Work Text:
With the whole war-for-the-fate-of-the-entire-universe thing, you’d think the Paladins would have less free time than they did. Pidge didn’t know why she was surprised, she’d read plenty of stories about the world wars and the boredom of the soldiers in the trenches, but those accounts did nothing to prepare her for how many days would pass with them merely drifting through space, the rest of the Paladins not privy to Allura and Shiro’s war councils, with absolutely nothing to do.
Pidge could spend hours at a time hacking and digging through data, but even she couldn’t search for her family all day and all night. She was human, and unfortunately still needed time to decompress and have fun-- that, and Lance also made it his business to bother her every so often with whatever outlandish excuse he’d come up with that time. Most often, that excuse was, “I’m boooooooooooored.”
Which was how she found herself sitting on the floor of Green’s hangar, surrounded by piles of stiff Altean-equivalent cardboard in all colors, furiously scribbling on a spare page from her diary since Alteans apparently never invented printers.
That would be a job for later. Right now, she was focused on making rules that toed the line between chance and skill, putting the colored squares together to make a board that wouldn’t be too large or too small, and trying to figure out what they could use as pieces. Some bolts and screws from her toolkit, maybe?
In fact, she was so focused on the problems before her that she nearly jumped out of her skin when someone spoke directly over her head.
“Jesus!” she cried as she fell back onto the floor, one hand clenched over her chest. “Christ, Keith, when did you get in here?”
“Just a second ago.” Keith didn’t seem perturbed by her reaction. He just stood in front of her work space like he hadn’t just rolled a natural twenty on his stealth check, arms casually folded over his chest, as per his usual. “Shiro wanted me to tell you that training got pushed back another hour. He and Allura haven’t decided on our next target yet.”
“Oh. Right, ok,” said Pidge as she straightened up. “Thanks. I completely forgot about training, honestly.”
Keith tilted his head ever so slightly. “What are you working on?”
“A board game.” Pidge tapped the end of her pen against the page, trying to remember what rule she’d been thinking of before Keith came in. Something about how many spaces you could move in one turn… “Lance is always whining that he’s bored, so I figured I’d make something to keep him occupied.”
Keith gave an interested hum and bent down, peering at one of the squares; one of the pink ones, with the words ROLL AGAIN scratched on it in her horrible handwriting. “That’s pretty cool.”
Pidge grunted back in vague agreement. There was a pause, like Keith was hesitating, then in a much quieter voice he asked, “Can I play with you when you’re done?”
It took her a moment to process what had been asked, and once she had she looked up at Keith with a confused frown. His expression wasn’t giving much away, but tucked into his elbow she noticed his thumb rubbing over his knuckles. One of his less obvious fidgets.
“Of course,” she answered. “It’s for everyone. Well, I say everyone-- I don’t know if Alteans know what board games are, but I guess it’ll be fun to see. I was gonna unveil it after dinner tonight.”
Keith offered her a surprisingly timid smile. “Thanks. Do you want me to tell the others?”
Pidge shook her head. “No, I want it to be a surprise.”
“Alright.” His smile turned conspiratorial. “I won’t tell. See you at training.”
Pidge gave a slightly dismissive wave of her hand, already back to focusing on her rules, and didn’t take note of Keith’s footsteps as he left the hangar.
Now, what was she going to do about dice?
The next hour passed quickly. She finished the game in just enough time to run to training without getting Shiro’s disappointed “you’re late” frown, and throughout the session she exchanged several sly glances with Keith whenever Lance whined about how bored he’d been all day.
Dinner was its usual lively affair. Lance launched food goo at Keith, who retaliated but hit Hunk instead; it probably would’ve resulted in another food fight if Allura hadn’t shot dagger eyes at all three of them. Then, once all of the floating plates had been cleared away, Pidge herded the group into the lounge for her surprise, exchanging a sly glance with Keith in the process.
“So,” she began once they were all seated, “I’ve been working on something fun for us to do that doesn’t involve bayards or Lions.” She shot a pointed look at Shiro, who smiled cheekily back at her, then dropped to the floor to pull the box out from under the sofa where she’d hidden it.
“Ta-da!” With a flourish, she deposited the box onto the table. “I give you: Cave Systems and Fire Lizards.”
More than a few of the team members choked on unexpected laughter. Lance, unfortunately, wasn’t one of them.
“Huh?” He said, tilting his head in confusion. “What is it?”
“It’s a board game.” She removed the lid of the box and pulled the handcrafted board out. It was small, fragile, and looked like it had been assembled by a kindergartner given a shot of espresso, but it would do. At least all the writing was legible (she hoped).
Allura gave a little clap of her hands in excitement, a reaction Pidge hadn’t been anticipating. “Oh, I love table games!” She exclaimed. “Coran, do you remember that one father and I used to play?”
“Monsters and Mana,” Coran said with a wise nod. “An Altean Classic.”
“Mana,” said Pidge, deadpan. “Alteans never invented printers and your language teaching program needs a safety, but somehow you also managed to come up with the concept of Mana?”
Allura and Coran exchanged a look of confusion, but Pidge let it go and moved forward.
“Anyway, the concept is you roll the dice to see how many spaces you can move, but you can’t move more than six spaces in one turn. On each square there’s a corresponding card to draw, which will either have a question that you have to answer truthfully or a task you have to complete. I tried to focus those more on imagination and comedy than on physical abilities because, as we all know, Allura would destroy us.”
Allura gave her a sweet smile.
“If you can’t complete the task or answer the question, your turn is over. If you do, you get to roll again, hence the six space restriction. Our only problem right now is dice.” Pidge felt her expression twist into a frustrated frown. “I thought maybe we could use coins instead of dice, but I couldn’t find any, so I don’t know how—“
“Not a problem, Number Five!” Coran chirped. “I’ll just whip up some dice in the old synthesizer!” In seconds he was out of his seat and gone, leaving Pidge sitting there in bewilderment.
“Alteans haven’t invented printers,” she said, slowly, not looking at anyone in particular. “But you have invented 3-D printers?!”
Keith smothered a laugh into his hand. Hunk chimed in with a, “I know, right?”, and Lance was already rifling through the box to find a piece.
“This was a great idea, Pidge,” said Shiro with a warm grin in her direction. “Thank you.”
Pidge flapped a hand at him. “It’s no big deal, it’ll probably need some work before it’s completely balanced, but—“
“I call the blue piece!” Lance crowed suddenly, the volume making Keith wince and jab him in the ribs.
“Jesus, I think they heard you all the way back on Earth.”
Lance stuck his tongue out at him, possessively clutching the hunk of blue plastic to his chest.
“I color coded them, Lance. What are we, animals?”
Shiro chuckled and dutifully selected the black piece, setting it down on the square marked “START”. Lance followed suit, then Hunk, while Keith rolled the red cylinder of wire between his fingertips a few times.
“Did you get this from my room?” Allura asked, holding up her pink jewel piece.
Pidge shrugged. “No. I think the mice did, though.”
At that moment Coran burst into the room, a pair of (predictably) blue and white dice in the palm of one gloved hand.
“Here we are!” He said, dropping them in the center of the board. “Oh, and look at this, is this one for me?” He held up the bit of soft orange material which Pidge had painstakingly carved into a mustache.
“No,” said Hunk with a teasing inflection to his voice. “It’s for one of the other people with mustaches.”
Pidge laughed to herself. This really had been a good idea— she felt like she was back in her living room during game night, going head to head with Matt in a race for the longest road card in Catan. It had been a long time since she’d felt this at ease. A long, long time.
“Ok, oldest goes first. And no—“ she added when Allura opened her mouth, “ten thousand years cryosleep does not count.”
So Coran rolled the dice first. He got a three and marched his mustache to the first pink square. The card he drew was marked “TRUTH” on the back, and as he read it the advisers face turned red.
“Oh dear,” he merely said.
“Come on, Coran,” Lance goaded, practically bouncing in his seat. “You gotta read it out loud!”
Well, at least he was entertained.
Coran cleared his throat. “Ahem. It reads, “Tell the group about your first romantic crush. If this doesn’t apply to you, draw again.” He reached up and adjusted his collar, pointedly not looking at Allura. “Well, this question is a bit personal, isn’t it?”
“That’s the point,” said Keith in a flat tone. “We all have to suffer too.”
“Go on, Coran,” Allura said, her expression turning coy. “Who was it?”
He cleared his throat again, then, in a barely audible murmur, answered, “King Alfor.”
There was a moment of silence when everyone stared at each other, eyes wide. Then Allura collapsed into helpless giggles.
“Oh, I knew it! I just knew it, you always followed him around like a lost treigl—“
“I did not!” Coran responded in clear offense. “I’ll have you know I was very dignified in my admiration—“
Lance scoffed. “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”
Hunk clapped his hands over his mouth. Shiro laughed out loud. Keith smacked Lances shoulder, but he was smiling too. Pidge was laughing so hard her stomach hurt.
Yeah, she was really glad she did this.
Thus it went for the next few rounds. Keith seemed to be evading the truth cards so far, and Coran managed to get them almost every turn. Lance had very few inhibitions and went wholeheartedly at every card, which led them to their first disruption.
“Yes!” Lance said with a fist pump. “Roll again!”
Keith frowned, and when Lance reached for his token, lightly touched his wrist. “Hold on, you can’t, Pidge said—“
“Step off, Mullet,” Lance responded as he shook Keith off. “It’s my turn still.”
“But Pidge said you could only move six spaces at once—“
“Yeah, at once, meaning with one roll. Doesn’t count with more than one roll.”
Pidge opened her mouth. Keith was correct in his interpretation of the rules, she just hadn’t considered the wording when she’d been writing them, but the Keith and Lance train had already left the station.
“I don’t think—“
“Not listening,” said Lance in a sing song voice as he rolled the dice again. “Gosh, who would have thought that the infamous Garrison drop out would be such a stickler for rules.”
Hunk giggled at his joke, as he always did, but Keith’s expression only tightened more.
“It’s a game, Lance, the whole point is to follow the rules.”
“House rule, Lance gets to move as much as he wants.”
“There can’t be a house rule if the game was made specifically for us!” Keith’s voice had taken on a harsh tone to it, a subtle indication that his frustration was crossing the line between friendly banter and arguing. Shiro saw it coming a mile away and laid a quelling hand on his shoulder.
“Don’t get upset, Keith,” he murmured into Keith’s ear. “It’s just a game.”
Keith huffed and crossed his arms. Lance rolled his eyes at him, but Pidge decided to speak before they could start going at it again.
“Word of God; everyone has to follow the six space rule. Including you, Lance.”
Lance groaned and moaned, but eventually passed the dice on like he was supposed to. She expected that to please Keith, but instead he seemed to shrink in on himself, losing all indications of anger under Shiro’s gentle scolding, but Pidge wasn’t sure the new look she saw on his face was any better. He looked almost despondent, and was quiet for the rest of the game unless it was his turn to draw a card.
Eventually Coran won by collecting four truth cards and four dare cards. Despite Keith’s strange behavior, Pidge had still had a great time and her cheeks hurt from all the smiling. Forget Allura’s training, this was the real bonding exercise they needed.
“Let’s play again!” Lance said, already resetting his piece.
“I’m down,” said Hunk.
“Once more wouldn’t hurt,” said Allura.
“This is the most fun I’ve had in decaphoebs,” sighed Coran with a far away look in his eye.
“One more time,” Shiro conceded, “then bed.”
All eyes turned to Keith. Pidge immediately felt bad upon seeing his anxious expression and his thumb rubbing away at his knuckles; she hadn’t meant to put him on the spot like that. He avoided all of their eyes, and when he finally spoke it was in a tightly controlled voice, like he was trying desperately to disguise what he was really feeling.
“I’m pretty tired, I think I’m just gonna head to bed.”
“Party pooper,” Lance said immediately, only to receive a look from Shiro.
“Good night, Keith,” he said once Lance had been properly shamed. “Sleep well.”
Keith merely grunted and waved a hand as he stood to leave. Pidge stayed to play again with the rest of the team, but all the while she couldn’t quite get that look out of her head. The look on Keith’s face after he’d gotten testy with Lance.
She wasn’t an expert on Keith’s expressions and body language by any means, but to her it had looked guilty; self conscious. Like getting a tone with someone was the worst thing in the universe he could’ve done.
At first she tried not to worry about it. After all, Shiro seemed fine, and if something were wrong with Keith he would probably be the first one to see it. But the longer the game went on the more she thought, and the more she thought the more familiar Keith’s expression seemed.
Well, not the expression exactly. More like the feeling that came with it; that sickly, sinking feeling you get when you realize you’ve fucked up somehow. She was used to that feeling. It had happened so often in school, every time she opened her mouth in class and too many words came tumbling out, leaving her classmates staring at her like she was an alien.
It must be worse for Keith. He actually is an alien.
Hunk won the second game. Lance wanted to play again, but Shiro was firm on bedtime. Together they packed up the game, Allura supplying an empty jewelry box to hold the pieces in, the lid armed with a lock to keep the mice out.
“Alright, good night everybody,” Lance said with a large, dramatic yawn. “Gotta get my beauty sleep before Mr. Drill Sergeant over there gets us up at the crack of dawn.”
Shiro merely rolled his eyes. With a quiet good night of his own Hunk followed Lance out of the lounge. The Alteans looked like they would also depart in a pair, but Allura paused at Pidge’s side as Coran scurried out the door, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder.
“Thank you for that, Pidge,” she said, her smile just a hint warmer than usual. “I think we needed some time off.”
Pidge smiled back and tried very hard not to bring up all the times Allura had refused them a break when they asked. “No problem, Princess.”
Allura nodded to her. Then she was gone, leaving Pidge in the room with only Shiro, who seemed to be trying to roll a kink out of his shoulder.
“Did you have fun?” she asked. It was mostly a joking question, but Shiro seemed perfectly sincere when he answered with a grin.
“Yeah, I did. That was… nice.” He didn’t have to say the rest. She already knew.
Knowing she would probably need to hide for a bit for Shiro to go to bed before she could break out her laptop, Pidge headed for the door. But at the last second a thought flashed across her mind and she pulled up short.
Shiro was coming up behind her when she turned. “Hey, do you know what was up with Keith earlier?”
He winced a bit. “Yeah, sorry about that. Keith tends to get frustrated with misunderstandings. He tries not to snap, but--”
“No, no, that’s not what I meant.” Pidge’s frown creased her cheeks. Surely she couldn’t have been the only one to notice. “I meant after that. He got all quiet and ran away. Did we do something?”
Shiro blinked at her, seemingly surprised. Which didn’t help with Pidge’s burning curiosity at all.
Eventually, he answered. “Oh, that. I think…” he paused and reached up to rub the back of his neck. “He knows that people don’t appreciate getting snapped at, which is why he tries not to do it. But sometimes it slips out, and he tends to beat himself up about it after.”
That only made Pidge frown more deeply. “So, what, he thinks we all hate him now?”
“No, not that extreme, I don’t think,” Shiro sighed. “Honestly I’m not entirely sure. I was gone for a long time and he’s… different. Quieter.”
“Hm. Ok.” Shiro still looked downtrodden, so she tacked on, “Thanks,” before finally leaving the lounge.
Her bunk was the first one in the hall coming from this direction. But she didn’t stop at hers. She went down further, almost at the end, where Keith’s door was. She wasn’t entirely sure about what she was doing, but that didn’t stop her from knocking.
“Hey, Keith, are you still awake?”
Silence. Pidge waited for several long, agonizing seconds, shifting nervously on her feet and making herself be patient. Right as she was about to give up, the door slid open.
The lights were still on in the room. Keith had hung up his jacket but still wore his boots (as he usually did when he went to bed, Pidge had discovered). Upon seeing her his eyes widened before dropping to the floor at her feet.
“Uh, hey.” He cringed at the awkward greeting, but Pidge didn’t hold it against him. She probably couldn’t have done much better.
“Hey. Can I come in for a sec? I wanna talk to you.”
“Um-- yeah, sure.” He stood to the side, allowing her entry.
There wasn’t much in the room to look at. His jacket hung on the wall, and that was the only personal touch to the whole space, at least from what Pidge could see. Keith himself was a different matter.
He still wore that expression on his face; that one of guilt and resignation, so stark it made Pidge’s stomach flip a little in solidarity. His hair was mussed as though he’d been running his hands through it, and on his fingers Pidge could see little red marks around his nails, where he’d been picking at the skin.
Impatient as always, Keith couldn’t handle the silence for long.
“Look,” he said, still keeping his eyes stubbornly away from her face. “I’m sorry about earlier. We were supposed to be having fun but I ruined it by snapping. So I’m sorry.” The words sounded stilted and rehearsed, like he’d been repeating them to himself over and over but still wasn’t completely confident in saying them.
Pidge shook her head. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
“It is, though.” Keith folded his arms across his chest in a way Pidge recognized. Not a defensive action, but a soothing one. “I know I do it a lot, and I know it’s wrong. No one wants to be around someone who’s angry all the time. I try not to, but sometimes with Lance I just--” He broke off with a frustrated huff, probably directed at himself, and didn’t continue.
Pidge dared a step closer to him. “I get it. I snap at Lance sometimes too. And everyone, really. The night Shiro crashed I tore Hunk’s head off for messing with my stuff.” She managed a wane smile, but Keith didn’t return it.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated simply
“You don’t have to keep apologizing, it’s ok. I just wanted to make sure you were ok, you dipped out pretty quick.” Watching his expression carefully, Pidge caught the wrinkle that appeared between his brows when he furrowed them.
“Yeah, I was just tired, and I-- I figured that you guys were tired too. Of dealing with me. So I--”
“Wait, back up,” said Pidge, raising her hands to stop his sentence from finishing. “We weren’t dealing with you, Keith. We were having fun.”
“The group of you were having fun,” Keith corrected. “In spite of the fact that I was acting like an asshole.”
“You snapped literally one time,” Pidge replied in utter bafflement. “How is that--”
“I said I’m sorry, all right, will you just leave it alone?”
The moment he interrupted Keith looked like he wanted to die. His mouth flattened into a scowl and one hand rose to fist into the ends of his hair in a picture of frustration.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. Goddamnit.”
“It’s alright, Keith.” Pidge wasn’t sure what to say, so she just let her mouth decide without her brains consultation. “I don’t care. It’s not like we’re all gonna quit being friends just ‘cause you get mad sometimes.”
For some reason that made Keith laugh. A hard, bitter laugh that turned sour in the air.
“We’re not friends, Pidge. You and Lance and Hunk are friends. But Lance hates me. Maybe I could’ve had a chance early on, but I’ve already screwed that up.” He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Pidge tried not to be too obvious in noticing how close the tears were. “God knows why Shiro still puts up with me.”
“Keith, that’s not--”
He interrupted before she could continue. “It’s not like I don’t want friends. I do. And I try, I always try so hard, but I always ruin it. And I know that. I know its my fault. So--” He sucked in a quick, shaky breath, and Pidge was too caught up in the hurricane of emotions to take the opportunity to attempt speaking again. “So I’m sorry. And I’m fine--” Pidge let out an involuntary scoff at the obvious lie that Keith adamantly ignored. “-- so you can stop worrying and go to bed.”
For a moment Pidge just stood there, looking at Keith, who was very carefully not looking back at her. For once she didn’t think before she acted, she just went with her first instinct, which was to rush forward and throw her arms around his middle, crushing him in the tightest hug she could manage.
She felt it as every muscle in his body locked up, but she didn’t make any move to release him. “You are my friend,” she said as firmly as she could with the beginnings of tears in her throat. “You will never get rid of me and that is a threat.”
Keith seemed to be startled into a laugh, a genuine one this time, and one of his arms lowered ever so slightly to meet her shoulders.
“Look, we all screw up sometimes. If I had ten GAC for every time I resisted the urge to yell at someone on this ship I’d be able to buy my own Castle.”
He laughed again, more quietly, but Pidge still felt it rumble under her cheek. She took that as a good sign and kept going, still not releasing him from her hold.
“We all try our best, but we’re inevitably going to fuck up. All we can do is say sorry and move on, right? And you did that. So no more guilt. It’s not allowed.”
This time Keith just let out a quiet huff. His voice was low and soft when he said, “Ok. Whatever you say, Pidge.”
Satisfied, Pidge let go of him and stepped back. “Now,” she said, dutifully ignoring how Keith wiped his cheeks, “I’m going to go pretend to be asleep until Shiro’s done patrolling.”
Keith shook his head at her fondly, and when Pidge left the room, she did it with the absolute knowledge that she and Keith were closer than they had been when she entered.