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Dean is in the library looking at the paper in front of him and sighs. The paper is bright pink and Dean was a bit embarrassed when he bought it, but he has to admit, it’s actually a nice color.
He carefully strokes over the heart shaped paper, his fingers shaking.
“Come on, you can do it.”
Dean’s heart is beating way too fast, but he had spend the last weeks, months, thinking about this, but it’s still hard. Dean grunts, he really hates feelings. And it’s not only one freaking person, but two.
His brother and an angel.
“Not like you deserve either of them.” Dean whispers and he is glad Sam and Castiel are not in the bunker right now. He is on his own, since they both decided to visit a farmers market or whatever.
Okay. He could do this. Lately there are so many people in the bunker, they wouldn’t know the messages are from him. He strokes over the paper again and then opens his pen. He doesn’t even know if one of them wants him, nevermind both.
But if he never tries it, he will never know. He had never believed in a happy future for himself, but now more and more hunters seem to settle down just fine.
Of course his relationship would be different alone for being in love with Sammy. Dean had fought his feelings for Sam his whole life. Then he met Castiel and he thought for a tiny moment, that he would get over Sam.
Get over his broken heart, when Sam left for Stanford and met Jess. But nope, instead he felt himself pining for them both. He would never be happy if Sam would one day not be living with him anymore.
Heck he had died enough times for Sammy to prove it. And Castiel? Dean smiles a bit. Yeah he’s just as gone for him.
Dean takes another deep breath and then scribbles onto the paper. He already hates to talk about his feelings and somehow it’s even worse to write it down. He starts with his cards for Castiel.
After ten hearts, he switched and writes Sam ten as well.
Okay. Now he would just need to think about where to place them for both to see. And then he should pray.
He hopes somehow this will not break him. He is scared but Dean Winchester never backed away from anything.
He had researched a lot over the last years (screw you Sammy he does read) and had learned a lot about polyamorous relationships. He wishes he could have that...
*
“Oh.”
Dean’s heart jumps when he hears Castiel. Seems like someone found his first heart. Dean had put it next to Castiel’s cereal. The angel still believes they don’t know that he eats it all the time at night.
Dean is sitting at the kitchen table, looking even more concentrated at the newspaper in his hands. He does put the newspaper on the table though. This way he can see Castiel, but the angel can’t see how nervous Dean is. His fingers are shaking again.
“Whatcha got there?” Dean asks, kinda proud that he sounds almost bored.
Castiel turns around, holding the bright pink heart, a very soft smile on his lips. Dean is so glad that Castiel looks happy.
“Someone send me a note.” Castiel whispers. Dean knows exactly what he had written on that one.
>“I feel at home when I look into your eyes.”<
It’s nothing too personal, so Castiel won’t know it’s from Dean right now. Only the last two hearts are signed and he wants to wait for a special moment to give them out.
“Yeah? A nice one?” Dean asks and Castiel nods.
“Really nice. I wonder who did this.” Castiel says and then he promptly walks out of the room. Dean is a bit surprised, but he is mostly relieved by now. He had thought Castiel would believe the note was from Dean, but apparently he was wrong.
He shrugs to himself and continues his own breakfast, just as Sammy walks in.
“Dean!”
Dean nods, but doesn’t greet him back. He is still chewing on his food and he knows how much Sam hates it, when he talks with his mouth full. He really tries lately to be on his best behavior.
Obviously he knows they both should love him just like he is, and he knows they both do. But it couldn’t hurt, right?
“Yeah?”
“Look what I got.” Sam seems nervous and Dean’s heart flutters. Just like he thought Sam already found his message as well. Okay, it was on his pillow, so what.
“Oh secret admirer huh?” Dean asks and he even winks at Sam, who just looks away from him and opens the heart.
“Seems like they adore my hair.” Sam says and he is smiling cutely down at the paper. Dean hopes he doesn’t blush badly. He knows that he always makes jokes about Sam’s hair but he really loves it.
He hopes one day he knows how the strands feel between his fingers. If he is that lucky.
“Of course.” Dean just says, rolling his eyes for effect. Sam is still ignoring him in favor of looking at the heart and then just as Castiel he turns around and leaves, rather fast. Dean frowns.
Did he miss something?
*
The next days are basically the same. Sam and Castiel seems happy about each heart they can find and they both show them proudly to Dean.
But apparently Dean has a really good poker face, because neither of them even mention once, that Dean could be the secret admirer.
While Sam kinda makes sense, since he’s his brother, Dean is almost indignant, that Castiel doesn’t seem to care about their profound bond, like he once did. Maybe Dean missed his chance already.
Dean has even more nightmares the last days, because what if they both decide they really don’t want him? Dean couldn’t even play that off. He sighs. Two hearts are still left. Right now they are in his nightstand.
Dean closes his eyes, already in bed and lays on his side. One pillow pressed against his chest, while he has another one against his back.
Tomorrow he would deliver them personally.
*
Dean takes the last two hearts and nods to himself. He would just walk over there now and give them the hearts and hope for the best. He is for sure sweating at this point, but luckily his flannel wouldn’t show it.
Sam and Castiel are both in the kitchen. Sam is on his laptop, typing rather furiously, while Castiel is leaning against the counter.
“So you think just a wendigo?” Castiel asks and Sam nods, when he looks up, he smiles softly at Castiel. Dean raises his eyebrows, still standing in the doorway.
“Probably one or maybe two. But I think we should check it out either way. I heard several people went missing in the woods.” Sam answers happily. Castiel walks over to him and looks over his shoulder to read what article Sam has opened.
Dean is a bit surprised. It seemed like lately Sam and Castiel got a lot closer. They even took some cases alone together. Dean should be happy right? He doesn’t want to date Sam and Castiel separately. He wants them all together in a relationship.
But right now? He feels jealous, because it doesn’t seem like he is a part of this.
Dean looks down at his hearts.
“Hey, what are you doing?” Dean says loudly when he finally enters the kitchen. Castiel takes a step closer to Sam and puts both his hands on Sam’s shoulders.
“Found us a hunt, probably Wendigo. We’ll start in ten minutes, so get ready.” Sam says, not even looking up and Dean is a bit surprised. He didn’t know it was so urgent. He had some plans for tomorrow.
“You wanna go on a hunt? Now? But tomorrow is Valentine’s Day...” Dean whispers and Sam looks up from the map he is holding. His brows furrowed, even Castiel looks kinda angry. Or worse, disappointed.
“And? Pretty sure you can one year not keep up with your traditions and not fuck some random girl.” Sam says, before he closes the laptop, shoulders his bag and walks over into the direction of the garage. Castiel doesn’t say anything, but he nods before he just leaves as well.
Dean looks down to his hands, where he’s still holding the last two hearts. They didn’t even see them. He… he could always give them later right? Right…
*
Dean is tired. They walked for hours through the woods and to be honest, he doesn’t even know in which direction Baby is parked. He would never find his way back again. Luckily Sam was leading them the whole time.
Now the daylight is almost gone, so Sam stops and puts his bag down.
“I think this is a good place to stay the night.” Sam says and Dean’s eyes almost fall out at that. He thought sooner or later they would just walk back to Baby and drive to a motel.
“You are right, and even if my grace is low, I should know when the Wendigo wants to surprise us tonight.” Castiel says and he gets something out of his bag. It’s a freaking tent. Dean just wants to say something, when he sees that Sam also has one.
“Uh and we don’t… want to go back?” Dean asks, because he only has some clothes, weapons and the two hearts in his bag. Sam frowns at him, already trying to set up his tent.
Heck since when do they even have those?
“Not really? We walked for almost four hours.” Sam answers and when Dean looks to the angel, Castiel’s tent is already finished. Damn cheater.
“I just… uh don’t have a tent.” Dean admits finally and he gets some eye rolling from Sam. There was that tiny hope that maybe some of them would like to share a tent with Dean so… they could... cuddle.
But apparently Sam doesn’t want that. Dean looks back to Castiel, but the angel sighs loudly.
“If you want, you can have my tent.” Sam finally says and Dean isn’t sure what to answer. He would not let Sammy sleep out here in the dark, when a freaking Wendigo is out there!
“Oh absolutely n-…”
“Sam, if you want you could share a tent with me?”
Dean stops breathing for a second. Because what did Castiel just say? Sam smiles shyly up at the angel, from where he is still kneeling at the ground, while Dean just stands like an idiot in the middle.
“Sure that’d be nice.” Sam answers and then he gets up, to walk over to Castiel’s already set up tent. Dean looks to his now own tent, not finished at all.
Sam and Castiel are standing close again, whispering together and Dean feels more horrible with each second.
“Dean?”
For a tiny second there is a lot of hope in Dean’s chest, but then Sam continues.
“We’ll look for some firewood, be back in a few.” Sam says and Dean nods. What else can he do anyway, he still needs to set up his tent. Dean kneels down and starts, just as he looks up he can see that Sam takes Castiel’s hand in his own.
Seems like his plan didn’t work out at all…
*
“Sam no!”
Castiel actually fucking giggles and Dean turns to his other side. Their tent is not even close to his own one, but he can still hear them perfectly.
They are probably making out. Dean turns again, but he can’t sleep.
He doesn’t feel safe sleeping in the woods anyway, but seeing or hearing Sam and Castiel like this, hurts him on top of it... He carefully sits up and turns his flashlight on. He doesn’t even care if the other two see his light.
“Karma.” Dean whispers to himself. He knew from the start, so why did he even bother trying? He searches in his bag for something and when he takes the paper hearts out, his view turns a bit blurry.
The hearts are already a bit crumpled and Dean sobs quietly, when the first drops fall down on them. There is not even something important written on them. Only the typical “Will you be my Valentine?” and then his name.
Corny, nothing else.
“Idiot.” Dean mutters and then he rips the hearts into tiny little pieces. He tries to be quiet, when he opens his tent and wipes the tears away. Hes tries to be quiet, when he takes his bag and runs out into the woods.
He tries to be quiet.
*
“Hmhm, Sam.” Castiel laughs again, when Sam kisses him. He feels so carefree and he couldn’t believe it, when he found the tiny pink hearts everywhere, Sam wrote for him. The angel had been in love with him for so long.
“You feel so good.” Sam whispers right into Castiel’s ear and they both have to laugh again. It was a wonderful idea to share the tent with Sam, even though Castiel wishes Dean was with them, too.
Just as Castiel want to kiss Sam again, to shut him up, they hear a sound outside. Castiel’s grace reaches out, but it’s not the Wendigo. It’s worse.
“Dean is gone.”
Sam jerks as if Castiel had hit him. He hastily opens their tent and they both look outside. Dean’s tent is wide open, a flashlight still laying on the blanket. Sam gets up and walks over to the tent.
“Dean?!”
There is no answer and Castiel can now feel his own panic rising. How could the Wendigo get in here and get Dean? Was he so distracted by Sam’s kisses? Sure they’re only together for like a week and Castiel is head over feels in love but… but he needs Dean just as much.
At first he felt so guilty, when he had found Sam’s love confessions, because he was just as much in love with Dean and when Sam had kissed him for the first time… he had told Sam.
Luckily, Sam felt just the same.
They had planned to tell Dean, but then Dean had started to talk about Valentine’s Day and Sam and he know what he meant with that…
“Dean!!!”
Sam is still looking around for his brother, while Castiel crawls into Dean’s tent. Maybe he could find some tracks here. There are no signs of a fight, so maybe Dean had only seen the Wendigo and followed it?
His bag is gone, but Sam’s blanket is still here and… Castiel stops in his tracks and can’t believe what he is seeing.
“S-Sam.”
Castiel’s voice is shaking, but he is holding a lot of tiny pink pieces in his hand. Most of them are crumpled, some of them wet, but he knows exactly what these are. Sam crawls into the tent as well and Castiel holds the pieces up, not saying anything.
“What?” Sam whispers, but Castiel can see that he understands.
“We hurt him, Sam.” Castiel answers and he feels his own heart breaking.
Sam and he had never talked about the notes and Castiel feels like the biggest idiot. It just seemed like something Sam would do and not Dean. Now he understands and he wishes he could start all over.
Even though they both had planned to carefully get Dean into their relationship as well, Castiel never felt this bad before and he had done a lot of bad things.
“We need to find him.” Sam says Castiel silently agrees.
*
“I don’t know what to do, Cas.” Sam sounds close to tears and Castiel is just as panicked at this point. He can’t sense Dean anymore and it’s getting so late. It has to be around 4 am and they’re exhausted.
“We will find him.” Castiel says, because they have to.
Just as he walks by the next tree, Castiel notices something. There is a lot of blood at the trunk of the tree. Castiel’s eyes widen.
“Sam! Here!”
Sam runs over to him and he pales, when he sees all the blood. Castiel can at least tell that it isn’t all from Dean, but he was here at some point. Castiel closes his eyes and listens closely to his surroundings.
He hears a light rustle.
“Up North, he’s hurt.”
Castiel has no idea how Sam can run this fast, but he has actually a hard time to keep up with him. It’s probably the long legs.
“Dean!”
Castiel almost falls to his knees, when they find Dean. The older Winchester is curled up under a tree, his jeans ripped open at the knees, some wounds clearly on display. But this isn’t what breaks Castiel’s heart the most.
Dean is crying quietly.
He doesn’t even seem to hear them, he just wipes over his face with his hands, again and again. There is some dirt all over him, even his face is so dark with mud, only where the tears fall down, his freckles are shining at them.
“Oh Dean.” Castiel whispers and then he is already sitting next to Dean and holding him against his chest. Dean’s breath hitches, but at least he doesn’t try to get away.
Sam kneels down beside them, carefully stroking through Dean’s wet and dirty hair. Dean doesn’t react to that soft touch and Castiel gets more worried with each second. Sam meets his eyes over Dean’s head, looking just as distraught.
“It’s okay sweetheart, we’re here.” Sam says, petting his brother’s hair again and again. It takes some time, but Dean seems to relax a bit more in Castiel’s arms. He had healed him with his first touch, but he is still dirty and his mind is still… struggling.
“We have to bring him back to the tent. He’s shivering and… my grace is not enough I healed him but...” Castiel hates himself so much at this moment, but Sam strokes over his cheeks and smiles reassuring.
“It’s fine. We’ll get him back.” Sam says, sounding not really sure himself, but Castiel is glad he doesn’t have to face this alone.
They both struggle to get up and help Dean at the same time. In the end it’s Sam who is carrying Dean on his back. It seems like he did this before. Dean doesn’t make a single sound, but he at least he holds onto Sam. His head on Sam’s shoulder.
Just as Castiel wants to lead them the way, Dean whines quietly.
“Hey, I’m here. Don’t worry.” Castiel says and Dean slowly holds out one hand. Sam almost falls, when Dean lets go with one hand and Sam puts his hands tighter around Dean’s thighs.
“C-Cas.” Dean whispers and Castiel takes his hand into his own. He can see how hurt Dean still is and he wishes he would know how to make it better. But now is not the right time. Dean looks away again, his eyes full of tears.
The walk back is even longer, but they are all quiet during it. Dean’s hand is cold and Castiel is so relieved, when they’re back at their little camp. Castiel sits down on the blanket they left next to the campfire, when Sam almost drops Dean into his lap.
“Stay with him, I’ll make fire.” Sam whispers and Castiel cuddles Dean close. His eyes are closed for now and he looks incredible young. Castiel can’t help it, he leans closer and presses a kiss to Dean’s cold cheeks.
“How is he?” Sam asks, when the fire finally starts to burn. Sam rubs his hands and holds them over the flames, before sitting down next to them. Dean sniffles, but doesn’t move. Sam looks just as sad as Castiel feels.
“Dean uhm… could you look at me, please?” Castiel finally says and Dean does so in a second. His eyes are so dark and pretty. Castiel smiles a bit, but Dean only frowns more.
“‘m sorry.” Dean whispers and then he actually tries to get up. Sam is a lot faster though and pushes him back down in Castiel’s lap. Dean for sure lost a lot of his strength when he killed that Wendigo.
Castiel is still shaking alone because of the thought that it could’ve killed Dean easily.
“Why are you sorry?” Sam asks, reaching out for Dean again. This time he strokes over Dean’s cheek. He is still dirty, but Sam doesn’t seem to care at all.
“C-cause I uhm… I didn’t know you two were together and I w-wanted to give you some time alone. W-without me interrupting it.” Dean whispers. It’s hard to understand him, because he’s so quiet.
It’s so unlike Dean. Castiel hates it.
“Dean.” Castiel knows he sounds like a scolding parent, but he can’t help it. It’s so clear that Dean is lying and he is hurting so badly, but he won’t admit it. Dean flinches as if Castiel had hit him.
“I’m sorry I went after the Wendigo alone?” Dean says and Sam snorts. Dean looks up at his brother.
“That is at least a good start. You could’ve told us, that you heard it, we would’ve come with you, jerk.” Sam says and Castiel knows he’s trying to lighten the mood. It’s not working, because Dean shrugs and doesn’t even respond with his typical ‘Bitch’.
“Tell us.” Castiel whispers and he strokes through Dean’s hair. Maybe it’s that touch, that makes Dean answer.
“I uhm… I heard you uh… making out. A-and I wanted… I was hurt?” Dean struggles a lot during that sentence, but Castiel is glad that at least he could admit that. He leans over and kisses Dean’s eyebrow.
They should really not torture him any more than they already did.
“Dean, we are the ones, who are sorry. I… I honestly thought Sam had written me all those adorable cards.” Castiel says and Dean looks down. If his face wasn’t so dirty, he would for sure blush. Then again his lips look almost blue, so maybe Dean is not capable of blushing right now.
What a shame.
“Yeah, I’m normally not that much of relationship material.” Dean says, his lower lip wobbling. Castiel doesn’t know what to answer, he is so outraged. Sam smiles at his brother and even takes his hand.
“That is not true. You are wonderful in many more ways than you even understand. We would be glad to be your boyfriends, we were just being stupid, because apparently we misunderstood it all.” Sam explains.
Dean only frowns.
“Dean, Sam and I planned to do this a lot more romantic, but when does our life ever go as planned?” Castiel chuckles. Before Dean can say anything, Castiel kisses him softly on the lips.
Dean’s eyes are wide open.
“We weren’t sure if you liked us back and… I get that it’s complicated right? Brother and an angel? But that also sounds a lot like us. So if you still want us, we’re yours.” Sam says and he also presses a shy kiss to Dean’s lips.
Dean seems still speechless.
“So shy huh?” Castiel grins and if he sees it right in the poor light, Dean is pouting, even crossing his arms.
“Shut up.” Dean whispers, but he does cuddle against Castiel. Sam is laughing as well, before Dean slaps him. For now they don’t need other words. Dean seems content in their arms and when he yawns loudly, even Castiel chuckles.
“Okay to bed with you.” Castiel says, while Sam helps Dean up. Just as they are all standing around the fire, Dean seems lost in his thoughts. He walks over to his still open tent, but Sam holds him at his arm.
“What are you doing?” Sam asks and Dean shrugs.
“Going to sleep?”
“Obviously, but not there.” Castiel answers, before he walks over to formerly his and Sam’s tent. As if they would leave Dean alone now. Or ever again for that matter.
Dean follows them slowly. Sam is the first one laying down in the tiny tent and Castiel can’t wait to see how tight it will be with all three of them. Sam opens his arms, when he’s under one of the thick blankets.
“Dean, come here.” Sam says, when Dean doesn’t move.
Dean is super careful when he kneels down and then lays down in the tent, but Sam doesn’t care. He pulls Dean tightly into his arms. Castiel chuckles again and then lays down on the other side of Dean, his arms around him.
Sam smiles at him and Castiel feels happy like this. Now he has them both with him and he feels so content.
As if they had arranged it, they both press a kiss to Dean’s cheek. Dean giggles adorably.
*
“I d-dreamed of this.” Dean whispers, when he thinks Sam and Castiel are already asleep. Sam grunts and Castiel’s arms tighten around Dean’s torse.
He feels so warm and safe.
“Me too.” Sam admits, pressing his nose against Dean’s temple, while Castiel strokes over Dean’s chest. He can’t believe they really want him. That they…
“I love you.” Dean whispers, shyly, but determined. He waited already too long to tell them. Castiel and Sam say it back immediately and this time Dean initiates a few kisses, before he finally falls asleep.
The happiest he ever was.
*
Back at the bunker Dean is shocked when he sees how his room is decorated. With teddy bears and chocolate and… a few pink hearts.
Sam and Castiel are in the kitchen working on something. Castiel leans closer and kisses Sam softly. This time Dean isn’t jealous. He is happily watching them.
When Dean steps closer he sees that they are gluing Dean’s pink heart back together, that he ripped into tiny pieces, when he had thought he had lost everything. Just.. like they glued his heart back together in real life.
“Hey.” Dean whispers and both smile so happily at him. Dean would need a lot more cuddles and he needs them now.
With Sam and Castiel.
And maybe a few teddy bears.