Archive of Our Own ^beta

"I-I'm not a nurse and you know that," Hinata corrects (for the umpteenth time) but she seems pleased, if the color of her cheeks are anything to go by. 

"Why do you - oh." Kabuto finally notices the neon blue cast on Deidara's arm. Just around his forearm, with a fair bit of freedom for his fingers, so it can't be anything too severe. "Break or fracture?" 

"Think I fractured my wrist." 

"You did," Hinata confirms quietly. 

"I fractured my wrist!" Deidara repeats and breaks into another grin. 

"Where's Sasori?" Kabuto asks, casting an eye about for the redhead. When he doesn't get an immediate answer, he frowns at Deidara. "You haven't told him." 

"He wants it to be a surprise," Hinata says with a surprising amount of severity. Not bothering to hide her disapproval, she tells Kabuto, "He hasn't called Sasori - or anyone - and won't call for a taxi, either." 

"Just wanted some TLC, yeah?" Deidara reminds her. 

"You shouldn't be pulling her away from her other duties," Kabuto says. Even if it had been a rather quiet day all around. Sighing, he mutters, "Sasori is going to shit a brick." 

"Yeah, I know!" 

"Don't sound so happy about that. You shouldn't be worrying him on purpose, that's not very nice," Hinata scolds. She really has the disappointed mother voice down, Kabuto notes, and then frowns again when he realizes it has little effect on the blond. 

"What exactly happened?" Kabuto asks, to get a better picture of events (and what Sasori would be inevitably bitching about in aggravated French to him later). 

"So, I found out I can't fly, yeah?" Deidara summarizes. Uselessly. 

"He fell out of a window and broke his fall with his hands. Minor scrapes and a fractured wrist, and he is very lucky," Hinata translates. Helpfully. 

"It was the third story," he adds with a smugness in his tone he shouldn't possess. 

"That's your dominant hand, isn't it?" Kabuto asks, gesturing vaguely to the offensively blue cast. Deidara probably picked the color himself. 

"Yeah, but it gets me out of work with pay for awhile. Accident on the job and all. I don't mind it, it doesn't hurt anymore, and it means I get attention," Deidara practically purrs, pulling Hinata against him so he can rub his cheek on her stomach. She blushes up to the roots of her hair but surprisingly allows the contact. 

"Sasori won't be nearly so accommodating." Kabuto crosses his arms and arches an eyebrow at the gesture.

Deidara isn't fazed. "Hence why I'm taking advantage now, yeah?" 

He didn't even know he could use the word 'hence' properly. "Okay, I'll allow you your attention seeking, but why won't you call for a ride?" 

"I don't have any cash on me and hardly anyone has a car in the city. So I was gonna sit here until you were done. And be nursed back to health by my darling Hina-chan." 

"I-If I'm not needed elsewhere, I do do things around here -" 

"I am not the one delivering you to Sasori with a cast," Kabuto interrupts in a deadpan. "Hinata, stop giving him your attention. I'm sure there's someone else who could use your disposition right now." 

"I wouldn't let him distract me," she mumbles, but with a sharp look from him, she skitters off. 

Deidara glares at him. "What's the deal, man? It's obviously not a busy enough day that you can't stand around in the hallway chatting." 

"She's not your personal squeeze toy. And don't fluster her for your own enjoyment," he says primly and adjusts his glasses. "And whether or not the hospital is busy at this time of day is not directly relevant to you and how much attention you think you deserve." 

"She's not your slave to boss around either. If I want to hang out with my friend I'm allowed to." He huffs and attempts to cross his arms, but fumbles when he realizes he does, in fact, have a cast. Deidara turns his glare on that. 

"I do not boss her around -" 

"And I was serious, before. I don't have any cash on me. Sasori would get annoyed if I called him at work to give me a ride home when I'm not bleeding to death, and I knew you were working today, so I was just chilling with her until you inevitably came by." 

"...He wouldn't get annoyed," Kabuto says awkwardly. They both know he would definitely put on a show of being very annoyed. Kabuto hoped it would be mostly a show. 

"I don't wanna interrupt his day either way."

"But you'll interrupt mine." 

"Well yeah, of course! You're not as high on my love list. But you have the potential to go ever higher if you give me a ride!" 

"Kakashi's picking me up tonight." Which, judging by the way that did not dampen his grin whatsoever, he already knew. 

"I've been texting him, too. He's already cool with it." 

"Then why ask me?" 

"I can be polite sometimes. I guess." 

"He made you ask." 

"Yeah. So, can I?" 

"Well, there's not much choice, is there?" Kabuto exclaims in exasperation. "You clearly know when I get off, so busy yourself for another two hours. Don't unnecessarily bother Hinata or anyone else." 

Deidara bolts for the direction Hinata went before he's done. Kabuto sighs heavily. 

-.-.-

Having Deidara haunt a hospital for two hours didn't turn out as bad as it could have. It helped that it was a slow day, and Deidara was surprisingly docile when allowed to shadow Hinata. 

Kakashi shows up earlier, too, which further occupies him (and frees up the poor girl). They sit in the lobby - where the blond was supposed to be for his wait - and rate anyone who talks by, and loudly enough to be embarrassing at that. The frustrating part was that they always found something flattering to call to people who overheard them, so no one complains. Kabuto wishes someone would.

"Best ass in the ward!" Kakashi calls after Kabuto as he stalks by to retrieve paperwork from the front desk. 

"Hina-chan's better, dude." 

"She's a minor, Deidara," Kakashi reminds him. 

Kabuto catches Deidara shrug as he turns to march past again. Ignoring them is the best policy while on the clock, even if he's minutes away from the end of his shift and it doesn't look like anyone will be brought in for him to deal with. Actually getting off on time was a blessing in itself. 

"Your hair looks beautiful today! Love those curls, yeah!" Deidara shouts to a mother escorting her son out. The woman flushes and shoots him a confused smile. 

 "Just don't make too much noise," Kabuto calls over his shoulder as he turns the corner. 

Hinata is actually staying later than him - he had an unusually early shift and it was her late night - so it's a little strange to say goodbye to her when she was still in uniform. "I hope Deidara feels better and you don't catch too much from Sasori for this," she says with an apologetic tone. 

Kabuto gives her a half-shrug. Despite it being quiet for his shift, his back and shoulders are as sore as ever. Kakashi would likely give him a massage if he asks. "I hope he didn't bother you too much today." 

"Sometimes it's nice to have a talkative distraction. It makes a slower shift go by faster," she replies, as diplomatic as ever. "A-And it was nice to talk to a patient who had only a minor injury." 

"Well, I'm sure any checkups he needs he'll schedule with you in mind." 

"It's not so bad to see someone you like at work, is it?" 

"I suppose not." Kakashi had brought him flowers at work once. He can't even remember the reason for it now, only that he had been embarrassed at the time and then incredibly pleased by the attention after the fact. He's not sure how much he'd like a repeat of it.

Not that Deidara ought to bring her flowers. Hell, he probably would anyway, however. He was totally going to. Sometimes, Kabuto wondered what Sasori thought of their relationship, when even he couldn't fully puzzle it out and he saw them interact on a far more regular basis. 

"Hey babe," Kakashi says with a kiss on his hair when he comes out into the lobby. 

"Hey babe," Deidara parrots and kisses the air. Kabuto raises an eyebrow and Kakashi frowns at him. 

"Only funny when it's not mine." 

"I totally dare you to do that to Sasori when I greet him," Deidara challenges while Kabuto mouths 'yours?'. 

"The game is over," Kakashi says instead, ignoring them both. "Time to deliver one unit of bad news and then one unit of best ass on the ward." 

"That is not my identifier," Kabuto mutters. 

"It's a compliment. You're more than that." 

"Mushy!" Deidara squawks, waving his cast at them. 

"I'm picking up my boyfriend from work," Kakashi replies mildly. "I'm allowed to be affectionate with him, especially on my own time, and especially in front of a mutual friend we're doing a favor for." 

"Yeah, but I can't return the favor. And I'm pretty sure you don't embarrass at all, let alone easily, dude." 

"You're embarrassed by us?" Kabuto asks mockingly. 

"I'm embarrassed by that little cute smile thing whenever Kakashi says something remotely affectionate," Deidara snaps back. 

"I do not. Have anything like that," Kabuto says and Kakashi snorts into his hand. 

"Wish you did. That'd be cute," he murmurs.

"Don't go giving him ideas," Kabuto tells Deidara, who just smirks back at him. It's sort of strange to be going back and forth with him like this - usually Sasori is in the area, and his own banter with Kakashi is not quite the same. But at least he lets the matter drop when they pile into the car and he has issues buckling his seatbelt with his cast. 

Deidara messes with his phone for most of the ride, more subdued now that Kakashi is talking idly about his day, filling Kabuto in, and filling the silence the radio doesn't. Kabuto half-wonders if he's nervous. For all their joking, Sasori probably won't like the idea of being left out of the loop. 

"Is he home from work yet?" Kabuto asks as they near their apartment. Deidara takes a moment to realize the question was directed at him. 

"Yeah, I think so. Should be soon, anyway." 

"Do you need us to hold your hand on the way up?" Kakashi asks seriously. 

"I only have one hand now and there's two of you. I'll be fine. Izzy will hold my hand." 

"She shakes hands?" 

"She likes her paw held, yeah. Weird little cat." 

"Teach her more tricks if she wants to act like a dog," Kakashi suggests as they pull up in front of the apartment building. 

"She doesn't act like a dog any more than Kabuto does," Deidara replies with a roll of his eyes. He fights with the belt again momentarily, then halfway flops out of the car before his cast gets stuck on it. Pretending he meant to do that, he ducks his head back in and says, "Seriously, thanks man. I owe you one." 

"Teach her to shake and I'll consider it even," Kakashi replies, as easily as ever. 

"Actually follow the instructions on how to take care of that!" Kabuto yells out the window after the blond as he departs. Settling back in, he gives the white-haired man a look. "What's with you and the sudden interest in the cat?" 

"A cat who can shake paws? That sounds cool." He sounds genuinely impressed by the notion, too. 

"Whatever." 

-.-.-

Deidara beats Sasori home by about twenty minutes. Astarte graciously allows him to hold her paw as he comes through the door and his eyes immediately find the bright blue cast. 

"Have you fed the cat yet?" is all he asks. 

"Wha - well, no, but -" Deidara shakes his arm with the cast a bit. Sasori follows the motion, then turns and sets his stuff down on the little kitchen table. "You're not gonna ask?" 

"I did ask if you fed her. What else should I ask about?" Sasori asks coolly. 

"I'm sitting here, wounded, and I'm expecting worry or comforting or something, and all I get is you wondering about the cat?" Deidara huffs and crosses his arms. He fumbles briefly with the cast again. It'll take some getting used to. 

"Was this supposed to be some horrible surprise for me?" 

"Not exactly, but I was expecting some sort of reaction. Especially considering this happened at one in the afternoon, yeah?" 

"I'm well aware. I assume you hitched a ride home with Kabuto and Hatake?" 

Deidara clambered off the couch and wraps his arms around Sasori from behind, setting his chin on his shoulder. He rubs the cast all over his chest and up in front of his face. "Either be surprised or feel sorry for me. Or impressed. I didn't spend my day being bored off my ass for this lame reaction." 

"Well then, you shouldn't have let Hinata in on it. She's already told me everything." 

Of all the people he'd suspect of being a traitor, she is last on the list. "Not fair! I didn't even know she had your number..." 

"Maybe next time you shouldn't be so shy about interrupting my day to pick you up when you fall out of a window, hm?" 

"Wasn't shy," he grumbles and drops his arms from the hug. Sasori turns to face him, brow raised. "You're just not known for your kind and nurturing nature." 

"Non, I'm not. Doesn't mean I won't pick you up when you're hurt." His eyes flicker down to the neon cast again. "It's not an interruption if it's important. And I don't love my work so much that I wouldn't come get you." 

"Wouldn't stop you from complaining," Deidara points out, a little grumpy at getting a lecture. 

"Well, no, because a fractured wrist is hardly life-threatening. Just a stupid, lucky injury from an accident that won't be repeated, correct?" 

"I'm off with workers' comp for awhile either way." 

"I'm trying to say," Sasori says flatly, with clear effort, "that you are important, and more important than any work I might have. Even if it was a small accident. Even if it's not threatening your life. You got hurt, and that worried me, and I wish I hadn't had to find out from Hinata of all people." 

"Kabuto knew about it, too," Deidara says, not hesitating at all to throw him under the bus, too. But he's already broken out into a wide smile. It's incredibly endearing (and funny) to see Sasori try to navigate vocalizing emotions. He'll remember the moment fondly.

"I figured as much. I don't appreciate being the actual last person to know when my boyfriend and roommate ends up in the hospital." 

"Itachi doesn't know." 

"That's a good idea, I will inform him right away and see if he won't visit to help me care for you in your hour of need -"

"Don't be an asshole, dude! Go back to feeling sorry for me and reassuring me that you do, in fact, have a heart and love me with it," Deidara exclaims. 

After a moment, Sasori sighs shortly and tells him, "I'm fairly certain I have a heart and whatever is in there, I know it loves you. Happy?" 

"Happier. I'll be happiest when you promise me you'll wait on me hand and foot since this is my dominant hand," he says, wiggling his fingers as much as the cast would allow. 

"Maybe Itachi can -" 

"Not funny." 

"I've already called off work tomorrow. I will not be your personal nurse, but tomorrow I'll give you the TLC you were chasing down half the volunteer staff for." 

"Just Hina-chan." 

"Do you want the care or not," Sasori says with narrowed eyes. 

"You'll be my favorite nurse ever. Even more if you wear an outfit for it." 

"I don't feel that sorry for you." 

"Wait - that's not a no, man. Don't tease me. How horribly maimed do I have to get before I earn that level of sympathy?" 

"Your dick would be the last thing on your mind with that level of damage." 

"I know what I'm asking for Christmas this year." 

"Trauma?" 

"It's going to be the only thing on my list. You'll have to get it for me, yeah? I'll give you no other choice." 

"I'm feeling less sympathetic towards you and your plight by the minute." 

"Just so long as I get some," Deidara says happily. 

-.-.-

Kabuto is sleeping quietly, spread out on the bed and lying on his stomach. He must have been exhausted, because it hadn't taken long for him to pass out after Kakashi finished working out the kinks and stiffness in his back. And he'd passed out without dinner. From where he's seated on the backs of Kabuto's thighs, Kakashi looks through the doorway of his bedroom towards his kitchen, frowning sadly. Another night without Kabuto's cooking. That was happening too often, in his opinion. But he didn't begrudge Kabuto his sleep. 

Kakashi lightly runs his palms up Kabuto's naked back, careful not to wake him. He brushes a kiss across his shoulder, and has just moved off of him when he hears Kabuto's phone begin to ring. It's coming from outside the bedroom. Kakashi stands up and steps into the living room-cum-kitchen that his tiny apartment allotted, rubbing a hand through his hair while he walks. Kabuto's phone is, predictably, in his messenger bag, which is, predictably, tucked neatly into a chair.