Archive of Our Own ^beta

One of the brilliant things about a fish broadcasting your life accomplishments to everyone was that you didn’t need to write a resumé anymore – which was good, because if he tried, Taako’s would be long. Even now, when he felt he would be entirely justified in retiring from work, he was adding shit to this make-believe resumé. His school was doing well, his show was doing very well, and two weeks ago he had started planning a Candlenights cooking tour of Faerun. Everything was coming up Taako, vis-à-vis his career.

If he were to write out a resumé, though, he’d need several pages, and he would probably put ‘Adventurer’ somewhere on page two or three. It’s not that he’s not proud of his Adventuring experience, per se, but it’s just not as cool as ‘Saviour of Everything’.

However, sometimes he felt like he needed to go out and adventure, and there was one thing left on his to-do list.

***

They were coming up on the five-year anniversary of their victory, and Taako found himself sitting alone in the canteen of the old Bureau of Balance, drumming his fingers on the table with one hand and resting his chin on the other as he stared out of the window. There had really been no need to keep a floating Moonbase, so the Bureau of Benevolence had been relocated to Neverwinter, while the Moonbase had been grounded and turned into a museum. There were exhibits set up in the Launch Room, the Icosagon, and a deeply disconcerting animatronic exhibit in their old dorm room that Taako could tell had Lucas’s fingerprints all over it.

The canteen was supposedly off limits, but the only thing that had stopped him from getting in was a small sign that said, in neat letters, ‘Off limits – the B.O.B. Dining Experience will be coming soon!’

“Um, excuse me, sir? Excuse me sir?” Taako continued to drum his fingers on the table as a young halfling woman approached him, clutching a clipboard. “Sir, I’m sorry, but this area is off limits to the public, so you’ll need to… Oh my gosh, you’re-”

“Taako, yes, from TV and also the end of the world,” he said.

“Can you – oh, this is so exciting, I have so many questions-” Before she could say anything more, somebody else approached the table.

“I was in the middle of something,” Merle said crossly, sitting across from Taako and dumping a potted plant onto the table with a dull thud. Taako recognised the puff of pollen the plant emitted when Merle started talking to it, and then he hated himself a little for recognising it.

He wrinkled his nose. “Grossaroony. This is important, old man.”

“Why’re we even meeting in this old dump?” Merle said, looking round. “We’ve all got houses. If you want that canteen experience, we could go to the Bureau of Benevolence.” He stopped to squint at the halfling employee. “Don’t remember you from saving the world?” She squeaked in alarm and fled.

“I need to make sure we’re not overheard,” Taako said vaguely as a tear ripped through the air.

“We’ve got five minutes, better make this snappy!” Lup said as she and Barry stepped through the rift.

“Is it just us coming?” Barry asked as they sat down.

“No,” Taako said. “We’re just waiting on-”

“Sorry I’m late,” Davenport said as he walked through the door, giving the ‘Off limits’ sign a disparaging glance. “What did I miss?”

“Nothing,” Merle said distractedly, still focusing on his plant. “Can we get on with it now?”

“Yes,” Taako said, finally taking his chin off his hand. Lup shot Taako a look as Davenport sat down, but she didn’t say anything. “Merle, do you remember the promise we made in Wonderland?”

Merle raised his eyebrows. “Gonna need you to be a bit more specific, I’ve got hundreds of years of memories knocking around in this old – oh.”

Taako grinned viciously. “Up for one more adventure?”

“Hell yes,” Merle replied, matching Taako’s smile.

“Care to fill us in?” Barry asked.

“In Wonderland, Magnus lost a memory,” Taako said. He paused. “Well, he lost a lot – his body, for one, and I think he lost a finger at one point? – but when he got his body back, he got back a lot of the shit those liches took from him, except for this one memory, the memory of the guy who killed his wife and father-in-law. Before he did, we promised him we’d kill the guy when we found him.”

“And you want to go after this man now?” Davenport said. “Why?”

There were a lot of answers to this question, some truer than others. Eventually, Taako settled on “Because we’re not getting any younger here, and I don’t want to wait thirty more years only for Merle to pop a hip when he tries to cast his one allotted healing spell.”

“Alright,” Barry said. “So, just the five of us?” Lup gave Taako another pointed look.

“Magnus isn’t coming,” Taako said, trying to ignore her increasingly sharp stare. “He told us he didn’t want us to remind him of the memory after he lost it. And there’re loads of people from the old Bureau who’d definitely be up for coming, but I don’t want to tip this guy off if I can help it, and there’s nothing less sneaky than thirty or so people trekking around Faerun out for one guy’s blood.”

“What’s his name?” Lup asked.

“Governor Kalen,” Merle said. With a flick of her hand, Lup summoned a book, the black leather so old that it looked blue. As she turned the membranous pages, she didn’t seem to be making any progress through the tome, but she eventually landed on the page she was looking for.

“Well, he’s not already dead, or currently dying,” she said. “And we’re not hunting him to put him in Ghost Jail.”

“Can you find out where he is with that thing?” Taako asked, nodding at the book.

“Probably not,” Lup admitted. “We can only track the people we need to – so we’d be able to find him just as he’s about to die, or if he decided to get super into necromancy.” She snapped the book shut, making it disappear in a puff of smoke. “You know who probably could track him, somebody who has experience tracking hard-to-find things?”

“Barry, what about you?” Taako said, talking over the end of Lup’s sentence. “You were tracking the three of us, and the Grand Relics.”

“Yeah, as a lich,” Barry said, shrugging. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I definitely could track this guy down, but I know someone who could do it a hell of a lot quicker.” Taako sighed irritably. “Taako, look, I get it? Believe me, I get it, but if you want to track this guy down sooner rather than later, you’re gonna need to weigh up your options.” He cocked his head a little. “We’ve got to go,” he said to Lup, who stood up. “Let us know when you want to head out, we’ll need to let the boss know.” As Barry opened a rift, Lup gave Taako a final look, a ‘we’re definitely going to talk about this later’ kind of look.

“I don’t suppose you think you can find this dude, Cap?” Taako asked as the tail end of Barry’s cloak slipped through the rift, closing it behind him with a snap.

“Of course I could,” Davenport said confidently. “But you and I both know that Lucretia could find him quicker.”

Taako sighed again, a lot more explosively. “Fine, fine, I’ll talk to her.”

***

“I’ll talk to her,” Merle offered as they stood outside of Lucretia’s new office. In the five years since the world had almost ended, Taako can count the number of times he’s been in there on precisely no fingers.

“No, no, I need to do it,” Taako said glumly as he knocked on the door. When Lup had finished work the evening before, she had told him, in no uncertain terms, that he needed to speak to Lucretia today, or she would lock him out of the house. She didn’t even live in his house.

“Come in,” Lucretia called from inside. Taako pushed the door open.

Seeing Lucretia was a conflicting experience, and one he tried to avoid for this reason. There was the anger, of course, but there was the respect he’d had for his boss, Madam Director, followed swiftly by the niggling suspicion he had harboured for Madam Director towards the end; there was sadness, thinking about the pain and suffering his dear friend Lucretia had gone through on her own; there was love, for the friend he’d had in the Bureau of Balance and the friend he’d had for one hundred years-

A bad scene all round.

“Merle, I – Taako! I wasn’t expecting to see you two today,” Lucretia said. “What can I do for you, boys?” Taako could tell that Lucretia struggled with the cognitive dissonance, too, in a way that Lup, Barry and, to some extent, Magnus, never seemed to – sometimes she talked to them like they were her employees, other times like she was only eighteen years old and just starting out on her training.

“We need a favour,” Taako said, looking around at her office. It was pretty sparsely decorated, aside from a sad looking succulent on her L-shaped desk.

“Anything,” Lucretia replied, a little too earnestly.

Taako handed her a crudely drawn wanted poster he had taken from one of the villages close to Raven’s Roost. “We need to find this guy, and we need to kill him. Can you track him down?”

“Is that Governor Kalen?” Lucretia asked, leaning forward to get a better look at the poster. “I’ve been worrying about that too, I’m surprised he hasn’t acted already-”

“What’d you mean?” Merle said, casting a worried glance at Taako.

“Well, our stories were broadcast to everyone, yes?” Lucretia said. “Which means, best case scenario, Kalen knows that everyone knows what he’s done, and he’s gone into hiding, meaning he’ll never face justice for his crimes. Worst case scenario, he’s realised that Magnus wouldn’t recognise him in the street, and so he uses that to his advantage.” Taako felt a little bit guilty – he hadn’t really considered this, he had just wanted a last-hurrah adventure – and then he resolved not to feel guilty in Lucretia’s presence.

“Look, can you find him or not?” Taako asked impatiently.

“Yes,” Lucretia replied eventually. “Yes, I believe I can.”

“Great!” Merle said. “We’ll leave tomorrow.”

Both Taako and Lucretia stared at him.

“Um, sidebar?” Taako said through gritted teeth. “Now?”

“Taako, it’s alright,” Lucretia said. “I think if I accompanied you, it would be… Uncomfortable for many of you, to say the least. I can stay in touch with some new Stones of Farspeech, and-”

“Yeah, because they were real reliable during our time at the ol’ B.O.B.,” Merle said, counting on his fingers. “We couldn’t use them in Wonderland, we couldn’t use them in Refuge, we got cut off in Lucas’s lab, we couldn’t use them for most of the trip on the Rockport Limited… Great piece of magic, real comforting.”

“While that’s true, Merle, I doubt that you’ll be entering into situations where-”

“No, he’s right,” Taako said, pinching the bridge of his nose. Merle nodded triumphantly before turning his attention to Lucretia’s sad potted plant – although now it didn’t look as sad, and had several flowers where it hadn’t before. He caught Lucretia’s eye, who had also noticed – they shared a brief, commiserative nod at having once again been present for Merle’s plant antics. “We need to get this done, and it’s gonna be a real pain in the ass if we have to turn back because we’ve got dodgy reception or something. Not to mention how easily these newer models can be traced through a simple Detect Magic spell. We’ll need to leave them at home, and,” Taako nodded again at Lucretia. “You’ll need to come, too.”

***

“…A camping trip,” Magnus replied dubiously the next morning.

Taako winced at Davenport’s barefaced lie. They couldn’t have been any unluckier, really – they were leaving from Barry and Lup’s place, and Magnus had dropped by to pick up a book from Barry for Angus to find all of them, very clearly dressed in their adventuring gear, standing in the hallway.

“Yes!” Merle jumped in. “I’m holding a, uh, Pan retreat, and asked them to accompany me. Camping.”

“And I’m not invited because…” Magnus asked, folding his arms and raising an eyebrow.

“You’re not invited…” Taako began. “Because… of…”

“Okay, Magnus, you caught us!” Lup said dramatically. Taako saw Merle turn to stare at her, but he trusted Lup to come up with a decent lie. “We were going away to plan your surprise birthday party, but you’ve caught us red-handed.”

Magnus lit up. “Oh! Well, pretend I was never here, then.”

“Magnus, this is important,” Taako said, a bolt of inspiration coming to him. “If anyone comes to see you while we’re away, they’ll be party planners who’ve… Got confused. Make sure you send them our way, got it?”

“Got it,” Magnus said, giving two thumbs up before leaving.

“You know,” Davenport said solemnly once the door had closed. “Sometimes I wonder how the three of you didn’t get yourselves killed.”

“Uh, says the guy who told Magnus Burnsides that we were going on a secret camping trip?” Taako said indignantly. “The guy’s spent the last five years chopping wood, raising dogs, and wearing plaid, what did you think he’d say, ‘Oh yeah, that sounds dull as hell, no thanks amigos!’”

“Okay, Barry and I only have one week off from work, barring any catastrophic incidents, so let’s get this show on the road!” Lup said, punctuating each word with a clap that produced little flares of flame from her palms. She turned to Lucretia. “Where to first?”

“He was last spotted in Goldcliff,” Lucretia said. “So I suggest we start there. We need to find out more about him if I’m going to be able to scry his location.”

Lup pumped her fist. “Goldcliff, excellent. You know, I was wicked jealous when you got to do that race, Taako, think you can teach me a thing or two out on the track?”

“Hell yeah, you’re looking at the winner of-”

“Joint winner,” Merle interjected.

“Um, I really only remember one wagon crossing the finish line first, and it was the one with ch’boy in it.”

***

Goldcliff had been badly hit by the Hunger, with whole portions of the city falling off the cliff and into the ravine below. Sloane and Hurley’s tree was still standing, though, which was where Hurley agreed to meet them when Taako got in touch with her.

“It’s good to see you, Taako!” She said with a grin. “You too, Merle. And… Hey, where’s Magnus?”

“Not invited,” Taako said vaguely. “We’re actually here to see you for Militia stuff. Off the record.”

Hurley raised her eyebrows. “Interesting. What do you need?”

“We’re looking for a guy so that we can kill him, and we want to know if you’ve seen him,” Merle said. Hurley frowned at him.

“Do I need to remind you that I’m a cop? A literal cop. I’ll choose to interpret that as an exaggeration, rather than a confession to a premeditated murder that you chose to tell to a cop.”

“Hurley, listen,” Taako said, holding up his hands in a placating manner. “This is a bad dude.”

If she’d still had hair, Taako imagined that Hurley would be pulling at it in frustration. As it was, she had to settle with clutching some of the branches coming out of her head in her fists. “Stop telling me this!” She sighed and let go of her branches – a few cherry blossoms fell into the pool of water lapping at their feet. “I’ll help you, of course, but only because I know you’re exaggerating and you’re definitely not planning to kill a man.”

“Yes,” Merle said significantly, giving Davenport an over-the-top wink. “We’re definitely not going to kill him.” Hurley frowned at him so hard that Taako heard the bark on her forehead crack a little.

“It’s lovely to meet you, Hurley,” Lup said loudly to drown out Merle. “We’ve met before, but I was an umbrella at the time.” Hurley looked at the rest of them for a moment; Taako could almost see the gears turning in her head. She eventually turned to look at Taako and Merle.

“This is about Kalen, isn’t it?”

“What do you know?” Davenport asked.

“We should probably go back to my garage,” Hurley said, looking around. “Come with me.”

***

Hurley’s garage was more or less the same as it had been when Taako had last visited – the only differences were that there were a few more twigs laying around, and Sloane was sitting cross-legged on a table, fiddling with some wagon parts.

“About a month ago, the Hammerheads started acting up again,” Hurley explained, leading them to her workbench. “They tried to break in while I was at work.”

“Which was a mistake, obviously,” Sloane said, not looking up from what she was doing.

“Obviously,” Hurley replied with a grin. “Sloane was here, so whatever it was they were here for, they didn’t find it. When I sent round some officers, they said the Hammerheads were claiming that they’d been acting under the orders of their new boss, some guy named Kalen, who had skipped town after they tried to break into my garage.” She started rummaging around in her desk. “Of course, when I checked our records, I found out about Raven’s Roost.”

“Any idea why he would come here?” Barry asked, looking around.

“A few, now that I know you’re involved,” Hurley said. “My main one, though, is that this was in my garage at the time.” She tossed over something glowing, which Lup caught with ease and held up for them to look at.

“You keep these in your desk?” Taako asked, looking at the Arcane Core. “Why?”

“Because I like to eat them,” Hurley said sarcastically.

“They are pretty nutritious,” Lup agreed.

“No, I used to keep them on the work bench, but since that last break-in, I figured I should probably keep the powerful magic energies out of sight,” Hurley said, glancing at Lup as though she was unsure whether Lup was joking. “Like those posters you see, warning you not to keep your valuables in your wagon.”

“Did your officers give you a description of Kalen?” Lucretia asked, making Taako jump. She had been so quiet, he had forgotten she had come with them.

“Not a very good one,” Hurley admitted. “Human.”

“…That’s it?” Barry said incredulously.

“I said it wasn’t very good,” Hurley said, a little defensively.

“Lucretia, is that going to be enough?” Lup asked.

“…No?” Lucretia replied. “I need more information than a name and the fact that he’s a human if I want to scry for his location. Ideally, I need a second-hand description, or an item belonging to him. In a perfect world, I’d be able to see him for myself.”

“The only other thing the Hammerheads would tell my officers was that Kalen was talking about heading out to the Woven Gulch next,” Hurley said, shrugging apologetically. Lup tossed her the Arcane Core.

“We can drop in on Refuge, then,” Merle said. “Hey, maybe we can just ask Istus if she knows where this shithead is?”

“Worth a shot,” Taako said. “Cash in on some of those sweet emissary benefits.”

“Before you go,” Hurley said, as Barry and Lup created a rift for them to step through. “Look, as a cop, I can’t exactly sign off on what you’re doing. But as Hurley, I just want to say,” she inhaled deeply and then grinned at them sharply. “Fuck this guy up.”

***

Taako had forgotten just how many statues there were of him, Merle, and Magnus in Refuge. There was the huge one of Magnus, Jack, and June, which didn’t have Magnus’s face visible but was very clearly him if you’d seen him wearing those robes for one hundred years, while the smaller ones the townsfolk had made and apparently kept after the bubble came down had been placed outside of the Temple of Istus.

“This is adorable,” Lup said delightedly. “Did you bring us here deliberately? Oh, cool, this one has me as an umbrella in it.”

“If this doesn’t work, we can ask Paloma if she knows anything about Kalen, too,” Taako said loudly to Merle as they stepped into the temple, trying to drown Lup out.

“Ooh, while we’re there, we can ask her what I should get Mavis for her birthday,” Merle said, nodding.

“That’s not how prophecies work,” Taako replied.

“Fine, we can ask her what I will get Mavis for her birthday,” Merle said triumphantly.

“Mighty Istus!” Taako said, bowing overly deeply. “Please hear my prayer and smite Merle where he stands for his crime of refusing to understand divination magic despite being a literal cleric.”

“I think Pan would be cross with me if I smote his cleric,” a voice said warmly.

“I don’t think ‘smote’ is a word,” Merle said.

“Of course, I think Pan would forgive me if I maimed his cleric for questioning my vocabulary,” Istus replied – one second she wasn’t there and the next she was, still knitting away.

“Noted,” Merle muttered.

“It’s good to see you both,” Istus said. “And you brought friends! Lup, Barry, the Raven Queen sends her best wishes for your mission.” She paused for a second and blinked, long and slow, before cocking her head. “She also says that Kravitz wants to know if either of you have seen his stapler?”

“Nope, sorry,” Lup replied innocently. Next to her, Barry dug into the pocket of his robe to show Istus a stapler. “But if his stapler happens to have a Fantasy Instagram account where it gets photographed in tourist destinations, well, chase that bliss, you know?” Istus looked like she was trying not to laugh.

“Istus, we need your help finding someone,” Taako began.

“I know,” Istus said. She sighed. “I wish I could help – Magnus is one of my emissaries, after all – but the man you seek technically comes under the protection of another god. Well, protection is the wrong word… Wardship, due to his actions in Raven’s Roost. I can’t directly help you to kill somebody under the wardship of another god in the pantheon.”

“Sounds like a shitty god, anyway,” Taako mumbled mutinously. She didn’t reply, but Taako knew that Istus agreed with him.

“I can, however, tell you that an answer you need lies in the main street of Refuge itself,” Istus said.

“Can you be more specific?” Merle asked. Istus gave him a deeply unimpressed look.

“There are only a dozen or so buildings for you to check,” she said. “But I’ll give you a hint! I’m not asking you to check the well.”

“Gee, thanks,” Merle said, rolling his eyes.

“If she does smite you, you only have yourself to blame,” Taako said. “Thank you, Istus.”

“Say bye to Raven Mom for me!” Lup said.

Istus blinked again, and then smiled. “The Raven Queen says goodbye. Lucretia, Davenport, you’re free to stop by any time.”

“You know, I got used to weird shit pretty soon into our century on the Starblaster,” Barry said once they had left the temple. “But seeing gods in person is still weird.”

“Barry, you work for a god,” Davenport pointed out.

“And every day at the office is a weird time that I can only mitigate the psychological effects of by helping my wife to steal our colleague’s stationery,” Barry said sardonically.

“Please stop stealing my boyfriend’s stationery,” Taako said, leading the way back to the man road of town. “Where’re we heading first?”

“The saloon, right?” Barry suggested. “That’s where shit tends to go down in places like this.”

Taako couldn’t argue with that, considering how much time had spent at The Davey Lamp while he was here. There was only one person, the bartender, in The Davey Lamp when they arrived. She looked up, a little alarmed, and then smiled widely.

“Merle! Taako!”

“June!” Merle said, heading over to the bar and hoisting himself up onto a barstool. “How’ve you been?”

“Pretty good,” June said, going back to cleaning the bar. “Been busy with the saloon, you know? How’re you?”

“Good! The business is going well,” Merle said. “Taken the week off for a bit of, ah, adventuring, you could call it.”

June looked up from her cleaning again, a little amused. “Why’d you say it all weird like that?”

“Ignore him, Junebug,” Taako said, sliding into the seat next to Merle and waving everyone over. After introducing everyone to June, he said “So, how’s Refuge been?”

“Busy,” June said, stowing her cleaning rag and spray under the bar. “I mean, it doesn’t look like it now, what with the place being empty and all, but Refuge has become a real tourist hotspot in the last few years. We’ve got all those statues of you three, plus that huge one of Magnus, Daddy, and me, you know? You might want to clear off before the tour buses get here later if you want to keep a low profile.”

“A tourist destination, really?” Davenport asked.

June nodded. “Like a pilgrimage, almost, for Red Robe fans.”

Davenport looked flabbergasted, “Red Robe fans?”

“Maybe if you hadn’t spent the last five years at sea, Dav, you could’ve been cashing in on the support of the Davalry – that’s the ‘Davenport Cavalry’, in case your old-man brain can’t understand the portmanteau,” Lup explained. “They’re very dedicated, even though you’ve given them basically nothing to work with recently.”

“That’s not true,” Barry said fairly. “They got really excited when they found out you’d grown that beard, and there was that whole business with the skeleton pirates.”

“Ah, yes, when our dear old Captain accidentally sliced very slowly through some Kraken tentacles, sparking a surge of deeply upsetting fanfiction,” Lup said, nodding wisely. “Good times, good times.”

“Did… Did you all go together?” Lucretia asked. Lup and Barry shared an uneasy look.

“Not – not together, necessarily – it wasn’t planned, Barry and I were there for work-”

“You were invited, if I remember correctly,” Taako said coolly.

“Yes, I suppose I was,” Lucretia replied, quietly.

Taako turned back to June, who was looking between them with rapid-fire head jerks. “These fans, June. Have there been any… Weirdos?” She smirked; Taako pointed at her with his index finger. “Whatever funny joke you think you’re about to make, don’t. This is serious adventure business.”

She pulled a serious face, but her eyes still shone with humour. “What kinda weirdos are we talking about here?”

“You know… Violent, murderous, deserves what’s coming to him,” Taako said.

June’s face fell, the laughter fading from her eyes. “I – no, I don’t think – is Refuge in danger?”

“Well, there’s no need to scare her,” Lup said crossly. “Just show her the wanted poster!”

“Just telling her the truth,” Taako muttered, nevertheless handing over the poster.

June looked at it for a moment, and then sighed. “This could be half the men in this town.”

“He would’ve arrived…” Lucretia plucked a small notebook out of her bag and looked at her notes. “About a month ago, and I would imagine he would have asked some questions about Magnus.”

“Again, not that uncommon,” June said. “You guys are popular around here, but this is like, Magnus-central, you know?” She frowned. “There was one guy, though, about three weeks ago, who wanted to talk to Paloma about Magnus, which I thought was weird. Waited here for ages for her to drop in. He seemed… Disappointed with whatever she told him, though.” June shrugged, a little apologetic. “I don’t know whether that’s your guy, but he’s the only one that’s really stood out to me in the last month.”

“Do you remember what he looked like?” Barry asked.

June scrunched up her face. “Uh, tall? He was wearing this huge, brown, furry jacket thing, I remember that because it looked too big for him.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t several children stacked up on top of one another?” Merle asked seriously.

“Well, folks, that’s gonna do it for us here, I think, Merle’s started making bad jokes, and we’ve got a witch to visit,” Taako said, pushing back his stool and standing up. “June, lovely to see you, as always-”

“If this guy comes back,” Lup said. “Let us know, okay?”

***

Paloma’s cottage, from the outside, looked much the same as it had when Taako had last visited her. Her door was thrown open, as though she was expecting someone, and the smell of baking wafted through the air.

“I’ve made enough for all of you, come in, come in!” Paloma called out from inside.

Inside her cottage was also much like it had been, which surprised Taako – he knew that all but one of Paloma’s prophecies had shattered, but he didn’t know new ones had started growing in their place. Most of them were still tiny, more like raindrops, but a few had matured to a larger size.

“It took you so long to visit, I’m starting to think you only come to see me for my prophecies,” Paloma said, setting down a lemon drizzle care in front of them, which had been expertly sliced into seven equal slices.

“Of course not, Paloma,” Taako said. “I visit you for your baking, you’re the only person in this planar system who feeds me.” Paloma cackled, and then gestured for them to help themselves. “Although we’re actually here to ask you about someone you talked to three weeks ago.”

“Ah, yes, yes, the man looking for Magnus.”

“Did he tell you that he was looking for Magnus?” Lucretia asked.

“No, but his purpose was obvious,” Paloma replied.

“What did he ask you?” Taako said, taking a bite of the cake. He sighed happily; next to him, Lup made an identical noise.

“He wanted to know how much contact Magnus has with us here in Refuge,” Paloma replied. She hadn’t taken the last slice of cake, so it was just sitting on the plate – Taako wondered whether he could sneak it into his pocket without her noticing. “How often he comes to visit, whether he had friends here.”

“What did you tell him?” Davenport asked.

“The truth – Magnus has not been to visit for some time.” She smiled then, a little wicked. “I didn’t tell him how deeply we value our town’s connection with Magnus, or about his friendship with most of the townsfolk. Something told me that this man desperately wanted that sort of information, and I wasn’t sure he should have it.”

“You think Kalen wants to know who Magnus’s friends are?” Merle asked. “Because, I mean, isn’t that obvious?” There were general nods and murmurs of agreement around the table.

“It might explain why he had the Hammerheads break into Hurley’s garage, though,” Barry mused. “Not for the Core, but for Hurley herself.”

“He also wanted a prophecy.” This made Taako sit up, alarmed – Paloma may have been capable of hiding pertinent information normally, but he wasn’t sure that her prophesising state could be as discerning. “I told him no, because the question he wanted answering was not one that could be prophesised easily.”

“What did he want to know?” Taako asked uneasily.

“He asked how Magnus is going to die,” Paloma replied. “Merle, you remember how I told you about all of my prophesies, how they fell to the ground on the day the Hunger arrived?” Merle nodded. “Prophesising the arrival of Death is a… Difficult thing. Many, many variables. At that moment, when the prophesies fell, they had all prophesised our end, except for one. Now, though,” she waved her hand at the new prophesies. “It’s different. Also, I didn’t want to prophesise Magnus’s death, I find it distasteful.” Before anyone could respond, a rift tore through the air. “Ah, you’re late. No matter, there’s a slice of cake for you on the table.”

“Oh! Um, thank you,” Kravitz said politely, helping himself to the remaining slice of lemon cake.

“What’re you doing here, babe?” Taako asked. “I thought you were working?”

“It’s pretty quiet in the office,” Kravitz said, dipping down to give Taako a quick kiss. “I dropped in on Magnus, like you asked.” Taako raised his eyebrows expectantly. “He doesn’t suspect a thing, we spent fifteen minutes playing with his new dog.”

“Excellent-”

“Angus, however? Very suspicious.”

“Son of a bitch,” Taako said. “I told you we should’ve told him!” He said to Merle.

“What, and bring him along with us?” Merle asked incredulously.

“I think I managed to distract him,” Kravitz said, but Taako shook his head.

“He’s playing you, homie, now he knows that you know what we’re up to.” Taako sighed and drummed his fingers on the table for a moment. “We’ll have to speak to him, before he decides to go running to Magnus to tell him we’re in danger or some shit.”

“Paloma, did Kalen tell you where he was planning to go next?” Lup asked. Paloma shook her head.

“I’ve got a few ideas,” Lucretia said. “I’ve got a hunch about what he’s up to, but I’d like it if we spoke to Angus, first.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Lup said, smacking her hands on the table loudly as she stood up, making almost everyone jump. Taako, who was used to these antics, knew to look at Barry to see what he was up to under the cover of Lup’s dramatics – he was attempting to slide the stapler back into one of the pockets of Kravitz’s robe.

***

“What are you wearing?” Merle asked.

Taako pulled the brim of his Fantasy Baseball cap down over his sunglasses. “I’m not supposed to be here, Merle.”

The Academy of Arcane Sciences wasn’t a place Taako frequented often, if only because Lucas accused him of academic sabotage every time he did (and yes, one time he may have cast Reverse Gravity in Lucas’s office, but that couldn’t be traced back to him). However, Angus did teach there half of the time (the other half was spent studying directly under Taako, which, take that, Lucas), and they needed to speak to Angus sooner rather than later.

“Hello, sirs! Hello, Lup, Madam Director!” Angus shouted cheerfully out of one of the many, many windows on the Forensic Divination Building. “Come on up to my office!”

“I know he’s one of the greatest academics and detectives in this planar system, but I just want to smoosh his cheeks,” Lup said as she stepped through the automatic door and into the porter’s lodge. The porter, a young goliath who had crammed himself into the cabin, blinked at them. “It’s not fair, Taako, you have so many cute apprentices, let me have one.”

“Absolutely not,” Taako said. “Find your own magical boy.”

“Um, hello,” the goliath interrupted. He was having to clutch his knees to his chest and hunch his shoulders – Taako was definitely going to look into sending an undercover occupational health inspector here as soon as he was done with this mission.

“We’re here to see Doctor McDonald?” Lucretia said smoothly.

The goliath nodded, very slowly, and then said, “You look like the elf on Professor Miller’s ‘No Admittance’ posters.”

They were looking at Lup, who sighed wearily.

“A tragic resemblance,” she said, shaking her head.

“Okay. The elevator is that way,” the goliath said, pointing.

“Don’t suppose there’s stairs?” Taako asked.

“There are stairs, next to the elevator. You also look like the ‘No Admittance’ elf.”

“…All elves look the same,” Taako ventured. As the goliath visibly pondered the verity of this, Lup gestured for them to leave.

“Are you seriously going to take the stairs?” Merle said once they reached the elevator.

“Absolutely, my dude,” Taako said. “I once looked into the soulless eyes of Upsy-Your-Lifting-Mech, and thought ‘You know what won’t feature in my nightmares forever? Stairs’.”

Everyone else began cramming into the lift, except for Lup, who hung back with Taako. Barry smiled at her sympathetically and closed the lift doors.

“Hey, Taako,” Lup said as they began climbing the stairs. “I just want to say that I’m proud of you.”

“What for? I mean, not that it’s not understandable, but what made you say it right now?”

“I know it’s hard for you, seeing Lucretia.” Taako grimaced, but Lup continued, undeterred. “But you’re working with her anyway.”

“I’m doing this for Magnus,” Taako said.

Lup looked at him for two flights of stairs – Taako was just beginning to get uncomfortable when she said, “Sometimes, Barry gets so angry over what happened, he starts dabbling in the really dangerous necromancy magic in an attempt to block out any attempts to alter his memory again. Davenport won’t say his own name out loud, because he says hearing himself say it makes his skin crawl. I can’t sit alone in the dark anymore, and enclosed spaces make me panic.” She waved her hand vaguely. “Otherwise I’d be in the elevator.”

“Why’re you telling me this?”

“Over the last few years, you’ve spent most of your time with Merle and Magnus,” Lup explained. “You went though a lot, the three of you, so, like, I get it, but they’re both very quick to forgive people.” She snorted. “I mean, sometimes Merle is so quick to forgive people that it’s like he’s completely forgotten what he should be mad about.” She sobered up again. “I think that you think that I expect you to have forgiven Lucretia by now?”

Taako shrugged; that was the impression he had been getting.

“I’ve forgiven Lucretia, in that I’ve made the conscious decision to stop blaming her for the actions she took under immense pressure, but am I still angry sometimes?” Lup said. “Hell yeah! Do I think the seven of us will ever be the same seven friends who spent a year hanging out on a beach, giving each other shitty fish gifts? Hell no! I don’t expect you to forgive and forget, let bygones be bygones, any of those other platitudes, but I am worried that you’re bottling up your feelings about it.”

“If you don’t expect me to forgive Lucretia, why did you tell me you’d lock me out of my own house if I didn’t ask for her help?” Taako asked.

“I wanted to force you to confront your fear of talking to Lucretia,” Lup said.

Before Taako could press her for what on earth she meant by that, they reached the top of the stairs, where everyone was waiting for them, including Angus.

“You’re getting slow, sir,” Angus said with a little grin.

“As supportive as I am for wasting spell slots on useless shit, I refuse to use one on making me climb some stairs faster,” Taako said severely. “Now, what’s this I hear from my boyfriend about you being suspicious about our trip, hmm? Didn’t Magnus tell you it was so we could plan his birthday party in secret?”

“Yes, he did,” Angus said, leading them into his office. There were papers and books strewn everywhere; Angus swept everything off the seats into a box and kicked it under his desk, gesturing for them all to sit down. “And then I remembered that none of you know when your birthdays are in our calendars, and while some of you have chosen birthdays, Magnus hasn’t. Also, who goes on a trip to plan a birthday party? Furthermore, when I asked Kravitz about this, he pretended to pull a coin from my ear, and then he said, and I quote, ‘isn’t this shiny and distracting?’” Angus grinned again, wider this time. “Then, not half an hour after I speak to Kravitz, the six of you show up, even though Lucas is this close to having Taako be formally banned from campus? He’s had posters printed and everything.”

“Okay, fine, you win,” Taako said.

Angus settled into his chair. “I wasn’t aware that it was a competition, sir, I would have tried much harder had I known.”

“Alright, smartass, we’re looking for a guy, not planning Magnus’s birthday party,” Merle said. “There, are ya satisfied?”

“And you didn’t ask me, the World’s Greatest Detective, to help?” Angus asked, taking a pointed sip of tea from the mug Taako had bought him a few years ago that said ‘World’s Only Detective’. “How come?”

“Because when we find him, we’re not gonna take him to prison, if you know what I mean,” Merle said.

“Oh. Hm.” Angus paused for a moment, during which the rest of them stared at Merle incredulously. “I can only think of one man who would prompt you all to go on a secret murder mission, and I wish you would’ve come to me sooner, because I have a lead.”

“Angus, why didn’t you say anything beforehand?” Lucretia asked.

“Because no one technically told me to look into him?” Angus replied. He opened his desk drawer. “After the Day of Story and Song, one of the things I thought you were going to do next was find Governor Kalen, although I didn’t know at the time that Magnus had forgotten him. Once I figured that out, I was worried that he was going to go free, so I started investigating him – I sent everything I found to my contacts at the city militias, so that if he turned up, they could look into him and hopefully arrest him.”

“That explains why Hurley knew so much about him so quickly,” Lup said. “So what’ve you found, kiddo?”

“He was spotted first about six weeks ago, outside of New Phandalin. Then he went to Goldcliff, then Refuge. He spent a while in Rockport.” Angus handed them a folder. “I have a witness who saw him here, in Neverwinter, this morning.”

“This morning?” Davenport asked. “What’s he doing here?”

“I have a hunch. All these places are connected.”

“They’re all places Magnus has visited,” Lucretia suggested. “That was my suspicion earlier, at Paloma’s.”

“Well, yes,” Angus said uneasily. “But, by all accounts, when Governor Kalen approaches people, he approaches very specific people.”

“They’re all people Magnus knows,” Taako said slowly.

“They’re all Magnus’s friends,” Angus specified. “He didn’t speak to anyone at New Phandalin, but it sounds like he tried to approach Hurley alone, in her garage. I don’t think he was trying to steal anything from her, I think he specifically wanted to talk to Hurley. He spoke to June and Paloma in Refuge, and I’d wager he spoke to more people there than he did anywhere else. I don’t think he found what he was looking for in Refuge, so then he went to Rockport, which is where my address is still listed, before coming here.”

“There’s a lot of us in Neverwinter,” Barry said. “We’re all here, your school’s here, Taako, the Bureau of Benevolence, nearly all of its staff…”

“I don’t know why he’s seeking us out, but I’d wager it’s not good,” Angus said. “You all need to find him, and I think I can help you there, too.” He nodded to the folder. “The person who saw him this morning is a pretty good artist – with a name, general location, and an accurate description, you should be able to scry for his location, right, Lucretia?”

“Yes, right,” Lucretia said, opening up her bag of holding to retrieve a small silver mirror. “Um, it’s been a while, so this might not… Oh!” Almost immediately, the mirror’s reflection started to haze over. “I think I’m so used to scrying with very little information, I’m used to it taking a lot longer to do… Okay, does anybody recognise this?” She laid the mirror down on the table.

“That could be any number of alleys in Neverwinter,” Lup said, squinting. “But it’s a good start! Lucretia, can you maintain that connection?”

“Yes, but I can’t cast anything else while I do.”

“Okay, I’ll stick by you to provide you with cover,” Lup said. “Let’s go catch us a shithead.”

“Angus, not that I care about the competition, but does this school have a good evacuation policy?” Taako asked.

“Yes?”

“Well, in case things go south, be prepared to use it,” Taako said. “Oh, and get a message to Ren, would you?”

“And the Bureau, please,” Lucretia said.

***

Watching somebody stalk around Neverwinter through a mirror was, without question, the most frustrating thing Taako had ever done. Even when they saw somewhere they recognised, by the time they got there, unable to use Barry and Lup’s portals for fear of alerting Kalen to their presence, he had slipped away.

“He’s looping between the three places,” Taako said, leaning closer to have a look. “He’s not taking the same route, but he keeps going between my school, Lucas’s school, and the Bureau.”

“So he’s looking for someone,” Merle said uneasily.

“Can one of you two get a message to Kravitz?” Taako asked. “Ask him to stick to Magnus as much as possible?”

Lup’s eyes went out of focus for a second, and then refocused. “He says yes.”

“I don’t think Kalen’s looking for Magnus,” Barry said. “I think he knows he can hurt Magnus in other ways.”

“You think he’s planning to do to Neverwinter what he did to Raven’s Roost?” Davenport said.

“I think he’s going to target more something specific, but yes,” Barry said. “I think-” Before he could finish he froze up, and then yelled “Down!” As they all fell to the floor, Taako threw a quick Haste spell at Lucretia, who was a little slower at reacting than she used to be. A series of hot bursts volleyed over their heads.

Lup and Barry were up first, scythes in hand, although the rest of them weren’t far behind. The man who had cast the spell at them gave off the air of having once been larger than life, well-fed and luxurious, but now everything about him was just a little faded, a little wan.

Taako didn’t appreciate this sad looking man smirking at them as though he had won.

“You fell right into my trap!” Governor Kalen sneered. “Originally, I was going to seek my revenge elsewhere, following his footsteps and killing the friends he had made along the way, until he had no one left, and then I thought what better way to make Magnus Burnsides pay than to kill his six best friends, the same way I once killed his wife and father-in-law?”

With a nod, Taako and Merle stepped forward. Ideally, this was where Taako would make some disparaging comment, but he had already told Magnus what he was going to say.

“This is for Julia,” Taako and Merle said, raising their hands.

***

“It was self-defence,” Hurley said, leaning on the table as Taako strung streamers from the ceiling. She had been called into Neverwinter because her Militia were still looking for Kalen as the leader of the Hammerheads, and had then stuck around to help them set-up for Magnus’s pretend surprise birthday party. “That’s what I told your Militia, anyway.”

“It technically was,” Merle said. “He did cast first.”

Hurley raised an eyebrow. “Which school of magic teaches Contagion and Disintegration as self-defence spells?” She shook her head. “Never mind. The point is, no militia in the world – no, what’s it called, the planar system – would punish you for the killing of Governor Kalen.” She gave them a stern look. “Which is not my seal of approval for the six of you to start some vigilante supergroup! This was a one-time thing!”

“Eh, I’m getting too old for this shit anyway,” Merle said, sticking his feet up on the pouffe.

“If you’re young enough to be casting Contagion, then you’re young enough to actually help put some decorations up for this party,” Davenport said, dumping a box of banners on Merle’s lap as he walked past. “I picked them up at a discount from the party store, the owner was, and I quote, ‘in the Davalry’.” He looked genuinely bewildered for a second, and then picked one of the banners up. “I’ll put this one up outside, Merle, if you can put the rest up in each room.”

“These all say ‘Happy Magnus Birthday’ on them,” Merle said, using a spell to levitate the banner up for Taako to see.

“I think it’s supposed to say ‘Happy Birthday Magnus’, but whoever designed them has never taken a typography class in their life,” Taako said, tilting his head. “Oh! Nope, they actually say ‘Happy Mangus Birthday’. I’m going to go check on the cake, you two have fun putting up the banners for our dear friend Mangus.”

The only other person in the kitchen was Lucretia, who was sitting at the island with her Stone of Farspeech in hand.

“Carey, I know Magnus was the best man at your wedding, but if we had invited you we would’ve needed to invite Killian, and Avi, and Lucas would’ve wanted to come, and we were trying to be discreet.”

“If it helps, Carey, Merle and I actually did the thing, the rest of these bozos were basically just audience members to our cool shit,” Taako said, crouching down by the oven door to look at the cake. This was something he could quite easily check by magic, but doing it the old-fashioned way, with his eyes, helped calm some of the gnawing, misplaced anxiety.

“Ooh, Taako, you there? Killian and I are going to the next date-night at the Chug’n’Squeeze – it’s vase night, which should be hilarious, you and Kravitz should definitely come – Lucretia, I’m still mad at you!” Carey said sternly before disconnecting the call. Lucretia sighed.

“Don’t worry about it, she’s a Rogue, she knows why we didn’t tell her,” Taako said, standing up again. “She’ll come round.”

“When do Wizards come round, then?” Lucretia bit back, before looking instantly horrified with herself. “I’m – Taako, I’m so sorry, that was so out of line-”

Taako snorted. “We don’t, we hold onto that shit, internalise it, and then we die.” He reached for his oven gloves (handmade by Merle, which meant they had a distinctly upsetting, soggy interior from whatever they had been made out of, but they were also pretty much indestructible) and gently removed the cake from the oven.

“You saved my life though,” Lucretia said slowly.

“When?” Taako said distractedly as he set the cake onto the counter. It was only a simple one, but he was planning to frost it to look like a tree stump, and then he was going to ask Angus to transmute the cake knife into a miniature Rail Splitter – firstly, because that shit would be adorable, and secondly because transmutation tests could come at any moment, Angus, and you needed to be prepared.

“When Kalen shot those fireballs at us,” Lucretia said. He couldn’t see her, but Taako could hear her wringing her hands, an old, old habit. “You shot a Haste at me, so that I would be able to react quickly enough.”

“I might find spending time with you difficult, but that doesn’t mean I want you dead,” Taako said, turning around to look at her. Again, it was like looking at several overlays of a person – she still ducked her head and avoided his gaze, just like she did when she was eighteen, but her back was steel straight, just like the Director. He shook his head, trying to just see Lucretia. “There’s only ever going to be seven of us that really get what we went though. I mean, sure, Johann’s music told everyone the story, but his song didn’t include a year-long spinoff of that time when you all went to that restaurant without me and got food poisoning and I got to spend the rest of the year making broth, or that year when I looked at the triple suns even though you and Barry told me not to, and you spent the year describing things to me before you wrote them down.” She smiled, just a little.

“Even at the beginning, you didn’t like being told what to do.”

“Look, am I ever going to forgive you for what you did? I dunno, honestly. But, like it or not, we’re family, and families stick together, as long as they’re not too shitty – something that both of us need to get better at doing. If you promise to accept invitations to go places, rather than refusing because you think you’re not wanted, I promise not to be so much of a shit about it.”

“Deal.”

“Okay, okay, I know you said something small for Magnus, but we saw his little face and we couldn’t say no, Taako, I mean-” Lup paused, mid-footfall, in the kitchen doorway, glancing between the two of them. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Uh, no, I think I’ve said my piece,” Taako said, looking at Lucretia, who nodded in confirmation. “And what’ve you two done?”

“Now, hear us out,” Barry said, holding out a tiny brown puppy. “It is, technically, something small.”

“I meant something like a dayplanner, or one of those wooden signs that say something Magnus-y, like ‘It takes hands to build a house, but hearts to build a home’,” Taako said, looking at the puppy. He knew he was fighting a losing battle, though – Magnus would take one look at this puppy with its one white sock and it would be game over.

Speaking of which –

“Right, if you all want this cake finished before Angus gets here with Magnus, you need to stop distracting me with puppies and shit,” Taako said.

Barry gasped sardonically, gently turning around so that Taako couldn’t see the puppy anymore. “Not in front of the baby!”

“Out, now.”

***

“-It’s been great, Kravitz has been over so much to play with the dogs-”

“Why’re we even hiding?” Taako said as Magnus’s voice floated in through the open window. “The only reason we’re holding this party is so he didn’t find out what we were doing. Not to mention there’s like, thirty of us in here, so most of us aren’t even hidden properly.” He glanced pointedly at the silhouette of Brad, whose shoes were clearly visible underneath the curtain he had hidden behind, and Carey, who had hidden under a sofa cushion. In fact, it seemed like the entire BoB, as well as various residents of Refuge, had squeezed themselves into Taako’s living room, due to Lup, Barry, and Kravitz’s gratuitous use of portals, and the Raven Queen very kindly turning a blind eye to the misuse of her reapers’ rift magic.

“It’s the thing you do, isn’t it?” Barry mused. They were a little too big to both be hiding behind the same armchair, but they were making a good go of it. “You all jump out and yell ‘surprise’, and then spend the next minute awkwardly extracting yourselves from your hiding place. It’s almost as traditional as birthday cake. Good job, by the way.”

“Thanks-” The front door opened, and everyone in the living room fell silent.

“What’s ‘Happy Mangus’-” Magnus started as he walked through the hallway.

“Surprise!”

Thirty people suddenly screaming anything at you was surprising, regardless of whether or not you knew you were getting a surprise birthday party, so Magnus could be forgiven for jumping almost a foot into the air.

“You guys!” He said, once everyone had extracted themselves. “You shouldn’t have, I’m so surprised!” He winked exaggeratedly at Taako, Merle, Lup, Barry, Lucretia, and Davenport – unfortunately, this meant that he winked exaggeratedly six separate times.

As Barry and Lup brought the puppy from upstairs, which prompted tears from Magnus when the puppy started wagging its tail, Taako beckoned Angus over and handed him the cake knife.

“Can you Transmute this into Rail Splitter for me, Bubbeleh?”

“I – I mean, yes, I can, but so could you,” Angus said, pulling out his wand nevertheless.

“I’ve already experienced so many emotionally fraught conversations about my feelings today, Angus, like, at least two of them, so do me this one solid,” Taako said. Angus raised an eyebrow at him, but cast the spell anyway.

“One of these days, sir, we’re going to have a long chat about Transmutation and cooking,” Angus said seriously.

“But not today! Thanks, Angus,” Taako said breezily, taking the knife into the kitchen and setting it on the plate next to the cake. He turned around – as expected, Angus had followed him. “Help me carry this into the living room, would you?”

The cake set off another round of tears from Magnus, although these were tears of laughter at the tiny Rail Splitter seemingly cutting into the cake. He mimed cutting into it a few times, before looking up at them again.

“You didn’t have to go to all this trouble,” Magnus said, gesturing around.

“Course we did,” Taako said airily. “We all expect the same treatment on our birthdays.”

“It was no trouble, Magnus,” Davenport said, frowning at Taako.

“We got you another present, but we can’t tell you what it is,” Merle said.

“What… Ever?” Magnus asked, bewildered.

“Nope,” Merle agreed. “You explicitly told us not to tell you, but we did it, so, you’re welcome!”

“I mean… Thanks?” He laughed. “I don’t know what I’m thanking you for, so it’s hard to sound sincere!” He looked around again. “This is the best present you could’ve got me, though, everyone all together.”

“Maybe the best gift was-” Lup began, a shit-eating grin on her face.

“Don’t say it-”

“Don’t-”

“-was the friends you made along the way.”