Work Text:
When Todd turned sixteen, he was laying in his bed at Balincrest, staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t realize it was midnight as he stayed up late thinking about his birthday. After all, it was a big one. Of course, he hadn’t told anybody about it, so the day would probably be normal as any. All he really wanted, though, was a car. His parents always bought him something boring like clothes or notebooks, but this year had to be different.
It wasn’t.
He’d woken up as always and gone to class. He bombed a math test, sat silently at lunch, and been assigned history homework. His parents sent him a new coat, which was a size too big. At least they hadn’t forgotten like last year.
When he turned seventeen, he’d given up any notion of a happy birthday. If anything, he was sort of sad and lonely. It wasn’t that he wanted a party or anything, he just saw the way everyone else celebrated their own birthdays. Boys would wake their friends up early singing happy birthday or give them birthday punches. Maybe what he really wanted was a friend. His parents couldn’t buy that though, so they got him a desk set. Whatever, he thought, he’d use it anyway.
On his eighteenth birthday, Todd debated getting out of bed. Neil was at play rehearsal and the others were up to their own plans. He could sleep the day away maybe, so he didn’t have to deal with it at all. Even though he’d transferred schools, he still hadn’t mentioned his birthday to anyone. It wasn’t a big deal anyway, it happened every year. So what if he was technically an adult now? He did the assigned reading for English and tried to study for his chemistry test. Eventually he got out of bed and got dressed.
As Neil was coming back from play practice that night, shoving his script into his bag, he stopped when he saw someone sitting alone on the bridge. “Todd?” He walked towards him. “Hey!”
“Hey,” Todd responded with little energy.
“What’s going on?” Neil worried, noticing his mood right away.
“Nothing,” Todd deflected, but by now they knew eachother better than that.
Neil stood in front of him, a little protectively.
Todd caved. “Today’s my birthday.” It felt weird saying out loud after so many years of keeping it a weird sort of secret, but he trusted Neil, liked him even. They were friends after all.
It caught Neil off guard. “Is today your birthday?” He suddenly felt bad for not being there to spend it with him. Todd nodded and he smiled. “Happy Birthday.”
“Thanks,” Todd tried to sound upbeat, but failed. He hadn’t heard it in years, only read it in store-bought cards.
“What’d you get?” Neil asked, looking down at the item next to him.
Todd averted his gaze. “My parents got me this.”
Neil kept his smile, but furrowed his eyebrows. “Isn’t this the same desk—“
Todd smiled sadly. “Yeah. Yeah, they gave me the same thing as last year.” His eyes watered, but he fought that back. He couldn’t cry on his birthday, it was too depressing an image.
Neil sensed it immediately. “Oh,” he faltered.
“Oh,” he agreed.
Neil pressed his lips into a thin line, raising his eyebrows. “Maybe they thought you needed another one,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood.
Todd laughed, but it was pained. “Maybe they weren’t thinking about anything at all.” Because that’s what he’d been thinking for years, what he’d came to terms with a while ago. He wasn’t Jeffrey, he was just Todd.
Neil’s face fell with concern.
Todd saw it and cleared his throat. “Funny thing is, about this, is I- I didn’t even like it the first time.” The last thing he wanted was pity, so he thought maybe they could laugh it off and move on.
Neil smiled with that damn picture-perfect grin and his expression softened as he got an idea. “Todd, I think you’re underestimating the value of this desk set.” His plan came together as he went on, picking it up and studying it. Todd watched on curiously. “I mean,” he sighed. “Who would want a football or a baseball or—“
“Or a car,” Todd chimed in, stressing the R. It was still the only thing he wanted, maybe since it meant he could go wherever he wanted.
“Or a car,” Neil agreed. “When they could have a desk set as wonderful as this one.” He was still studying it as he went on. “I mean if, if I were ever going to buy a desk set,” he peered at Todd. “Twice. I would probably buy this one.” By then they’d dissolved into laughter. “Both times!”
Todd laughed, truly laughed, as he looked up at Neil. He couldn’t remember the last time he even smiled on his birthday.
“In fact it’s...” Neil scrunched up his face. “It’s shape is...” he positioned it away from him. “It’s rather... aerodynamic, isn’t it?”
Todd looked up expectantly, starting to piece together what Neil was suggesting. Neil walked over to the edge of the bridge. “I can feel it, whoosh! This desk set wants to fly.” He smiled as Todd stood up next to him. “Todd?” He offered the item up.
Todd took it and studied it himself.
Neil announced, “the world’s first unmanned flying desk set.”
Todd vaulted it over the edge as Neil laughed surprisedly. They heard a crash as papers flew up.
“Oh my!” Neil exclaimed. “Well, I wouldn’t worry. You’ll get another one next year.”
Todd, doubled over on the bridge like a moron, cackled until his ribs sort of ached. Maybe things could be alright for once.
Neil’s father had yelled at him for something, Todd could tell. He never showed up for dinner after play rehearsal and wasn’t in their room when Todd got back. When he did finally make an appearance, he just sort of looked tired. They made eye contact and Todd could tell he’d been crying. Neil shut the door behind himself and leaned back on it to rub his eyes.
“Where—“
“My father, again, of course,” Neil answered, knowing that’s where the conversation was going. “If I had a car I’d just get out of here and never come back,” Neil lamented, not wanting to explain what his father was mad about this time.
Todd, for some reason, felt hurt by this sentiment. Maybe it was the idea that Neil could leave him behind without a second thought. He should’ve guessed that Neil didn’t care about him the way Todd did. Neil was his only real friend probably ever, but Todd wasn’t that important to him.
Neil kept talking despite Todd’s silence. “Actually, you’ll probably get one first and then we can drive off together.”
This made Todd’s stomach flutter. “And go where?” He asked, trying to sound more realistic than enchanted.
“I don’t know, anywhere. Drive straight into the ocean even,” Neil shrugged. “Actually, I’ve never been to the ocean.”
“Really?” Todd was baffled until he realized he hadn’t either. “Me too.”
Neil laughed. “I guess that settles it.”
“My parents are never gonna get me a car, they only buy me desk sets obviously.”
“So you’ve got to start selling them to save up for a car.”
“Oh of course, only 300 birthdays to go until I can afford a car.”
Neil laughed and forgot what he was even upset about before.
Then the play happened. For a moment, everything was perfect and nothing hurt. Then his father walked in. After being dragged from Henley Hall and thrown into his father’s car, he was yelled at when they got home and never once argued back. He’d already worked up a plan in his mind.
Neil eased open the drawer and grabbed a key, then snuck into his father’s office which was usually off limits. He unlocked the desk drawer and pulled out a box. He opened it to make sure, and found a wad of cash stashed away. He glanced down at the open drawer and briefly regarded his father’s pistol. Shaking his head, he closed the drawer and left the key on the desk.
It was too cold to walk, so he packed up his things and tiptoed to the phone. He called a cab and waited for it to get to his house so he could finally leave. Just as he heard the floorboards to his parent’s room creak, the car showed up. He practically ran to hop into the backseat and told the driver to go to Welton.
During the drive, he looked out the window wondering what the hell he was doing. He shook his head and got to planning. His parents went to bed early enough that he could sneak out like this, but it meant some people would probably still be awake at the school. He couldn’t risk getting caught, so he’d have to sneak into the room and pray that no one saw. It shouldn’t be that hard considering he’d snuck to the cave and back for most of the year.
The man dropped him off right in front of the school and Neil told him to wait.
As Neil opened the door, Todd practically bolted upright. He closed it quickly and tried to see Todd in the dark.
“Neil?” Todd whispered.
Neil crossed to stand next to the heater. “Yeah, it’s me.”
Todd rubbed his eyes as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “What happened?” They could barely see each other in the moonlight.
“Todd, listen I don’t have a lot of time to explain. Do you remember when I said we should drive off together?”
Todd paused, still half-asleep. “Yeah, why?”
“Do you still want to?”
“Why are you asking?”
“I’ve got a cab waiting outside. I’m getting out of here, so are you coming with me or not?”
Todd gaped, looking around in the dark for an answer. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, so are you in or not?”
“Neil, this is crazy.”
“I know.”
“You’re talking about running away?”
Neil shrugged. “I guess so.”
“What happened?”
“Look, I can explain it all later. I don’t have a lot of time before my father realizes I’m gone.”
“Neil, I- I don’t know.”
“Listen,” Neil began, grabbing Todd’s shoulder. “It’s just a yes or a no, okay? No big deal.”
“No big deal? Neil, this is insane. Why are you even asking me?”
“Because I’m leaving and I needed to ask if you would come too.”
“Why me though? We’ve only known each other for barely even six months!”
“You’re the only person I’d want to run away with. It’s always been you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t either, it’s just how it is. I hate springing this on you, but it’s now or never.”
“Where would we go?”
“The ocean, just like we planned.”
“And then what?”
“We figure it out from there.”
“Do you even have any money?”
He pulled out the stack of bills from his pocket. “I took my college fund.”
“Oh, Neil, you’re really crazy.”
“We don’t have all night.”
“God, I don’t know. This doesn’t sound like a good idea.” Todd scratched at his nose absentmindedly.
Neil started to sound desperate. “Look, it’s whatever you want, okay. You can stay at Welton if that’s what you want, I just need an answer.”
“Would we ever come back?”
“I don’t know,” Neil answered truthfully.
“Should I pack or...?”
“Does that mean you’re in?” He asked, feeling a sweeping swell of hope rise within him.
“I guess so,”Todd answered, standing up. Neil smiled and put a hand on his face. When Todd looked up surprised, Neil kissed him as gently as possible before pulling away a second later.
“Did I ruin it?” He asked hesitantly.
Todd swallowed hard and shook his head. “I should pack.”
They stumbled out of the school as if they were running to the cave like everything was normal. Todd crammed his bag into the trunk with Neil’s and slid into the backseat.
“Where to?” The driver asked, eyeing them suspiciously through the rear view mirror.
“The beach.”
They rode on in silence, afraid the driver would overhear their conversation. Neil fell asleep eventually, having not slept yet all night. Todd looked out the window and pondered the situation he found himself in. So, he was really running away with his roommate that he barely knew. What had compelled him to even agree to this? Either way it was completely insane. Then Neil has kissed him? He wasn’t ready to confront that issue yet either. For now, he knew he had to go with him because if he didn’t that was the end of it. He couldn’t have said no, but he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to.
The car ride might’ve been an hour or maybe a few. Time feels different in the middle of the night anyway. The situation was too surreal for daylight anyway. Todd, unable to sleep, saw the ocean creep into view first. There was hardly any light to illuminate the scene except for the moon reflecting off the waves. It was beautiful. He shook Neil awake gently to show him.
The driver let them out and they grabbed their bags. Neil paid him without really thinking. It didn’t hit them that they were actually running away until he drove off without them, leaving them both alone. They walked onto the sand without any discussion.
They sat side by side on the rocks, staring out at the ocean as the sun began to rise. It was freezing and their jackets just barely shielded them from the cold. Todd looked over at Neil and saw his flushed face and awed expression.
“Is it as good as you hoped?”
Neil licked his lips. “Better, I think.”
“What’s the plan here, Neil?”
“I don’t have one.”
Todd looked away, chewing on his bottom lip anxiously. He decided to focus on the sound of waves gently crashing into the rocks instead of everything going on. They shared a close cigarette, the lack of distance still a little too intimate considering Neil had kissed him and they still hadn’t talked about it. Todd watched the way the smoke curled up around Neil’s lips and tried not to think about the fact that both of their saliva was probably on the cigarette, as though they hadn’t swapped spit a minute ago. Or was it an hour ago? Neil was looking out at the shoreline like he was trying to find something. The tide receded far too peacefully for his internal turmoil.
Neil sighed. “My father wants to ship me off to military school so I can go be a doctor. It’s nothing new at this point.” He rubbed his eyes and pulled at his sleeves.
“Is that why you wanted to drive up here?”
“I know he’s always been like this and the play was probably a shot in the dark, but I just thought that maybe I could have one thing of my own. Then I started thinking and... I don’t know.”
“About the play?”
Neil eyed him warily. “And other things. I’ve been trying my whole life to live up to his standards, doing whatever he says.”
“Why?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe to make up for... everything.”
“You don’t have anything to make up for.”
“It’s just— I know no matter what I’ll never be enough. I could go become the most successful doctor in the world and he’d still have some sort of problem. So, fuck him I guess.”
The hidden message hadn’t hit Todd yet. He hadn’t realized the actual reason who Neil’s father didn’t accept him, still thought this was all about the play. They stayed silent for a minute, lulled by the ebb and flow of the tide and the saltiness of the air.
“He keeps saying my future is on the horizon.”
Todd shook his head. “The horizon is an imaginary line.”
Neil’s expression softened. “I’ll tell him.”
“You know we have to go back, Neil”
He shook his head. “I can’t do it.”
Todd’s voice turned into a gentle reminder. “We have no money, no plan, and nowhere to go.”
“We have some money and each other. We can ‘drive’ anywhere we want. We’ll figure this out.”
“Why did you want to run away with me anyway?”
“Why’d you agree to do it?” Neil smirked.
Todd shot him a look. “I asked you first.”
He shook his head “Don’t you get it?” He asked desperately, crushing the cigarette onto the rocks.
“Get what?”
“You really like answering with another question,” Neil joked. When he saw Todd’s urging eyes, he sighed. “Don’t you get that I’m in love with you?”
They were making eye contact, so Neil saw Todd’s face change.
“You...?”
“When you agreed to come with me I assumed...” He paused. “I guess not.”
“Wait, hold on,” Todd scrambled. “What do you even mean?”
“You can’t be surprised, I did kiss you.”
They went silent again. Todd hadn’t moved away from their close proximity, so Neil assumed he wasn’t uncomfortable. The moonlight reflected off the water like a painting.
“Todd, my parents don’t care about me. They don’t want me to be happy, they just want me to do what they say. I can’t live like that. God knows they’d disown me for how I feel about you. Whatever happens, I’m not staying here. I can’t ask you to come with me, but...” Neil trailed off, almost afraid of whatever answer Todd would have to what he was about to ask.
Todd cleared his throat. “I, um, always assumed that parents were supposed to love their kids, you know? Like it is in the movies and all. I know my parents love Jeffrey, of course, but I don’t think they feel the same about me. No, I don’t think they love me because I know they don’t know who I am. Because I might love you too, and they won’t be happy about that.”
Neil’s heart swelled. “Then why are we wasting our time here?”
Todd laughed out of surprise more than anything. “I don’t know. Let’s drive off together?”
“Perfect.”
When Todd turned 19, he woke up by himself. At first, it felt like every other birthday he’d had before as he got up slowly, wiping the sleep from his eyes. Then Neil walked in, handed him a cup of coffee and kissed his cheek.
“Happy Birthday.”
Todd was so in love he could barely breathe. “Thanks. You’re up early.”
“Well, I had to be somewhere,” Neil baited.
He raised an eyebrow. “And where would that be?”
“Okay, okay. Are you ready?”
“Ready for what?”
“Come on!” Neil grabbed Todd’s hand to pull him to his feet.
“Hey, watch the coffee!”
“So, I know you said not to get you anything,” Neil began, holding his hand in front of them.
“I’m guessing you didn’t listen to that,” Todd made a face.
“But I think you’ll be happy about this.” Neil reached into his jacket and held something in his free hand. Todd could feel his heart speed up.
He opened his palm to reveal a set of car keys. “You didn’t...”
“It is used and it’s a bit older, but I think it’ll work.”
“Neil, how could you even afford a car?”
“I’ll probably have to work quite a bit of over time, but it’s worth it.”
Todd finally kissed him.
“So, you like it then?” Neil joked.
“I love you. Now, I wanna see what it looks like!”