Chapter Text
Her head hurt.
Her head hurt so much that she just wished she could go back to sleep, but the ringing in her ears was too loud. She had gotten used to sleeping through a lot of things since they first arrived on the ground, but this was just too much.
"I think she's waking up!" she heard someone call. She didn't want to open her eyes because she knew that the moment she did she would regret it. She would come face to face with the white ceiling, the white walls, the white furniture, and the white jumpsuit of whoever decided to pay her a visit today. She wasn't quite ready for that yet. She just wanted to go back to sleep. "Come on, Clarke. Wake up," the person urged.
Clarke couldn't help but find a sense of familiarity in the woman's voice. Was this the woman that visited her every other day to escort her to the showers? Or was it the woman that occasionally brought her tea to calm her nerves? She wasn't sure, but whoever it was made her feel comfortable, made her feel safe. Nothing like those men in the white lab coats that came into her room at all hours of the day to run a multitude of tests on her. Whoever the voice belonged to, they were clearly a friend.
After a few moments, another voice - clearly male - added, "Come on, Princess. Open your eyes." Her eyes flew open upon hearing the nickname. How did they know? That was his nickname for her.
Clarke was in shock when she realized that the ceiling she stared up at wasn't the white tile ceiling of her room on Mount Weather, but instead a ceiling of gray and brown stone. She sat up only to be pushed back down, a hand on each of her shoulders.
"You need to take it easy, Clarke. You hit your head really hard. Honestly, I don't know how you survived the impact, but-"
"But we're all happy you did," the man said, cutting the woman off before she could continue what she had been trying to say.
Clarke shifted her glance around the room, landing on the only figure that wasn't concealed by the shadows in the dark room. "Raven?" Clarke croaked, her voice hoarse and barely audible. Her eyes narrowed in disbelief. How was she here? She hadn't been allowed contact with anyone from her group since she arrived at Mount Weather. So why were they allowing her to see Raven now? Maybe they weren't.
"Raven, you need to get out of here before they come back," Clarke warned her, glancing around the room to see if there were any cameras hidden in the corners of the room. What room was she in anyway? It definitely wasn't her old one. When had they moved her?
Raven raised a brow and laughed. "What are you talking about Clarke? Who?"
Clarke's eyes widened. Had Raven not been visited and tested on by those people like she had? "Them. The M- The Mountain Men, Raven. You need to get out of here. If they catch you in here, who knows what they'll do to you. I'd rather we didn't find out."
Raven's mouth drop open and her eyes softened as she closed her mouth, it turning into a deep frown. She turned around when she sensed the person behind her trying to step forward, out of the shadows. "Just give me some time with her. Her body's beaten. We don't want her mind to be, too."
The person nodded and walked out of the room with sagging shoulders, clearly disappointed. Was it Finn?
No, he's dead. Stop thinking like that, Clarke. You're only going to disappoint yourself.
A hand on her shoulder brought her mind back to Raven. Clarke sat up, back against the headboard, and couldn't shake the achy feeling I'm her body. What had they done to her this time?
"Clarke, what do you remember?" she asked, eyes holding an unreadable emotion. Hurt, maybe? Exhaustion? "What's the last thing you remember before-" she paused and bit her lip. "-Before you went to sleep last?"
Clarke closed her eyes trying to remember. The white walls, the IV in her arm, the man in white standing over her as she drifted into the darkness that had become her own personal hell for the past two weeks. "They put me to sleep. I had tried to escape, so they put me to sleep."
"And where do you think you are now?" she questioned, in a tone that was almost like a mother to her young child.
"Well, they obviously moved me out of quarantine. Do you know where we are?" Clarke asked, turning the conversation around. She didn't like being questioned, especially when there was a possibility of cameras watching over them like hawks.
"Clarke, we're not on Mount Weather anymore. We're about thirty miles from it," Raven said, looking cautiously at Clarke, not know what reaction to expect. Seeing Clarke's confused expression she continued to explain. "Almost a month after we had been taken there we were rescued. What was left of us walked through the woods for a few days before we settled here. Since then we've been thriving. We don't have the luxuries of the Ark here, but it's our lives now, Clarke."
Clarke stared at the wall ahead of her, a blank expression on her face. "How long?"
Raven's brow furrowed in confusion. "What?"
She asked again through gritted teeth. "How long has it been since we've been rescued?" Something was wrong. Was this one of those hallucinations that she had when they would question her until she broke down crying after they left? Was Finn going to appear at any moment? Was Bellamy going to haunt her like he did before? She looked to Raven expectantly.
"Clarke, maybe you should just rest some more," she suggested, getting up. "We can talk more about this when you're feeling a bit better.
Clarke was angry, seething. She wanted answers and she wanted them now. "No, Raven," she said, raising her voice until she was yelling. "You're going to tell me now!"
Raven sat down immediately, not wanting to test Clarke any further. Her eyes were wide like a deer in the headlights.
"Clarke, I really don't think-"
"Explain everything right now, Reyes," she hissed.
Raven opened her mouth to speak, but before she could he came bursting into the room, directly to Clarke's side. He looked at her with tender admiration before turning to Raven. "What happened? Why was she yelling?"
Raven kept her head down and replied softly, "She doesn't remember."
He turned his gaze back to her, staring at her with worried eyes. Clarke lifted her hand to his face, grazing his skin with her fingertips. "How?" she asked. "How are you here? I- I burned you alive!" Her words came out as screams now, and she pulled her hand back to her body, cradling it as if he had done something to it. "I left you outside of the drop ship to die! I thought I killed you! How?"
Raven put a hand on his shoulder. He stood and moved back to the spot in the shadows he had been in before he left. Clearly, the interaction between him and herself had left him hurt and disappointed. She could tell by the look in his eyes. The bed sank a bit as Raven sat next to Clarke on the edge and took a hold of her hand. "Clarke, you need to listen closely and carefully. I didn't want to push too much on you at once but you want answers, so I'm going to give them to you. But only on one condition," she bargained.
Clarke raised an eyebrow at her. "And what would that be?"
"You need to understand what happened to you before I tell you anything about where we are and who you are now."
Who I am now? Have I changed that much in a few months?
"Okay, fine. What happened to me?"
Raven takes a deep breath, glancing back at him. "Three days ago you went out with Monty, Monroe, and Jones to search for more medicinal herbs since you were starting to run low on supplies. There was an explosion and-"
"Hold up. Explosion?" Clarke asked incredulously.
Raven nodded. "Right after we settled here, we set up some land mines to keep the Mountain Men from attacking us again. Most of them were marked. I had made sure. But I guess we missed one."
Clarke felt a sudden pain in her chest. "Who?" she asked. To clarify, she added, "Who tripped it?"
Raven didn't meet her eyes. "Jones," she told her sadly. "You were thrown back by the blast into a tree. You had a pretty bad head injury and a few ribs were broken. You hit you head hard enough to send you into this temporary coma, though. Like I said, the explosion was three days ago."
That's why her chest hurt so much. It also explains the constant ringing in her ears and the way her head pounded, like someone was knocking on her skull non-stop. "How's everyone else?"
"Monroe is in critical condition right now. She was closest to Jones when he triggered the explosion, but Monty only had a few cuts that were easily stitched up. He's been with Monroe ever since."
She nodded slowly, swallowing hard. "Jones is dead." It wasn't a question but a statement. She tried to block out the mental images that her head was creating. She was happy she didn't see it; pieces of his charred body littering the forest floor.
Raven met her eyes again. "Yes. We heard the explosion from here and found you almost instantly. Monty was with Monroe. He found her just after the blast."
"How's he doing?" Monty was always nice to her, probably one of her best friends even.
"He's shaken up, worried about Monroe, but he should be fine if she recovers." Clarke caught onto the “if” almost immediately and felt guilty. She didn't know why, but she did regardless.
"Are Monroe and Monty-" she began to ask before Raven cut her off with a quick "no".
"He has feelings for her, but I don't think she reciprocates," she explained. Raven sighed loudly before speaking again. "Are you ready to hear what I'm going to tell you? I don't want to upset you."
Clarke nodded and indicated for Raven to start. "Start with how long it's been since Mount Weather."
She didn't fail to catch the sympathetic look that crossed Raven's face. "It's been nearly seven years, Clarke. Six years and eight months to be exact."
Clarke closed her eyes, fighting the tears that threatened to spill onto her face. How could she just forget seven years? She had read about memory loss on the Ark, but this was ridiculous. Seven years? "How were we rescued?"
"Lincoln and Octavia. They had some help from the Grounders by the sea, but it was mostly them. It didn't hurt that you had escaped and managed to help a majority of us escape before they arrived," Raven said with a smile on her lips, a nostalgic look on her face.
Clarke tried her hardest to remember their escape, but she just couldn't. It was almost as if it never happened. "Did I know that they were coming to help us? Is that why I broke everyone out of their rooms?"
Raven's smile fell and her lips tightened. "I don't know. If you did someone on the inside was helping us because no one was ever allowed out of their rooms. We had no idea who was alive or dead for nearly a month."
Clarke shifted her gaze to the shadows. "How are you still alive?"
Bellamy stepped out of the shadows and towards Clarke. Raven have him a look that halted his movements and he paused hallway between her and the wall. "When we saw the drop ship door close, we ran for our lives."
"We? You mean Finn-"
Just as she said his name, he flew into the room like his life depended on it. "Everyone's saying you're finally awake. I had to see for myself," he told her, approaching quickly. He seated himself on the edge of the bed next to her only to pull away by Bellamy.
"Give her some room, Spacewalker," he commanded, eyes full if anger.
Clarke laughed. "Well, it's nice to see that some things haven't changed."
Bellamy's eyes softened as they turned to her. Despite his own words, he took Finn's spot next to her. "How are you feeling?" he asked, grabbing onto her hand, stoking the back of it with his thumb.
Clarke glanced down at their hands, confused. She looked back up at him and replied, "I'm fine. I would like something to drink though."
Bellamy looked over his shoulder at Finn expectantly. "Well? Go get her some water!"
Clarke frowned. "You didn't have to yell at him, Bellamy."
"I did. I don't like the way he-" He paused when he felt Raven's hand on his shoulder, making him think twice about continuing his train of thought.
"'You don't like the way he' what?" Clarke asked, frustrated with the secrecy and the way they had to be careful about what they said around her.
"Nothing. I need some air."
And with that he got up and left. Clarke's eyes followed him as he exited through the curtain that acted as a door until she couldn't see him anymore. "What's his problem?" she asked Raven.
"This is just really hard on him, Clarke. A lot happened in the last seven years, and you not remembering has everyone a little weary."
"What happened in the past seven years that I need to know?"
Raven's eyes held a sadness in them that made Clarke almost regret asking. Almost. "I think its best that you find out with time. I'm not going to force feed you your memories. That would only make you more confused than you already are, you would have a lot more questions, and frankly, I just don't have the answers to those questions. Right now, questions are just making this harder for everyone."
When Clarke opened her mouth to respond it was cut off by the sudden presence of a little girl, one that Clarke found fascinating.
"Mommy! Mommy!" she squealed in delight, laughing. Raven grabbed onto her, halting her forward motion, and picked her up in her arms. Clarke observed Raven and the child together. She had dark hair and tanned skin. She was about three, maybe four, and looked like she didn't have a care in the world.
The curtain in the doorway moved again and Jasper entered the room, looking guilty as he eyed the little girl in Raven's arms. "I'm so sorry, Raven. I tried to keep her outside, but when she found out that Clarke was awake she took off running. The buggers fast."
Clarke smiled at Raven. "Wow," she breathed out. "Raven Reyes; a mom. I never thought I'd see that."
Bellamy returned to the room and, after seeing the little girl in Raven's arms, he scooped her into his own. He gave Clarke a weary look before whispering something in the little girl’s ear and kissing her forehead, making her laugh.
"Oh my gosh! You and Bellamy-"
"Clarke, she's not mine."
And suddenly, her head hurt even worse than before.