Work Text:
Sayaka to Touko
By:Satashi
It all started the day I saw you in the school gymnasium. The anger I felt for the girl I didn't even know was swelling in my chest, mixing with the still-fresh pain of my first breakup. I had chosen to try and live a normal life, to go against what my body and heart yearned for. But then I saw you. Walking so proudly with your head up towards the front of your peers. I felt it immediately and was lost in your presence. Love at first sight. My throat went dry and I couldn't seem to focus anymore that day. I wanted to find you after the school day and tell you that I thought you looked beautiful. I stopped myself, and I don't know why.
Our first year together was amazing. Seated next to each other in the same class, you made it a habit to smile at me through the day. We became fast friends, striving to be better at almost everything we did. We competed in our grades, in gym class, and anything else we could find. Through it all, we were never rivals, but instead best friends. Losses weren't bragged over, but rather encouraging and full of laughs with promises to do better next time. We became a team and began to be mentioned in a pair when someone spoke about either one of us. In the height of our popularity, I wanted to finally tell you how I was feeling about you. My words froze every time I tried to tell you, and I don't know why.
During summer vacation we grew even closer. You confided in me, and I vowed to help you in any way I could. I knew I loved you then, and it made every moment with you so very special. I learned of your past, your sister, and why you wanted to become the council president. I chose not to run for it so I could instead help you win. I researched for hours and hours looking for the best way to run your campaign, to perfect the speech endorsing you. Your shoulders were carrying so much, I couldn't help but try and help you with your pain. I wanted to be there for the good and the bad, to hold you while you cried and to laugh while you smiled. I was in love with you, I just had to tell you... But I can't, and I don't know why
Yuu came into our lives. That short girl with a million different expressions. You decided to trust her with your campaigning instead of me, and it hurt so bad. I cried, Touko, did you know that? Even still, I wanted to be there with you. I accepted your apology and reasoning behind it, even going as far as to give Yuu my notes and support behind the scenes. I know we can't always be attached at the hip, and that was okay. You smile at me, and my heart would leapt in my throat. No matter what path you took to get to your goal, I would be there with you. You were my life and my support. I wanted to tell you so badly, but I didn't, and I don't know why.
The play. Seeing you struggle. Memories of your sister being doubted. So much was torturing you, but you always smiled. You didn't want anyone to worry, least of all me. I pretended not to notice, it was one less thing for you to worry about. Still, I worked tirelessly to ensure your workload would be lowered. I planned our meetings, lead people around for the sports day, and took every request I could get my hands on before they found their way to you. It was so much to handle, but just thinking about you doing it by yourself made my chest hurt so badly. I wanted you to know everything I did for you but I let you remain in the dark on it, and I don't know why.
Now people have gathered all around. A cool autumn day in the afternoon sun. You loved days like this, didn't you? Always laughing, smiling, and reaching your hand back to me. But now, no one was smiling. A car crash, just like your sister. Another life robbed from us. Everyone around me was crying, mourning the loss of a student, friend, and family member. Yuu was devastated, sobbing to the side while in the arms of her sister. I shouldered the weight of your speech this time, walking to your casket to lay a flower on it and say words about your life. I told them about your kindness, your strength, and how you always gave your all in everything you did. Through this, I held my tears for later. Everyone needed me to be strong now. It's the least I can do for the woman I love.
Your mother came to the front as I finished, holding your diary in her hands. An entry to show what kind of girl you were was to be read, a final moment of your life while being laid to rest: I see you every day, both at school and in my dreams. You've stayed by my side through all of this, even when I selfishly push you away. I can't begin to say how I feel about you, so I'm writing it down here instead. I love you. I love you so much. Every time you smile, every time I catch you looking at me in school, it makes my heart beat and my cheeks flush. I don't know if you feel the same, so I won't say anything for now. I will just keep hoping, keep waiting, for even the smallest of signs. Until then, I'll wait for you. Until I see how you feel, until you kiss me, or until your hand holds mine. But every time I think today will be that day, you pull away to only smile instead, and I don't know why.