at the thought of them on the sled and shook his head slightly. "Not riding that sled with you."

Nathan expected arguing, whining, even mock drama, so he was surprised when Duke quietly put an arm's distance between them. Nathan waited for it, but it didn't come. Duke's jaw was tensed, his whole body held stiffly. He wasn't playing around. He was mad. Nathan mentally smacked himself. All day he'd been pushing Duke away, and now the casual dismissal. Of course the guy was mad.

Nathan bridged the gap. He hoped he wasn't about to get punched as he wrapped his arms around Duke, pulling them close, but not into a hug. "I'm sorry."

Duke glared, but left silence to fill.

Nathan needed that time. Duke knew him too well. Better than he knew Duke, sometimes. "I didn't mean it like that. Just that there's no way the two of us can fit on that sled together."

Duke turned his head, refusing to make eye-contact. "We would fit, you would just have to accept looking stupid with me."

There it was again. That look of shame and surety that this would all end with Duke left by the wayside. Nathan hugged Duke tightly, sacrificing his ability to see what Duke was doing. Each of them brought great things to the relationship and each of them brought challenges. Silence and monosyllables didn't always say what was needed, and his attempts at humor and teasing often missed their mark. Duke was never quite sure that anyone could want him without wanting to use him, and Audrey couldn't let go of the weight of the Troubles. She'd probably called to check in with Laverne three times today when no one was looking.

Duke cleared his throat. It was their signal that He wanted out of the embrace. He didn't quite meet Nathan's eyes, but at least he wasn't turning away. Nathan leaned his forehead against Duke's, even though it made him cross-eyed. "I am not embarrassed to be seen with you, Duke." He paused before adding, "I'm not going to stop wanting you to be part of this."

"In my nightmares, you guys go off, get married, get 2.4 kids and a dog and a pool and respectable neighbors. It's not always easy to believe I'm not the third wheel around here." Trust was an issue all three of them brought to the table.

"That's never going to happen, Duke. I want you in my life at least until we're as old as Vince and Dave."

Duke snorted. "Vince and Dave? You see us forty years from now?"

"Yeah, I do." Nathan leaned back and blinked his vision back to normal. Duke smiled at him again. Nathan kissed him, then said "I still think we won't fit."

Duke chuckled, looked at the sky, and then back at Nathan. "So you mean to say that we just had a heart to heart, and you really were worried about the logistics?"

Nathan grinned. "Yes."

Audrey was almost to the top of the hill. They both chuckled. Then laughed. Audrey waited a moment, before clearing her throat loudly. Nathan took the sled with one hand, and dragged Duke, who was still chuckling, forward with the other one.

"Come on, then! You think we can do this. Let's do it."

Audrey had both hands over her mouth stifling her laughter by the time they had managed to arrange themselves on the sled. Duke was right. They did fit, but only because he was sitting in Duke's lap. Dignity was right out.

"Alright, alright. Quit laughing long enough to give us a start, Officer Parker."

"Okay, Duke. Here goes!"

The push she gave them was gentle, but the Chrome Lightning picked up speed remarkably fast considering the load it was carrying. The wind made Nathan's eyes water. He held them open. The hill leveled out all too soon, and they slid to a stop, sideways.

Nathan took a deep breath. He looked back up the hill. He'd done it. The nightmare that had plagued him since he was eight, and he'd beaten it–with Duke. He rolled forward onto his knees. and twisted enough that he could tackle Duke into the snow. Duke let out an undignified squawk, before taking charge of the kiss.

Later, Nathan didn't know if it was several seconds or several minutes later, Duke pushed him away. "Nate, my clothes are getting wet."

Nathan scrambled back and gave Duke a hand up. He brushed snow off, but it was a lost cause. "You can't sled like that."

"Dammit, Nathan. I'm sorry."

"Why? I tackled you. Besides, it's getting late." Nathan escorted Duke to the Bronco. "I'll go get Audrey. You get the heater started."

Duke's teeth chattered as he nodded and closed the door. He never had been the best with the cold. After he had spent so many years away from Haven, it was worse. Audrey was on her way down. She stopped and waited once Nathan started toward her.

"What happened?"

"Duke's cold."

She smirked. "That does tend to happen when you make-out in the snow."

"You going to take one ride by yourself?" She nodded toward the top of the hill.

"I was coming to get you."

"I'll walk. You should take a turn."

The ride with Duke flashed through his mind. He could do this. A quick kiss that turned into a lingering one, and then he smiled. "I'll do it."

Nathan trotted on to the top. He put the sled on the ground. The long, long stretch of snow in front of him wobbled for a moment, but Audrey was there waving. Nathan couldn't see him, but knew Duke was watching from the Bronco. Nathan sat on the sled and silenced the echo of the dream.

He rocked forward. Gravity took over and he whipped by a blur of Audrey. It was so much faster with one rider that he was at the bottom, slowly coming to stop, almost before he realized it. That was everything he'd ever imagined! He jumped to his feet, letting out a whoop.

He was still grinning like an idiot several minutes later when Audrey made it to the truck. Turning, Nathan found that Duke had fogged up the windows and drawn dirty pictures.

"He's cleaning the windows when we get home."

Audrey laughed. "Good luck on that." She pointed to one of the drawings. "We so need to try that one."

Duke cracked the window. "It'll be fun." He rolled it back up.

"You're going to clean the windows first!"

Duke shook his head and cupped his ear like he couldn't hear. Nathan chuckled. It had been a good day. They'd argue the rest of the way home about the windows and end up trying out the scenario in Duke's drawing. Tomorrow Duke would get up early and clean the windows, but pretend to know nothing about it, and they'd go back to fighting the Troubles, but today? Today was theirs.