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“What?” Crowley asked Aziraphale across the candlelit table. Crowley’s face was in the shadow of the flowers that sat between him and the candle. “What the hell are you looking at? Do I have something on my face?”
“Would you please not use that word,” Aziraphale replied, “And no, you don’t have anything on your face. Why can’t I just gaze at you and not get questioned?”
“I’m sorry,” Crowley said as he reached his hand towards Aziraphale’s hand laying on the table.
“Don’t apologize.”
“Gah!”
“I know it’s hard, but we are working on getting your mind in check,” Aziraphale said taking Crowley’s hand. “I know there is a light in you. I’m positive.”
“I hope you’re right,” Crowley sighed. “I want to do better. I want to be better.” He left off the ‘for you’ because he knew Aziraphale would say he should change for himself, not for any other reason.
“Perhaps it is time we went home,” Aziraphale suggested.
“Yeah, alright,” Crowley conceded.
After they arrived home, Crowley quietly retreated to his bedroom. He changed into his black silk pyjamas and turned back the covers. He slithered into bed and laid there staring up at the ceiling. He laid there for quite some time thinking of the angels and the demons. He had been anxious ever since he and Aziraphale went quiet and the two groups left them alone. Crowley couldn’t be sure that they would leave them alone. Aziraphale and Crowley had thwarted their war. He couldn’t be sure if it was supposed to happen that way. Were he and Aziraphale always meant to come together in the end?
He slipped out of bed and went to Aziraphale’s room. He knew the angel rarely slept. Crowley knocked on his door.
“Come in, Crowley,” Aziraphale said. He did.
“How did you know it was me?” Crowley asked. Aziraphale gave him a sceptical look. “I could have been a visitor you didn’t hear come in.”
“The door downstairs is locked. Can’t trust humans,” Aziraphale said and then took off his glasses. “And who would be calling at . . . midnight?”
“Death. Death could be calling at midnight,” Crowley said. He wasn’t lying but he was trying to be sarcastic.
“I don’t think Death uses the door,” Aziraphale said with a smirk.
“Alright, you got me there.”
“Was there something you needed?” Aziraphale asked setting his book on the nightstand and catching Crowley’s eyes.
“You.”
“Well, you don’t beat around the bush do you,” Aziraphale said getting up from the bed. “Alright, but I thought we would have a few more dates before it came to this.”
“No, no, no, no,” Crowley said waving his hands around. “I just want to lay with you. Not do anything. I can’t sleep by myself. Not tonight anyway. My brain won’t shut up.”
“Oh, dear. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Come, come, come, come,” Aziraphale said waving him over.
He hurriedly went to the other side of his bed and pulled the covers down. When Crowley came to him, he set him on the bed, pulled the covers up so he could slither in, and then tucked the covers around him. Aziraphale then went to his side of the bed and laid down with Crowley, wrapping his arms from behind and spooning him.
“There, is that better?” Aziraphale asked.
“Much,” replied Crowley. “I don’t want to distract you from reading. Just laying here with you is good enough for me.
“Nonsense. I’ll wait until you have fallen asleep.”
And Crowley did fall asleep quicker than he would have in his own bed alone. He slept so soundly that he never felt Aziraphale unwrap his arms from around him and go back to reading. He never woke with any of the pages turns. He never stirred when Aziraphale chuckled at a particular amusing section of text.
The next morning Aziraphale had breakfast ready for Crowley. He often did since he didn’t sleep much. Crowley was responsible for making dinner since Aziraphale was usually still at the bookshop.
“You didn’t have to bring it to me in bed,” Crowley whined a bit.
“I only wanted to do something nice for you. You seem to be struggling lately,” Aziraphale offered.
“That’s kind of you,” Crowley said rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he sat up.
“I know. It’s what I do.” Aziraphale smiled.
Crowley sat up further in bed and stacked the pillows behind him. He leaned back and Aziraphale set the bed tray across his lap. Aziraphale removed the cloche. There was a small stack of pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs. There was a cup of fresh strawberries, a glass of orange juice, and a cup of coffee. Crowley noticed there was only one service.
“Aren’t you going to eat anything?” Crowley asked with a bit of a furrow in his brow.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ve already eaten,” Aziraphale said as he unfolded the cloth napkin and set it across Crowley’s lap. “Now, eat up. You need your strength.”
Crowley had already picked up his fork and put a huge forkful of eggs into his mouth. He swallowed quickly and said, “You are my strength.”
“Come now. I can’t be your strength. You have to want it and do it. I can’t make you,” Aziraphale told Crowley.
“I don’t have all the strength on my own. I’m not some hero,” Crowley said between bites of food.
“I know you’re not. You are a fallen . . .,” Aziraphale started but didn’t finish.
“I am not an angel!” Crowley spat back as he placed his fork back on the bed tray.
Aziraphale stood for a moment averting Crowley but trying to come up with something to say to calm him.
“I believe there is an angel still in you,” Aziraphale said firmly.
“I can’t do this right now,” Crowley said pushing the tray away. He flung his legs over the side of the bed, feet fell firmly on the floor, and he stood. “I’ll be in my room.”
Then he sauntered off before Aziraphale could say anything.
Crowley closed his door behind him rather forcefully. It made a dull thud as it shut.
“I am not an angel anymore,” he seethed to himself and pacing the floor still in his pyjamas. “Why does he insist that I can be again? I’m just . . . just a demon. Yet I love that crazy angel more than any other thing in this world. He inspires me to be a better person . . . demon. I created the northern star because of him because he has always guided me.”
Unbeknownst to Crowley, Aziraphale had quietly opened his door.
“You did that for me?” Aziraphale voiced. Crowley stopped dead in his pacing.
“How much of that did you hear?” Crowley growled softly.
“All of it,” Aziraphale responded. “Your voice carries. I’m not sure you know how to be quiet.”
Aziraphale went over to Crowley’s bed and sat down.
“Come. Sit. Talk to me,” Aziraphale offered. “What is frustrating you so much, dear?”
Crowley meandered over to the bed and gently sat down next to Aziraphale. His head was dipped down. He stared at his knees. He didn’t know if he could tell Aziraphale.
Aziraphale reached over and tipped up Crowley’s head with a crooked index finger.
“Please? I won’t think any less of you,” Aziraphale said quietly.
Crowley had a difficult time looking Aziraphale in the eye, but eventually his eyes stilled and he couldn’t look away.
“Us,” Crowley muttered.
Aziraphale looked confused. “What about us, dear? We’re perfect friends living in a house together after saving the world. What could possibly frustrate you about that?” He gave a little nervous chuckle.
“Because I love you,” Crowley said with a touch of shame. Demons were not supposed to love, let alone love an angel.
Again, with a bit of a nervous laughter, Aziraphale said in an off-handed way, “Well, I love you too, but that doesn’t mean you have to . . . .”
“No,” Crowley interrupted, “Not in a friendly way. I love you with all my heart and . . . what soul I have left. I love you in a way a demon and angel should not love each other. I want to go on living with you forever. Whatever is mine is yours. In fact, I don’t want any of this. You can have it.” Crowley flourished his hand around to indicate the entire room.
“Oh, Crowley,” Aziraphale said not exactly knowing what more to say. He was a bit taken aback. Tears welled in his eyes. His mouth twitched in and out of a smile.
Crowley took Aziraphale’s face into his hands. He looked deeply into his sky blue eyes and stroked his cheek with a thumb.
“You are all I’ve ever needed for 6000 years. I want 6000 more, but knowing I love you and you love me. And being able to do this,” Crowley said and then kissed Aziraphale on the lips.
He held held him there for a moment, he could feel Aziraphale relax in his hands and he did too. The pent up feelings finally aired out opened the floodgates. Aziraphale’s arms wrapped around Crowley as Crowley pushed his hands back through Aziraphale’s hair.
Aziraphale was the first to pull out of the kiss. He looked deep into Crowley’s yellow eyes and said, “To me you are a hero, saving the world. To me you are an angel, telling me your truths. And I love you very much.”