Chapter Text
Jisung hated Hwang Hyunjin. Teachers always complimented him on his looks and movements. While Jisung was always told that he was never good enough. He thought the fight for becoming an idol would come easy since he's had to fight his whole life. Tuns out, he's going to have to leave for Malaysia next year because he can't even beat out some pretty boy.
He couldn't just go back, This was all he had. Other trainees were stressing about graduating when he dropped out for this. He'd have to walk back through his old village with his head hung and everyone would know he was a failure. And that scared him more than anything.
Every time a teacher gave him something to improve on, he rehearsed it until it was perfect because all he could think was that he had to stay, he had to get through this or else he'd be a disgrace.
"Jisung, this is the fifth time you've had to revise this rap, maybe you should just write a new one."
He immediately ripped up the song he put his soul into and wrote a generic rap with generic lyrics that he knew would get approved.
One day, after he was trashing his 7th rewrite of a song someone stopped him from throwing the crumpled paper in the trash. "Why are you throwing these away?" Changbin asked. Of all people, Changbin was the last person he thought would try to help him. People still talked about their "joke" rap battle that he took way too far.
"Because if it doesn't get approved, what's the point?" Jisung said.
"It's your music, who cares what others think about it," Changbin rolled his eyes.
Jisung pulled his hand away, "I do, he said angerly, some of don't have the luxury of that kind of attitude." Even though he seemed charismatic, it was all an act. On the inside, he constantly felt like screaming as he pulled his hair out.
"Jisung," Chnagbin sighed. "I'm trying to offer you something."
Jisung just put his headphones on and tuned him out. He blindly handed him the song. "Here, do something with it, since you were so interested."
Changbin pulled the headphone off his ear enough for him to here, "I'm trying to tell you you could do it for yourself."
"I'm listening," Jisung said, giving him his full attention.
For the first time, Jisung felt like he was okay with being a little behind sometimes. He got to produce the songs he wanted because every teacher in the building trusted Chan anyways. Evaluations came so much easier now that he had people that he could get ideas from and could help him improve. He could finally call home and be excited about something, instead of nervous.
But then Hwang Hyunjin had to show up again.
"God, I can't stand you!" Jisung shouted at the other as they had to repeat a choreography for the 5th time because of Hyunjin. "I thought you were this amazing dancer, but you can't get 30 seconds of choreography!"
"Jisung, you need to calm down," Chan said, noticing the exhausted yet angry look in Hyunjin eyes.
The younger just ignored his words, "Maybe you should dance better, isn't that how you got into the company. Or was it just your visuals that make people forgive how much you fuck up." he spat.
"Maybe you should rap better," Hyunjin said, walking up to Jisung. "How many times have you had to redo your lines? It shouldn't be so difficult for you, I thought you took classes on this sort of thing before you came here? What's stopping you, it's not like you have school to worry about!"
There was a long silence after Hyunjin shouted at him. Jisung didn't say anything and just shoved the other, watching as he fell to the ground. "What? Not so tough now?"
The crowd of trainees stepped in and held Jisung back from hitting Hyunjin. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Chan shouted.
"Oh, so I get pissed off one time and everyone gets mad at me?" Jisung said, still fuming. Except his anger was directed at Chan this time, "You walk around helping all these trainees when you can't help the ones that drain your studio time!"
"Jisung, just go. When the hell have you done anything that helped you get noticed for the right reasons!" Chan shouted.
Those words stung, but instead of show it, Jisung stormed out of the room.
Hean didn't talk for three days until Chan walked into the studio one day to see Jisung half asleep at the desk. He read through the notebook and noticed some extremely dark lyrics in it.
"Have you eaten?" Chan asked, not knowing how to address the other after their fight.
Neither Chan or Jisung were expecting the younger to start crying while shaking his head.
Chan just pulled Jisung close and rubbed his back, "Why do you always have to fight?" He sighed.
That made Jisung cry harder. "Because this is ALL I have, hyung." He sobbed. "I dropped out of school, moved away from home, and if I don't make it, I have to walk back and I know I will lose all the pride I'm known for. So I have to fight. I've had to fight for recognition and compliments my whole life. I thought this wouldn't be much different. I was so wrong."
Chan looked at him for a moment, "I...I'm sorry, I didn't know that this was so important. You know you have a higher chance of debuting if you work together with the same trainees you call the competition.
Jisung looked up at him and wiped the tears from his eyes. "What are you hiding?" he asked, already knowing what was going on.
"A lot of shit," He chuckled, though there was a slight sadness in his eye.
"You want to talk about it?"
Chan looked hesitant at first but nodded.
It felt like a weight had been lifted off of Jisungs shoulders as they talked about their struggles that night. There were plenty of tears, but when all was said, he didn't feel as angry as he did before.