Chapter Text
It was difficult to sleep.
It was always difficult to sleep.
Tossing, turning, waking, dozing.
Images, memories, emotions. It was a whole ordeal that made the nights dreadful.
James rubbed his eyes, hopelessly glancing towards the window to find it was still pitch-black out. Not even a hint of the morning. He gave a deep sigh, staring at the empty, dark ceiling above him. Sleeping felt fruitless at this point.
Leigh had been kind enough to let him stay in the cabin for now. He was more than fortunate, not because of shelter (which was still nice given his situation), but because he could be close to Alyssa. They had established their feelings for one another recently and it was only natural they'd want to be around each other. It also allowed him to monitor her, make sure she was doing okay. That, and he was still deeply worried from the note scare. He thinks about it a lot.
He hadn't been here long, perhaps a little over a week since the Bonnie incident. He thinks a lot about that, too. Things have been calm, although emotional. Alyssa's mother is supposedly in the process of getting her a therapist, though it's difficult due to their location and money.
They spend quite a lot of time together. Mostly in silence. He doesn't mind, though, it never feels awkward or forced. It's quite comforting, actually; merely sitting while having her hand in his own. He hopes she feels the same.
A gentle tap at the door grabs James' attention. He's tired but aware. Sitting up to adjust, he hears a more firm, impatient knock. He already knows who it is. It comes as a surprise, though; it was probably around two in the morning.
His suspicions are confirmed once he opens the door with a hushed creek. His heart flutters; it always does when he sees her.
"Alyssa?"
She's dressed in a large, white undershirt that nearly reaches her knees and is clearly as tired as he is. Somehow, she still looks as beautiful as she always is. She says nothing, grabbing his wrist without hesitation, and pulling him inside the chilled cabin. He follows along without another word.
Alyssa heads towards the bed, laying down and pulling James down with her. She turns her back to him, and it takes him a moment, but he understands and doesn't question it.
James situates himself behind her, nestling into the back of her neck and wrapping an arm securely around her. Of course, memories of the first time he held her like this settled into his mind immediately. It couldn't be helped; he still remembers that night vividly. It was the first time he had felt that specific feeling of warmth spread through his body, almost tingly and very new. It had frightened him at the time. That feeling was no different now, although it was no longer new or intimidating, and he understood those feelings better.
He wondered what evoked Alyssa to come out here out of the blue. She hadn't done anything like it before, but James certainly had no complaints. He caressed his thumb gently over her shoulder, simply taking in her closeness. It comforted him. It made him feel as if he were protecting her again, keeping her from danger, safe in his arms. Like how he used to feel. No one could hurt her this way, including herself. James couldn't remember the last time they were this close.
-
James eventually woke not to his own thoughts for once, but rather, a moderate rustling beside him. Days of virtually no sleep stacked on one another, his eyelids were heavy. That was, until he was met with a sharp jolt of pain on the left side of his face.
James' hands instinctively pressed to his face to suppress the pain, wincing from the sudden attack. The instant shot of heart-beating adrenaline was enough to snap his groggy mind back to reality as his eyes darted around the room, searching for his attacker.
To his distress, he wasn't met with an attacker so to speak. He would have preferred that to what he saw instead, unfortunately. James was met with a struggling Alyssa beside him, near flailing her arms and mumbling a string of unintelligible cries. James' heartbeat picked up further in pace as his mouth hung open for a second, his mind scrambling to find how to react.
"Alyssa?" He stammered, he grabbed her shoulders through swatting arms, giving her a gentle shake. Her eyes were closed and damp, her facial expression mangled. James' arms were met with a death grip that made him release instantly. Not so much out of pain, but out of panic that it was contributing to her episode.
"Alyssa!" His tone rose a considerable amount, wavering a bit. He could feel tears start to prick at his own eyes, hot and stinging.
Her eyes snapped open and she gasped sharply, body freezing before slowly relaxing. James sat back tentatively, putting his hands together and fidgeting with his fingers. He often did that when he was anxious or worried.
James swallowed thickly. "Alyssa," he said once more, calmly.
The poor girl's breathing was quick as her eyes remained glued dully towards the ceiling. Her panicked expression faded quickly into a blank one, leftover tears streaming down the sides of her face. She sat up, taking a handful of deep breaths. It took her a moment, but she eventually turned her head towards James patiently waiting for her.
"Oh, fuck," was the first thing she said once getting a glance of the boy, her expression saddening as she bit her lower lip.
"Are you okay?"
"Are you okay?" Her eyes were still clouded with tears, brows furrowed in concern. She scooted closer towards James, resting her hand gently on the side of his face. Her thumb stroked lightly over the swollen and slightly bruised area on his face. "Did I do this?"
James gave a small sound at the coldness of her hand, though didn't shy away. Only then he noticed the slight sting there, though didn't dare make her feel bad. He didn't give a shit, he had felt pains tremendously worse. His left hand was proof of that.
"It's fine, it doesn't hurt," he dismissed, tenderly grabbing the hand on the side of his hand, holding it in his own. Even in stressful situations it always managed to comfort him. He hoped it did the same for Alyssa. "Are you okay, Alyssa?"
"Do I look okay to you?" She sounded irritated and choked up. It made James' heart hurt with a swift pang. She didn't mean to come off so angrily and regretted it as soon as she saw James' kind eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired," she apologized, lightly squeezing his had to reassure him.
James hoped he hadn't set anything off. He didn't mean to, he never meant to. He was still trying to process everything though had a feeling she had a nightmare. He didn't ask, though, he never did. Maybe he should ask. Maybe he shouldn't, maybe that's being too pushy. He never really knew.
"It's okay," he reassured, genuine in those two words alone. He returned the squeeze of her hand, looking at her with soft eyes. It was clear she was still concerned about his small injury, though he wished she wasn't.
"I thought being with you would help, I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry, Alyssa. You didn't mean to," James attempted to comfort her. "I'll always be here if you do need me."
Alyssa looked him over for a second before her expression, too, had grown softer. She swiped a hand over her face, clearing any leftover tears. Her other fingers rubbed absentmindedly over James' hand, feeling the rough texture of scars underneath.
"You need ice on that," Alyssa spoke up, slipping her hand away and getting out of bed without much heart.
"I'm fine-"
"Stay here," she insisted. James sat on the edge of the bed obediently, a heavy, pent-up sigh leaving his lungs as she left. Not a day seemed to pass where his worry didn't grow stronger for Alyssa. At times he would be under the impression that she was improving, but then there was always double the number of troubling things revealed. The thought of recuring nightmares hit him deeper this time, having experienced them himself when he was younger after his mother died. They were terrifying, paralyzing, and hard to get rid of. Like some sort of ghost that refuses to leave.
It didn't take Alyssa long to return and James was glad she did. She had a habit of running off without notice to avoid situations she didn't want to deal with. She decided to plant herself next to James on the bed, handing him a bag of ice wrapped in a towel.
"Thank you," he said quietly, pressing the bag to his face. He hadn't noticed how much it had swelled until he had done so.
A couple of quiet moments passed by. "Do you want to talk about it?" James offered.
Another pause. "Not right now."
"Okay."
It was funny in a way; they virtually spoke to each other in the same fashion as when they first met. Though it was just a bit sad, as they once flourished together in seemingly perfect sync. That wasn't to say that feeling was gone, but simply missing at the time. They were working on it.
"Do you want to talk about anything?"
"What?"
Alyssa gave a half-hearted shrug, looking down to pick at her nails. "You always ask me if I want to talk about anything, and I never ask you."
James thought about it for a second. Was there anything he wanted to talk about? He supposed that was a stupid question in itself, of course, he wanted to pour his heart out towards Alyssa. About how she changed him, made him into a new person. There were only two things preventing him from doing so, however: one, he was quite shit when it came to words, and two, he wasn't sure if Alyssa was actually ready for that yet.
"Not really, no."
James couldn't tell if that answer was satisfactory or not.
"I'm really sorry, James.'
"Really, it's fine-"
"No, not about your face... Well, that too, but I meant just about... This."
"Alyssa," James set the ice down for a second. Hesitantly, he placed a single finger gently underneath, swallowing as he prepared what to say. His eyes were met her brilliant ones, tinted with sorrow and glossed over with tears. "Please don't be. It'll be alright, I promise, I'm just happy to be here with you." Much to his surprise, he spoke quite confidently. Even with his shit words, he hoped he can do something for her.
It was small and brief, but the smallest of smiles tugged at Alyssa's lips. James mirrored her, feeling a sense of warmth spread throughout him again. He would do absolutely anything for that smile.
Alyssa leaned her head against James' shoulder, sniffling a bit.
"I'm happy to be here with you, too."