Chapter Text
Evan is very observant. He figures it’s because he spends most of his time avoiding talking with people or making direct eye contact. His eyes had to look somewhere so he tended to notice all the little things other people did. His favorite person to watch—in a non-creepy way, he swears—was Zoe Murphy. Not only was Zoe the prettiest girl he’d ever seen with her constellation of freckles dotting her face and large green eyes, she was also extremely talented (the first sophomore in their school to get a guitar solo in jazz band ever), and extremely smart (she was in two of Evan’s classes even though she was a grade behind him).
But most importantly, Zoe was the kindest, sweetest person he’d ever observed. Zoe stood up to bullies at school who picked on other kids. He saw on her Intsagram that she went to marches and protests with Alana Beck for all kinds of causes. She cared so openly and deeply about everything she was involved in, and Evan couldn’t help but admire her, even if it was just from afar. He noticed the tiniest of things—the little stars scribbles on the bottom of her jeans and converses, the purple streak she had in her hair at the end of last year, the quizzes she took in Seventeen magazine in library, the way she danced like she didn’t have a care in the world—he saw it all.
When he first noticed the bruises on her arms, he didn’t think anything of it. He sometimes got bruised from climbing, maybe she tripped or something? But then he kept seeing them. He saw them creep up her forearms all the way up to her neck, faint and possibly not noticeable to anyone who didn’t study Zoe daily. When she started wearing longer sleeved shirts he started to grow concerned. It looked like she was trying to hide something. Alarm bells started going off in his head, well more than they normally did in any given situation. Something was wrong. Something was wrong and Zoe wasn’t cluing anyone around her as to what it was. Evan would ask her. It went against everything his anxiety told him, but for Zoe he would do it.
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At school on Tuesday Evan spends all morning gathering up his courage and watching to find a moment when Zoe would be alone. Finally, after lunch he sees Zoe alone by her locker, looking a little worse for wear, almost like she hadn’t slept well for a couple of days. He grips his backpack tighter and slowly walks towards her. With a shaky awkward wave Evan stutters out a, “Hi Z-Z-Zoe”, just as Zoe turns to close her locker.
“Hi there, Evan is it?” Zoe replies with a small smile starting to show. “Evan, yeah yeah it’s uhh Evan” he manages to stumble out.
“Well Evan, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Zoe says with the slightest of twinkle in her eye.
“Well I know we’re not like friends or anything, I don’t really have any friends, besides Jared, I guess but he only talks to me for car insurance, so anyways this is probably going to sound pretty weird coming from me and I’m sorry”, Evan rushes out all in one breath. Zoe looks up at him in confusion, “What are you sorry for?”
“Sometimes I talk really f-fast and it’s probably super weird and it’s probably making you uncomfortable”, Evan says dejectedly, “but there is s-something that I wanted to t-talk to you about”.
“I’m not uncomfortable, I actually think it’s pretty cute” Zoe says blushing as Evan starts to fidget with his hands and shift his weight back and forth.
“C-c-cute? Well you’ll probably hate me after this and it’s totally so presumptuous of me, but I kinda sorta noticed that you’ve had bruises on your arms for the last couple of weeks and I j-j-just wanted to make sure you were o-o-okay and that if you n-needed anyone to talk to that I’d listen.” Evan looked up at her from his fixed position on the ground and saw her visibly stiffens at the mention of the bruises. “I’m sorry I was totally wrong. I should just go. You probably hate me now” Evan mumbles as he turns to walk away. Zoe stops him by grabbing his arm, “I don’t hate you Evan, but I need to get to class. Do you want to talk after school? You could meet me by my car if you want?”.
Evan shakily meets Zoe’s eyes, noticing her stormy expression and nods his head slowly. “Yeah yeah yeah I can do that. Your’s is the blue bug right?”, Evan says hoping she doesn’t think it’s creepy that he knows which car she drives. Zoe nods and starts to quickly walk towards her class, with a short, “yep that’s the one, see you later Evan”.
Evan knows he should get to class or else he’ll be late—and there’s nothing worse than everyone watching him walk in late—but he stays frozen to the ground, watching as Zoe turns the corner out of sight. He can’t believe Zoe didn’t seem mad at him, but it almost made him more worried that she didn’t deny anything.
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Evan’s afternoon classes seemingly dragged on forever, allowing him time to both think about what he would say to Zoe and grow more and more anxious about what she might say to him. Was she being nice in the hall because people were around and was just going to yell at him that he was a nosy jerk when they were alone? What if she was going to gather other students to laugh at him? Evan’s slightly more rational side decided that Zoe wasn’t that cruel to try and humiliate him, but she definitely might be angry at him. He also fretted about the other possibility of Zoe telling him exactly where those bruises came from. How would he handle that? Deciding to talk to Zoe had opened so many doors for his anxiety. Was it even worth it? Yes, he decided. He just wanted to make sure she was okay, give him some peace of mind, then he could go back to fading into the background, watching her from afar.
Evan heard the final bell ring and he waited a bit for all the students to trickle out of the classroom before exiting himself. He didn’t like being pushed around in the other students’ rush to leave. He sped walked to his locker to grab his homework for the night and hoped he wasn’t taking too long for Zoe. He walked quickly to the all-grades parking lot and noticed about half the cars were gone. He looks around and sees Zoe leaning up against the driver’s side of her bug. She looks up and sees him walking over, giving him the tiniest of waves.
“H-h-hey Zoe”, Evan stammers as he looks at her. She looks tired and a little sad and was nervously playing with the dangly fringe on her shirt. Zoe stares at him for a second a says, “Did you really mean what you said earlier? That you’d listen no matter what?”
Evan rapidly nods his head, replying “Of course. I know we’ve barely talked, but I know what it’s like to feel completely alone, and I didn’t want you to feel that way”. Surprisingly not stuttering once.
Zoe shakes her head warily, looking right at Evan. “I can’t help feeling like I can trust you, like you, like you really see me. And I might be making a huge mistake, but I don’t think so? Lately it’s been really hard to tell. Do you maybe want to go somewhere more private than our high school parking lot?” Zoe fidgets with her keys waiting for Evan to answer.
“Yeah yeah sure. Do you have someplace in mind? Cause I know a place. I go there a lot to just think and clear my head. But you probably had something in already in mind. So don’t b-b-bother with mine—” Zoe cuts him off with, “Sounds like exactly what I need right now, where is this place of yours?”
“The a-a-abandoned apple orchard at the edge of town? I think it’s l-l-like 20 minutes from here?” “Okay let’s go. Would you mind giving me directions? Also I hope you like The Rescues, because I’ve been listening to them non-stop”, Zoe says as she gets inside her car, starting the engine, while indicating for Evan to also get in. Evan scurries to the passenger door and opens it somewhat flailing as he gets his longer limbs into the tiny car.
“I’m sure they’re great. You probably have the best taste in music, because you’re so talented.”
“You think I’m talented?” Zoe questions quietly. “Of course. I’ve seen you play in jazz band. I love jazz, not like all jazz but definitely like jazz band jazz”, Evan answers in a rush as he starts to blush furiously.
“Well thanks. I love jazz band jazz too.” Zoe reaches over to the audio console turning up the music, letting the piano and harmonies help her to relax. Evan sensed Zoe didn’t particularly want to talk anymore, which he was thankful for—he hated small talk. He let the music wash over him as well, only speaking to give Zoe the occasional direction to the orchard. The drive passed quickly this way, the two teens listening to music, letting it relax them for the conversation that was about to come.
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Zoe pulls into an empty gravel patch that she assumes was once the parking lot to the orchard. She’s not exactly sure why she’s driven all the way out here with Evan Hansen, but she knows that what she’s been doing—hiding everything she’s been feeling—isn’t healthy. She just felt like her “friends” at school and band wouldn’t understand and her parents, well she tried telling them, but they refused to listen. The only other person who seemed to care what happened to her was sitting next to her, fidgeting with his seatbelt, waiting for her to initiate something.
“Ummm…do you want to walk around Evan?”, Zoe asks quietly trying to meet his eyeline. “Uh uh sure—um I could show you my favorite tree, if you want? I’m sorry, it’s probably weird to have a favorite tree anyways…” Zoe interrupts him again, “Evan it’s not weird. I take it you’re pretty into nature if this is one of your safe places. The way I see it, it’s like having a favorite song, the orchard is your favorite record and the tree is your favorite song from it. I would love to see it, thank you for sharing it with me.” Zoe unclicks her seatbelt and takes her keys out of the ignition, she glances at Evan who still seems flustered, but a little bit in awe of what she’s just told him. She climbs out of her door as Evan rushes to follow her. Locking her doors with the clicker, she turns toward Evan and gestures her hand, seeming to say, “lead the way”.
Evan motions towards the chain-link fence, walking a little faster to hold it up for Zoe to duck under as they head into the orchard grounds. Feeling slightly emboldened, for God knows what reason, Evan reaches for Zoe’s hand to guide her more easily through the overgrown plants toward the center of the orchard. Zoe blushes but doesn’t drop his hand, but instead grips a little tighter.
“Wow it’s really beautiful here. I can see why you like it so much.” Zoe compliments and Evan nods his head in agreement. It was mid-October, so all the trees were changing color and it was pleasantly cool out, a perfect day to spend in a place like the orchard. They kept walking until they reached one of the oldest looking apple trees, probably 25 feet tall, with sturdy lower branches and droopy higher branches, heavy with unpicked fruit.
“We’re here. This one is my favorite. It’s old, but strong. Stands tall and proud and is kind of everything I wish I could be”, Evan says a little embarrassed by his admission. “Well I think it suits you pretty good” Zoe smiles at Evan. She tugs at his hand and they sit down with their backs against the tree.
After a few peaceful minutes listening to the birds chirp and enjoying the scenery Evan questions slowly, “Hey Zoe, is everything okay?”, remembering the reason he even gathered enough courage to talk to Zoe Murphy in the first place.
Zoe looks at him, with her chin wobbling just a bit and her eyes starting to water, “You’re the only one who noticed. I tried to tell people in the beginning, but then it got so hard that I just tried to cover it up instead. You’re the only person who noticed I wasn’t okay. My parents either don’t believe how bad it really is or they’re too afraid to do anything about it. They’re probably just as afraid of him as I am, but shouldn’t they at least try? They’re my parents.”
Evan starts to rub comforting circles on her hand, they way his mom does to him when he starts to cry. “Who are you talking about Zoe?”, Evan asks gently, not wanting to rush her.
“It’s -it’s my brother, Connor. He’s unwell, he didn’t used to be like this I swear. We used to be best friends…” Zoe trails off, real tears starting to fall down her face. “He’s violent and he grabs me or will push me into the wall. That bruise on my neck from a few weeks ago was him trying to choke me, until my dad pulled him off. Sometimes he’ll come home high and starting banging on my door threatening to kill me. I think he’s serious about it too. He’s broken my guitar and two of my ukuleles and sometimes he just takes my stuff and burns it during his fits. Besides letting me add a lock to my door, my parents do nothing. They fight all the time about it all the while they let him do this to me continuously.”
Evan lets go of Zoe’s hand to wrap both his arms around her shaking form, rubbing circles on her back. Zoe leans into Evan’s shoulder, crying full gut-wrenching sobs now. “I’m so sorry this is happening to you Zoe. If you ever need a place to stay to get away from it all, someone to talk to who’ll believe you unconditionally, or anything at all, a-a-at school or during the middle of the night, no matter what I’ll always be available for you. I know it’s not the same, but I completely understand feeling alone in a situation you can’t control. My dad left my mom and me when I was seven to start over with a new family in Colorado. I always figured it was my fault, my anxiety, my problems, they were just too much for him. I never told my mom how bad I felt or how I hadn’t made any friends, that I still don’t have any friends, so I get being so feeling so lost waiting for someone to finally find you.” Evan continued to gently comfort a still crying, but no longer sobbing Zoe.
Zoe looked up to Evan with her teary eyes, now looking extraordinarily green, “Thank you Evan. I know we literally just met, but I can’t help but feel like we’ve known each other forever. I will take you up on those offers, if you promise to stop saying you don’t have friends, because now we have each other.”
“I won’t say it again,” Evan smiled softly at her, “And Zoe, I’m absolutely serious. My mom is usually working or in class, so my house is pretty empty. You could leave your guitar there or anything you don’t want Connor to see. And this is pretty presumptuous of me as well, but my mom works at the hospital, so I know she’d help if…if… if you ever wanted to, I don’t know, report him or something.” Evan looked down into Zoe’s eyes seeing all the hurt and confliction in someone so young.
“I’ll think about it, but please don’t tell her yet,” Zoe says sniffling, “Hey it’s getting pretty late maybe we should head back to my car?” Evan nods and stands with Zoe still in his arms. Now that they were fully standing, he hugs Zoe tightly to his chest, hoping to say that everything would be okay eventually now that they had each other. And he thinks he said everything he needed to say by not saying anything at all.