Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nico pinched the bridge of his nose, he felt a migraine coming on and hoped that the rest of the night he had left would be easy. He took a deep breath, rolling his shoulders the tension slowly seeping out of his tired body, as he released it slowly. He’d been sitting for probably 3 minutes when a clap to his shoulders woke him up from a nap he’d been unknowingly taking.

He feels the chair beneath him rattle as he straightens up, rubbing a hand across his eyes.

“Yea-yes?”

He looks bearily at an equally exhausted Dr. Karev, carrying a file in his hand and poking out is the edge of an x-ray. 

“Hey Dr. Kim, a kid just came in with some broken ribs and a sprained wrist. We need a consultation.”

“I’ll be there.”

***

Karev and Nico were talking about how the x-rays showed past breakings of the wrist. They pause when they encounter a passing doctor, ranting to a fellow nurse who seemed like they wanted to be practically anywhere but in that hallway. 

They catch the last parts of his passionate rant.

“-it's this runaway. I think he’s a foster kid. Got into some fight with some other brats. Someone found him passed out in an alley.”

The nurse’s eyes widened,“Oh gosh is he okay?”

He waved his concern off with a scoff, "Yes yes he’ll be okay but I swear foster kids are always trouble. They make things hard on themselves. It's no wonder why they don't have parent no one -”

And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Any patience he thought he possessed was gone as Nico balled up his fists. He opened his mouth, a retort ready for the asshole of a doctor but he was stopped and stunned when Karev beat him to the punch. 

"-wants them? Care enough to give them a stable home and raise them? Because they all chose to not have a parent or family to keep them safe? Is that what you were going to say Dr Peterson?"

Dr. Peterson whirled around his coat whipping about. His eyes widened in fear when  he saw the Chief- although temporary, the man was terrifying.

"No wait Chief I meant these kids can be so angry and out of control-"

This time a new voice just as angry interrupted.

“-because they live such wonderful lives? You don't know their situation. Or what they have experienced. They may have known their families at some point of their lives only to be taken away for their safety.” Nico continued, “Domestic abuse, homelessness, drugs, or they were abandoned by parents that could not or did not want them. Imagine having to go through all those thoughts and emotions at a young age. 

Nico didn’t know when his voice had risen or when he started gesticulating with his hands. Something he must have picked up from watching Levi talk with his hands. But he couldn’t stop. And no one was holding him back.

Nico pulled up the patient's file on the tablet, which had everything the doctor’s knew about the kid. 

“This boy is 12. The file says he was abandoned at 3 then put in the system. 20 homes since then. Too young to understand but needing to endure it. Now at 12 years old, you get it but you're angry that you understand it."

Karev and Peterson were looking at Nico stunned at the usually quiet observant doctor had mouthed off in front of the chief.

Karev recovered quickly,"Peterson I don't want to hear any more crap come out of your mouth about him or any other child we have come in. Their life is shitty enough don't make it worse."

Nico Kim and Alex Karev glared daggers at the doctor who was red in the face from embarrassment and flustered  at being told off by the chief and the orthopedic fellow.

They continued to glower at him as he all but ran down the hall about needing to see a patient’s recovery.

There was a moment of silence.

Karev turned to face Nico, staring "Foster kid?"

Nico exhaled attempting to calm himself.

In and out. In and out.

Nico nodded noticing that the usual gaggle of nurses and doctors had cleared out. Leaving them and a few attendings mulling around finishing their charts or talking to concerned family members.

The younger doctor nodded,"Yeah. Yes long story, short um teenage mom kept me until I was 3 years old and then decided to abandon me in a play area in a mall. She got in trouble and I was taken away. As for other family members? Well either I had no other living blood relatives or they wanted nothing to do with me. At least that's what the file said when I asked. I was 12 when they told this, exactly word for word.”

Nico felt himself cracking his knuckles. He did this when he got particularly anxious. Talking about that time in his life usually got him into that state.

Karev nodded,"That really sucks man. God you were just a baby…”

Nico sighed,”Yea but she didn't seem to think it was enough to keep me. So while I stayed in the police station  pathetically waiting for her to come back, I was already being placed in foster homes. Some didn't appreciate a quiet child who cried when they saw a play area. I mean I had been abandoned there how could I NOT be traumatized. I was in and out of foster homes. until I was 9 and my foster parents adopted me.”

Karev remained quiet. He was not a big talker preferring to use actions instead of words. But to hear the childhood from someone who had been in the foster system and worked in the same field as him. Just showed how tough and resilient foster kids can be. 

Jo had always been his confidant as well as Meredith but actually knowing someone who had gone through similar rejection and pain he endured from being bounced to a stranger’s home to the next. He thought he now understood why this doctor was so quiet and observant. You learn to be quiet or else. A tough habit to break.

Nico wasn’t a fan of sharing parts of his  life, especially the life he lived before he was adopted. It was personal. Sure he felt comfortable in sharing with a fellow foster kid  but with Alex-

Karev cleared his throat, “Mom had schizophrenia and dad was a dick. Went through lots of shitty foster homes but the ones I remembered were the decent ones. The ones where they gave a crap.  The ones that cared about my grades and made sure I got home at a decent time. I wasn’t adopted but I turned out alright.”

Nico chuckled, “Sir excuse me for my forwardness but dude you’re head of pediatrics surgery. You’re chief I think you turned out more than okay.”

Karev stared at him for a minute before slowly nodding his head. A proud expression on his face. 

“Yea I guess you’re right.”

***

They talk more during lunch. Most think it's odd considering how one always seems pissed off about something while the other is seen as stoic unless he’s with patients or flirting with Levi.

Both are silent brooding types. But the oddest thing was that they seemed to be chatting more than eating.

A few tables over, Levi and Taryn were observing the odd pair. Their eyes never leaving the two men conversing as if old friends.

Taryn sips her apple juice and asks,"What are they talking about?"

Levi munches on his fries, observing his serious boyfriend smile at some joke Karev said.

Nico had texted Levi earlier about missing their lunch together because he had to talk to Karev about “something”. He never specified what that “something was.”

“I don't know, you heard they gave Peterson a talk about that boy, Oliver…”

***
Karev ran down the halls, narrowly avoiding bumping into nurses and doctors. He’d been  paged about Oliver the foster kid having just woken up and was having a bit of a meltdown. A meltdown that involved him violently pushing and yelling at doctors and nurses to not touch him.  

The only doctor who’d  managed to calm him down appeared to be Nico, who was sitting by the boy’s bed. Talking quietly. 

Karev walked in nodding at the security guard who was standing by the door.

Karev gave a low whistle as he approached Lincoln who was holding his nose, blood pouring down his face and staining his shirt.

He nasally said, "Can't believe he punched me in the nose."

Karev eyes him,"Eh it's not broken. Go ice it. Dr. Kim and I will talk to him.”

Nico was sitting on one of the visitor chairs he had pulled close to the patient's bed.

He was inserting the IV line that Oliver had ripped off in his rage. Karev walked closer, hearing the folks in the room slowly vacate the room except for the nurse assigned to the room.

Karev stood at the foot of the bed, taking in the slight flush on the boy’s face from all the exertion and frustration he must have demonstrated as he fought the doctors and nurses.The black eye and split lip reminded Karev of his own young scrappy self.

He looked so miserable. Karev remembered just wanting school to be the only worry in his life when he was Oliver’s age. Instead he spent it afraid of his father and fearing for his and his family’s lives.

The chief asked," Kid what’s your favorite subject in school?"

The boy seemed to perk up at the mention of school,“English, I love writing and reading anything. I was going to stay at the library after I saw her, But those guys jumped me…And well now I’m here.”

Karev saw the kid shaking his head as if he was internally fighting with himself about something.

"I'm a stupid foster kid. They have all said it. And it's true. I didn't want to go back to that house. My sister lives in the opposite direction, in a different city. I needed to see her. She’s so little."

Karev shook his head slowly, placing a hand on the metal railing.

"Oliver you're not stupid. No don’t shake your head, listen. You're a good brother who cares for his sister. But buddy,throwing punches and kicking doctors and nurses isn't going to help you. Believe me."

 
Nico  jumped in, looking straight into the boy’s eyes. 

"Look Oliver you got to know this. Sometimes people are not going to be in your corner with you. It might just be you. And you need to put in your brain that in those moments you're going to be enough. To push yourself to go to school. Get good grades. Graduate and go to college and make something of yourself. Someone you can be proud of.”

Oliver stayed quiet, seeming to take in Nico’s words.

Karev went to sit on the other side of Oliver’s bed.”. Don't do it to prove it the assholes. Because at the end of the day what they think does not matter.”

A nurse cleared her throat. Shaking her head in disapproval.

"- I mean jerks who think down on you. Prove it to yourself. Because you are worth it. You just need to keep fighting. Not with your fists but with your brain. Unless they come at you first and then you have permission to give them that mean right hook."

Oliver smiled faintly, nodding his head.


***

“So what were you and the chief talking about?"

Nico held to his hand tighter as they walked toward the parking lot. "Oh Uh just how similar experiences we had growing up as foster kids.

Levi stared at the tall man with those big eyes. He just wanted to know more. "You don't talk about it much."

The orthopedic fellow sighed tiredly,“I don’t know he was just honest and real about his own personal story.”

“I-I just want to know if you’re okay Nico. You’ve been quiet today especially with what happened to the boy. I heard he’s a foster kid. It just seemed like you were pretty close to this one.”

Levi took a step closer as Nico looked away, his hands reached up to rest on the Asian man’s face. He gently turned Nico’s face, surprised at the wetness in his boyfriend’s eyes.

“Nico, honey please talk to me.”

Nico took a couple of breaths, each one sounded more and more painful to take.

Levi didn’t say anything as Nico took his hand, pulling him to sit on a cold bench. Snuggling closer to the man as his body frame shook with sobs he was fighting back.

“It sucked, Levi. Alright, here it is when I was growing up,I hated my biological mother for doing what she did. And then I was angry at my adoptive parents and then I was angry at myself for being a bratty teen to them and I didn't know why.”

 He laughed bitterly, “Probably it was resentment for being abandoned like some dog that had gotten bothersome. I was angry at why I hadn't been born into their family in the beginning instead of fighting for the first couple of years of my life by living with strangers who didn’t want me.”

 Levi could only stare in dismay at the tears finally making their descent down Nico’s cheek, the tip of his nose pink from not only the cold but the tears he’d been holding back.

Nico sniffled,“Oliver reminded me of myself, as a kid fighting to belong somewhere. He has a family. A sister. I had nothing but when I got my family I fought to keep them. Even if it could potentially end up with me leaving again. That’s how it was. Never a sure thing. So you tried to be perfect for them to like you, to maybe even keep you.”

He laughed weakly, “ I...I finally caught a break with my parents. I was this quiet kid and they didn't mind. Once I became comfortable, dad and mom set me down and asked me very seriously if I liked my name.”

Levi raised an eyebrow, “‘Nico’, why? It's a lovely name.”

Nico shook his head. 

“I was actually named ‘ Jonathan’ and I just shrugged at them. Thinking to myself, ‘What did it matter?’”

Nico smiled, a true smile,“They said ‘you don't look like ‘John’, kiddo. How about Nico...Nico Kim. After your mom's father.”

He sighed as if he was being comforted by the memory.

“That was the day they told me they wanted to adopt me,they wanted to know if I wanted that too. I think it was the first time I cried not because of pain because a foster parent got a little out of control with their methods of discipline  or of having to go to a new home. But because I was happy. Truly happy. I said yes to changing my name, to getting adopted. It felt like I was getting a second chance at a family. And my name was a brand new slate.”

Nico stood up from his spot on the bench, rubbing the back of his neck. The stress of the day had left it's impact.

Levi looked at him in awe. He was speechless. So much pain was in this man who kept calm in almost all situations.

Nico looked down at his teary-eyed boyfriend, groaning as he leaned down, gently wiping the tears off of Levi’s face.

“You see that’s why I don’t talk about it. It's a little hard to relate to but with Alex- I mean Dr. Karev he knows what it's like. So we talked and he told me what made him feel better was going home and being with his wife. Talk to someone he feels free to be himself and safe with. You’re that person to me. So I’m just going to ask if you don’t mind eating at home with me  instead of out tonight I really want to be with you I mean I always do but- oof!

Levi had leaped into his arms. Nico’s arms automatically went around Levi’s small waist, Pulling him off of his toes as he felt Levi tightened his hold around his neck and shoulders.

“I want to be with you. I always do too.”

Nico could almost hear his younger self saying something similar to his parents the day they asked to adopt him.

They stood swaying in their embrace before Levi tucked himself under his arm, the chill from the night making the smaller man shiver.

“Ready to go?”

Levi nodded. “Yea...thanks for talking to me. For sharing something very painful and wonderful at the same time.”

Nico pressed a tender kiss against Levi’s temple, “You’re very special to me Levi. Thanks for listening. Sometimes I forget how good it feels to share something personal. And I should do it more with you.”

Levi pulled him down with a sweet kiss that left Nico feeling like he was walking on cloud nine.

Chapter Text

*Flashback*

He’d long since learned that people liked quiet children, children who did not make messes, well, basically were statues who needed to eat.

But with the Kims. It was as if they wanted him to make noise, to make a mess. To be a kid. He remembered looking at Mr. Kim (he insisted he call him Alan)  with a funny expression when the man tossed at least 10 paper balls toward the direction of the trash can. All of which remained on the floor. 

He’d fought the urge to go pick it up. They’d told him so many times that a little mess was perfectly fine. 

Alan  turned to face him as he finished up his homework, “Want to try Johnny?”

‘Being asked to make a mess?As if-’

He thought it was a trick, he’d seen this with another foster family. It ended with a slap to the face and his distrust in people to begin. He’d been only 6.

He looked down at the last problem on his homework. “No sir.”

Alan shrugged, a small smile on his face.

“Alrighty then...oh Sarah told me about your art project. She’s been telling anyone who would listen how your teacher gushed and raved about it. You have a talent for art, good for you kiddo.”

Jonathon blushed at the praise. Not being accustomed to it.

He shrugged,“It was just a painting...”

“Just a painting- ” Alan looked at him in genuine disbelief. “ I remember seeing you work hours and hours. Swear I felt like I had Monet, Van Gogh, and Deli all under the same roof. You should feel proud of yourself,son.”

Jonathan’s stomach did an odd swooping jump as he heard that word “son”. This family made him feel that hope he once had as a new kid in the system. That maybe he would be a new family that would love him, care for him, let him call them mom and dad. 

He wrote his name on his assignment and closed his notebook. Jonathan Yang.

He stood up making sure to put his chair back where it had been before heading toward the room he’d been staying in for the last 2 years. Maybe he could get started on a painting for Sarah's birthday. 

He was already brainstorming ideas for the painting when a paper ball hit his head. 

It took him a moment to process what had happened.

He turned to face Alan with a questioning eyebrow.

A very, not at all subtle Alan was looking at his work, staring too closely to his legal documents. Before glancing upward ,a clear guilty look on his face.

He couldn’t help it. Jonathon let out a soft  giggle before he burst out laughing at the over exaggerated wink from the man. Soon they were both laughing as if it was the most funniest thing in the world. He felt so carefree and happy. Something he was getting used to living in this home.

He went back to the table, a clap on his shoulder made him look up. He looked at the man who made so much of an effort to get to know him, look at him with what he could only describe as proud and protective. 

Like a father would look at his son.

“You’re safe here, kid. You got to remember that.”

Jonathon felt the tremble in his chin, and the tears behind his eyes. He could only give Alan a shaky nod. How many times had he wanted to hear those words when he felt scared or uncertain. And now he was hearing them in a place where he’d only felt love and care. More than he had ever in his short life.

That night he was asked a very important question one that would change his life for the better.

Alan and Sarah had knocked on his open door, surprising the young  teen who was playing a video game. Something he’d never thought he would be able to call his own.

His stomach immediately dropped. He took in their slight nervous faces and all those foster families that had the decency to tell him that he would be leaving either the next week or next day flashed through his mind. 

‘No no no please don’t- don’t leave-’

He’d learn to remain stoic, show no emotion. It was the one thing he could control. Keep to himself. But all that restraint, all that control seeped away from him.

Jonathon couldn't remember falling to the floor, he barely heard the sound of the video game controller clattering across the wooden floor. He wasn’t aware that he was crying and begging for them not to send him away. To keep him.

“Please please don’t do this! I promise I’ll be better. I-I don’t know what I did but I won’t do it again. Just tell me-”

He felt an arm wrap itself around his shoulders pulling him into a warm embrace. It was Sarah, running a soothing hand down his tear covered face. Another hand was rubbing his back in a comforting manner.

“Sweetheart- Jonathon ,please you need to know that we- we would never do that. You’re part of this family. We knew that the second you came into our home.”

Jonathon gulped back some shuddery breaths as he calmed his breathing. He wasn’t a fan of hugs and people touching him but this, this was nice. He couldn’t find it within himself to pull away. Not this time.

They helped him up from the floor and set him on the bed as they sat on either side of him.

Alan the man who made jokes, pushed him to let go and just be a kid look at him seriously with tears in his eyes. He took Nico’s hand as Sarah took his other.

“We knew you were ours. And I hope you- we hope that you want us to be your- yours-”

“My what? Why are you two acting this way? Did something happen?”

Sarah shook her head, offering him a smile, “No no honey, what Alan wants to ask is that- if you would let us adopt you?” 

Alan nodded his head, “ Yes - yea we want well we hope that you want to of course. Because we want you to feel completely comfortable. But we just want to make things more official and adopt you. So do you want to be with us? Hmm…you our son? Us as your Mom and Dad?

Jonathon could only stare at him with his mouth open and eyes wide, his vision blurring as tears started again. He was internally screaming ‘yes yes yes I want to be part of your family’ but he needed to make sure what he was hearing was right.

He whispered,“This is forever right? That is what you’re asking?”

They nodded both with hopeful expressions on their faces.

He nodded, his whole body was shaking with excitement and joy. He threw his shoulders around his now father and mother, yelling his answer. It had been a long time since he’d been so loud, so free to express his emotions.

 “Yes yes please! I want to be in this family. Forever and ever.”

And from then on his name was changed to Nico Kim. A name he carried proudly and with honor.