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Soren loved birthday parties.
Over the years, though, the significance of birthdays would continuously change as he learned more about what life had to offer.
Soren was four when he had an understanding of what significance a birthday held. What it had to offer—presents, cakes and special treatments. What it meant—celebrating his birth; that he existed and these people were happy for it.
As a child, Soren’s excitement and appreciation laid mostly on the presents. His family had always had enough, but begging for unnecessary luxury like toys or certain snacks was not a walk in the park. His Father did not care much for such indulgence and his Mother was obsessed with keeping everyone in the house healthy. He and Claudia had to sneak into the castle kitchen if they ever wanted some of those jelly tarts.
On his birthday, though, Soren was allowed to request whatever he wanted. Well, technically not everything, but more than what he’d ever wanted.
When he turned six, he had asked for a wooden sword along with a dummy dragon to beat up because he’d always admired the knights in those storybooks their parents sometimes squeezed time to read them before bed. The way the knight would take down a dragon and save the Princess then get praises? That’s what Soren wanted in life.
Well, he didn’t care for a Princess, but he’d look cool if he won in a battle with a big, fire-breathing dragon.
“When I get bigger and stronger, I’m gonna slay a dragon!” little Soren had declared as he excitedly swung his new wooden sword around. The whole family had laughed with him.
Unfortunately, the next thing that happened was he had accidentally hit Claudia too hard in the head, made her cry, and sent the whole house into panic. But Soren still remembered being super excited because his parents even gifted him a cool cape that had the Crownguards’ logo on it.
Nothing, not even a bawling sister and upset parents could ruin his birthday. Yup, not even when blood came out of Claudia’s forehead and they had to call in the royal physician after their Mother refused to let their Father perform healing magic. Nuh-uh!
For the next two weeks, Soren would jump out of bed without the help of his Mother every morning just to do his swings. It was his favorite birthday gift of all time!
For Soren’s eleventh birthday, their family member count had been reduced by one. His Mother had packed up and left for Del Bar two months prior, leaving him and Claudia emotionally—sometimes physically—codependent because their Father would be too busy with work to be there for them.
On days when Viren had to go on multiple-day expeditions, especially.
The siblings had moved into a room together again despite their parents’ hard work to get them to sleep in separate rooms the previous year. Viren had easily understood that his children could barely sleep without the other especially during such hard time and thus, he had allowed the new arrangement. He had even allowed them to have snacks and toys to make up for his absence.
“Happy birthday, Soren,” Viren had made it back from the expedition just in time for Soren’s birthday. He had even brought back a souvenir! “I’m, ah, not sure if you are old enough for a real sword. Are you?” he had asked timidly when he handed Soren his first sword.
No, Soren still needed to complete some more trainings before he was allowed to practice using a real sword. But it’s the thought that counts, right? Just the knowledge that his Father was thinking of him during his expedition as he racked his brain to find a perfect birthday gift was all he ever needed.
“Whoa!” Even Claudia had admired the sword. Her hands were clasped together and her eyes sparkled. “It looks so cool, Sor-bear! Can’t wait to see you kick a dragon's butt with it!”
Soren grinned so hard his cheeks hurt. He couldn’t wait, either. But the last time he was gifted a sword he ended up causing a familial mayhem, so he tried to be calmer this time. After all, he didn’t want to smash Claudia’s skull and risk forever impairing her, what Viren called “valuable brain”, by brandishing the sword with the level of hype he was having at the moment.
Suddenly, an idea struck Soren, as he shot up from his seat with a loud yelp, startling Claudia who was eating her share of birthday cake she choked on whipped cream.
“I’ll go get my cape!” the boy chirped, then rushed to his room.
He came back donning the old cloak that was already too small for him thanks to how much he’d grown throughout the years. “Princess, I will save you from the bad dragon!” he declared to no one in particular, posing with the sword and making sure he was pointing it far away from Claudia to avoid another incident.
Claudia, on the other hand, had laughed hysterically over how ridiculous her brother looked with an oversized sword and undersized cape. Viren had smiled and shook his head but looked mildly pleased because of how much Soren liked the gift.
That day, Soren learned that, as much as he loved the gift, what he loved more was the fact that his whole remaining family was here together to celebrate him.
Soren’s sixteenth birthday had gone past Viren’s head. The mage was too occupied with preparing the best gift and organizing the best celebration for the King’s birthday, which was only the day after Soren’s.
King Harrow’s birthday had always come after Soren’s, it’s nothing new. What was new was Viren and Soren’s growing distance. The Father and son had spent less and less time together after Soren officially became a Crownguard, believing his son had become an adult and therefore he was allowed to let go of the responsibility.
The fact that Viren preferred Claudia’s company over Soren’s was not news. It was the cold, hard truth the boy had to live with since he was sentient. But Soren was unbending; unwilling to give up without trying. Believing that someday he, too, could make his Father proud like his sister effortlessly did.
“He is proud of us, Sor-bear,” Claudia had told him once. “We’re prodigies, both of us!”
Of course, he knew that. They had been called such name by their peers.
Nevertheless, it didn’t change the fact that he was a wonder child in some field his Father couldn’t understand or care about. But Claudia didn’t know that. Soren didn’t remember at what point he’d realized that Claudia and him were not living the same childhood like he’d initially thought.
The moment Soren became a Crownguard, he knew he would get to spend less time with Viren. At the same time, Viren would spend more time with Claudia now that she was officially his assistant.
Claudia had been joining Viren’s expeditions and practiced magic under him since she was five, but only recently had she been acknowledged by the royal court members as a mage practitioner. She was allowed to give suggestions and be heard. She was allowed to make magical decisions during Viren’s absence.
Their Father couldn’t have been more proud to have his fourteen-year-old be a part of the force that decided the fate of the kingdom. That was all he and Claudia ever talked about during family dinners anymore. They, mostly just Claudia, would sometimes spare time to listen to Soren’s stories about the funny things that happened during training. Viren would just nod to let Soren know that he was listening and not already thinking of what to talk with Claudia next.
Sometimes Soren couldn’t help thinking that, once he moved to the barracks with the other knights, they would be relieved they didn’t have to bear with him anymore.
“Hey, stop that,” Claudia had warned when he expressed his concerns to her one night, sounding more offended than ever. “Dad doesn’t really understand your jokes or stories and that’s on him. But I enjoy them and I’d feel lonely once you’re not here. Stop thinking you don’t matter.”
Despite his loyalty to Viren, Soren often found it difficult to say he loved the man as a person. He admired his Father’s intelligence and wit. How he always had the solution to every problem. How he always carried himself with such grace and dignity. Yet he had hated how Viren made him feel about himself. So small and insignificant.
Deep inside, had always hoped Viren was a better person. A better Father. He knew he was asking too much. Viren was an important man with too many responsibilities. Being a good Father was likely not achievable while maintaining other, more urgent matters.
With Claudia, it was different. He never felt obliged to love her just because she was family. Of course, there were many instances where he would be jealous of her because of Viren’s imbalanced attention. Many instances where he would be upset with her when she was too selfish or stubborn about being in the right. But she always understood him. She was always his biggest supporter and closest confidant. The best sister he could ever ask for.
He wouldn’t trade her for the world.
Soren might be the one who chose Viren back then, but Claudia was the reason he persisted. There had been many instances where he wondered if he should have gone with their Mother, but every time he saw Claudia, he would tell himself there was no regret because she’s here. He would probably stay where she was either way because being together made every hardship easier to pass.
Sometimes, when she would piss him off, he would forget about how much her presence saved him. Some days, like on the night of his sixteenth birthday, he would be reminded of how much he loved his sweet baby sister.
“Happy birthday, Sor-bear!” Claudia’s eyes were still black from her magical baking as she threw her hands skyward.
On the table were an abundance of his favorite sweet treats. His top favorite being Barius’ jelly tarts and Claudia’s extra fluffy pancakes with extra butter. There was even a jar of her specialty drink; the Hot Brown Morning Potion.
All day, the guards were preparing for the King’s birthday celebration tomorrow. Viren had been cooped up in his study trying to complete whatever gift he’d wanted to give his long-time friend. Claudia was nowhere to be found during the day. Nobody had remembered Soren’s birthday.
“I’m sorry, I was shopping for ingredients all day,” Claudia told him, standing behind the long table as her green eyes returned. She smiled sheepishly when she noticed patches of white flour in the black of her hair. “And they ran out of your favorite flavour of jelly tarts so I had to wait two hours for the next batch. But hey, it’s still your birthday until the day pass!”
Soren was gawking. He had been feeling like crap all day and when he returned home, he was expecting to just strip out of his armors and drop dead for the night. But what had greeted him was a personalized banquet just for him.
Claudia poured him a glass of potion and he gratefully took it. “Cheers?” he offered.
“Cheers.”
When they sat down, Claudia began telling the stories of how many things had gone wrong while she was preparing his feast. Soren found Claudia's rants amusing most of the time because of the way she phrased things. Sometimes you couldn't tell if she was being truly frustrated or if she was just trying to make you and herself laugh by exaggerating.
In exchange, Soren ranted back. About how disappointed he felt because his own Father had forgotten his birthday and how little others cared.
Claudia suggested that next year, he should make sure he announced his birthday to everyone a week in advance. Claudia always reminded everyone of her birthday a month beforehand and nobody ever forgot. She also got to have exactly the kind of surprise party she wanted. He should learn from her.
“Hey, Clauds?” Soren called.
It was already an ungodly hour and they had finished all of the pastries but Claudia seemed more alive than ever thanks to the potion. “Mm-hmm?”
Soren circled his arm around Claudia shoulders and bumped their heads together, making her giggle. “You’re the best. You know that, right?” he said.
“I do,” Claudia agreed, grinning proudly.
That year, Soren learned that, as long as he had his sister, everything would be alright.
On Soren’s nineteenth birthday, he was the only one left of his family. Well, arguably, to the other two, their family member count would’ve been reduced by one again.
This year, however, with King Harrow gone, there was nothing that distracted his friends from his birthday. Soren woke up to his friends pretending they had forgotten his birthday, but when lunch break came, the guards had thrown him a surprise party at the dining hall.
The past year had been the hardest time of Soren's life. Who knew that doing the right thing would feel so... lonely? So helplessly agonizing?
It took him a month to stop saving jokes for Claudia. To stop setting aside peanut butter sandwiches every lunch. To stop immediately wondering about what Viren would think of him if he did certain things. To stop sitting at the library for no reason.
Much, much longer to stop questioning himself why he felt a gaping hole in his heart despite endless company.
He wasn't new to this. It happened when his Mother left, all those years ago. But he had Claudia with him back then. They had remained codependent for nearly a year, just erupting into panic whenever they couldn't track where the other was.
The nights were the worst. Silence would fill their heads with thoughts they couldn't fully comprehend yet were too stubborn to disappear. Only each other's company would make it remotely bearable. Drown the unwanted voices deep within. Lull themselves to sleep with each other's presence and warmth.
But Claudia wasn't here anymore. And Soren didn't wish to burden anyone with his problems. This problem that nobody else shared and could possibly understand.
Ezran had agreed to keep it a secret; the fact that Soren murdered his illusion Father. Nobody else had known why Soren still hadn't recovered from the battle. Why he would be too afraid to aim his sword at living beings for months to follow. Why the insomnia was recurring. Why his mind seemed to wander to the Storm Spire when left alone a second longer.
From time to time, Ezran would give him a look as if begging Soren to talk to him. Or anyone at all. But Soren couldn't find the courage nor a reason to.
Some nights, Soren would imagine Claudia there, just holding his hand and telling him that everything would be alright. Or lying about how Viren actually loved them both equally. That everything would be okay as long as they had each other. That her not being here anymore was just a bad, bad dream.
"Happy Birthday, Soren!"
His fellow guards cheered, all surrounding a table full of mountains of jelly tarts. Among them, there were his friends too: Callum, Ezran, Rayla, Corvus. Even Amaya and Gren were there.
Soren grinned. He rushed to give everyone a hug, three people at a time; lifting them up and spinning them around to show off the result of his physical exercise. Show them how much he appreciated them.
He was surrounded by the people he loved. That's all that mattered, right?
Viren probably wouldn't remember that today was Soren's birthday even if he was here anyway. He would probably be grieving about losing Harrow and not being able to celebrate his best friend's birthday anymore. Claudia, though... he wondered if she remembered. If she thought of him today. Thought of all his birthdays they'd spent together and wish they could do the same today, like he did the night before.
He shook it off. No, he wouldn't let the thoughts of them soil what was supposed to be the best day ever. Nothing, not even an absent traitorous family could ruin his day.
.
.
.
It was near midnight when Soren was finally allowed to return to the comfort of his chamber. He was unsure if he was glad that his friends refused to leave him alone today out of, hopefully tact and not sympathy. Or if he should feel uncomfortable because he wasn't used to such constant big crowd, worsened by his current discomfort of being the center of attention in fear that people might pick up something was wrong. The old him would have loved the attention, though, for sure.
Big birthday parties were never his thing despite his desperate need of being the center of attention, though, it was Claudia's. His sister loved surrounding herself with people just for the heck of it. He remembered vividly the masquerade party that was her last celebrated birthday; how she had danced around, guessing who was behind the mask. Soren had even worn a wig and a suit that was so not him, but she had easily picked him out among the crowd. He remembered complaining about how boring she made the game.
It hit him that they wouldn't be able to celebrate her birthday together this year, either.
Stop making yourself sad, Soren, he mentally reprimanded.
When Soren entered his chamber, he felt it almost immediately. Something changed. Someone had been in his room.
But who?
He wasn't very strict about people visiting his room, but at least his friends would have let him know before or after entering.
Seconds later, he noticed what was off. There was a strong smell that didn't belong in his room. A delicate but strong smell that he hadn't smelled for a long time. It triggered some of the best memories in his head.
When Soren looked about, he found it. Hidden behind the makeshift curtain of his bed was a plate of buttery pancakes and a cup of hot brown morning potion.
"Oh, man." He approached the window and sighed, touched by the gesture. "Did those guys do this?"
Soren had his share of sweet treats for the day, but he always had room for pancakes. He doubt this one would beat Claudia's, but he appreciated the effort. Although...
Weird, he didn't remember ever telling anyone about his birthday tradition with Claudia.
When a forkful of the pancake made its way to his mouth, though, Soren knew his initial assumption was wrong. Nostalgia hit without warning.
It was all of a sudden hard to breathe. But it didn’t stop Soren from pushing the fluffy treat down his throat. Even if he could barely taste it anymore amidst the saltiness of his own tears and his clogged nose. It was as good as he remembered. Like the night he felt hopeless and went home to a reminder of how much he was loved.
But how? How did it get here?
Under the plate, he spotted a paper.
𝐻𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓎 𝐵𝒾𝓇𝓉𝒽𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝐿𝑜𝓈𝑒𝓇
The paper burnt itself as soon as Soren finished reading it. He chuckled softly; tears still dripping down his cheeks. He read it in her voice. In her annoying, cheeky tone.
Soren knew he probably should have told someone; dispatch a search party to see if Claudia was still around the vicinity. But instead, he raised the cup out the open window, leaning against the windowsill.
“Cheers, Clauds.”
The beverage warmed his throat. Then his heart. His sister had made it for him despite their current, hostile circumstances. She had thought of him on his birthday. That alone was enough.
That day, Soren learned that he still hadn’t given up on his sister. One day, they would sit down and celebrate his birthday together in person again. One day, they would get to be brother and sister again. One day, they wouldn’t let their Father tear them apart again.
“One day, okay, Clauds?” he murmured, staring at his own hideous reflection on the potion. Just the smell reminded him of her. “Wait for me.”
One day, for sure.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
“Welcome back, little one.”
Claudia jumped. When she whipped around, Aaravos was towering over her. She could tell from his face that he was not upset. Yet, she couldn’t help but feel tremendously smaller. Insignificant. Unintelligent.
Instead of saying how sloppy her illusion spell was that he was able to pick it apart in seconds, Aaravos decided to perform a theatrics. “Time is of the essence, Claudia!" he declared, circling around her dramatically. "How could you leave your post for such mundane task like… baking treats for your estranged brother’s birthday and personally delivering it to his doorstep? Instead of staying in your post all day, making sure the enemy’s immovable fortress stays where it is? I am very disappointed in you!”
Claudia raised a brow, puzzled by the elf's unusual outburst.
“I am mimicking your Father,” Aaravos explained when he sensed Claudia’s confusion. “Little one, you know I am not like him. I am all for a little fun distraction in-between tasks. After all, what meaning does your short human life hold without fun in it?”
Ignoring Aaravos' mildly racist comment, Claudia proceeded to remove her cloak and undid her illusion spell. “Uh-huh…” she mumbled absentmindedly.
Claudia noticed that the elf was still hovering around her like a persistent bug, looking like he wasn't done with the conversation.
Claudia sighed. When she turned to look at him with an arched brow, he finally asked, “How did your brother like his treats?” He sounded genuinely intrigued.
“I don’t know." She played with her white hair. "I left before I saw him.”
The archmage mused. Golden eyes looking like they already held the secret of the universe. Dangerous, but tempting. "One day, he would come around, Little Cloud."
"Yeah," Claudia muttered, hopeful in the power of his words. The elf had never disappointed Viren. If he had been right about everything else, he was right about this. "Yeah, you're right."
One day, everyone would see that she was right. One day, Soren would grovel before them, admit his foolishness and beg for the forgiveness that she would give. One day, her family would be whole again. With Aaravos' help, one day.
One day, for sure.