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"This is your fault."
"My fault?!" Sam eyed the goose sitting on Bucky's shoulder, nipping at his hair. "How the hell is this my fault?"
"The damn goose has been chasing me for thirty minutes and it's only when I got here that it stopped. So it's your fault," Bucky said. "Somehow."
Sam raised his eyebrows. "You really think I, what, sicced a trained goose after you?"
The look on Bucky's face said yes, yes he did.
Sam shook his head. "Hate to break it to you, Barnes, but I had nothing to do with that. Although I really hope someone got video of that thing chasing you, because I need to send it to everyone we know."
Bucky took half a step forward, a murderous look on his face that was really, really not assisted by the goose eating his hair. "If I see so much as a picture of a feather in the group chats, I will kill you."
The goose honked and bit Bucky's ear.
"Ow, motherfu—"
Sam burst out laughing. "Looks like your new friend has something to say about that."
"We're not friends." Bucky swatted at the goose, which tried to take a bite out of his finger. "You swear you had nothing to do with this?"
"On my grandma's grave." Sam moved closer to study the goose. It really didn't seem interested in him. "It just started following you?"
"Came out of nowhere," Bucky said. "I wasn't even near any water. One minute I'm minding my own business, the next, this stupid goose is chasing me down the street."
"Huh." Sam tentatively poked the goose with one finger, ready to yank it out of snapping range, but the goose continued to ignore him in favor of grooming Bucky's hair. "Maybe it's trying to tell you that you need a haircut."
Bucky glared at him. "Pretty sure the goose doesn't give a shit about my hair."
"It could." Sam seriously doubted it, though.
He set his hands on either side of the goose, clamping its wings to its sides, and picked it up off Bucky's shoulder. The goose honked irritably, but it didn't try to bite him and it didn't try to do anything else.
Sam set it on the ground. "There you go, see, nothing to worry about from the big, bad goose. Except some feather dust it left on your shoulder."
Bucky's eyebrows shot to his hairline. "Feather dust?"
Sam brushed it off. "Relax, it's just—" His hand came away shiny. "Glitter?"
"Glitter?!" Bucky repeated. "What the hell?"
Sam looked down. Both of his hands had glitter on them. The goose, which was still standing on the sidewalk in front of them, was actually sparkling. It fluffed its wings and shook itself, and little bits of glitter drifted down to the pavement.
"Okay, that's fucking weird," Sam said.
Bucky swiped at his shoulder, although it wasn't doing much to get the glitter off. "Oh, now it's weird?"
Sam dug his phone out of his pocket and started texting. "The goose started glittering. Yes, now it's weird."
Bucky craned his head over Sam's shoulder. "Who are you texting?"
Sam elbowed him out of his space. "Strange."
"You think Strange is going to know anything about a glittery goose?" Bucky asked.
Sam sent his message. "Man, if you know anyone else who would know anything about glittery stalker geese, feel free to hit them up."
Bucky frowned, like he was considering. Really, given that their mutual acquaintance group included literal aliens, magicians, and a bunch of people who were really fucking smart, Strange was probably far from the only person they could text. He was just the first one Sam thought of and he was in New York, so they could make a personal visit if necessary.
Sam's phone pinged fifteen seconds later, and he swiped it open. "You're fucking kidding me."
"What?" Bucky was back trying to read the phone over his shoulder. "What did he say?"
Sam held it out and read aloud, "'You're fucking kidding me.'"
Bucky sighed. "I wish."
Sam texted back Nope.
The goose waddled in a circle at their feet and plopped down between them, looking up at Sam and Bucky expectantly.
Sam nudged it with his toe. "What do you think it wants?"
"Why the hell do you think I know?" Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. "Bread?"
"Bread's not good for birds," Sam said. "Should feed 'em frozen peas or oats instead."
Bucky looked surprised, and then a little horrified. "No shit?"
Sam nodded. "Thinking back to how many ducks you've fed bread?"
Bucky punched him in the arm, but it was half-hearted. "Shut up."
Sam's phone dinged again.
From: Dr. Strange
Congratulations, it's a soulmate goose. They randomly appear to drive a person to their nearest potential soulmate. They're extremely rare and they only vanish after the soulmates kiss.
I'll be sure to send a celebratory bouquet to you and Barnes.
Sam choked at the second-to-last sentence.
"That's not a good face," Bucky said. "This goose is going to follow me until I die, isn't it?"
Sam held out the phone. He didn't think he could actually read the text aloud.
He watched Bucky's face, waiting for the slow dawning realization. It would've been hilarious if it hadn't involved Sam in any way, shape, or form.
"What," Bucky said faintly.
Sam reread the text message to see if the content had changed. It hadn't. "We have to kiss to make the bird go away."
"What," Bucky repeated.
Sam shoved the phone back in his pocket. "I'm not reading it again."
The goose looked back and forth between them and honked.
Bucky stared at the goose. "So I was right. It is your fault."
Sam turned to him. "Man, how in the hell is this my—"
Bucky grabbed his shirt and kissed him.
Sam's brain screeched to a halt and then stopped working entirely. When it came back online, the only thought it gave him was Bucky's lips are soft.
Huh. That was new.
Bucky pulled back and let go of his shirt. Sam just stood there, dazed and blinking, trying to rearrange his thoughts to work with the knowledge that he and Bucky had kissed and he'd liked it.
The goose stood up, honked, and vanished in a puff of glitter.
Bucky shoved his hands into his pockets. "Sorry. I probably should've asked first."
"Uh, it's all right." Sam waved at the sidewalk where the goose had been. "Extenuating circumstances, I get it."
Really, it hadn't been that bad. Kind of nice. Well, probably would've been a better kiss if Sam had gotten his wits together and done something about it.
But Bucky wasn't meeting his eyes. "I didn't want you to find out like this."
"Find out what?" Sam asked. "That you like guys? I've known that."
Bucky snapped his head around to look at him, his whole body tensing like he was prepared for an attack. "Since when?"
And that sounded like a man who was terrified of being outed. "Whoa." Sam held up his hands. "I overheard you and Steve talking about it one night ages ago. Never said anything because it ain't my business, man." He hesitated, and then decided to go for it. "Besides, you're not the only one."
Bucky's shoulders went down a fraction, and he eyed Sam cautiously. "You?"
Sam rolled his eyes. "Yes, me."
Bucky's shoulders sagged and he sighed. "I'm glad, but...that wasn't what I meant. Wasn't only what I meant."
"Then what do you..." It hit him like a brick and Sam's jaw dropped. "Do you like me?'
Bucky dropped his face into his hands. "I'm going to find that goose again to wring its fucking neck."
"Wait, wait." Sam held up his hands. "Seriously? Like, seriously?"
Bucky looked everywhere but at Sam, and he was slowly blushing. It was kind of adorable to see on the most feared assassin of the twentieth century. "Look, don't make such a big deal out of it, okay? I know you're not interested, I wasn't going to bring it up, and I wasn't going to make it weird."
Sam was still adjusting to the news that Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier, had a crush on him. They'd literally tried to kill each other when they'd first met. "Really? You were just gonna suffer in silence for the rest of our lives, pining quietly for me? I knew you had issues, man, but come on."
Bucky cursed under his breath and walked away.
"Want to get coffee sometime?" Sam called after him.
Bucky flipped him off.
Sam jogged up after him. "I'm being serious, Barnes."
Bucky slowed down and eyed Sam out of the corner of his eye, like he was trying to figure out whether that was true. "Look, don't fuck with me on this, okay?"
Sam held up his hands. "I'm not. Promise."
"Because the last time I tried to pick up a guy, it was 1943. And things were...different."
Yeah, Sam heard a whole load of things in that pause that he wasn't going to ask about right now. Especially considering Bucky still looked like he was about to bolt. "I'm serious," he said again. "You're cute. I like spending time with you and I like giving you shit, and I like that you give me shit back. I'm not saying we're soulmates, but...I'd be okay with grabbing a coffee." He winked. "Plus, that was a pretty good kiss."
Bucky turned to him then, and gave him fucking bedroom eyes in the middle of the damn sidewalk. "Oh, I can do a lot better."
That was just about the smoothest shit Sam had ever seen, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't affected. "Oh yeah?"
Bucky took half a step closer. "Yeah."
Sam matched the movement. "How about you buy me a coffee first, and then I make you prove that?"
Bucky gave him a slow, simmering smile, which set off an equal amount of simmering somewhere in Sam's gut. "Sounds like a plan."
Sam grinned. Hell, this was going to be fun.