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its not that jesper didn't like wylan, no. in fact it was quite the opposite. jesper was certainly head-over-heels for him. it was that he didn't know how to tell him.
jesper could unquestionably understand the things wylan did to him, made him feel; every time he saw the slightest glimpse of his strawberry-blond curls he felt as though he might collapse, and even though they were around the same shade, whenever he made eye contact with matthias jesper could swear that his eyes were none the same blue as wylan's (in the sense that he liked wylan's much more). he knew these things so well that the feeling of his guts rolling around in his stomach became familiar. but there was no way he could put these feelings and ideas into words, and the possibility of him saying these things out loud to wylan? close to zero. he might be able to flirt, but jesper wasn’t one for the poetic side of things.
this stream of thoughts circled around jesper’s head, muddling with his senses. instead of sleeping, he had been up all night at a small wooden table deciding on whether he could feel his last seven brain cells parading around in his head or not. if that was the case, they were probably each holding a flag adorned with a picture of wylan’s stupid, beautiful face.
the door to his room—the one jesper was sure he had locked—suddenly flew open. grateful for a distraction, jesper looked over his shoulder to greet the intruder, only to have his head collapse back into his hands when wylan came traipsing through the open doorway, several sketchbooks and loose sheets of paper held in his arms. wylan kicked the door shut behind him and ungracefully set the pile down onto the table. jesper felt the vibration go up his arms and straight to his head.
”jesper,” wylan gasped, pushing his curls off his forehead only for them to spring back. “can you look at these? kaz wanted me to…”
as much as jesper wanted to pay attention, the situation was too much. wylan’s face was flushed a shade of pink that spread over his cheeks, and his eyes were open wide, pupils dialated. he was talking at the speed of light, hands gesturing in accordance to the sentences he couldn’t follow, and if he wasn’t so tired jesper could have watched him like this all day.
“jesper?”
jesper’s eyes shot open. he hadn’t known they’d closed.
“are you okay?”
jesper smiled faintly. this boy is an angel. “yes, im… im sorry i zoned out. i’m just incredibly tired.”
wylan raised an eyebrow. “obviously. if you’re too tired to flirt with me, then there’s a problem. come on, let’s get you to bed.”
before he had time process wylan’s words and furthermore make a snarky comment, wylan had flung himself out of his chair and was tugging gently on jesper’s arm, successfully pulling him out of his own. wylan led jesper to the thin, creaky bed in the corner of the dusty room and started to pull jesper’s jacket off for him.
“wylan, i can—"
“absolutely not.”
too tired to argue and trying to ignore his burning face, jesper lifted his arms and let wylan tug off the sleeves, not caring enough to complain when he simply tossed the jacket to the floor. next, wylan made jesper sit on the edge of the bed, pulling off his shoes for him. jesper felt quite like a four-year-old, but who was complaining? finally, wylan pushed jesper back onto the bed by placing his pointer finger in the middle of jesper’s chest. jesper let gravity do the rest of the work and hoped wylan hadn’t felt his wildly beating heart.
“sorry, wylan—” jesper tried to start, but wylan wouldn’t hear it.
“there’s nothing to apologise for, just go to sleep.”
jesper sniffled, and the need for wylan to stay by his side washed over his common sense like a tsunami.
“what time is it?” he asked meekly, reaching into the depths of his language skills for a better conversation starter.
“you don’t need to know. but possibly two bells and quarter chime,” wylan stated with a puff, reaching out and softly patting jesper on the forehead. jesper gave up on trying to get him to stay as wylan turned to retrieve his things from the table.
“goodnight, jesper.” and with that, wylan disappeared, leaving his forehead tingling and his heart pounding.
—
jesper woke up the next morning with a small headache, but as soon as his feet touched the floor, his mind was filled with visions of wylan, his face lit by dim candlelight, talking excitedly about a new type of bomb he had created a formula for.
it’s too early for this.
jesper quickly changed shirts and made his way downstairs, where kaz, nina, matthias and wylan were already crammed around a coffee table, looking over plans for the next heist. inej was probably out scoping the area for any signs of trouble.
he took a seat on the floor in between wylan and kaz, stealing wylan’s coffee from the table.
“hey!” wylan playfully glowered at jesper, grabbing for the cup.
jesper took a sip and handed it back. “too sweet for me, van sunshine.”
wylan rolled his eyes and snatched back the cup, draining away the rest of the liquefied sugar. “you wouldn’t know sweet coffee if you drank it, jesper, and since you only drink it black i guess this is just too much for your uneducated taste buds.”
“my taste buds are very educated, thank you very much. more educated than yours and on many different levels.”
nina looked up at jesper from one of wylan’s sketches. “jesper!” she exclaimed, quickly standing up and clasping her hands together as if she hadn’t noticed him before. “perfect timing. i gravely need to talk to you. in fact, it is of utmost urgency and direness that we talk. right now. come along,” she said, pulling him out of the room. jesper shot a shrug at matthias before he was out of view.
nina led jesper down the narrow hallway to her own cramped room, where she closed the door behind them and perched upon her bed. “jesper, sweetie, we’ve got to talk.”
“obviously,” jesper retorted. his confident demeanor had returned now that he had rested.
nina pouted and crossed her legs, pale green eyes shining. “first of all, you aren’t allowed to yell at me after i say this. it’s for your own good.”
jesper frowned. “why would i—"
“jesper, it physically, mentally, and in all other aspects pains the others and i to see you and wylan dancing around each other like this, do you know that?” she asked. jesper thought she was joking, but her tone seemed genuine.
“you’re always flirting with each other. you’ve got to have a thousand nicknames for wylan and he has a thousand retorts for you. do you think we don’t notice how the two of you look at each other? i told inej the other day that you two haven’t kissed and she thought i was joking. kaz, matthias, inej and i are sick of it. we are officially playing matchmakers, so if you don’t get a move on we’ll do it for you. understood?” nina concluded with blazing clarity in her voice. then, she stood up and left the room before jesper could get another word in.
—
the next two days moved by sluggishly. while kaz, matthias, nina, inej and wylan worked on their plans and went out for supply runs, jesper paced the short length of his room until he felt like he would fall through the floors.
collapsing onto his bed, jesper sighed. why did these things have to be so confusing? how are you supposed to tell someone that every time you look at them you feel like you’re going to puke? but in a good way? and why can’t wylan say it first? it was as if everyone was so expectant of jesper to make the first move that they had let wylan off the hook entirely.
jesper sat up and took his scraggly pillow into his lap, staring intently at its boring pattern of beige stripes.
“wylan,” he said to the pillow, “you. have good hair. and i really like your… eyes. and also your voice. and—ugh, i can’t do this.”
jesper repeated this process many times.
“yo, wylan. you’re super cute. and are good at drawing. please draw me.”
“wylan, when i look at you, my brain throws up sparkles and rainbows.”
“marry me.”
on his fifteenth trial, nina ran into the room and jesper chucked the pillow at her.
“sorry!” he said as she threw it back. “reflexes!”
“shut up jesper! there’s a problem! come quick!” nina ran back out into the hallway and jesper followed suit.
nina rounded a corner, jesper on her heels and they ran into inej and matthias standing in front of the door, worry painted across their features.
“in there!” inej said, although she didn’t seem quite as scared as nina. nevertheless, jesper rushed into the room. it was a normal room, smaller than his own but just as insignificant. there were no dead bodies or bloody limbs strewn across the floor.
a pounding came from the closet door on the wall across from him and he speeded over to it, quickly twisting the handle. before jesper could regret not checking who was in the closet through its blinds, wylan fell out with a pitiful piece of tape over his mouth and his wrists loosely tied together. although it seemed like some sort of hostage situation, wylan’s blue eyes showed no signs of fear or sadness. jesper untied the rope from his wrists and wylan ripped the tape off his own mouth, not flinching. he flipped his curls from his face and gestured to the door behind them.
jesper turned. the door he had come in through was now closed, and he could see shadows coming from underneath it. nina was giggling from the other side.
“oh saints,” jesper said exasperatedly. “did they trap us in here on purpose?”
wylan flopped onto the tiny bed against one of the walls, crossing his ankles. “uh-huh.”
jesper pounded on the door. “let us back out, idiots!”
“not with those manners!” matthias called back.
“let us back out, please!”
“no anyways.”
jesper groaned and started to continually hit his head against the door.
“that’s going to earn you brain damage, not sympathy,” wylan said, rolling onto his stomach so he could see jesper. “besides, jes, is it really that bad to be stuck in a room with me for a couple of hours?”
jesper blushed and turned around, sliding down to the floor with his back on the door. “depends on how good you are at specific activities behind closed doors.”
wylan laughed airily and joined jesper on the floor. he laid on his back and stared at the ceiling.
jesper stared down at wylan. his hair looked gold in this lighting, any traces of its sheen of red vanished, the waves fanned out around his face perfectly. jesper’s fingers twitched towards them. he shifted his body so that he could sit on his hands and was glad that wylan had found something interesting to study on the ceiling.
jesper forced himself to remember why they were stuck in this room. nina had kept her promise; jesper hadn’t advanced on wylan, so they’d done it for him. although neither of them tried to engage in conversation, jesper went over all the conversations he’d had with the pillow in his head. he found that none of them worked in this context.
somewhere from deep inside him, a voice came into jesper’s head. if you don’t take a chance while you have it, you may never see it again. something his father had said when he was younger. although there was no way either of them could have predicted this situation back then, the quote fit perfectly.
jesper took a deep sigh and removed his hands from under his body, sliding further down onto the floor so that he was laying fully down next to wylan. then, he turned onto his side, holding himself up on one elbow. wylan lolled his head to the side and smiled at jesper, shifting to copy his stance.
whatever little common sense that was buried in the crevices of jesper’s body flew out the window. wylan couldn’t have been more than six inches away from him, and jesper could feel wylan’s breath on his face.
instead of planning ahead, jesper did the worst thing he could have possibly thought to do; start talking.
“wylan. hi. um, this is kind of really hard for me because my brain is bouncing around the inside of my head right now.”
decent start, jesper thought. but im bad at middles.
jesper struggled to find his next words. he was under pressure, and the unrelenting gaze of wylan’s blue eyes seemed to pierce his soul.
“i don’t really know how to explain this, so bear with me.” wylan giggled. didhejustfuckinggiggleareyoukiddingme? “i, um. i think you’re really cool. but not cool in a regular way, like cool in a cool way. i mean, you’re good at drawing. like, really good at drawing, as in i’ve never seen anyone else as good at drawing as you are. and i think that it’s really good that you found something that you were good at and just… did it. same with music. i’ve heard you play the flute. i mean, i‘ve never heard anyone else play the flute, so i think its amazing, but its probably amazing anyways.”
jesper started to panic. he knew he was rambling, but he had no idea what else to say. wylan’s face had gone completely devoid of emotion.
despite his fears, jesper continued on.
“but i don’t just like you because you’re good at things. this may be a stupid thing to say, but… you’re hot. cute, pretty, all synonyms. your hair always look so soft. i have to stop myself from reaching out to touching it sometimes. and your eyes… i don’t even know what to say about your eyes. they’re unearthly. your smile, your freckles, your eyelashes, your hands—don’t even get me started. everything about you is perfect.”
getting better.
“and you’re really smart too. you’re always degrading yourself, wy, and you have to stop doing that. just because you can’t read doesn’t mean you aren’t smart, not to mention that it’s not even your fault. look what you’ve made for us! that purple fire shit? that was amazing. you can do anything you want with science, wylan. you are amaz—“
apparently, wylan had decided that enough was enough because as soon as he blinked, wylan van eck was kissing him. wylan van eck was kissing him. wylan van eck had his hands around jesper’s neck and was kissing him!
jesper felt himself melting, melting into wylan’s arms. wylan’s lips were softer than he’d ever imagined, and he realized as soon as he slipped his fingers through those saint-like golden locks of his that his hair was, too.
not until wylan pulled away for breath did jesper notice that he was trapped under wylan. his ocean eyes were dialated, more dialated than he’d ever seen. he wanted to take a mental snapshot of him and keep it forever, just like this, but he could do that later. jesper had done enough waiting. he grabbed wylan’s curls and pulled him back down, reconnecting their lips with double the force.
just as their tongues met and jesper felt like his heart was going to explode with euphoria, nina barged into the room with her hand on her hips.
“that worked better than expected, now didn’t it, boys?” she said with a wink.
wylan slid off jesper, not quite hissing at her. nina rolled her eyes.
“it’s not my fault you guys took so long to make out.”
jesper laughed and stood up, helping wylan after him.
“what do you say we go to my room?” he whispered into wylan’s ear.
wylan blushed. maybe jesper had a poetic way with things after all.