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In a damp early morning, with dew resting outdoors and soft sunlight barely shining through gray clouds onto the early day’s soil, a sharp freezing breath entered and exited through an exhausted teenage boy’s body. His black hair untamed in days, resting wherever it pleases along his head. The only heat source was the small black lighter he used to light a cigarette. Sometimes he wondered if smoking was worth it, but it seemed to be the only thing that made his stress lessen. He leaned against the wooden railing on his home’s balcony, his eyes dull in the pale light.
Something about the quiet of the early morning made him feel more at ease when he was alone. All but the birds slept as the sun peeked it’s way into the homes of japanese residents. The chirping and stirring of nature as the world awoke was pleasing and kind. A gentle embrace to the new day. No harm or fear. There were no threats or possible dangers closing in every second. Not just yet. The world was stepping peacefully into a pond of endless possibility.
For just a moment, the boy missed the desert he had spent many days in. Alongside friends he appreciated more than he could ever say, and an adventure of a lifetime. If he hadn’t been so worn down and scarred by the unfair experience, he’d do it again. It seemed to bring meaning to a life he had begun to disassociate from.
The cigarette had burned past its use and was thrown down carelessly. The sky grew brighter every minute and defeated what was once a thick wall of clouds. The weighted teenager looked to the sky and shut his eyes. The sounds flowed in and out like nature’s unique song. He breathed in the cold air and sighed.
“I am Jotaro Kujo,” He whispered. “And I am strong enough to live another day.” Jotaro opened his eyes and shoved his hands into his thick black winter coat, then turned to face the balcony door leading back inside. The door was glass, which allowed him to see the inside of the room. His mother was nowhere, of course. She was currently on vacation with her father. He had the house to himself. It was a time to reflect on the recent journey.
He gripped the sliding glass door’s handle and pulled it aside so he could enter. With a lazy stomp to remove the snow from his feet, he entered above the mat placed for the purpose of cleaning shoes before stepping on the floor. He removed his shoes and tossed them across the floor. His mom wasn’t there to scold him, anyways. The room he had stepped in was his own bedroom. Posters of edgy bands and rebellious teenage boys lined the walls. There was a messy, unmade bed in the middle of the room, and blankets lazily thrown around the floor.
Jotaro made his way into the kitchen where he analyzed the food supply. Neither the refrigerator nor pantry contained anything that pleased his hunger. Eventually, he gave up and sat down on the soft gray couch in the living room. The pillows were inviting and he felt quite tired and unmotivated. All he could do was sleep or relax, though he knew neither would satisfy him. Jotaro gave in and rested his head down on a pillow. After a few minutes, he began to drift off. The pitch black behind his eyes filled his vision and his muscles released tension. Just as he felt himself begin to slip away, three loud knocks echoed from the front door of the house.
“Great.” Jotaro grumbled and cursed before sitting up and eventually standing to approach the door. Slowly, but surely, he made it to the front door and opened it reluctantly. “Yes?” He said in a low raspy voice, really showing he was tired and not ready for whatever bullshit had come to him.
His eyes trailed upwards. They began at the feet, as he had been looking at the ground from the moment he opened the door due to the now violent sunlight. His heart raced as a familiar outfit formed from the bottom up. His glare finally stopped at the eyes of a friend. The emerald green outfit, pale skin, red hair, and lavender eyes completed the view of someone dear to Jotaro.
“Kakyoin…” He whispered in disbelief.
“Jotaro!” The cherry haired teenage boy smiled widely. His eyes sparkled with excitement and a hint of longing. If you looked for long, you could feel a hidden grief behind the beautiful purple irises of the young man. “You look excellent! I’m glad you didn’t get too hurt back in egypt.”
“Noriaki Kakyoin…”
“Yeah?”
“You’re here!” Jotaro had never sounded so excited. He almost cracked a smile, in fact. “What do you mean I look good? You were with the speedwagon foundation! Injured! Right? You look perfectly fine now.”
“Well, It’s amazing what the foundation can do.” Kakyoin laughed casually. “How have you been? Glad to be home, I assume?” Jotaro nodded, shrugging.
“I guess. It’s no adventure of a lifetime, but it’s peaceful. I missed that.” Jotaro sighed. “Hey, don’t stand in the snow, It’s still pretty cold outside, though most of it is melting, alright?” He stepped aside, leaving room for his friend to enter. Kakyoin nodded and gracefully made his way into his home, removing his shoes immediately.
“Has your mother been doing well? I assume she is relieved to be free of the sickness she felt.” Kakyoin asked considerately. He was kind like that, aware of other people’s thoughts and feelings.
“Yes, she has. She’s currently away on a vacation with my grandparents.” Jotaro said, finding some tea to brew, immediately beginning to prepare it for the two of them. “What about you? Have you visited your parents since leaving the hospital yet?” Kakyoin turned his head away from Jotaro, looking through the small window mostly closed with blinds. His eyes shone like glass in the light.
“No.” He looked forward again and stared at his hands placed neatly on his legs. “Not yet.”
“How come? Don’t you think they’ve been worried about you? You’ve been missing for quite some time.” Jotaro tried to reason with him. He opened his mouth to speak again, but caught himself feeling quite open towards Kakyoin. Why was that exactly? What about his friend was different from everyone else? That made him easy to talk to, pleasurable even. It puzzled Jotaro, but he had already started, so he decided that he might as well keep talking to him.
“I’m not sure. I swear I’m intending on visiting them. I just don’t know what I’d ever tell them to explain. So much happened.” Kakyoin’s voice drifted a bit near the end. He seemed almost as lost as Jotaro was. The tea finished brewing, so Jotaro poured them each a large cup to last them a conversation. He sat Kakyoin’s cup in front of him on the coffee table between the furniture the two sat on.
“I… I understand.” Jotaro said slowly. He had never openly sympathized with someone. Not to his memory. It felt good. Like there was a common feeling between them. “You should talk to them whenever you are ready to. Nobody is rushing you.” He took a large sip of the tea.
“You’re right, I’m glad you understand, Jotaro.” Kakyoin smiled softly. “Thank you for the tea, by the way.” He too took a sip from his tea.
“No problem.” Jotaro shrugged, a gentle smile tugging his lips. They shared a moment of silence and longing into each other’s eyes. There was so much to say, but they felt like there was something in particular to discuss with each other.
After talking and sitting around talking for most of the day, Kakyoin stood up from his seat on the couch and stretched. He offered to cook up a little something for Jotaro, and after a few attempts at convincing him, Jotaro agreed. They had a small but nice and tasty dinner. Cooking seemed to be one of Kakyoin’s many talents. Afterwards, Kakyoin said his goodbyes and left the house.
Once he was gone, The house felt cold once again. There was a lingering warmth around Jotaro as he finished drinking the tea Kakyoin made for their dinner specially. He felt the tingling warmth in his chest when he thought about the day he spent with his friend. The silent house easily became musical with sounds of creaking floors and glass plates touching the sink. Jotaro returned to his room for the night and fell onto his bed like a ragdoll. As he slid into his blankets wrapped in the midst of a pitch black room, he wondered if Kakyoin was returning to his parents tonight. Where else would he go?
He continued to think about the conversations he previously had throughout the day. Something about his day with Kakyoin seemed dull. Like he was different from before he returned from the hospital. Kakyoin always seemed a little lost in conversation, like he never knew how to answer. The answers sometimes felt as if they came from a machine rather than a human. They were dry, lacking emotion. His friend never acted like this before. Kakyoin’s behavior felt like a memory. Like he was desperately holding on to how he used to be before. What changed?
Every day, Kakyoin would visit. He would sit with Jotaro and talk with him, almost like it was a therapy session. Jotaro began to open up to things deep down, resolving things he had needed to talk about for years. They would have tea and a small lunch or dinner. Though, for whatever reason, Jotaro would begin feeling incredibly hungry by the time he was alone again and preparing for sleep.
For almost two weeks, Kakyoin had showed up every day and made Jotaro’s lonely, closed-up life a little more open and free. He had a little more of a purpose every day after speaking to him. Though, surprisingly, Jotaro could talk about himself, Kakyoin would avoid questions about his family, or if he had visited any other crusaders and old friends. He would dodge them like they were bullets aiming straight for his head. Jotaro eventually stopped asking, fearing that the questions were making Kakyoin uncomfortable.
Every day, Jotaro felt a little stronger in his mind. He was more confident in himself after releasing what had been built up for so long. Though, he felt weaker physically. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but he didn’t pay too much attention to it. He was focused on how to repay Kakyoin.
Noriaki would listen to Jotaro and reply with just what Jotaro wanted to hear. He would support him with the same kind smile he had always had. His eyes were always filled with sympathy and endless courage in Jotaro. Something about the way he giggled when Jotaro tried to make his vents more bearable with a joke made Jotaro’s whole life worth living. His soft, cherry red hair and gentle, but aged hands, which traced the tea cups carvings, made a warm face and fast heartbeat seem so normal. Though he told Kakyoin about so many feelings, he felt too nervous to tell him about these ones. He was too scared to lose the friend he depended on so much.
One afternoon, Kakyoin stood alone in the kitchen, cooking for himself and Jotaro. After these two and a half weeks, Jotaro had noticed how little of the meals Kakyoin ate for himself. It bothered him a bit, but he figured that even if he asked, he wouldn't get an answer. He had been left to assume that it was because Kakyoin hadn't been out of the hospital for that long.
Jotaro approached Kakyoin in the kitchen. He rested against the counter and glanced down at the food he was preparing. Instead of saying anything, he just hummed in satisfaction.
“Hey Kak.”
“Yeah Jotaro?”
“Can I touch your hair?” Jotaro asked, without considering how awkward it would sound at first.
“What do you mean?” Kakyoin appeared puzzled. He looked up to meet Jotaro’s eyes, ignoring the food.
“I just wanted to feel your hair I guess, it just looks so unusually soft.” Jotaro shrugged and tried to play it off, though he felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment.
“No, I don’t really think you should touch me.” Kakyoin replied quickly, breaking eye contact. Well that was weird. What did he mean by that? Jotaro tried to understand. He began to just assume Kakyoin wasn’t the physical contact type, but he couldn’t remember if that was ever the case before.
“Alright. I get it.”Jotaro agreed respectfully not to touch him and left. When Kakyoin wasn’t preparing food, Jotaro lived off of snacks he found in his pantry.
That night, after eating, Kakyoin didn’t leave to go home. He laid down on Jotaro’s couch and fell asleep almost immediately. Jotaro joined by his side to deliver him a warm blanket. As he was laying the blanket down, the temptation grew. He nearly ran his hand through Kakyoin’s gorgeous hair. He wanted to touch it so bad. Maybe someday Kakyoin would hug him, and he could hold him close with his hand on his head, wrapped in his curly red hair.
Jotaro retired, walking to his room. He slid into bed, stifling a sigh. Like every night, he switched the lights off and returned to his bed of dark blankets, staring up at his ceiling until the night would take him away. A figure joined him at the side of the bed. It was Kakyoin. He woke up and moved all the way to Jotaro’s bedroom. He laid down on the bed next to Jotaro. The silence was broken when Jotaro coughed in embarrassment. He turned to face away from his friend, and Kakyoin copied his actions. Jotaro drifted to sleep, not touching Kakyoin once while conscious. He was barely able to breathe, too afraid to disrupt anything.
In the morning, Kakyoin was no longer in the house. He had gone home before Jotaro woke up. Not only did he leave, but he never returned. For some reason, he hadn’t wanted Kakyoin to come that day anyways. It felt odd. Like the universe was giving him the time he wanted.
Jotaro’s silent house left room for his thoughts to swarm with no limitations. The weather outside was growing warmer as the days passed, and snowy days became rainy.
That day, Jotaro made his own lunch. He ate it faster than he had ever eaten anything in his life. He couldn’t understand why, but the second the smell entered his nose he had never felt hungrier. After downing it, he ran to the bathroom and threw it up. What was wrong with him? He had been eating normally every day with small snacks in between. Maybe he had just eaten way too fast and his body rejected it.
Leaning against his bedroom balcony’s railing, he smoked. He hadn’t done that since before Kakyoin started coming over. He finished the cigarette and tossed it down. Cold drops of water sprinkled down onto his clothes every once and awhile. The shimmering puddles of water on the balcony rail reminded him of Kakyoin’s odd glassy eyes. As beautiful as they are, they are bad at hiding an unaddressed deep pain. It made Jotaro wonder if Kakyoin was always sad. Maybe it was his fault, and that’s why Kakyoin wasn’t sharing this moment with him.
Earlier that day, Jotaro stopped by Kakyoin's hotel and asked if he was there, but the employee's claimed there was nobody checked in under the name Kakyoin. It was odd, but Jotaro figured he had just remembered the name wrong and went to the wrong hotel. It bothered him though. He wished to see him, but he had no idea where he was.
“Am I in love with him or something?” Jotaro said out loud and lit another cigarette. The idea made his face feel heated. “Ridiculous…” He grumbled. Though it seemed that way, and it wasn’t surprising. He was a rare gem. Handsome, smart, and talented. He was willing to give his life to protect Jotaro and his mother. He fought and stayed strong for the sake of someone else. The way he listened and spoke comforting, supportive words flowed to his heart like an angel’s melody.
Kakyoin wasn’t selfish, but maybe Jotaro was. He wanted this man all to himself. Whether it was as a friend or a lover, he wanted him in his life. No other human made him feel so confident and complete. It was all he needed to keep going.
“Please.” he whispered. “Let him return. I have to tell him how I feel.”
Noriaki Kakyoin returned. Two days before Jotaro’s mother was to return home, he knocked on the front door like he did many mornings in the past two weeks. Jotaro’s mother had been with her parents sightseeing around the world, each location a day or two at a time. She was finally on her way home, and Jotaro wouldn’t be alone anymore. Yet, here was the only person he really wanted to see.
“Kakyoin.” Jotaro said with relief. He wasn’t upset at him or anything it didn’t seem. He was back with his usual smile and red cheeks. “Here, uh, come in.” He moved to let him in.
“Thank you, Jotaro! I’m sorry for not coming yesterday, there was a problem with my hotel and I had to find another one.” His laugh was forced. It had never been so obvious before. Jotaro nearly addressed it, but decided not to.
“Tea?”
“Sure!” Kakyoin entered and sat down in his usual spot on the couch.
“Right then.” Jotaro shut the door and made his way to the kitchen. He made tea as usual, and joined Kakyoin next to him on the couch. In the dimly lit room, they drank in silence. Jotaro could hear his own heartbeat. It was beating quickly as he thought about what to say. He decided now was the time. He was going to confess to Kakyoin. He was positive that the feelings jerking in his heart was love. He couldn’t think of anything else.
“Kakyoin,” He whispered almost inaudibly. He cleared his throat and spoke again. “Kakyoin.” This caught his attention.
“Yes?” Kakyoin sat his drink down on the coffee table.
“I have something to tell you.” He barely choked out. God, what was wrong with him? It’s not that hard to speak. Just do it.
“Alright then.” Kakyoin smiled sweetly. “What is it?”
“Well, you see.” He was struggling. Damn it, now? “I’ve been thinking about some things.”
“Yes…?”
“And I, I wanted to tell you that” He paused again. Why in hell couldn’t he just say it? Jotaro wanted to scream it out. Just tell him. “I think I,” Kakyoin nodded for him to continue. He looked away, then looked back.
“I’m listening, Jotaro, it’s okay.” Kakyoin said softly. His kind soft eyes lured Jotaro into a more relaxed feeling.
“Mhm, sorry.” He nodded and inhaled. “I think I’m in love with you Noriaki Kakyoin.” He exhaled and gripped the sleeves of his jacket into the palms of his hands. “I mean. It’s crazy. After what we’ve been through, and with you caring about me every day and talking with me, I feel so at ease when you’re around. I can’t stand being away from you for so long. My heart races when you’re close and your eyes are like bullets to my soul. I never thought I would ever say this to another human being in my life, but I want to be with you forever.” The words suddenly flowed like a river. Unstoppable and powerful. His feelings were finally in words, all in his crush’s face.
Jotaro waited, but there was no initial reaction. Kakyoin hummed like he was thinking about it, then closed his eyes. His head was angled up, making him seem like he was lost in thought.
Suddenly, it hit him. Was this it? Was this that moment? Jotaro’s face was warm, and his hands were sweaty. Was Kakyoin waiting for a kiss? It seems like it, why else would he be doing that? Jotaro closed his eyes tightly and awkwardly leaned closer to Kakyoin’s face. His heart was racing so fast he thought it would run right out from his mouth. Any second now he would touch him. He listened for Kakyoin’s breaths, but heard none. Then, he heard a sudden sniff. Jotaro’s eyes shot open and he jerked away.
Kakyoin’s eyes were still shut tight, but tears were rolling from the sides down to his cheek. Fuck. Something went horribly wrong. Were they tears of joy or sadness? There was no way to tell.
“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” Jotaro asked, he would have killed himself for not sounding more concerned if he wasn’t so focused on making sure Kakyoin was okay. “Kak-”
“I’m fine.” Kakyoin finally spoke. “I’m sorry. I have to leave.” He stood up and turned away from Jotaro. He hesitated for just a moment, before rushing away and out the front door. In just moments, Jotaro was alone again. Not knowing what to say or how to feel, Jotaro laid back on the couch and closed his eyes.
The next day jotaro didn’t leave his bed. He ignored the hunger and forced himself to sleep or stare at the ceiling. The day after that, his mother came home. Alongside her was his grandfather, Joseph Joestar. When his mother arrived she called him to the kitchen, and he came, leaving his bed for the first time.
“Oh, Jotaro!” She hugged him. “I’ve missed you, sweetie!" she paused, looking at her son. "You look terrible. What’s wrong, dear? Did you get lonely while I was gone? You stink. When was the last time you bathed? Have you eaten recently? I’ll get cooking right away.” Holy spouted questions nonstop. No one could deny she was a caring mother.
“Good grief, mom. I’m fine. Just leave me alone.” He looked away from her and accidentally met eyes with his grandfather, who was giving him a dirty look for treating her badly. “Er… Just don’t worry about me. I’ll go clean up if you make dinner.”
“Of course sweetie! I’ll be on it in just a moment!” She hugged Jotaro once more then waved for him to go shower. He sighed and left towards the bathroom as Joseph began speaking to Holy.
After Jotaro exited the bathroom, he went to his bedroom to get dressed. He threw on a plain black T-shirt and gray sweatpants. Just as he flopped down onto his bed, there was a knock on his door. It was much louder than when his mother knocked, so he knew it was Joseph. He sat up and groaned.
“Come in.” Jotaro said just loud enough for his grandfather to hear on the other side. The knob twisted and the door swung open. Joseph peeked his head in then entered fully.
“What’s up, my edgy little grandson?” He laughed, smoothly gliding to the side of Jotaro’s bed.
“Nothing. Just minding my own business.”
“Well, your mother is cooking so I’m here to talk about something important with you.”
“Yeah?” Jotaro finally made eye contact with Joseph.
“As you know, the Speedwagon Foundation picked us up after the fight and took us to Safety so we could be treated and sent home.” He began.
“Duh”
“Well the Foundation took care of the others in other vehicles, including young Noriaki.”
“Mhm.”
“Who… was unfortunately found dead on sight.”
“What?” Jotaro blurted, sounding shocked instead of smart alec.
"I was afraid it was the case. I watched him go down, but I didn't want to believe he was dead. I'm sorry. I know you two were friends."
"You're lying."
"No, Jotaro I'm not. Honestly I didn't expect you to take it this way. Usually you just shrug shit off. Do you need to talk?"
"Fuck you, Joseph." Jotaro stood up. "That's not a funny joke. You should be fucking ashamed." He growled. He tried to feel and look pissed, but tears swelled in his eyes. "But I.. I was just. I talked to him."
"In a dream, probably. He's been dead since that night. I'm really sorry, Jotaro. We're going to his home to speak with his parents tomorrow. If you want to come, you're welcome. I'll let you know when the funeral is planned, alright?" Joseph stood up and patted his grandson's back. "I know it's hard, my boy. I had a good friend die too when I was around your age. It's okay to cry."
There was no way Jotaro could believe it, but something made it feel right. He hadn't touched Kakyoin once. He couldn't smell the shitty cherry spray he'd put on sometimes, or hear him breathing, the food he 'cooked' was never filling, the hotel he claimed he was staying in had never checked in someone named Kakyoin, and he seemed to say and do exactly what Jotaro wanted him to do deep down. Except, when he left. Why did he leave? Was it because Jotaro couldn't imagine Kakyoin ever loving him back? Especially now. The chance was gone. If his grandfather is telling the truth, he's done for.
"I'm going on a walk." Jotaro shoved his arms through a thick jacket and rushed out of the room and towards the door. He put his shoes on at the door then left.
"Jotaro dear?" Holy tried addressing him, but she was too late.
Jotaro walked until he ended up at a long bridge over cold late night water. He punched a beam then collapsed against the metal railing that kept him from falling straight into the water. He knew it was true. Deep down it was always there.
He always knew that Kakyoin wouldn't return from a hospital one day and visit him. He wouldn't just show up to drink and talk with him. He would never go anywhere with him or play video games with him. No movies or dinners. He knew it would never happen, but he never believed it to be true. He just now realized it to be the case. As well as he wanted this person in his life, he really needed someone to talk to about what was causing him pain deep inside, and he never had that until he got closer to his peer. Of course, his heart ached for it, and made a fantasy to shield him from a reality he didn't want to ever face.
Noriaki Kakyoin was gone, and never loved him back. Jotaro's heart raced, but he didn't feel giddy and happy like most times he thought about Kakyoin. He felt angry at himself. Angry for not understanding sooner, for not confessing before the fight with DIO. He clenched his fists and bit his lip. He felt so many emotions rushing out through the urge to scream and cry.
"I love you so much, Noriaki," he paused, a painful sob erupting from him, "please come back." Tears slipped down his cheeks, his words uttered with intense sorrow, pleading for the man he loved to come to comfort him like he always did.
Just over a month later, the funeral was held. The remaining crusaders and all of Kakyoin's family were there. Jotaro had been good at hiding how he felt around other people. Not a single tear was shed, but he wanted to run away and curl up in bed and forget about everything.
After the funeral ended, everyone mingled a bit and tried to talk about more positive things on their way out. They dried their tears and forced their view upon an optimistic future. In the whole group, only two people continued to weep. The two were, understandably, Kakyoin's parents. Jotaro wanted to speak to them, sympathize and cry with them, but he didn't feel like he had the right to.
On his way out, the Kakyoins stopped him. Noriaki's mother looked so much like him that it hurt. They had the same eyes and curly hair, though her hair was a much lighter shade of red, but the resemblance was striking. His father had Noriaki's shape but a bit more fat. You could see the resemblance in their nose and jawline, though his hair was brown and had not much resemblance.
"You are Jotaro Kujo, correct?" The father asked with his arm around his wife's waist while she cried softly into a handkerchief.
"Yes, I am." He confirmed with a nod. He let a couple moments pass before he spoke once more. "I'm very sorry about your son."
"Thank you, young man," He smiled weakly, nodding back. "I never knew little Nori to be very social or have many friends, but I'm so glad he met you and the rest of you before the tragedy."
"I'm," Jotaro paused for just a second and clenched his fists, "I'm so glad I met him too. It's… it's a true shame he's no longer with us." He felt his breathing stagger as he spoke, and paused to attempt to fix it enough to become unnoticeable. "It's all my fault."
"Aw. Son, no it's not. It couldn't have been helped, bad things happen." The father patted Jotaro's shoulder.
"You don't understand, I could have been there to protect him, but I wasn't. It's my fault he's gone." Jotaro's eyes burned with the threat of tears, but he'd never allow it. Suddenly, without warning, Noriaki's mother hugged Jotaro.
"We all feel that way, dear." She sniffed and her voice shook when she spoke. "My husband and I were all the way here while he was several countries away from us, getting attacked like that. I should have been there for my baby boy."
"I see…" Jotaro hesitated for a moment, but hugged her back. She released him and stepped away back to her husband.
"Here… I found something in the pocket of his school uniform, and it has your name on it. Take these too." She opened her clenched hand to reveal a folded and wrinkled piece of notebook paper underneath Noriaki Kakyoin's two signature cherry shaped earrings with the shining golden stem. Jotaro took them from her hand and held them tightly for a moment.
"Thank you, ma'am." Jotaro said to her as respectfully as he could.
"I swear I didn't read it, by the way. I didn't feel right invading his personal relationships. Even if it pained me to not know what was going on with my baby." Mrs. Kakyoin smiled and wiped her tears. "I hope you live a long life young Kujo, and carry the memory and honor of my son's bravery and kindness."
"Of course." Jotaro nodded respectfully. Mr. Kakyoin gave a big couple of pats on Jotaro's shoulder and smiled before taking his wife's hand, leading her towards their car. By now, everyone but them and Joseph had left.
"You coming?" Joseph called from his car.
"Yeah." Jotaro watched the couple's car drive away out of sight before finally turning to Joseph's car. He made his way over and entered silently.
"You feeling okay?" Joseph asked, looking at Jotaro through the rearview mirror.
"Sure, yeah." Jotaro said dully, staring out of the window instead of making eye contact. He dug his lighter out of his pocket and found a half empty box of cigarettes in another seat. He grabbed one and lit it, inhaling and exhaling smoke out of the window.
When the two arrived home, Jotaro went straight to his room. He shut the door and locked it before sitting on the edge of his bed. He took a while to breathe and adjust. Finally, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the note and earrings. He didn't hesitate to open the note, but he didn't make it past Dear Jotaro without having to stop and take a breath.
After a few moments of thinking and anxiety of what it could possibly say, he opened the note again and began to read.
Dear Jotaro,
If you’re reading this, then we beat DIO. The fight is over, and you got this letter one way or another. Whether I’m alive or dead, you’re reading this, and you were meant to see it some day or another.
When you saved me after we first met, I knew I was in debt to you. I owe you my life. I’m willing to follow you into any battle for your cause and fight alongside you. I see past your delinquent attitude and see a hero and an honorable man.
I also see someone who makes me WANT to keep living. I’ve always been alone, you see. Thanks to you and the crusaders I got to learn what it’s like to have close friends. To have someone you can trust and rely on. Because of you and the others I found purpose and happiness within myself.
Every day we encounter something new. Normally, I would feel scared of the unknown and weary of the future. Though, that’s not the case. When I am by your side, I am at ease. I feel like I am safe and strong enough to survive.
Your bravery is inspiring, and your heart is admirable. Your tough skin hides your kindness, but I can see right through. I’m so glad we met, and I am endlessly happy we are friends.
Now, this is where it gets weird I guess. Every moment I feel happiness with you, I get closer to realizing I have a feeling I never expected to feel for a friend. Nor a man. To put it simply, I love you.
I appreciate and respect you as a friend to the bottom of my heart, but just as well, I feel tender towards you. If you were to miraculously feel the same way, I would be the happiest and luckiest man to be your partner in this bizarre world.
I don’t expect a response. Nor mutual feelings. It’s crazy to feel this way. Though that will never stop me from holding you, Jotaro Kujo, closer than anyone to my heart. In love and respect for you, my friend.
Sincerely, Kakyoin Noriaki
The moment his eyes trailed over the last sentence, they filled with tears. How cruel. What horrible, unfair world would let them share feelings but never get to say? Now, it was too late. Jotaro was to hold this knowledge and feeling deep down forever, knowing he lost his chance to be happy with someone that made a cold, dangerous world feel warm and safe.
Jotaro sobbed, his tears causing the ink on the paper to splotch and smear. He crushed the paper in his fist and punched the bed frame. The last words he could ever indulge in from a man he loved was a confession he could never confirm was mutual. He wanted to see his face again, he wanted to hold him tightly and tell him how much he loved him and how he would never let him be hurt ever again. He would have been comfortable, safe, and happy in his home drinking tea and reading a book with Jotaro about adventures almost as wild as their own.
For a moment of silence as Jotaro inhaled between sobbing into his pillow, he thought he heard a familiar voice. He sat up and sniffed. His head turned towards his balcony, then he swiveled around then up and out of bed. He approached the glass door and slid it open. Leaning against the balcony was Kakyoin. It was happening again. He couldn’t let it happen, he wasn’t going insane today, not just yet.
“Jotaro, come here.” He said just as Jotaro turned, he slowly returned to face him. Hesitantly, he walked onto his balcony. Standing next to Kakyoin now, he stared at him. He finally looked up from his glare at the ground below and met eyes with Jotaro. He seemed the same, though he had a new golden aura surrounding him. He looked so angelic and gorgeous.
“This is my imagination, right?” Jotaro wanted to roll his eyes, but they were fixated on the man before him.
“That’s for you to decide, silly.” He giggled and playfully punched Jotaro’s arm. It was insane. He could practically feel it. It was like a light gust of wind blew on that specific spot.
“It’s you?” Jotaro whispered in awe. “How?”
“I’m here to say goodbye, since I never got the chance to, back then. Did you read my letter?” He smiled and his cheeks turned red. He was inhumanly cute, it should be illegal.
“Yes, I did.”
“Well, that’s good.” He shrugged awkwardly. “I spent like three whole nights on that one letter, along with several discarded ones.” He laughed. It was a precious laugh, Jotaro wished he had savored it so much more when he was alive.
“You know, I love you too.” Jotaro’s finger flinched towards Kakyoin’s hand, he wished he could squeeze it tightly while he kissed his cheek. Kakyoin looked genuinely surprised for a moment, then relaxed.
“So you didn’t think it was cheesy? That’s good.” He looked back to the ground. “I’m sorry for failing you guys.”
“But you didn’t.”
“Really?”
“You died doing everything you could. If it weren’t for you, the old man wouldn’t have known what DIO’s stand was. You did perfectly, and I appreciate it so much.” Jotaro smiled, it felt like the first time ever.
“That really makes me feel a lot better, thank you.” Kakyoin looked up again and smiled. “I have to go now, Jotaro.”
“You do..?” His voice cracked.
“I wish I didn’t, really. I’ll always watch over you, okay? Do you think you’ll be okay without me?”
“Honestly, I’m not sure…”
“Promise you’ll keep living?”
“I promise.”
“Good…” Kakyoin wrapped his arms around Jotaro. It felt like a cloud of tiny newborn kitten paws laying on him. It was soft, innocent, and tender. It was no longer a living human embrace, but Jotaro would remember it forever. He wrapped his own arms over Kakyoin and gripped his clothes as hard as he could. “I love you so much, Jotaro.”
“I love you too, Noriaki. More than you’ll ever know.”
“Are you sure about that?” He laughed and kissed Jotaro’s cheek while he was still held tight in his arms. That was by far the most pure and fulfilling feeling Jotaro had ever felt. A kiss from a literal angel. Seconds later, Kakyoin faded from his arms, gone in a warm golden cloud.
Noriaki Kakyoin was gone forever, but he lived on in Jotaro’s heart no matter how many years passed, and Jotaro lived on for Noriaki, no matter how many dangers he faced. Some day, they would hold each other in their arms once again, from then on, forever.