Chapter Text
Steven stood in the bathroom next to the crowded school gymnasium. The bass from the music thumped inside his chest, and his heart battered in tandem against the inside of his rib cage, trying to escape through his throat.
A long time ago, Connie was the one who was nervous at school dances. Then she danced with him on the beach, and they fused, and now he was the reason she liked dances at all. She’d been gushing in the car about all the catching up they could do, and all the friends he would meet, but so far he wasn’t doing great on either of those fronts.
He was fine in the car, at reminding himself to look happy. He tried to smile. He tried to add that familiar upwards inflection on his words that projected a carefree person. He tried to laugh and chat and be the friend Connie needed to have a good time at a school dance like she deserved to.
She’d found it odd that he had so many clothes in the back seat of his old car, and he somehow managed to avoid telling her he’d been living there for the past week. He just couldn’t face the gems after all the things Cactus Steven said. There was so much about recent events Connie didn’t know, but Steven told himself tonight was not the night to bring her down. Tonight they didn’t need to be burdened by the past or the future.
Then they got to the school, and Steven saw the sea of teenagers. One of his old favorite songs played, the people laughed, the lights flashed, the cheap streamers glittered, the balloons bounced around the room, and all he could focus on was how fragile these humans were. How different he was from all of them. He couldn’t remember being around this many people at once since Little Graduation, and that time he’d almost- no, he couldn’t complete that thought. He felt the familiar tight, sick sensation inside him before his skin glowed pink, and now he was in the bathroom glaring at his own reflection, while Connie was alone on the dance floor.
He tried the deep breathing Garnet taught him. He paced the room. He clutched the sides of his head. He thought of things that used to calm him down. No matter what he did, as soon as he went back to the mirror the pink crept back across the bridge of his nose.
“Get it together!” He hissed at himself, “She’s waiting for you! It’s just a dance! Why are you so bad at this now?”
“Steven?” A voice whispered from the doorway.
“Connie!” he yelped, covering his face, “Hey, you’re not supposed to be in here!”
“We’ve shared a body before. I didn’t think a door would bother you.”
“Yeah, fair point,” he muttered.
“I was just worried about you,” she said, “You’ve been in here for a while and-“
“I’m fine!” he blurted out, his voice high pitched and strained.
“Steven, do we need to go somewhere else? Are the people here too much?”
“What? No, why would you think that?”
She sighed and closed the door behind her, “You can stop covering your face like that. You’re turning pink, aren’t you?”
“No, I- wait, how did you know about that? I’ve never done that around you.”
“Look,” she stepped a little closer to him and slowly pulled his hands down from his face, holding them tight in hers, “I’m sorry I didn’t hear it from you, but you’ve been shutting me out- again- which also isn’t cool. I kept calling and you weren’t answering, so I called Pearl.”
“What? No, no, no!” He yanked his hands from hers and resumed pacing the room, “That stuff wasn’t hers to tell! I just- I didn’t want you to see me like this! I wanted to be- to feel- how I used to. Just for one night, with you, I didn’t want this-” he jabbed a finger at his face flooded with diamond essence- “to follow me! Did she tell you everything Cactus Steven repeated?”
“Cactus Steven? What are you talking about?”
“She didn’t tell you about that?”
“No, we both agreed it was best if I heard the details from you. She just told me you were having a hard time dealing with stuff, and with these new powers of yours. She sounded so worried,” Connie hesitated, touching the flush of glowing pink on his cheek, “Are these powers like-“
She didn’t finish the sentence, as his eyes already gave her the affirmative answer. They were both thinking of that day when another Steven emerged from his lone gem, all primal rage and power. Steven had been terrified that side of him would hurt people, even as he himself lay dying, and now he could feel that same power thrumming and bubbling just under the surface of his skin all the time.
“She did, um, tell me that you haven’t been living in the beach house,” Connie deftly changed the subject, “So those clothes in the car-“
“Yeah,” Steven sighed, “I’ve been living in the Dondai. Camping, too. It’s been kind of fun, actually.”
“Steven!” she rebuked, “Why didn’t you tell me any of this? I knew we were both busy, and not seeing each other as much, but I thought if something like this happened you would talk to me! I thought we’d finally learned how to do this together!”
She stomped her foot with that last word, making Steven jump as his skin faded back to it’s normal hue.
“Connie, I-“
“Seriously, Steven? Are we even still friends? You’d rather go through all this alone than just pick up the phone and call me back?”
“Connie, of course we’re still friends! Or at least, I hope we are. I know I’ve been a terrible friend lately. I’m sorry I shut you out, I just-“ his voice broke and some tears spilled down his cheeks- “I just-“
“You just didn’t want to worry me?”
He nodded and let out a surprised yelp as she grabbed his waist, pulling him towards her. Steven felt his shoulders slump and tension release he hadn’t realized he was holding. He nuzzled into her shoulder, breathing in her familiar scent, and a few strands of her soft hair tickled his nose. Her form was small and warm against his own. His fingers clutched at her back, as a few of his tears soaked into the soft velvet of her royal blue dress.
“Well, stop it,” she said, “I can handle a little worry. What I can’t handle as easily is losing you.”
“Ok,” he whispered into her hair, his broad arms wrapping across her shoulder blades like a life preserver.
“Anyways, Pearl said she thought you could use a fun night out. And I guess that’s what I was trying to make this.”
“Wait,” he backed up to look at her face, and Connie wiped a tear from his cheek, “You asked me out just so I could have a fun time? That’s the same reason I came with you- so that you could have a nice night where you didn’t have to worry about studying and stuff. I was trying really hard to be fun to be around.”
“Well, maybe we can just stop trying to perform for each other. You know I’m not fun to be around all the time, either, but that’s ok! No one can be the life of the party 24/7. Sometimes I get anxious, and bossy, and sometimes I just talk forever about my special interests before I realize the person I’m talking to is lost or bored!”
“I could listen to you talk about anything. I want to be as passionate about things as you are.”
She stared at him for a few seconds before exhaling “Stars, I forgot how cute you can be. You don’t have to be the life of the party for me, Steven. I want the whole person, not the stage persona.”
He granted her the best smile he could muster and breathed “Thank you,” as he nestled back into her hair. He loved hearing her say stuff like that, but he couldn’t help but wonder if those words would still come so easily if she knew all that the gems did. He’d have to tell her everything eventually. He knew he did, if he wanted any hope of their friendship lasting. For now, maybe he could just cherish being held by her while it lasted.
The music from the dance drifted in through the bathroom vent, muffled and distorted. It was lilting and slow, and Connie placed her hands on Steven’s waist, swaying him softly in rhythm with the song.
He felt the smallest grin creep onto his face and he took her hand in his, the other one resting on her shoulder. They began to spin in small circles on the yellowed school linoleum, ignoring the lingering scent of urine and just general teenage boy. All that mattered to Steven was that Connie was here. It mattered that her weight in his arms reminded him that he was alive, and that he was loved. It mattered that she was smiling at him, and that he was smiling back- a real smile this time. He felt lighter than he could remember feeling in weeks, his insecurities softening just a bit, and as Connie spun him under her arm with the climax of the song, his feet began to float off the ground.
He was about to lift her up into the air with him when a boy walked in the bathroom.
“Hey!” he shouted, bulging eyes resting on Connie like she was a witch “You’re not supposed to be in here!”
Steven dropped back down to the ground, causing Connie to lose balance until she slipped on some water spilled on the floor. She tumbled down, pulling Steven with her until they were both in a heap by the urinals.
“Are you ok?” they asked in unison. Their faces were inches from each other, and they both exploded into giggles at the absurdity of the situation.
“Um,” said the boy who’d intruded on them, “I’m just gonna go to the other bathroom.”
Steven and Connie erupted in more laughter as the boy slowly backed out of the room.
“Connie!” Steven chuckled as he helped her up, “Oh no, your dress has bathroom water on it!”
“Eh, this old thing? It’s cool.”
“Yeah, you still look beautiful in it.”
Connie blushed and rolled her eyes as she offered her elbow, “M’lord? Shall we return to the ball?”
“Yes, M’lady,” he said, stifling another laugh.
They walked out of the bathroom and Steven was flooded with the lights and noise of all the humans around him. It was easier than it was at first, but his heart still raced, and he didn’t know if he could ever relax in a place crowded with humans again. At least, not until he figured out how to manage his pink powers first.
“Hey,” Connie studied his face, “I know an even better place to dance.”
“Oh?” asked Steven with a sideways glance.
She nodded, “The beach.”
“Why, is there a party or something?”
“Yep. A party with only you and I invited.”
“Connie, you don’t have to do that. I thought you wanted me to meet your friends and-“
“That can happen another time, but it’s a beautiful night and the DJ here kind of sucks.”
He laughed, “The DJ on the beach is just my phone on shuffle.”
“Wow, that’s an impressive set up! You’ll give Sour Cream a run for his money.”
And with that, she led him back to the car where they drove to the closest stretch of beach. They abandoned their fancy shoes, and twirled and danced until they fell into the sand together.
With the ocean waves calming him, and being able to look at the stars as he talked instead of directly at her, it was a little easier to open up to Connie than he thought it would be when she started gently probing him with questions. His account of the last few months was stilted, hesitant, and rife with self deprecation, but it was a start.
“You know,” said Connie after a while, when Steven had said all he had the strength to, “I had a hard time adjusting after all that stuff on Homeworld, too. It was hard for me to talk to you about it, because I knew you already felt guilty about us almost dying there, so I got some outside perspective. I started going to therapy and opened up to my parents a little more, and they were actually really helpful. I hope you can get that, too.”
“Some perspective?”
“Yeah, and some help. And I want us to be there for each other through that process.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” Steven said, sitting up to stare at the waves, “Ugh, of course I should have realized you were struggling, too! I’m so sorry you went through that without me.”
“You were kind of off in space toppling an intergalactic space dictatorship. I get it. But thanks.”
They sat for a few minutes letting the waves lap up to their toes and carry away their thoughts. It was so familiar, sitting on the beach with her, yet he was having thoughts he’d never had the other times they came there. He thought about how much he wanted to kiss her, but the timing didn’t feel right. He wondered if it ever would. Things were just left too raw and vulnerable at the moment to go adding another layer of complexity to the mix.
“Hey,” Connie straightened and grabbed Steven’s phone, “There’s a song I want you to hear. Time for one more dance?”
“Always,” he said, pulling himself up.
With the intro, Steven recognized the song and began humming along as they swayed with it. Connie began singing the lyrics to him in earnest, gazing at him with her wide brown eyes, and Steven was entranced:
“I wanna pick you up and scoop you out
I want the secrets your secrets haven’t found
"Paint me in trust
I’ll be your best friend
Call me the one
This night just can’t end
Oh oh”
He spun Connie, and as she twirled back towards him she stole a kiss on his cheek. He flushed a deep pink, and this time it was nothing to do with his gem.
“Will you share your soul with me?
Unzip your skin and let me have a see
"Paint me in trust
I’ll be your best friend
Call me the one
This night just can’t end
Oh oh”
With the next lines, Connie stopped dancing, and they both sang to each other:
"Oh, I’m so human
We’re just human.”
She wanted to remind him that he was human. And that humanity was not less because of his alien heritage. He was allowed to be fragile sometimes. He was allowed to not have to be everyone’s savior.
The first 17 years of Steven’s life had been taken by Homeworld. Taken by the war, and the thousands of years of mistakes made by his mother. He’d finally learned how to be a Crystal Gem. Maybe in the next 17 years he could learn about being human.