Archive of Our Own ^beta

This year, Rey was finally going to do it.

Valentine’s Day had never been that big of a deal to her; she’d always disregarded the drama from both couples and disgruntled singles. Rey was just grateful to have her friends and roommates, and there had been no hole in her heart crying out for a significant other to fill it.

That is, until Ben.

Rey was good at building and fixing things, but stringing together words to describe her crush on Ben Solo? Not so much. So she stuck to just being friends with her classmate, unwilling to ruin what they had. They’d met at a time when Rey was lonely, drifting in the wake of Poe and Finn’s newfound friendship and feeling as though she didn’t belong. She’d felt an instant connection with Ben—he was quiet yet passionate and something of an outcast just like her. They’d spent ages talking together, about homework, movies, philosophy, anything really. Rey had felt for once in her life that there was someone out there who understood her, and she knew Ben felt the same.

But did he also share her romantic feelings? Rey didn’t dare to hope too much. But this time around, she had decided to take her chance.

“You should tell him.” Rose had been the first to bring up the subject, as one of the few people who knew about her crush. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Rey had been scandalised, hitting Rose’s shoulder. “No! Absolutely not. The worst that could happen is that he rejects me and hates me forever. I don’t want that!”

“Of course not,” Rose soothed her, “But that’s not going to happen. Ben’s a decent guy, he wouldn’t make you feel bad.”

“But what if it freaks him out?” Rey started to actually turn the possibility over in her head now, not liking what she was coming up with so far. “What if he thinks I’m creepy but feels obligated to be nice?”

Rose raised her eyebrow. “Ben Solo? Doing something he doesn’t want to do?”

“Okay, fair. But I just don’t want things to be weird, you know?” Now that Rose had brought it up, Rey couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if she actually did it—confessed her feelings to Ben. She didn’t want to flatter herself and think he’d return them, but the more idealistic part of her mind kept whispering what if?

“You aren’t creepy, Rey,” Rose insisted, laying a hand on her shoulder. “You’re one of Ben’s best friends. I’m sure he’ll take it well, even if he doesn’t like you back. And who’s to say he doesn’t?”

“I guess,” Rey had said, eager to drop the subject.

Well, now it looked like she was actually doing this. She’d been in favour of telling him over text, but her roommates had shut that down immediately. “A dozen roses at the minimum,” Poe had said, but Rey decided to go with Finn’s more modest idea of giving him a card on Valentine’s Day. Back in January, the concept had seemed so safe and far away. Now, the day before Valentine’s, Rey wasn’t so confident.

“Should I make him food, or something,” she fretted to Rose that evening in their shared kitchen, mentally going through the two and a half recipes she knew. “I can’t do banana bread, his mum makes the best in the world and he’ll end up comparing them—

“Rey—

“Pancakes would be stupid, and the last time I made cookies I ended up burning them and setting off the alarm—

“Rey!” Rose pointed a warning finger at her. “Stop worrying. That’s an order.” Her face softened. “You’re totally overthinking this. Just keep it simple and be yourself, and he’ll love it.”

Rey took a deep breath, nodding and trying to at least pretend that she was reassured.

“He’d better love it!” Rose struck an exaggerated fighting stance, and Rey had to laugh. But later that afternoon, standing in front of the card display, Rey’s idea was starting to seem even worse.

She’d briefly considered just grabbing a card from the supermarket, but that seemed a little tacky. Ben had somewhat classy tastes, and Rey knew he’d recognise and appreciate the effort, so she’d gone looking in a cute little stationery store, which was lightly decorated in celebration of the season.

“What will he like?” she mumbled helplessly. Rose patted her shoulder, gazing up at the array of cards.

*

Ben hated Valentine’s Day.

Not as much as he used to (hell, he used to hate everything), but he still hated it. It was just a reminder of his poor people skills, as well as the lingering fear that he’d be alone forever. These days he was in a much better place mentally, but the rampant consumerism and glorification of shallow relationships still annoyed the hell out of him.

However, he could pinpoint the exact time he’d stopped hating it so much.

“Hey!”

She’d plopped down into the seat next to him, and Ben’s spirits had lifted at the sight of his friend. Rey’s infectious confidence was his favourite thing about her.

“Guess what?” she said, leaning conspiratorially towards him. “I saw a girl dump her boyfriend outside just now. They made a huge scene and everything.”

“Yeah?” Ben felt his dark mood starting to dissolve already, an amused smile growing on his face. “That’s embarrassing.”

“Tell me about it. God, my favourite thing about Valentine’s Day is all the drama that you can watch unfolding in front of you.” Rey settled back in her chair and pulled out her notebook and pens. “I heard of this one time where…”

From then on, they’d had something of a tradition. Rey would try to find the most ridiculous, cringy Valentine’s Day-related story possible, with the goal of making him laugh and cheering him up. As usual, Rey seemed to have an uncanny sense of when Ben was upset, and as much as it seemed stupid, she was the reason that Ben didn’t hate the holiday anymore. He had Rey to look forward to.

Fuck, Solo, you’re really in it now, he groaned inwardly, stepping out of the shower ready to start his day. Today he had a completely different reason to be on edge: he’d finally decided to confess his feelings to Rey.

Not trusting himself to tell her out loud, he’d decided to write a card (Hux had informed him that confessing to your crush over text was Not Done), and in typical fashion he’d put it off until the last minute.

He resolved to finally bite the bullet today after class. He’d go to that nice store that sold all kinds of stationery, maybe even get her a fancy pen to replace all those grubby pencils she usually took notes with. Yeah, that seemed like a good plan. With that decision made, the stress that had accumulated in his mind started to ease a little, though he was still forcing himself not to think about what would happen after he bought the card.

*

“Not something too romantic, I think,” Rose was saying, folding her arms and getting into thinking mode. “Something that shows you know him. And I mean, you know him better than me so I can’t really say…”

Rey tuned out her friend’s ramblings, kneeling down to examine the lowest shelf of cards. She smiled briefly over one with a cat pun on it, but mentally ruled out all the jokey cards—best to pick a normal one so Ben would know she was serious.

“Hey, I’m gonna go check out the pens,” Rose said, interrupting her thoughts. Rey hmm’ed in acknowledgement, smiling at Rose’s eternal love for cool pens. She knew Ben liked them too. Speaking of Ben…

What would she do if he said yes? She imagined being Ben’s girlfriend, going on dates with him, having dinner with his family, kissing him…Now that was something Rey had fantasised about more than once. She knew that Ben would be a good kisser, with those plush lips that she’d covertly stared at so many times. Not to mention his big, capable hands that would hold her tightly while they kissed. She remembered seeing him shirtless at the beach once, hungrily staring at his broad shoulders and toned chest before tearing her eyes away and realising that she had it bad.

Rey came back to the present, shaking her head and blinking. Now was not the time to think about Ben’s abs—she was supposed to be finding him a Valentine’s card. Sighing heavily, she stood up, casting her eyes over the now familiar card display once more, before they came to rest on…the perfect card?

Glad to have this over with, Rey grabbed it, inspected it a little, then looked around for Rose. She felt confident that Ben would at least like the card aesthetically, but she still didn’t want to think about what would happen once he read the inside. Maybe I should have gotten chocolates or something, she fretted inwardly before locating her roommate…with a familiar figure in tow.

Shit. Shit! It’s him!

“Rey! Look who I found!” Rose waved at her, pulling an awkward-looking Ben over. Rey gasped and whipped the card behind her back, earning a guilty grimace from Rose.

“Hey, Ben!” she greeted him, trying to act natural (as if that had ever worked for her). Ben grinned, though he seemed a little uncomfortable himself.

“Hey,” he murmured, fiddling with a couple of things in his large hands before surreptitiously holding them close to his side. Rey could see that he’d picked out a pen from the store that looked like a child’s toy in his grasp. The other item was unmistakably a card. Rey felt unease well up in her chest.

“Whatcha up to?” she said lightly, trying to quell the awkward atmosphere that had arisen for no apparent reason.

“Uh,” said Ben. “Just some last minute shopping.” Rey felt her stomach twist harder. Did he mean…?

“It’s…It’s Mom’s birthday in two days,” Ben added. He didn’t seem convinced somehow, but Rey remembered his fraught relationship with his parents and decided not to press the subject.

“That’s great!” she said brightly. “I’m sure she’ll love it.”

“I hope so.” Ben laughed softly, before Rose cleared her throat, shooting Rey a pointed, smug look that Rey deliberately ignored.

“I’ll leave you guys to it, huh?” she said, gesturing at the exit. “I feel like sushi suddenly. Bye, Rey!” Avoiding Rey’s muted glare of rage, she slipped out. Rey sighed, exchanging “weird roommates, am I right?” glances with Ben.

“Wanna go first?” she said to him, gesturing at the counter where the cashier was waiting expectantly. Ben shook his head, shuffling back.

“No, you go,” he said, then teasingly added, “Ladies first.” Rey snorted and lightly smacked his arm with the card. Wait, shit! That was a mistake, that was a mistake.

Ben’s eyes narrowed. “What’s that?”

Rey felt her whole face heating up from neck to hairline. “I—uh—

“Is that a Valentine card?”

“Uh…yeah?” Rey tried to shuffle away to the counter, but it was no use of course—he’d already seen. Shit, shit, he couldn’t know that she’d even considered getting one for him…

“Oh.” His face was closed off now, impossible to read. “For someone in particular?”

Rey swallowed hard. This was all going wrong. “Um, I—

“Someone from class?” he prompted her, seeming to attempt the teasing smile from before and failing miserably.

“Uh,” Rey managed. “You could say that.”

“Oh.” Ben shrugged, as if it was no big deal. “Well, good luck, I guess.”

Rey paid for the card with humiliation burning in her chest. Never mind all her pessimistic predictions—this was the worst possible outcome. She knew he didn’t like Valentine’s Day, and his reaction only seemed to confirm what she’d been afraid of: he didn’t care one way or the other, because he didn’t like her like that.

“Rey!” Rose finally caught up when she was leaving the store, scaring the shit out of her and cranking up her frazzled nerves even more. “Rey, did Ben see? Oh my god!”

“Yeah,” Rey said flatly, trying to calm her pounding heart. “I think I’ve ruined everything.”

“Hey, hey.” Rose attempted to smooth things over with logic. “He doesn’t know who it’s for yet. There’s still hope.”

“I don’t think he cares who it’s for.” Rey said miserably. “Which means he doesn’t like me, which means I’ve been a huge idiot—

“Rey.” Rose stopped her, placing firm hands on her shoulders. “You aren’t an idiot. It’s still worth a try, right?”

“But he saw it,” Rey groaned. “I’ve ruined everything. I need a drink.”

She marched off to the parking lot, ignoring Rose’s pleas for her to calm down.

*

Ben slammed the apartment door behind him as soon as he got home, growling under his breath. It was all pointless and crazy and stupid—

“Is there a problem? Hux wandered in from the kitchen, and Ben scowled. Of course his bastard roommate had to be here just to make his day even worse.

“No,” he snapped, throwing his jacket at its hook and missing. Swearing under his breath, he retreated to his bedroom, yanking the stupid card from his pocket and throwing it on the floor.

Seeing Rey at the store, grasping that cute little card obviously meant for someone more normal and deserving than him…that hurt more than Ben cared to express. He loved her, god damn it. She’d come into his life when he needed her the most; she was there to cheer him up when he felt down and call him out when he was being an asshole. She was his best friend, and now he was finding out in the worst possible way that she liked some other guy he didn’t even know about.

Who else from her classes could it possibly be? One of her roommates? Ben narrowed his eyes—it was probably Poe Dameron. That smug playboy seemed to be everyone’s favourite, including the professor’s even though his work was subpar at best. Ben took deep breaths, willing himself not to fly into a rage as if he hadn’t worked his ass off to deal with his anger issues.

He picked the card up off the floor, to deal with later. Right now, he wanted nothing more than to get in bed and sleep for forty-eight hours.

*

Rey agonized over the card for at least two hours, downing approximately four large glasses of wine before she finally put pen to card.

“You have to give it to him anyway,” Finn and Poe had coaxed her, also a little tipsy at their homely kitchen table. Rey rolled her eyes—as if those two idiots hadn’t been dancing around their feelings for each other ever since they’d met. Still, after consuming a modest amount of alcohol, she had to concede that it was at least worth a try.

The card was blank on the inside, but on the front, a gold heart made of roses was embossed. The word Valentine was printed in calligraphy, elegant but not over the top. Rey bit her lip and opened it before she could talk herself out of this.

She scribbled something, then frowned and crossed it out. What was she trying to get at there? After a moment’s thought, she came up with something else and jotted that down. But no, that wasn’t any good either. She wrinkled her nose, trying to kick her wine-fogged brain into gear to imagine what Ben would want to read. Finally, something came to her and she lowered her head to focus on the card.

Having finished writing her message, she quickly folded it shut before she could second-guess herself, and padded back to her bedroom, suddenly feeling exhausted.

*

Upon waking the next morning, Ben had about five seconds of peace before he remembered the events of yesterday.

Groaning, he rolled over and buried his face in the pillow. It was tempting to take the opportunity of a sleep-in and try to forget about this, but he knew better. Hauling himself out of bed, he numbly got ready for his morning run.

It doesn’t matter if Rey likes someone else. It’s not like she isn’t allowed to. Without even realising it, Ben slipped back into his old habit of berating himself. He sulkily grabbed a protein bar before heading out the front door and down the stairs. Still half-asleep, he didn’t even notice the person blocking his way until he bumped into her.

Rey’s noise of surprise, however, woke him right up.

“Rey?” he grunted, rubbing his eyes. She looked up at him, equally bleary-eyed in her favourite jacket and sweatpants. Did she seem a little hung over?

“Ben,” she replied, before a sense of realisation seemed to steal over her. “Oh my god. I—

He then noticed the light-coloured object in her hands—it was that goddamn card.

“I can explain!” Rey cried before he could even decide what to think. “I was going to get Finn or Poe or someone to secretly bring it here last night but we had some wine after dinner and I completely forgot and I just wanted to put it in your mailbox before anyone could see—

Slowly, something was beginning to dawn on Ben.

“Wait,” he said, holding up his hands to stop her nervous flow of words. “You—that—that was for me?”

Rey hung her head. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it for ages and now everything’s—oh, just read it.”

She thrust the offending piece of cardboard into Ben’s hands. Numbly, he opened it and began to decipher her infamously bad handwriting.

Ben, I think you’re really

I just wanted to say that I like you and

Dear Ben. You’re my best friend and an amazing guy, and I’ve decided to finally tell you that I have feelings for you. Will you be my Valentine? Love, Rey.

“So, uh.”

Rey’s voice, soft and nervous, broke through Ben’s stunned silence. “I’m sorry if it’s weird or—

“It’s not.”

Her head snapped up. “It’s not?”

“No, not at all.” Ben fumbled once again, cursing his brain for not coming up with the right words. “I’m sorry I was grumpy yesterday. I—I was there to get you one too, but then I saw you and I thought—I like you. I like you too.”

Rey’s mouth dropped open. “You were—you what?”

God damn it, was he blushing? Ben groaned and dragged his fingers through his hair. “I like you, Rey. I’m sorry if it’s, like, creepy or something, but—

His spiralling train of thought was interrupted by Rey’s hysterical laugh.

“Oh my god,” she gasped, wiping her eyes. “You were there to get me one too? And you thought I was getting one for someone else? This is—oh my god, we’re two fucking physics students and we couldn’t figure this out…”

In the face of her amusement, Ben had to crack a smile, already starting to forget his embarrassment.

“Yeah, I know I’m an idiot,” he conceded, chuckling despite himself. “So what are you gonna do about it?”

Of all the things she could have done in response to that, Rey chose to grab him by the shoulders and kiss him soundly on the mouth.

Ben had imagined kissing Rey plenty of times before, but this was better than anything his brain could have come up with. She was warm and soft, and she didn’t seem to be planning on letting go anytime soon. Deciding not to question reality just yet, he drew her close to him and let her run her fingers through his hair.

Rey squeaked against his lips as her feet left the ground, and Ben, remembering her diminutive height, gently let her go and broke the kiss. They laughed together, Rey grabbing Ben’s hand and threading her fingers through his.

“So,” she said, “is there any breakfast at yours? I’m starving.”

“You put me before breakfast?”

“I know, right?” Rey gave his hand a squeeze as he led her back into the apartment building, her mind already skipping ahead to breakfast and maybe other activities too.