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A Burnish without fire is merely a traumatized human being. At least that's what Lio thinks. Seeing his people alive and well was good but what they lived would never fade away from their minds. He cried when seeing them free. The pressure on his chest freed a torrent of tears as he flung himself in the arms of Gueira and Meis. He feared so much seeing them dead after what they lived that seeing their goofy faces smiling at him, calling to him was the biggest relief he ever felt. Galo joined the hug uninvited and it soon turned into a group hug under their laughs. But it couldn't last.
No, it couldn't last. Because they are Burnish. No, were. Not are. The Promare are gone and Lio feels empty now. A part of him is missing, a part who followed him for so long. He's not the head of the Burnish now. He's their former leader. And a terrorist. No one forgot it. People screaming about how the Mad Burnish should be imprisoned, not caring for what they just lived. They don't care they all almost died, they don't care they were used as experiments, they don't care about their horrible lives. They just want to be safe, no matter the cost. They don't know. Ignorance should be a crime, he thinks. At night, when Lio woke up after a nightmare, it wasn't usual he'd think his right arm was gone. Or the left one. He felt them turning to ashes before Galo saved him. He felt his heart stopping its beating. He felt himself slowly slipping away, from unconscious towards the bliss of eternal sleep.
But he's alive. Alive and well right ? And he's a terrorist so they want his head. They want Gueira and Meis's heads too. He wouldn't know who was the most wanted between his henchmen who did commit crimes before he came along, or him, the leader. Even if he wasn't for that long, it's like he always was. Both for the Burnish and the humans. Being reduced to another victim didn't suit right with him. He wasn't a victim, he was strong and he'd prove it. To who, he had no idea. But he wasn't a poor traumatized victim like some people saw him, nor a horrible terrorist. It's a vicious cycle. He still hears some spitting on his people, and if most of the time he contains himself, sometimes he just snaps. Yelling at them, taking them by the collar of their shirt, starting even more screaming. And even if his anger grew, the fire didn't. He was empty.
Sometimes, he didn't even feel angry. It was like it wasn't about him. Nor about his friends. It's like he was here but also somewhere else, far far away from all this shit. Galo tried to do something to bring his spirit back but he just wasn't here. He actually liked this state. It didn't hurt. It wasn't scary. It was relaxing to be somewhere else. He enjoyed spacing out the most when he'd be with his friends, Gueira would scream at Meis for a bad prank, Meis would laugh and tease him, and Lio would watch them with a little smile. Or with Galo sometimes. Not the energetic Galo, the quiet Galo which left him alone. Taking care of him. He hated it usually but he was spacing out so badly he didn't even care. He'd leave the fireman roll him up in a blanket, give him a hot drink and maybe put on TV. Not too loud, just enough. Then they'd sit together, Galo watching, Lio dreaming. Those are the good days.
The bad days are horrible. They are diplomatic, because he's working with what's left of the government to help the Burnish being re-integrated in society. But the two groups didn't want to meddle. They were scared of each other. Humans are scared of the former Burnish – what if their fire wasn't extinct ? What if they burned everything again ? Let's not forget those who lost family because of them. And the Burnish, well, they were scared of those insensitive humans. They'd lost everything when becoming burnish, some had to live through experiments under the Foresight Foundation, they'd all been in those horrible reactor used as fuel and they were still ostracized. Living together would take years, if not decades. Lio wasn't sure he wanted to live next to humans. Next to Galo, why not. Galo understood. They had a few allies too, Lio remembered a young model who'd help burnish get away from the city and send them to the mad burnish. But they were a minority. If they could just have their own city, like he'd wish, he'd be happy. They could live in peace.
Some rare burnish still had family allowing them to come back. A young girl met with her father again after the events, and he'd been worried sick. A burnish yes, but she was still her daughter. This was a good sight. Some had family rejecting them. Because they were “ horrible mutants ”. Lio had a hard time not to strangle them. Not that he could really. He was a shrimp. Being burnish was what made him powerful. And now ? He didn't have any strength left. Only the former burnish were listening to him. Humans hated him. They hated them. Why bother try to live with those assholes when they could just live together, happily meddling ? Galo kept telling him it would be fine. Lio didn't believe him.
Today was a horrible day. Nothing went well. He felt colder and emptier than ever. He tried to fill the void by eating a bit, drinking hot stuff, watching stupid shows, but nothing went well. The emptiness in his chest filled with nothing but panic, tears, anger and worry. It hurt. Badly. Lio wanted it to stop. He wanted his fire back. He just wanted to burn it all to the ground. Sometimes, he'd have horrible thoughts. Maybe it would be better if they didn't save the earth – that way he wouldn't have to suffer for long. But he'd always tear up thinking about it. He was a disgrace to his people, especially the ones murdered before they could put everything back in place. He was lucky enough to live. He should use this life to do good. But his body felt horrible.
It's happening again. All his repressed emotions are surfacing again, his arms feel like they're being ripped apart and his teeth begin to chatter. He feels himself in that reactor again, feeling thousands of his own being torn apart, screaming their pain, he'd hear each and everyone of them as he'd start to disappear. He couldn't even move. He was crouching, hands furiously gripping his arms and gritting his teeth not to scream. He sobbed, whimpered, his breath became erratic, he couldn't breathe properly because every time he'd put air in his lungs, it was never enough. It's like he was dying. Maybe he was. He hated it. No matter if he lived or died, he wanted it to stop. That's when he did something stupid.
He lit up the stove and put his hand on the fire as Galo entered the room, alarmed by his whimpers. Lio heard him screaming and was promptly yanked backwards. His hand hurt. The fire didn't obey him.
He wasn't a burnish anymore.
Merely a human being.
He started choking. Galo was saying something to him, but he couldn't understand it. He just couldn't. His brain didn't register anything aside from him dying. The fireman put himself in front of him, telling him to follow him. To look at him. Only him.
Somehow, it worked. Seeing Galo so worried made him conscious of reality around. Galo was here.
Galo won't let him die.
Galo saved him.
He'd do it again if needed, no doubt.
It took Lio a long time to calm down. First, his breathing got better and he could actually feel his lungs using the oxygen he'd give them. His arms didn't hurt so much after some time. He'd listen to Galo talking, about what, he didn't remember. But his voice was soothing. In the end, he ended up snuggled in his arms. When he was better, Galo allowed them to move to treat Lio's burn. His right hand looked bad. Not too bad, but bad. He'd never been burnt before. It felt awful. The pain and the thought that yes, there really is no more burnish in this world. Neither promare nor burnish. Everything was gone.
He cried. Galo stayed silent, knowing nothing he could say would comfort Lio. He never left his side. If the former burnish could let it all out, it would only be beneficial. They'd stay in the bathroom, putting water on his hand for a long time. Galo helped him stay on his feet. When he was calmer and his burn didn't hurt as much, the rescuer treated it. He didn't scold Lio. He didn't say anything about it. Part of Lio was relieved, another one worried about what his lover was thinking of him. Silence slowly became heavy and the former burnish decided to break it.
“You're not saying anything.”
Galo lifted his head to look at him. “Well, no. I mean, I think you're saying enough to yourself. I mean...” he made an embarrassed face. “I don't know what you're feeling. I bet it's hard. But I can't know. So I won't say anything.”
Lio considered him for a while, nicely surprised. “I see. I thought you would've scolded me.”
“Nah. I won't. But don't do it again.” He was serious, looking worried. “Please.”
The burnish stayed silent. Galo got back to treating his hand before Lio spoke again, whispering in a broken voice. “It's useless anyway. There's no more reason doing it.” He looked hurt and miserable. Because that's how he felt. He was powerless. He was a former burnish. Nothing mattered now.
The fireman didn't know what to do. Nor what to say. Lio's hand was treated, it should be okay. But Lio himself was in shambles. “You wanna talk about it ?” he tried.
“About what ? How I wish I was burning ? How I wish I didn't survive sometimes ? How I'm a disgrace to my people ? How the fucking humans treat us ? There's nothing to talk about.” Lio spat with both anger and distress.
“So there's something to talk about.” Galo took his hands into his, softly squeezing his good hand. “I bet it's hard, losing your fire. I'm sorry. But I'm glad you survived, you know. You're amazing. You're really amazing Lio. You lived through everything. And you're certainly not a disgrace. Why would you be ?”
Lio stayed silent until Galo tried to talk again. “I am a disgrace. A lot of people died. You saw it yourself in the cave right. How many died because of those experiments ? And here I am, wishing I was dead. I shouldn't. I should be happy. I just can't be. I mean, I am sometimes. But then...” his voice trailed off as his eyes looked outside to the buildings in construction, hiding the blue sky.
“Lio. Considering what you lived, I'd be surprised if you were okay actually. It's normal thinking like that. You lived, so much, and you survived. Give it more time, I'm sure everything will work out.” Galo smiled at him.
“Yeah right,” Lio scoffed. “It'll work out. Right. You're really naive aren't you ? They hate us. For every people liking or tolerating the burnish, there's nine hating them. Stop lying to yourself. It'll never work out. It'd be better if we just went to live somewhere else. All of the burnish. We'd be better off like that.”
The rescuer looked sad, sending guilt in the turmoil of the former burnish's heart. “Lio. I'm sure it'll work out. It's only the beginning. People are scared and stupid, that's why it's like that. Give it more time than the two weeks we had. Give it a couple of months. I'm sure they'll warm up to the reinsertion of your people.”
“… Maybe they will. But Galo, you know they'll never forgive us right ?” Lio stared at his friend in the eyes. “Gueira Meis and I will always be hated. Because we were terrorists. The other mad burnish will have a hard time too. And their leaders will bite the dirt. No matter if we didn't kill anyone. Terrorists are terrorists.”
Galo didn't know what to say. That's exactly what he feared. Their names and faces were known for trouble. They wouldn't be forgiven so easily, no matter if they saved the world or not.
“Lio ? You're gonna laugh at me, but please. Trust me. It's gonna be fine.” Lio looked at him suspiciously. “It's gonna be fine.” Galo repeated, putting emphasis on the last word. “I promise.”
The former burnish didn't answer. His mind was already wandering far away. “I miss Meis and Gueira.” he whispered. “I really miss them.”
Galo smiled. “Wanna go and see them ? I'm sure they'd be happy seeing you too. Could be a good idea spending time with friends.”
“No!” The answer was quick to get out of his mouth. “I can't afford them to see me in that state... They'll be worried sick. And I can't show myself... like that.”
The firefighter gently put a hand on Lio's head, petting his hair in an attempt to ease him. “Let's spend time together then. Just you and me. We can call in sick tomorrow too if you need.” The ex burnish seemed relieved. “You wanna do anything ? Maybe a movie night ? I'll do any meal you want, too!”
“Thank you....” Lio had a little smile. “For now I'm good. Just.... Stay with me.” he added in a pleading whisper. “Please.”
“Promise.” Galo took his lover's valid hand in his, interlacing their fingers together. “I won't leave you alone. Never out of your sight. Okay ?” He pecked his lips. “We'll talk about it later, but maybe we should try to look into a therapist for you.” Lio's smile disappeared. “I know a good one, she was mine when I was younger ! I promise it'll help you. And I'll be with you, so nobody will hurt you. Okay ?”
“Maybe, yeah.” He didn't seem very enthusiastic. “Maybe. I surely need one but...”
“It'll be okay. I promise. We'll find you the best and the most open minded therapist you will ever be able to find. Trust me Lio.” Galo kissed his forehead. “I'd never let anyone hurt you. Now, let's get you on the couch. It'll be comfier than here.”
Lio didn't let go of his hand. It incapacitated Galo in some ways, but he complied without complaining. They spent the evening watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia which managed to make Lio laugh numbers of times. Cuddled on Galo's knees, wrapped in a blanket with a nice plate of home made crepes in front of him, it felt like heaven. It was exactly what he needed.
There, in Galo's arms, he felt like nothing could hurt him.
Not even himself.
“Galo ?” He tilted his head backwards while the firefighter did the opposite.
“Yeah ?”
“I love you.” Lio had a little smile as he said the words, the ones he always loved to hear Galo say. The ones he always loved to say.
Galo had a huge grin on his face. The same, adorable grin as always. The one he had fallen in love with. “I love you too! Even more than pizza!”
The last sentence sent his lover in a laughing fit, quickly joined by the blue boy. “More than pizza?! Yeah, I sure hope you do, idiot!”
“Heh, I'm your idiot.”
“Yeah.... my big idiot. God, that's exactly why I love you. Thank you.” Lio's smile was big, his eyes were tearing up with laughter, love, and relief. He moved to face Galo and softly kissed him. Their kiss lasted a few seconds, ones where nothing but them existed. Nothing but their love surrounding them.
Those are the best moments of the day.