Archive of Our Own

"That's just pathetic," Bucky grumbled as he watched Steve blush and fumble with his pen when Natasha smiled at him.

Early in his recovery, the Hawk & Widow bar had been the only place that Steve had been able to coax Bucky into spending any length of time away from their apartment. It was only a few blocks away and usually empty for a few hours in the afternoon, which limited Bucky's need to interact with people. He'd come a long way in the past year—thanks to intensive therapy and an innate stubbornness not to let the bastards who took his arm win. It'd only been recently that Bucky had gotten out of his own head enough to notice how anyone else's life was going.

He watched Steve nearly fall off his stool when Natasha laughed and shook his head at the goofiness of his best friend. "Come on, Stevie. At least try and look like you have it together."

"Nah," said a voice from next to Bucky's left shoulder. "Nat gets enough assholes hitting on her. Steve's endearing."

Bucky startled hard enough to slosh beer over his hand and was glad when Clint didn't call attention to it. He glared up at Natasha's business partner, more from embarrassment than actual anger.

"What'd I tell ya about sneakin' up on me?!" he growled.

"Dude. I've been mopping the floor around you for twenty minutes," Clint fired back with his usual grin. "I'm the one wearing aids. Ain't my fault you're not payin' attention."

Bucky froze at his own inattention and blinked up at Clint in horror. He watched as Clint's expression softened even if the teasing lilt to his voice didn't change.

"Good thing nobody's come in or out at this time of day," Clint said. "It's so quiet in here that old Chester there's been snoring for a good half hour."

Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. He was grateful for Clint's diligence and understanding, but didn't know the right way to express it. They weren't really friends. They barely acknowledged each other's presence when together in the bar. Whatever Bucky knew about Clint all came second-hand from Steve and he had to assume Clint was getting similar info on him from Natasha. It was a weird way to know someone only by extension.

"Steve's good," Clint continued their previous conversation as if there hadn't been an awkward break. "Nat needs some good in her life."

"You think she'd actually go out with that lug?"

"Yeah, if he'd ever ask. I—"

The light above the back door flashed and interrupted whatever else he would have said.

"Guess it's that time," Clint said with a small wave as he moved to the back of the room. "See ya, Bucky."

Scott, their delivery guy, was amazingly punctual for someone who always looked like barely controlled chaos. His deliveries meant that the bar's busier evening was about to start and usually when Bucky and Steve left.

Bucky drained his beer, stood, and watched as Steve said goodbye to Natasha. It was painful to watch as Steve aborted a formal handshake with a weird kind of wave. Natasha just gave him an indulgent smile and patted the hand that Steve had against the bar.

Later, as they were finishing up dinner back at the apartment, Bucky couldn't help poking at Steve.

"So, when are you gonna finally ask Natasha out on a date?"

"Aschkwhampf?" Steve asked around a mouthful of food before he finished chewing and swallowed.

"Nice. No wonder you can't get a date."

Steve frowned. "Date? You think I should ask Natasha on a date?"

"You like her. Why not? You afraid she'll say no?"

Steve's eyes flicked away from Bucky for a second, which was a huge neon sign that said whatever Steve was about to say next was a total lie.

"We're friends. Just friends. I'm not gonna ask her out."

"You didn't say you don't want to ask her out," Bucky pointed out. "You should at least give it a shot."

"I'm not interested in dating anyone, Buck. I'm good," Steve said as he stood and picked up his plate. He gave Bucky's good shoulder a pat as he walked to the sink. "You and me to the end of the line, right?"

Bucky didn't push the issue any further, but there was something about Steve's comment that didn't sit right with him. It was still bugging him the next morning after Steve had left for work. He was afraid he was being paranoid and his therapist had been working on Bucky not blaming himself for all the bad things that happened. That left only one person to call and Bucky hesitated until after lunch to actually do it.

"Why are you calling me? Is the apartment on fire? Is Steve on fire?" Sam asked as soon as the line connected.

"Fuck off," Bucky bantered back. "I call."

Sam laughed. "Only as a last resort. So what is it now?"

"Does Steve not date cuz he thinks he can't leave me alone?"

The silence on the other end was telling. Sam worked at the VA and was just a generally good person. He avoided flat out lying, especially to his friends.

"Fuck," Bucky cursed over the silence. "What the actual fuck Wilson? What's he thinking?"

"Can I say first how good it is that you're at a stable enough place to be considering others?"

"Stop with the therapy. My best friend's an idiot."

"Not gonna argue that, but he's your best friend for a reason."

"How do we fix him?"

Sam snorted. "Not sure how this is a we problem."

"You're too good a friend to Steve not to try and fix him."

"I don't actually think he's broken."

"He says he doesn't want to date Natasha Romanov."

"Okay, maybe he's a little broken," Sam conceded. "Look. Just give it time. Let him see how much better you are and I'm sure he'll realize he's being over protective."

Bucky could only scoff in disagreement. This was Steve they were talking about. The guy could out-stubborn a mule.

"Seriously, man. Leave it alone," Sam cautioned. "Let Steve see that you're in a good place. It'll work itself out."

"Yeah, sure. Talk to you later."

It took a few days for Bucky to work out a plan. He had enough of a nest egg from his old hazard pay, the insurance settlement, and the Stark Prosthetics stipend that he wouldn't have to worry about needing a job for several more years. That meant he could sneak over to the Hawk & Widow on a morning that Steve was meeting with Natasha at a coffee shop to go over plans for a Wounded Warrior charity event. Steve had mentioned that Clint would need to cover for Natasha at the bar during morning deliveries.

A sleepy and confused looking Clint opened the back door when he found Bucky there instead of a delivery driver.

"Uh… we're closed?"

"Yeah, I know," Bucky responded as he shouldered his way past Clint and into the bar. When he looked over his shoulder, Clint was still standing by the open door and blinking like he wasn't sure Bucky was actually there. "I needed to talk to you… alone. It's about Steve and Natasha."

Clint closed the door and rubbed a hand over his face. "I need coffee."

He went into the office and Bucky followed. Clint picked up the full coffee carafe and looked ready to drink straight out of it before looking over at Bucky. He sighed and grabbed a nearby mug that looked like it may have actually been a stein. Clint filled it and a normal sized mug, then handed Bucky the smaller one before taking a large sip out of the stein.

"This about Steve still not asking Nat out?"

Bucky nodded and took a tentative sip of coffee. It was actually pretty good considering how dark it had looked in the pot. Clint drained his mug and refilled it. He took another large drink before motioning for Bucky to actually say something.

"Not sure how much you know, but I was pretty messed up for a while."

Clint frowned. "You lost an arm while deployed. Nobody should've expected you to be anything but messed up for more than a while."

"Uh… thanks, but… Thanks. I'm a lot better now."

Clint nodded, taking Bucky at his word, and Bucky was glad he didn't have to elaborate.

"So, when I was… more messed up, I may have made Steve think that I couldn't be left alone."

"Are you though?" Clint asked. "Okay to be alone?"

Bucky paused because he'd been pretty focused on Steve, but Clint's question deserved the truth. He imagined Steve moving out of the apartment and what that would mean. Bucky still didn't like big crowds, but he'd figured out the right trains to take out to Manhattan for his checkups with Stark. If Steve moved, he wouldn't be stuck in the apartment without a way to see his best friend. His therapist had taught him a lot of calming techniques, so he'd gotten better about waking Steve after one of his nightmares. In addition to Steve, he had Sam and his therapist for a support system. Bucky could do this.

"Yeah, I'm okay," he finally answered.

"Cool. What do we need to do?"

Bucky sighed in relief and gave Clint a small smile in thanks for his easy acceptance. Clint blinked at him, gave his coffee an odd look, and then focused back on Bucky. After another moment, Clint smiled back and Bucky felt his own widen. Maybe they actually were friends.

"So Steve can be a stubborn jerk," Bucky started. "He isn't gonna believe me that I'm okay. He'd say he believed me and would maybe want to, but he's too close. He was the only one around when I wasn't okay, so I think it's gonna take a lot for him to really believe I'm okay now."

"Gotcha. He cares. I get it."

"I think he's gonna need to see that I won't be alone before he's willing to take a chance with Natasha."

Clint's brows drew together as he thought about what Bucky had said. "Not be alone… so you gotta date first?"

"Yes!"

"You want me to help you find a date?"

"No. We need to date."

Clint's eyes widened and he gave his coffee an odd look again, then sniffed it gently.

"It's just coffee," Bucky said. "I'm serious."

Clint raised a skeptical brow, put down his coffee, and crossed his arms across his chest. "You think Steve's gonna believe you'd date me? You even into guys?"

"Yeah. I'm bi."

Clint's skepticism didn't fade. "You ever date a guy publicly before?"

"No, but being in the Army tends to put a damper on that kind of thing, no matter what they say about not asking."

Bucky knew Clint had served his own time in the Marines as a sniper and neither one of them had left the military unscathed.

"It won't be too long," Bucky promised. "Steve really likes Natasha. I think that once he sees us dating, he'll run out of excuses pretty quickly not to ask her out. Then we can say it didn't work out between us without any drama and the rest will be up to them. I just need Steve to realize I'm not stopping him from having a life."

"So why me?" Clint asked. "I'm not, you know…"

Bucky didn't know, but that wasn't the point.

"I figure you're the only one who's got as much at stake as I do. Natasha's your Steve, right? Friends to the end. Friends we owe more to than we can pay back."

Clint looked down and sighed. "Yeah…" He heaved another deep sigh and then looked pleadingly at Bucky. "You gotta know I'm shit at lying to Nat. If we say we're going out and I just sit in my apartment watching Dog Cops, she's gonna figure it out."

"Then we can actually go out on dates. It doesn't have to mean anything to us. I need to get out more anyway. Help me out. I can't… I won't let Steve throw something this good away because of me."

Clint's expression softened. "You get that Nat likes Steve too, right? If she knew why he wasn't ready to ask her out, she'd wait."

"She shouldn't have to."

"You really think you have to do this, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," Clint conceded and held his hand out for Bucky to shake. "I'm in. How do we do this?"

"I've got it. Just follow my lead."

"Follow your lead. Yeah, I can do that."

Bucky walked into the Hawk & Widow just behind Steve. He glanced toward his usual table before squaring his shoulders and strode toward the bar. Steve was already seated on his usual stool in front of Natasha and Bucky gave her a small wave as he moved to the other end of the bar where Clint was polishing glasses.

"Hey," Bucky greeted quietly when he was close enough for Clint's hearing aids to pick up the sound.

Clint looked up in surprise and then his eyes lit up in recognition when he saw Bucky. He looked genuinely happy to see him walking over that it made Bucky's steps falter for a second. He let himself get distracted for a few moments by Clint's smile until he felt an itch behind his shoulder blades that told him he was being watched.

"Mind if I sit here?" Bucky asked as he perched on the stool in front of Clint.

"Course not," Clint grinned at him. He glanced over as Natasha put Bucky's usual beer in front of him. "Thanks Nat."

"Sure," she responded and gave Bucky a suspicious glance before walking back to where Steve was waiting.

"Something I need to worry about?" Bucky asked.

Clint blushed. "I'm pretty awful at relationships, so…"

"Guess we're both lucky to have friends who care, but uh… when do you next get time free from here?"

"Tomorrow, actually."

"Yeah? Wanna show me a good time?" Bucky asked with an exaggerated wink. It felt nice to pretend for a while that he was still the type of guy capable of flirting with an attractive man.

Clint laughed. "I'm willing to try."

"Where are we going?"

"Can it be a surprise, if you don't mind? I promise no large crowds or loud noises. It's a quick subway ride from here. Meet here at ten and wear clothes you don't mind getting a little messy."

Bucky paused as Clint bit his lip nervously. He remembered a time when he liked small surprises. Clint had also willingly entered into Bucky's ruse, so maybe it was time to take a leap of faith.

"Okay," he agreed and Clint's grin felt like a ray of sunshine Bucky could easily bask in.

His time at the bar wasn't much different than usual aside from his change of seat. Clint didn't demand much conversation from Bucky and Bucky was mostly content to watch Clint's large, calloused hands handle the delicate glassware. Bucky answered a few questions about the sensitivity of his Stark prosthetic and learned that Clint's hearing aids were courtesy of the same veterans program Bucky was involved in. They both managed to ignore the looks they knew Steve and Nat were throwing their way.

Bucky waited for Steve to say something as they left the bar and was surprised that Steve made it until after dinner to mention Clint.

"So, uh… you and Clint looked friendly today."

"Clint's a friendly guy," Bucky responded and handed Steve the pan to dry.

"I'd just never seen you guys talk before."

"That's because you spend all your time mooning at Natasha."

"I don't moon at Natasha."

"You keep telling yourself that," Bucky teased and Steve rolled his eyes.

"It's nice," Steve said after another minute.

"What's nice?"

"Clint."

"Clint's nice? Yeah, so?"

Steve heaved a sigh. "It's nice that you talked to Clint. I didn't realize you'd noticed."

"Noticed what?"

"That Clint's exactly your type," Steve answered with another eye roll, as if Bucky was being especially dense. "When you didn't say anything right away, I thought maybe you weren't interested in guys anymore."

Bucky raised an eyebrow as he handed Steve the last dish. "You thought my losing my arm knocked me straight?"

"No!" Steve looked horrified and Bucky laughed. "Jerk. You know what I mean."

"Yeah," Bucky admitted and hoped he was better at lying to his best friend than Clint was. "I wasn't before, but I am now and at least I'm willing to do something about it. Clint asked me to hang out tomorrow and I said yes."

"You… you're going out—on a date—with Clint?"

"I am," Bucky nodded as he turned away from the sink.

"Uh, where?"

"Dunno. He wanted to surprise me."

"You're gonna let him surprise you?"

"Yeah. Figured it was time to take a chance," Bucky smirked and gave Steve's shoulder a pat. "Maybe you should try it."

Despite his bold words to Steve the night before, Bucky was nervous about meeting Clint the next morning. He had to practice several calming techniques before leaving the apartment and still felt jittery as he walked toward the bar. His heart rate didn't calm down until he saw Clint bouncing on his toes in front of the bar.

"Bucky!" Clint greeted. "You came."

"Did you not expect me to? This whole fake dating thing was my idea, remember?"

"Right. Yeah. Um… Ready to go?"

"Lead the way."

They made their way to Clint's surprise destination in comfortable silence. About a block after they exited the subway, Clint suddenly turned to Bucky in concern.

"Crap. I should have asked earlier. You're not allergic to any animals, are you?"

"You mean like cats and dogs? No, I'm not allergic."

Clint started walking again and Bucky followed. "Guess that will have to do," Clint shrugged. "We can always leave if you start getting allergies."

"What…" Bucky started to ask and then realized that Clint had come to a stop in front of a gate. "A zoo? We're going to a zoo?"

Clint walked over to a smaller side gate and keyed in a code that had it swinging open. "It's more of a rescue facility, but they are open to the public during the weekends. It's just us volunteers during the week and…" Clint stopped walking so suddenly that Bucky nearly ran into his back. He gave Bucky a sheepish shrug. "Bringing you to clean a bunch of animal enclosures probably wasn't a great idea for a date. You could just play with the animals or, uh, we could leave. I'm sorry. You asked what I do for fun and—"

"What kind of rescue?"

"Uh… Injured local wildlife and illegal pets, mostly. They have a larger facility upstate, but they keep some here for outreach."

"We don't have to leave. I'd like to help, if you show me how."

Clint beamed at him. "Really? Great! This way. First we have to see Buster or he'll spend the day throwing stones at me."

"Who's Buster?"

Bucky had a great time. Yes, cleaning out some of the enclosures was gross and some of the animals' stories made Bucky angry or sad, but it felt good to do something productive with his time. Volunteers were also allowed to handle the animals more than a standard visitor would have been and Clint had been through enough training that he could serve as Bucky's sole supervisor during the morning. Bucky's favorite had been a kid goat that had been fascinated with Bucky's prosthetic. Bucky had let it bite gently on a few fingers before Clint pointed out that it wasn't a good idea to let it think people were chewable.

Buster turned out to be a chimpanzee that lived at the center. He was, in Bucky's limited experience, a really well behaved chimp who seemed content to just be wherever Clint was. Buster had excitedly greeted Clint when they let him out of his enclosure and then calmly sat outside the other areas while Clint and Bucky had worked. Clint praised Buster each time and spent ten minutes cuddling him close before the chimp was put back in his enclosure. None of the other staff seemed concerned about their close relationship, so Bucky assumed it was only due to the time Clint had spent at the center.

"How did you find this place?" Bucky asked as they were putting their borrowed coveralls and boots into bins for thorough washing.

"It was actually Buster who found me."

"Okay, you're gonna have to explain that."

"What? It doesn't add to my air of mystery?"

"I think you're confusing it with what we were shoveling earlier."

Clint pouted and then grinned at Bucky. "The paper ran a small story on us when we first opened the H&S. Guess they were using copies to line one of the cages. Buster saw my picture and went ape-shit. Pun intended."

Bucky had learned throughout the morning that Clint's sense of humor tended toward really bad puns and responding in any way just egged him on.

"The vet figured out what he was screaming about and called the bar," Clint continued. "Rest is history."

Clint shrugged and finished washing up while Bucky frowned at his back. He wondered if this was a story Clint thought Bucky already knew.

"There's a great hotdog cart on the way to the subway," Clint suggested as they exited the center.

Bucky's stomach growled on cue and they both laughed. "Let's go!"

Both of them were pretty hungry, so they each grabbed a few dogs and sat on a nearby bench to scarf them down. It wasn't until they were on the train headed back that Bucky was able to circle back to their earlier conversation.

"So you knew Buster before he was at the center? How the hell did you meet a chimpanzee?"

"I grew up in a circus."

Bucky narrowed his eyes at Clint, who didn't flinch. "You're telling the truth."

"Yup. A lot of kids talk about running away and joining the circus. My brother and I actually did it."

"That's…"

"Not as glamorous as it sounds. It wasn't all bad either. Working with the animals was awesome."

"You went from the circus to the Marines?"

Clint shrugged. "I managed to get my GED, but there was no way I could pay for college. I was old enough to figure out the circus wasn't a healthy place, so it was either the military or the streets."

"Not that different from my story, then. Except the circus part."

"Hopefully yours didn't start with an abusive, alcoholic father that crashed himself and your mom into a tree."

Bucky couldn't hold back his flinch. He couldn't imagine someone as good natured as Clint starting his life like that.

Clint winced and looked down at his shoes. "Sorry. I tend to let my mouth run. You didn't need to know that."

"I don't mind knowing," Bucky said and reached out to place a hand on Clint's arm. "Thanks for telling me. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"What doesn't kill us, right?" Clint gave him a small smile and Bucky couldn't help but be amazed at his quiet strength.

Several dates into his fake relationship with Clint and Bucky was starting to think this was the best idea he'd ever had. Spending time with Clint was a lot of fun. In addition to going back to the rescue center, Clint had taken Bucky to the archery range, an old-time movie theater, and even out to the carnival games at Coney Island to win him a giant stuffed unicorn.

It hadn't escaped Bucky's notice that Clint had looked more tired lately since he was going out during the day with Bucky instead of resting. Today, he'd invited Clint to come over to relax and finally introduce Bucky to Dog Cops. Bucky had prepped a lasagna to throw into the oven for lunch and was doing some last minute tidying before Clint came over in a few hours. Now he just needed Steve to stop getting underfoot.

"Don't you have to get to work?" Bucky asked after turning around for the fifth time and bumping into Steve.

"I got a few more minutes."

"What's with you this morning?"

"You don't have to do anything," Steve blurted out while looking extremely uncomfortable.

Bucky looked down at the blanket he'd folded. "Just tidying up a bit."

"That's not what I mean."

"What do you mean, then?"

"Just because Clint is coming over doesn't mean anything has to happen. He needs to respect your boundaries."

Bucky frowned because he had a bad feeling he knew what Steve was failing to say. "I'm the one who invited him over."

"Which is a big step already! You're inviting him into your space. It doesn't mean anything physical, anything you're not ready for, has to happen."

"You think Clint is gonna what? Force himself on me?"

"I—"

Bucky held up his hand. "Watch what you say, cuz I love you like a brother, but I'm not gonna react well if you plan on accusing Clint of something like that."

Steve sighed and looked chagrined. "You're right. I'm sorry. Clint's a good guy."

"He is a great guy and I'm perfectly capable of drawing the line if I don't want something to happen. What brought this on anyway?"

"You used to react badly when people touched you."

"We've talked about this," Bucky reminded him. "I don't like people I don't know touching me unexpectedly. You and I touch all the time."

"Yeah, but Clint makes a point of not touching you. And Natasha said he's usually very tactile, so I thought he was maybe looking for an opportunity. Then I thought that maybe you weren't ready and I got worried and…" Steve trailed off and winced. "I guess I went off my rocker a bit."

Bucky grinned to show he wasn't really upset and threw the blanket at Steve's head. "Don't do it again."

Steve deflected the blanket onto the couch and grinned back. He turned to grab his jacket and keys, but stopped at the front door.

"Bucky?"

"Yeah, punk?"

"I'm glad things are going well with Clint," Steve said with a soft smile. "You're right about him being a great guy and I'm happy for you. You deserve it."

"Uh, thanks."

Steve stepped out the door with a small salute and Bucky felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He didn't like hiding the truth from Steve, but needed to remember the whole facade was for Steve's benefit. It already seemed to be working since Steve and Natasha planned to attend the charity event together.

It also helped that Clint was the best pretend boyfriend Bucky could have hoped for. He had a great sense of humor—bad puns aside—and had a way of finding joy in the small things. He loved animals and small children to the point where walking through the park took three times longer than it should, but he always looked so adorable that rushing him never felt right. Bucky's life became a lot less dull with Clint in it.

Then there was the quiet strength that Bucky had noticed on that first date. You'd never guess at Clint's sad history by how he faced each day with optimism. He was aware of the darker side of life, but didn't let it define him. Clint never called attention to his disability nor did he hide or let it hold him back. He wore his BTEs proudly and, while he hated crowds more than Bucky, Clint still worked at the bar on busy nights when his aids would have trouble filtering the noise. Clint's strength gave Bucky an extra lift and even his therapist had noticed how much he'd improved over the last few weeks.

Bucky suddenly realized that he'd made a mistake. He should have let Steve keep thinking Clint was respecting Bucky's boundaries about touch. After their conversation this morning, Steve would be expecting some level of PDA between him and Clint. Bucky didn't mind—he'd been wondering since seeing Clint's arms in action with a bow how one of his hugs would feel—but he didn't want Clint to feel uncomfortable. He would just have to explain the situation to Clint when he arrived.

As if on cue, there was a knock at the door and Bucky opened it with a welcoming smile.

"Hey, Clint! Come on in."

"Thanks," Clint responded as he came in and took a look around. "Nice place. Bigger than I would have expected from how you described it."

"Yeah, we'll Steve's not here and that big Dorito takes up a lot more space now than when we were kids."

Clint laughed and held up a small bag. "I brought candy. Grabbed an assortment from that novelty shop on sixth."

Bucky took the bag from Clint and looked inside curiously. "No way? Are those Atomic Fireballs?!"

"Yup! We should go there sometime and you can complain about how there's no good candy anymore."

"You are not that much younger than me, you know."

"Maybe, but you and Steve are all about the good ol' days."

"Haha. But hey, speaking of Steve…"

Clint raised an eyebrow at the sudden transition, but didn't comment further.

"He somehow got it in his head that you were coming over to push for a more physical relationship."

Clint's eyes went wide. "I'd never— He gets that consent is important, right?"

"We talked it through and he realized he lost his mind for a bit. He doesn't actually think you'd do something like that."

"Oh. Okay. Good. We are good, right?"

"Steve doesn't think you're here to take advantage of me," Bucky answers, "but I may have indirectly told him that I'd be okay with you touching me."

"But he told us—"

Bucky shook his head. "That was before. With the explosion, losing the arm, and getting the prosthetic, I had a lot of strangers putting their hands on me without my control. When I finally got control back, it was easier just to stop it altogether. It took a long time for me to be okay."

"So now?"

"I still hate crowds, but I don't mind if my friends touch me."

"That's great, Bucky."

Clint's proud smile made Bucky feel like he'd just climbed Everest. "Thanks. You can, um… Steve won't expect us to suddenly start making out in public, but casual touch is okay. He mentioned that you're usually very tactile with people."

"I'm guessing Nat said something, since I'm pretty much a koala when it's just us hanging out. She says I'm touch starved since I didn't get hugged enough as a kid."

Clint said the last part with a wry smile and Bucky wanted to hug him for being so carefree about his childhood.

"I'd easily volunteer to hug you," Bucky admitted. "You have arms made for hugging."

"Yeah?" Clint laughed and held his arms open for Bucky to step into.

Bucky glad walked over and sank into the hug when Clint's arms wrapped around him tightly. They felt just as great as Bucky had imagined.

"Mmmm," he sighed as the two of them continued to hold one another. "There are definite perks to this fake dating scheme."

"Yeah…"

Clint's arms tightened before he dropped them to his side. Bucky unwrapped his own arms and stepped back to see Clint rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Did Steve tell you Nat asked him to go to that benefit?"

Bucky nodded and shrugged. "I'm not considering it a real date since they both had to go anyway."

"Oh, right. Probably a good point."

"You don't mind, do you?"

"No, no. Course not."

"Great," Bucky said with genuine relief. After all, he couldn't let Steve down now.

It's just Bucky's luck that a few days after having Clint over, he has one of the worst nightmares he's had in months. It left him shaking and unable to sleep the rest of the night. He stayed huddled under his blankets quietly trying to calm himself, worried that Steve would hear. Bucky didn't want Steve thinking he'd had a setback.

An hour after Bucky had heard Steve leave the apartment, he was still fighting waves of panic. He had to admit to himself that it was time to get help. Bucky grabbed his phone and shot off a text before he could change his mind. He dragged himself out of the bed, still wrapped in his blankets, and sat by the door to wait.

Faster than he would have expected, there was a knock at the door. Bucky jumped up and threw the door open.

"Buck, are you—"

Bucky fell into Clint and let out a shuddering sob as his strong arms wrapped around him. Clint held him for a long moment before he started to relax his hold. Bucky made a noise of protest and clung to the front of Clint's shirt.

"Hey, hey. I'm not going anywhere," Clint assured him. "I'm just trying to get us out of the hall, okay?"

Bucky nodded mutely. Clint shuffled them forward, kicked the door shut behind him, and then maneuvered them toward the couch. They fell heavily onto it and Bucky burrowed into Clint as he shuffled them into a more comfortable position. He didn't ask any questions as he held Bucky and smoothed a calming hand up and down his back.

He didn't know much time passed before he felt calm enough to pull away from Clint and use his blanket to wipe his face.

"Sorry, I—"

"No apologizing," Clint interrupted. "I have bad days too. I'm happy to be here."

"You're too good to me," Bucky said tiredly as he let himself melt back against Clint's chest. "Thanks for being here."

"No place else I'd rather be."

They lay like that for a long time with Bucky letting Clint's warmth chase away the lingering chill from his nightmare. Eventually, Bucky knew he needed to let Clint leave and go on with his day.

"When do you need to be at the bar?"

Clint craned his neck to see the clock. "About forty minutes ago."

Bucky sat up in surprise and belatedly realized that he'd pulled Clint out of bed. All he seemed to have done before coming over is pull a hoodie over his sleep pants.

"It's fine," Clint assured Bucky as he also sat up. "I sent Nat a text on my way over. Told her I needed some time this morning. She knows not to worry."

"Oh."

"Like I said, I have bad days too. Some days, I just need time to myself and others, Nat usually helps."

"I get that. Steve has helped a lot. Thought I could handle it today and didn't want him to think I had a setback."

Clint frowned. "A bad day or a nightmare doesn't mean you're having a setback."

"I know, I know. Sam and my therapist have said the same thing. I'm still getting used to it."

"Okay," Clint accepted easily. "Do you need me to stay? It's okay if you do, but I should give Nat an update so she doesn't worry."

Bucky paused and really gave Clint's question some thought. He felt calm and centered, nothing like earlier.

"I think I'm good."

"If you're sure, then I'm gonna head out. Still need to get showered before heading in."

Bucky disentangled himself from the blanket and stood so that Clint could do the same.

"Thanks again for coming over," Bucky said as he walked Clint to the door.

"I was happy to."

They stood in front of the door for a second before Clint pulled Bucky into an extended hug. Bucky looked up without stepping out of the embrace and the moment changed from comfort to something else. Clint licked his lips, looked down at Bucky's mouth, and then back to his eyes—the unspoken question clear to them both.

Bucky nodded and Clint dipped his head to press their lips together. The kiss was unlike anything Bucky had experienced before. It was sweet and tender, edged with just enough heat to hint at a hidden passion underneath. Bucky had heard about drugging kisses, but had never been part of one before.

Much too soon, Clint was pulling back with a small smile. He gave Bucky another quick kiss at the corner of his mouth before opening the door and leaving.

Bucky wasn't sure what to do about the kiss. He didn't know if it was just another way of Clint comforting Bucky or if it meant something more. Eventually, he decided to act as if it hadn't happened and let Clint decide how they would proceed.

Over the next week and a half, Clint didn't try to kiss him again. He continued to give Bucky hugs in greeting and goodbye, but never hinted at wanting anything else whether they were in public or alone. They continued to go on dates and Bucky figured he couldn't complain since Clint was already doing him a huge favor.

He wasn't expecting to find Clint looking morose and anxious when they met for coffee one morning.

"Hey. Is everything okay?" Bucky asked in concern as he sat next to Clint on the small loveseat.

"Yeah. I'm okay. It's… I…" Clint let out a long breath and finally met Bucky's eyes. "I think we need to break up. Fake break up."

Bucky reared back. "What? Why?!"

"Nat and Steve have gone out several times now. I think your plan worked."

"You don't think it'll be suspicious if we suddenly break up?"

"No? I don't think so. You said no drama, right? So we just say we decided to be friends. We like hanging out, but that's it."

Bucky shook his head. "I think it's too soon. What if they break up because we do?"

"Then that's on them. Their relationship needs to be about them, not us."

"I thought you were a better friend than this."

"Maybe we just have different definitions," Clint retorted and then sighed. "I can't keep lying anymore. I can't keep pretending. It's… not who I am. I'm sorry if you're disappointed or angry at me, but I'm not going to change my mind."

Bucky looked away and tried to reign in his emotions. Clint was right. He'd gone along with the ruse for longer than Bucky should have expected. It wasn't his fault that Bucky didn't want it to end.

"It's fine," he bit out and then took a breath. He gave Clint what he hoped came close to a smile. "Really. It's fine. I'll just miss the center and the range."

"You get that I don't own those places, right? You don't need me to go. You could even bring a real date there, tour all of Hawkeye's worst date locations."

Bucky couldn't imagine going with anyone other than Clint. "They weren't that bad," he said instead.

"I'm sure shoveling animal feces is everyone's idea of a great first date."

"I'm not everyone and I had a good time," Bucky countered because he never liked to hear Clint talk himself down. He didn't understand why the comment seemed to make Clint even sadder. There was an awkward moment before Bucky took the initiative and stood. He waited until Clint stood as well before continuing, "Thanks for, uh, taking me to all those places and thanks for going along with my whole crazy idea."

"It was well intentioned," Clint said and took a step away from the table. "Uh, look… I… I had a good time too. Maybe in a bit when this all blows over, we can hang out again sometime. As friends."

"Yeah, sure. Friends."

Clint held his hand out and Bucky reached out to shake it. There was a finality to it that made Bucky's chest tighten, but Clint was gone before he could examine the feeling.

Considering that Bucky had been faking a relationship for almost two months, the hardest lie was telling Steve they'd broken up because they lacked chemistry. Luckily, Steve didn't press for too many details and also didn't seem to be letting the breakup affect his burgeoning relationship with Natasha.

Bucky went back to spending most of his time holed up in the apartment. Surprisingly, the emotional turmoil of the breakup didn't trigger any nightmares or bad days. He figured it was because it was never a real relationship in the first place.

He didn't try and fool himself into thinking he didn't miss Clint. He did, desperately, which is why it was so difficult to leave the apartment. It seemed like every good memory he had recently was tied to Clint.

It wasn't until Steve's looks of concern started edging toward genuine worry that Bucky decided he needed to stop hiding. He spent a nervous morning psyching himself up to see Clint again, only to be disappointed at not seeing Clint when he and Steve walked into the Hawk & Widow.

Bucky settled into his old table in the corner. This time, his scowl was genuine.

"He avoiding me?" Bucky asked when it was Natasha who walked his beer over.

"Yes," Natasha answered simply. "Give him a little more time."

"He gets he's the one that called it off?"

"I thought it was mutual?"

"It was. Is. We mutually agreed."

Natasha hummed and didn't look convinced.

"Anyway," Bucky went on. "You can tell him I'm fine. He doesn't have to avoid his own bar."

"You assume he's not here for you," Natasha said and Bucky's frown deepened in confusion. She sighed and stepped a little closer. "There's a couple of things I think you've been told that you maybe haven't absorbed. One, Clint is very bad at lying, especially to me. Two, there was never a timeline for how I feel about Steve."

"You've known all along," Bucky concluded and Natasha nodded. "You went along with it. Why?"

"Because we both want to see our best friends happy."

Natasha turned and walked away without saying anything more. The whole conversation left Bucky feeling surly and out of sorts—like there was a piece of a puzzle he didn't have. The past few weeks had been about getting Steve and Natasha together, so Bucky should be happy that his plan worked. It didn't make sense that nothing felt right anymore.

Bucky was still feeling introspective that night and shouldn't have been surprised that Steve wouldn't let him stay quiet.

"You're quiet tonight."

Bucky shrugged and continued to push the food around on his plate. "Got a lot of stuff on my mind."

"That stuff all start with the letter C and end with t?"

"Shut it, Rogers."

"You know what," Steve said after a short pause. "I don't think I will. Clint adores you."

"Yeah and how do you know that?"

"I have eyes. I've seen the way he looked at you, even before you noticed him back."

Bucky pushed his plate away from him in frustration. "What are you talking about?"

"The first time Natasha talked to me was because Clint wanted to know more about you."

"That doesn't—"

"He talked Stark into having fewer people around when you went in for your arm checkups."

"He what?!" Bucky leaned forward as if it would make Steve's words make more sense.

"Okay. I may not actually know that," Steve backtracked, "but it's too coincidental. Nat mentioned Clint was part of a similar study and I may have complained that you never come back from your checkups looking happy. A few weeks later, you mentioned that Stark was the only one messing with your arm."

Bucky thought back to some of his conversations with Clint. He'd volunteered that he was also part of a Stark study, as if he'd already known about Bucky. He'd talked about Stark like they were friends and had gently suggested to Bucky that he didn't need to just sit there stoically during his checkups. Had Clint been asking Stark about Bucky?

"You're saying Clint was always interested in me?"

"I think Clint cares a lot about you," Steve corrected.

"So this is my fault even if he's the one who broke up with me?"

Steve didn't try and correct their initial insistence that it was a mutual breakup. "I don't know. Maybe a little… Yeah. You guys looked so happy together."

Bucky rubbed a hand over his face and decided it was time to come clean. "It was fake."

"What was fake?"

"Clint. Me. Us. We weren't really dating. We faked it so you'd get your head out of your ass and ask Natasha out."

"What the fuck, Bucky?!"

Steve reached across to push at his shoulder and Bucky leaned back to swat his hand away.

"You were gonna let someone like Natasha slip through your fingers because you didn't think I could live without you here. What choice did I have?"

"I was not!"

"You were too!" Bucky fired back. "You and me till the end of the line, asshole!"

Steve opened and closed his mouth a few times before deflating. "Maybe I did… You could have just talked to me."

"Natasha. Romanov."

"Fine. I was an idiot, but you are too if you think you and Clint weren't real," Steve retorted and held out a finger to stop whatever Bucky was about to say next. "Eh! Don't just argue. Think about it."

Bucky glowered, but he did as Steve advised. Those weeks with Clint were the best he'd felt in a long time. He missed Clint sharing all his favorite places. He missed Clint's hugs. He wanted more than that one kiss they'd shared. But more than anything, he missed Clint—his smile, his presence, his joy, his strength, and the way he looked at Bucky like he was someone worth being with.

There was never a timeline on how I feel about Steve.

I've seen the way he looks at you, even before you noticed him back.

The puzzle pieces finally clicked into place.

"Shit," Bucky groaned as he dropped his head onto the table. "This is my fault. Clint wasn't faking. He went along because it's what I wanted."

"Oh! It was your… huh. So maybe he thought you'd get to know him and…"

"Yeah, and." Bucky sat up and leaned back with a self-disgusted sigh. "Except I kept reminding him that it was fake and why. I tried to use his loyalty to Natasha to keep him going along. I told Clint he wasn't a real friend when he broke it off."

"Why did you want to keep going?"

"Because I was happy. Because being with Clint makes me happy. I thought I made him happy too."

"I'm guessing you do, which is maybe why he broke it off."

Bucky wanted to pull his hair out at his own obliviousness. "Because he thought it wasn't real for me. Fuck, Steve. Do you think I can fix this?"

"I think honesty is still the best policy."

"Right," Buck said and stood. "Let's go. I need to talk to Clint."

"Now? It's Friday."

The Hawk & Widow was always busy at night, especially on the weekends, but Fridays were designated as 'Beat Hawkeye for a Beer'. Any customer who beat Clint at darts got a free drink. Most regulars knew better than to try these days, but Fridays were still their most popular night.

"Exactly," Bucky nodded. "It means Clint'll be there. He can't avoid me."

"They're gonna be busy."

Bucky hated crowds, especially ones confined to small spaces. Walking into the bar tonight would be hard, but Clint was important enough to try.

"I know it'll be busy." Bucky could feel his tension rising just thinking about it. "I can manage. For Clint. But… Stay close, okay?"

Steve stood and gave him an encouraging smile. "Always. You and me. Two idiots till the end of the line."

Bucky opened the door to the bar and balked. There were a lot of people inside.

"You don't have to do this now," Steve advised.

"I think I do." Bucky squared his shoulders and stepped over the threshold. "Watch my back?"

"I gotcha."

They made it all the way to the side of the bar where Clint was stationed without anyone getting in the way—Bucky's determined strut and Steve's bulk paving the way.

Clint raised his head when the crowd parted, his eyes widening when he caught sight of Bucky. Bucky opened his mouth to speak when some guy pushed his way to the bar and slammed into both Bucky and Steve. Before any of them could do anything, Clint was already telling angrily.

"Dude! Back off. You can wait five damn minutes for your drink. I'll even comp it. Step. The fuck. Back."

Clint walked around the bar and toward Bucky. He maneuvered them—careful not to touch—slightly behind the bar so that Bucky didn't have anyone at his back. Clint put himself between Bucky and the crowd. He put his back to everyone else to be Bucky's barrier even though Clint hated not being able to see when his aids couldn't cut cleanly through the noise. Despite everything, Bucky was still Clint's priority. It was another piece of the puzzle slipping into place and Bucky finally understood everything he'd been feeling all these weeks.

"Fuck. I think I love you," Bucky blurted out.

Clint's mouth fell open in surprise and he tapped one of his aids. "What…?"

Bucky stepped forward into Clint's space so there was no mistaking his words. "I've been an idiot. I don't want to keep faking either. It never felt fake when we were together. I want to keep spending time with you, for real."

Instead of the happy response Bucky was expecting, Clint sighed and looked down. "You don't have to… I know I'm not… Just give me some time and we can still hang out. I know you enjoyed—"

Bucky took another step closer, which forced Clint to look up.

"May I kiss you?" Bucky asked when Clint didn't step back.

"What?"

"Consent is important and I'd like to kiss you now."

"You don't need to—"

"I want to kiss you."

"You—"

"Do you want me to kiss you?"

"Yes!" Clint answered as if he couldn't keep from telling the truth.

Bucky surged forward and put everything he could into the kiss. He heard wolf whistles, but he was too busy filling his senses with Clint to care. One of Bucky's hands lifted to Clint's jaw while the other gripped the back of his shirt as Clint's arms finally wrapped around him.

When they finally pulled apart, they were both breathless, but Clint was still looking at Bucky in disbelief. He knew everything wasn't going to be magically fixed with a kiss. The important part for now was that Clint seemed willing to let them try.

There was a polite cough and they looked over to see Natasha standing at the bar with Steve on the other side. Steve was grinning from ear to ear while Natasha only raised an eyebrow before giving them a small smile.

"I suppose I can cover your side for a few minutes," she said pointedly.

Clint grinned at her. "Thanks, Nat."

"Thank you, Natasha," Bucky echoed, hoping she could hear the true depth of his gratitude.

Natasha glanced at Bucky and threw him a wink before she turned to deal with the customers clamoring for her attention.

"Hopefully that means she forgives me," Bucky said when Clint turned back to face him.

"For what?"

"For making you lie to her. For being oblivious. For making you unhappy."

"I agreed to it," Clint reminded him.

"I know. To be honest, I'm glad you did, even if the past week without you has been awful. I'm not sure if I'd ever have been brave enough to ask you on a date on my own."

Clint shook his head. "I'm just—"

"You're amazing," Bucky interrupted. "You are sexy, caring, and make my days brighter by just being you. Let's start over so I can do this the right way." He stepped back slightly and held his hand out for Clint to take. "Hi, I'm Bucky. I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime."

Clint laughed and pulled Bucky closer with their joined hands to give him a quick kiss. "I'm Clint and I'd love to go out with you. How does tomorrow sound?"

"It sounds amazing as long as it includes the day after and the day after that and all the days after."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Just follow my lead."

"I can do that."