Chapter Text
Olivia pulled her phone out when she felt it vibrate against her leg from its home inside her trouser pocket. It had been another long day, and she was exhausted, on her way to a therapy appointment.
“Happy Birthday, Liv,” the voice on the other end of the line said.
“Rafa,” she smiled, despite herself, “Happy Birthday. How much longer with the windmills? How’s democracy surviving?”
“I don’t think we’ll know that until after the 2020 election,” he sighed, “But happier things. Have you had a good day?”
“I made it out the other end, so yes, I suppose so. Noah made burnt waffles for breakfast.”
“Awww. It’s the thought that counts, right?”
“Definitely. And thank you for the flowers. And phone call. And lunch. I’m feeling very spoilt, Rafa.”
“Good. You should be. It’s to make up for…me not being there.” He’d nearly said lost time. But he didn’t want to sound presumptuous. Though they had talked every day since that Skype call, they hadn’t decided anything yet.
“Mmm. I wish you were here too. But soon, right?” She opened the door into Dr. Lindstrom’s office, and, glad to see his door closed, sat in one of the chairs outside, making sure she was talking quietly. She smiled at his secretary as she sat.
“Soon. I promise. Where are you off to now?”
“Dr. Lindstrom. I didn’t even realize I’d scheduled it for today, but Noah had dance rehearsal anyway, so it worked out. I’m going to pick him up after and we’ll go out for dinner.”
“Sounds nice. Are you…doing better?” She usually avoided talking about deep things - their phone conversations were often quick or late at night as they were getting ready for bed, after Noah was asleep.
“Getting there. Definitely getting there. The appointments are getting shorter again, which has to be a good sign, right?” he could even hear the smile in her voice.
“Right. I’m glad. I…I miss you, Liv.” He almost let the love word slip out at the end of every phone call. But that was something he wanted to say in person.
“I miss you too, Rafa. See you soon,” she said, as the door opened and Dr. Lindstrom saw his patient out, “I’d better go. My turn.”
“Okay. Bye, Liv.”
“Bye, Rafa.”
She followed Dr. Lindstrom through the door.
“So, ADA Barba is back on the scene again?” Her therapist asked curiously. Olivia had brought up the ADA in many William Lewis conversations, but she hadn’t mentioned him since their visits had resumed after Ed Tucker’s suicide.
“Not in person, yet. He’s in Iowa right now. Election fraud.”
“Wow. That’s a can of worms.”
“Yeah…” she trailed off, “If anyone can handle it, Rafael can.”
“You’ve been talking though?”
“Yeah. We’d been emailing and texting regularly up until a few weeks ago. He actually said goodbye,” she added at her doctor’s significant look. He, of course, knew all about Elliott and her abandonment issues related to him, “But then we skyped. Rafa…grew a beard,” she laughed a little, “I’m so used to seeing him clean shaven. But he looks good. And it was so good to “see” him again. We’ve talked in some capacity every day since then.”
“And how are you feeling about that?”
“I’m just about over the guilt phase,” she said softly.
“Do you think Ed would have wanted you to live your life alone if someone else could have been there?” He asked. It had taken a few sessions for him to build up to this question.
“No,” Olivia whispered, but clearly enough for him to hear her, “No. He wouldn’t. I just…I wish we’d had time. Time to reconcile. To leave things better than we left them last time I saw him. I mean, last time prior to…you know. Last time.”
“He played a role too though, Olivia. And he moved on, right?”
“Yeah. I suppose he did.”
“He remarried. Settled. You weren’t obligated to marry him, right?”
“No. No I wasn’t.”
“So you shouldn’t feel guilt that he married someone else, even if he did still have feelings for you? You didn’t encourage them, and you ended your relationship in a way that would leave no doubt that it was over?”
“I did, I know,” she said, “I’m almost to the point of believing it. But time is…moving so fast. Maybe I should have listened to him, retired then. Maybe if I had, things would be less complicated now.”
“There’s no point in living for maybes. You made the right decision for you at the time. And think of all you would have missed out on.” She thought of Carisi becoming an ADA, her and Amanda’s close friendship, hiring Kat.
“Yeah,” she said finally, “Yeah. I would’ve missed out on a lot.”
“So go and live, Olivia. You have so much to live for, so many things left to do. Go do them. I’m here, if you need me.”
“That’s it?” She checked.
“I’m sure. If you are.” He’d heard his outer door open, then close, and his secretary’s murmured greeting. The muffled sound of someone sitting on one of the waiting chairs. He knew Olivia was his last appointment, but he also thought he knew who it was on the other side of his door.
She smiled, “Yes. Okay. Thank you, again.”
“You’re welcome, Olivia. And Happy Birthday,” he smiled.
“Thanks,” she said. He opened the door, watched her walk through it. The person sitting in the chair got up. Olivia looked up, her eyes widening. Dr. Lindstrom discreetly closed his door.
“Rafa?” She whispered, “What - how?”
“Happy Birthday, Liv,” he said quietly.
“Oh my God,” she said again, possibly for the first time in her life at a loss for words, “Rafa.” She let herself fall into his arms, almost sagging with relief, feeling the final pieces of tension leave her body.
He held her until she let go. She gently released him, but took his hand, intertwining their fingers. She nodded at Dr. Lindstrom’s secretary as she led Rafa out.
“What are you doing here?” She asked again.
“I wanted to wish you Happy Birthday in person too,” he said, taking their linked hands and wrapping an arm around her waist as they walked.
“Best birthday ever,” she told him.
“Really?”
She sighed happily, feeling lighter than she had in months. Years. Possibly ever, “Yeah, Rafa. Really.”
“Well, I’m glad. Shall we get Noah and go see if we can find something more appetizing than burnt waffles for dinner?”
“Sounds perfect,” she said, and led him to her car.
They walked into the brightly lit dance studio hand in hand. Noah was ready to go, back in his street clothes, waiting for his mother sitting on a bench with other boys and girls. He looked up as his friend nudged him.
“UNCLE RAFA!” Suddenly echoed throughout the studio’s entrance as Noah hurdled towards the man holding his mothers hand. Rafael let go of Olivia to scoop Noah up, startling slightly at how much the boy had grown.
“Hola, amigo,” he said.
"I missed you, Uncle Rafa."
“I missed you too,” Rafael said. Olivia had reclaimed Noah’s bag from where it had dropped on the ground in her son’s rush to get to Rafael, and led her crew out of the studio. Rafael gently let Noah down to join his mother as they headed for the car.