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The first time is in 1915 and the world is at war.
She runs around the makeshift hospital, trying to ease pain, trying to heal, trying to save someone, anyone.
Half the soldiers speak french and she can’t understand a word of it.
They bring in a soldier who has burns covering half his body, they say he is american, that he should have familiar words before he passes.
She is the only american nurse there.
He can barely speak, the pain is too much.
“What’s your name?” she asks.
“Bel-bellamy Bl-blake,” he gasps out,
“It’s going to be ok, Bellamy,” she says, “The pain will pass.”
Her hand finds it’s way to his, the burns on his right side only reach his elbow, leaving his hand free of the painful burns.
“My sister,” he says, his hand clenching hers with surprising strength, “My sister, my sister.”
She shushes him, “Don’t worry, I’ll find her. I’ll tell her.”
His dark brown eyes seem to relax, his grip lessens.
She sits with him until his chest stops rising and his hand goes limp in hers.
After the war, Clarke tracks down Bellamy Blake’s sister.
She doesn’t know what she did expect, she certainly didn’t expect the girl to be no older than 12.
The girl, Octavia, doesn’t cry as Clarke tells her the news.
She instead looks down at the ground and quietly asks what will happen to her.
Octavia looks back up at Clarke, her eyes the exact same shade of brown as her brother’s. Clarke tells she will come live with her.
Because if Clarke couldn’t save her brother from the battlefields of France, she can damn well save his sister from New York’s orphanage.
-
The second time is in 1922 and life couldn’t be better for Clarke.
Finn threw party after party in celebration of their marriage. She laughed, danced, and drank for days.
She hears gunshots early one morning, she runs down the huge staircase to see men with pistols down below. Clarke grasps the railing.
“Bellamy,” Finn says to the leader, “I’ll get you the money, just give me a little more time.”
“Like you gave my sister time?” the man, Bellamy, snarls.
Bellamy, sister, France, burns. It all seemed so familiar.
“I think we should show Mr. Collins here just how forgiving we are, shouldn’t we boys?” Bellamy says as he cocks his gun.
The other men laugh, Finn pales.
“Bellamy, please, show me some mercy,” Finn pleas.
“I’ll show you the same mercy you showed Octavia,” Bellamy says.
Octavia, New York, orphan.
Bellamy pulls the trigger. Clarke’s scream slips out, her hand goes to cover her mouth, but it’s too late, they have already heard her.
One of the men runs up the stairs and grabs her.
“She saw everything, Bellamy,” one of them says, “We have to.”
“We don’t have to do anything, Murphy,” Bellamy snaps.
“So we let her go? Let her go to the cops and tell them everything? She’s seen our faces,” Murphy says, “If you aren’t willing to do it, I will.”
Murphy presses his gun against her head, a sob escapes Clarke.
“Murphy, put down the damn gun, I’ll do it,” Bellamy says, his eyes seemed so familiar, he pushes Murphy’s arm away, “You and the others go to the cars, the neighbors will have heard the gunshots by now.”
Murphy nods before leading the rest of the men out.
“You must be Finn’s new wife, ever wonder how a son of some miner got this much money?” he asks.
She shakes her head.
“I got it for him, and you wanna know how he repaid me? Got my sister pregnant, then killed her when she wouldn’t have an abortion,” he says in disgust.
He pulls his gun out.
He shots into the empty air.
“Go upstairs and get in the bathtube. The cops will be here soon, tell them that masked men came into the house and killed your husband, tell them you saw them and then hid upstairs,” he says as he puts his gun away.
Clarke nods before running toward the stairs.
“And remember, Mrs. Collins, I’ll leave you alone as long as you keep your mouth close,” Bellamy warned.
“I will, I promise,” she says.
“Good.”
-
The next is in 1956.
She is a little girl and he is the boy next door.
She never paid any attention to him, he was the boy who lived one house down.
His dad went off to war and so did hers. She remembers seeing him wave to his father as she did hers.
Hers came back, his didn’t.
She is only eight and she doesn’t understand war.
She sees him sitting on his front porch, she goes over.
“I am sorry about your dad,” she says with all the grace of a child.
He nods, his eyes full of tears.
His eyes, they were so familiar, like the smell of her father’s cigars.
“You can cry, if you like, I am really good at comforting people,” she tells him.
“Really? The little princess can comfort people?” he says, his voice thick with unshed tears.
She nods, and takes his hand, it feels nice, like she had done this before, “My mother says comforting people is a sign of a good nurse. That’s what I want to be, a nurse.”
He doesn’t say anything but doesn’t pull his hand away.
Three months later, he moves away. But Clarke never forgets the boy with the brown eyes or his familiar hand.
-
They meet again in 1963 at Yale University.
He is a history professor, and she takes one of his classes.
And oh, he is handsome. When he talks about the Greeks and Romans, and about what really started the first world war, his eyes become so bright with passion, it amazes her.
Of course every other girl in her class has a crush on him as well. Raven calls her a fool, and she is a fool to develop feelings for a man 12 years her senior, but she doesn’t care.
She goes to his office hours just to hear him talk. And when she tells him she wants to be a doctor, he surprises her by bring her a complete history of women in medicine.
He tells her it’s easy for him to talk to her, he jokes that he must have known her in another life. And she knows the feeling, like somehow she knows him, even though, outside of school, she doesn't.
At the end of the semester, he tells her that he knows she will do great things.
She wishes they could do great things together.
-
They meet again in 2001, right after 9/11.
“I just need to find my sister,” he begs, “Please, her name is Octavia Blake, she worked as an intern on the 56th, no, the 59th floor.”
“I know, sir, and we are doing the best we can,” Clarke says, “But please, give me a little time, let me call the other hospitals.”
“I have already been to the other hospitals! This is the last place she could be!” he yells.
Everything about this strange man is familiar, his voice, his sister’s name, his eyes. Clarke thinks that’s why she looks up his sister’s name.
She needs his sister to be alright, she has told too many families that their loved one is gone today. Clarke doesn’t think she could handle telling this man his sister is dead.
She breathes a sigh of relief.
“Sir, she’s here, she’s ok, minor injuries. Someone got her out in time,” she says.
“Oh thank god,” the man says as he sinks to his knees.
Clarke goes over and kneels next to him, she places her hands on his shoulder.
“What’s your name?”
“Bellamy Blake,” he says.
“It’s going to be ok, Bellamy,” she says, and for the first time today, it will be.
Bellamy Blake wraps his arms around her.
Clarke stiffens at first, then she returns the hug, because he feels so familiar, his name is so familiar, and she needs a hug after today.
“Thank you,” he whispers.
-
The last time, or at least for now, they meet in 2097.
The world is, once again, at war.
She isn’t married.
He isn’t a soldier.
And they aren’t children.
He isn’t her teacher and she isn’t his sister’s doctor.
Instead, they are both scientists and they are trying to save earth. Or at least themselves.
They help make a space station to leave earth, because they both don’t have anyone else and earth is quickly becoming too toxic to stay.
As they prepare to launch, she says, “I may be crazy but I have always felt like I have known you, like we met before, Bell. In another life.”
He takes her hand, “I know, Princess, I feel the same.”
She squeezes his hand.
“Hopefully, our other lives were much happier,” he jokes.
“I hope this is our happiest life,” she says wistfully.
He smiles softly, and maybe a bit sadly, “Me too.”
And it is.